White Dove's Promise (19 page)

The idea that she refused to talk to him stabbed him like a knife blade. He could have sworn that she loved him. Each time she'd touched him, kissed him, made love to him, he'd felt her heart giving to him in a way he'd never felt from any woman. Had he misjudged her so completely?

The agony of his thoughts pushed him restlessly to his feet. He walked out to the backyard and sat down on the bench that he and Kerry had shared only a few evenings ago. The yard was quiet without Peggy's shrieks and giggles and the bench was very, very empty without Kerry beside him.

Any place you go will be empty without Kerry and Peggy.

The taunting little voice in his head had him dropping his head in his hands. What was he going to do, he wondered miserably. What could he do to make her see they were meant to be together.

As the question roiled around in his head he was suddenly struck by a memory so vivid he gasped and squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

Suddenly he was eleven years old again and he was out at his great-grandfather's farm. He'd been helping the old man feed the chickens and as they'd scattered
the chopped corn over the bare ground, a white dove had flown down to perch on a nearby fence.

Jared had never seen a white dove before and he'd stared at the bird in total fascination. Then to his total amazement, George had walked over to the fence and held up a palm full of grain to the dove.

Instead of flying away, as Jared fully expected, the bird had hopped onto George's outstretched arm and pecked at the morsels of corn until they were all gone, then it had flown into a nearby tree and cooed forlornly.

“The dove is a lonesome bird without its mate,” he'd said to Jared. “One day you will learn that, my boy. One day you will find a white dove of your own and she will bring you great happiness.”

As the memory lingered in his vision, Jared's head jerked up and he stared at the empty swing where Peggy had giggled so happily. Chenoa—his little dove. He'd found her and she'd led him to the greatest love of his life! Dear God, his great-grandfather had been right—he didn't know how or why, but somehow he'd known all those years ago.

Not waiting another second, Jared jumped to his feet and headed around the house to where his pickup truck was parked. He might have one hell of a fight on his hands, but now he was more than certain he had the Great Spirit on his side. Kerry was meant to be his wife and some way he had to convince her!

 

More than an hour later, she was trying to focus on a paperback novel when her mother lightly knocked on the door facing.

“Yes,” she called from where she sat propped against the headboard and a couple of pillows.

Enola stepped into the room and Kerry watched with
surprise as she shut the door behind her. They never shut doors in this house. One room simply flowed into the next.

“I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes,” Enola explained, “and I don't want Peggy to overhear what I have to say.”

Kerry sighed. “Mom, I'm not really in the mood for a serious conversation. Has Peggy been giving you problems? If she has—”

“Peggy has been an angel. It's my daughter that's giving me problems.”

Kerry immediately scooted to an upright position and looked at her mother. “I haven't done anything—”

“That's right,” Enola interrupted again. “You haven't done anything for days now and I'm wondering why.”

Kerry's gaze dropped to her crossed legs. After her argument with Jared in the café, she'd told her mother what had happened and that their relationship was over. At the time Enola hadn't made any comment, other than to say she was sorry. So it surprised Kerry that Enola wanted to speak of it now.

“If you're talking about Jared, I don't know what you're expecting me to say. I thought—” She lifted a doubtful look at her mother. “Aren't you happy that I'm not seeing him anymore? After all, you tried to warn me that he was going to break my heart. Aren't you glad you can now say I told you so?”

Enola walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed beside her daughter. “I never thought my daughter would be a quitter.”

Kerry's mouth fell open. “A quitter! What are you talking about?”

“I'm talking about you and Jared. I thought you loved the man.”

Still amazed by the direction of their conversation, Kerry stared at her. “I did. I do!”

“Then why aren't you doing something about it? Instead of moping around here like there's been a death in the family.”

There had been a death, Kerry thought, the death of her future happiness. “Because there's nothing I can do about it,” she answered. “Jared's leaving for a new job. He doesn't want to have a long-distance relationship and I don't want to live a nomadic life.”

