White Wedding for a Southern Belle (13 page)

“We're just friends, Mom.”

His mother smiled. “Friends don't look at each other the way you two did in the hall today.”

“Just don't build it up into something it isn't.”

She patted his hand, which was resting on the door window. “And you should recognize when you have someone worth fighting for.”

Kiefer returned to Ashley's apartment to find her in the kitchen, cooking supper. “I'm sorry if I overreacted.”

She turned to him. “I understand. Really, I do.”

“I hear a ‘but' in there.”

“Yeah. You're going to have to learn to control your protective instinct.” Ashley turned the stove off and came to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“I can make no promises.” He pulled her into a hug.

“I'm not asking for any. Just asking you to try.”

“That I can do.”

She kissed his chin. “I think your mother knows there's something going on between us.”

“I think she does too.” He grinned. “You made it pretty obvious that you were glad to see me this afternoon.”

“Me? You're the one who looked happy to see me.”

Kiefer squeezed her butt. “I was. I am now.” He kissed her deeply, walking her back against the wall. His mouth went to her neck. “Almost as sweet as Marsha Hardy's cherry cobbler.”

“What about supper?” Ashley asked.

He started removing her clothes. “I'm interested in dessert.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

A
WEEK
 
LATER
 
Kiefer was dressing for the day when Ashley said, “I'll be late tonight. I've got a council subcommittee meeting until ten.”

“I'll pick you up.”

“Kiefer, I understand your concern for me. I truly do, but you can't watch over me 24-7. I don't want it and you have a job to do. I'll be fine.”

“I'm sure you will be but I'd like to do it anyway.”

“I've been taking care of myself for years. I'm not going back to the way it was when I was a kid. Lighten up.”

Wasn't that what his mother had told him? “Okay. I'll see you at my place?”

“No, back here. I have an early meeting with local businesspeople tomorrow.”

He would feel better about her coming to his place but didn't push it.

Kiefer saw nothing of Ashley during the day. He kept an eye out for her car but it was never in the parking lot. His day was busy and apparently hers was as well. After closing the clinic, he climbed the stairs to her place. He missed the noise and smell of Ashley cooking their dinner, and more than that her waiting with a smile. He had it bad. Worse than ever. To have been so determined to just have a good time and not get attached, he'd failed miserably. He'd fallen in love with the one woman who could drive him crazy emotionally and physically.

In love! After Brittney he'd sworn never to go there again. But he was completely absorbed with Ashley.

Time clicked slowly by as he waited for her to return. Having alerted the night security man that Ashley would be coming in late, he watched the evening shows, listening for a car. When the nightly news started and it was half an hour past time for Ashley to come home, he called her. Her phone went to voice mail.

Kiefer paced the floor, stopping long enough to look out the window, hoping to see car headlights. Taking a shower, he tried to convince himself that when he'd finished Ashley would be there. She wasn't. He'd left his cell phone on the bathroom counter in case she called. Before he dried off, he checked to see if she had. No luck.

Still searching for light crossing the windows signaling Ashley's return, fear became a tighter knot in his chest. His imagination had him seeing Marko and his gang driving Ashley off the road. After an hour and a half the sound of a car door closing told him Ashley was home. He waited on the landing of her front door when she started up the stairs.

“I expected you ages ago. Where have you been?” he demanded, hands balled tight at his sides.

Even in the dim light he saw her body language change, stiffen. Become defensive. “We were in a deep discussion and a couple of us went out for coffee after the meeting.”

“Why didn't you call?” He was coming on too strong but didn't know how to stop the raging emotions boiling in him.

“I tried. My phone battery died,” she said over her shoulder as she passed him on her way through the door.

“Something could have happened to you. I didn't know where you were.”

She turned to face him. “Yes, it could have but it didn't. I came and went without any problem before I knew you. I can take care of myself now as well.”

“Yes, but that's before Marko started making threats.”

“Look.” She lifted her hands, letting her purse and the papers she carried fall to the floor. “I'm home safe.”

He'd pushed too far and now she was pushing back. Worry and anxiety had done a number on him. Didn't she understand his distress at not knowing where she was?

“Kiefer, I don't think this is going to work. I can't take you hovering over me. Being on call to you. You reprimanding me when I don't show up on your timetable. I need the space and you can't seem to give it.”

Had someone punched him in the stomach? He couldn't breathe. “Why? Because you can't understand that after what has happened, you need to be careful?” he spit. He hadn't talked to his ex