Enola had never been a physically demonstrative person so it surprised Kerry when she reached over and stroked a hand over her hair.

“Kerry, since you've been a small girl, I've never seen you so miserable and unhappy. Even when you went through that nightmare with Damon. That can only mean one thing—that you must love Jared very much.”

The pain in Kerry's heart was so great she bent her head and closed her eyes. “I love him so much, Mom. I don't know how I'm going to live without him.”

“Why would you have to? Jared wants to marry you, doesn't he?”

“Yes. But what sort of life would we have? Moving from one job to the next. Never knowing where our next house or apartment will be. That's not what I want for Peggy. Or myself.”

Enola reached for her daughter's hand. “Kerry, I admit that I said some bad things to you about Jared. And maybe I would still be saying them now if you hadn't said what you did to me.”

Kerry was totally blank. “What I said to you?”

Enola nodded. “Yes. When you asked me if I wanted you to be happy, like me. At first I didn't understand how you could have said such a horrible thing to me. But then I stopped and realized that you were right. All these years I've felt angry and cheated. I blamed your father for ruining my life and eventually I began to see something bad in all men. I was wrong.”

Never in a million years would Kerry have expected to hear those words from her mother's lips.

“Mom, we both know Marvin wouldn't have won any husband or father awards. You have a right to feel like you do.”

Enola shook her head. “No. I should be feeling guilty and I do.”

“Guilty!”

“Listen Kerry, I've always blamed your father for our miserable marriage. But after what you said…well, it opened my eyes and I could see my part in it, too. No, your father wouldn't have won any family awards, but I wasn't the perfect wife either. Oh, I thought I was…at the time. Just like you think you're doing the right thing now with Jared. But you're not, Kerry. Just like I wasn't right when I refused to follow your father to a job he wanted right after we were married.”

The implication of Enola's words were slowly pulling back a black curtain and she was desperate to see everything about her father's life that had been cloaked behind it.

“What happened?” she asked.

Enola sighed. “I thought it was more important to stay here in Black Arrow, to buy a house, to stay put, to build a home. I couldn't see that we needed more things than that to make us happy. I needed to see that we
both
had dreams.”

Kerry's heart was suddenly filled with tears for everything her mother had lost and her father, too. “Oh Mom, you've never said anything about this before.”

Sadly shaking her head, Enola said, “That's because I didn't think it was important. I didn't know it was important until I realized you were making the same mistake I made. And I don't want that to happen to you, Kerry. If Jared is the man you love you need to go to him and tell him you're willing to follow his dreams.”

“But Mom,” Kerry practically wailed, “do you hear what you're saying? You're telling me to follow his dreams. What about mine? Do I have to give them up?”

Enola surprised her by laughing softly. “No, my daughter. I think that you will both have to make compromises along the way to fulfill both of your dreams. Neither of you can have everything be perfect.”

It took several long moments for Kerry to understand what her mother was trying to tell her and when she finally did, she flung her arms around Enola's neck and quietly wept.

“Oh Mom, I love you. Thank you for opening my eyes. I only hope Jared will forgive me for being so stubborn, that he hasn't left without me.”

“Mama! Mama!”

The sound of her daughter's shrill call had Kerry going over to open the door. Peggy was dancing on her toes, her little face completely serious.

“Mama! Jared is on the porch and he says if you don't come out to see him he's gonna come in and get you!”

Instant joy surged through Kerry, then just as quickly she was cold with fear. Jared might not be here to tell
her he still wanted to marry her, he could be here to tell her a final goodbye, she thought sickly.

She glanced hesitantly back at her mother. Enola smiled and motioned for her to go and go quickly.

With Peggy's hand in hers, Kerry walked to the front of the house and pushed through the screen door. Jared was standing at one end of the porch with his back to them, but the moment he heard their footsteps he whirled around to greet her.

Kerry swallowed and moved tentatively toward him. “Hello, Jared,” she said. “Peggy said you wanted to see me.”

He wanted to do more than see her, Jared thought. He wanted to jerk her into his arms and kiss her until the only words she could breathe were, I love you. But Peggy was glued to her mother's side and after a week of cold silence from Kerry, he was no longer sure how she felt about him.

“I've been trying to tell you that all week,” he said grimly. “Why wouldn't you take my calls?”

She looked hesitantly down at Peggy, then back to him. “Why don't we go around to the back of the house? There's a porch swing there that we can sit in and have some privacy,” she suggested to him, then to Peggy she said, “Honey, I want you to go in and tell your grandmother where Jared and I will be.”

“Okay, Mama!”

Kerry watched her scoot into the house before she turned her attention back to him. Jared was instantly struck at how beautiful she was to him. Even in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt there was a regal grace about her that came from deep within.

“Let's go on back before I explain anything,” she said to him.

Trying to hide his impatience, he nodded and motioned for her to lead the way. A small porch, much like the front, was fastened to the entire back of the house. On one end was a porch swing made of varnished cedar and padded with flower-covered cushions.

Once they were seated, he looked at her and waited until she'd drawn in a deep breath and let it out before he spoke.

“Kerry, I—”

“Before you—”

Their tangled words made them both pause before Kerry was the first to try again.

“Jared, I—why are you here?”

His brows inched upward as though he couldn't believe she was asking such a question. “Why do you think?”

Her troubled eyes searched his face. “To say goodbye?”

Jared couldn't stand it any longer, he had to feel her hand in his, the warmth of her fingers curling trustingly around his. When he reached for her, he felt a sense of relief when she didn't try to pull away.

“Is that what you want, Kerry?”

She was suddenly so overcome with guilt, she couldn't say anything. She'd put him through hell. And in doing so she'd made her own self miserable. Bending her head, she blinked at the tears burning her eyes.

“I feel so awful, Jared. You can't know how awful.”

He let out a heavy breath. “This past week has been a nightmare for me, Kerry. I didn't know a human being could be so heartbroken and still be alive. I've been such a bear that my family and work crew wants to
disown me. I can't let us part this way, Kerry. I don't care what you say, I—”

Her head jerked up. “Jared, please. Just stop. Let me talk,” she pleaded.

“Kerry, I don't want to hear any more of your arguments. If I have to compromise this job—if your job is more important, then—”

“No!” she blasted out. “Just hush and let me speak, okay?”

Stunned by her outburst, he stared at her and nodded.

Kerry nervously moistened her lips and tried again. “First of all, I want you to know I was about to drive over to your house to see you.”

He continued to stare at her as if he couldn't quite believe he was hearing her right. “You were? Why?”

“To apologize to you. To ask you to forgive me.”

He let out a huge groan and then she suddenly found herself crushed against his chest. While his lips pressed kisses all over her face, he whispered, “Oh Kerry! Kerry! I love you so much, darling. Surely you know I could never tell you goodbye.”

By now tears were streaming down her cheeks. Jared kissed them away while he waited for her to explain this sudden switch in her attitude.

“I wasn't sure,” Kerry said tearfully. “I've been so stubborn and blind. I was afraid you might have already given up and turned your back on me.”

He shook his head. “If that's the way you feel, why wouldn't you talk to me. I've called every evening this week!”

“I'm sorry,” she whispered. “So sorry, Jared. But I was so hurt. And I kept thinking if I gave in to you, I'd be giving up everything I ever wanted. But now I
understand that giving you up would be losing everything I ever wanted.”

He buried his face in her hair and held her tight for long moments before he lifted his head and looked into her soft brown eyes. “And what made you change your mind?” he asked. “You seemed so adamant in the café the other evening. Especially when you spoke of your job. And all this week I've been asking myself if I was being selfish and that maybe I didn't have a right to ask you to go with me anywhere.”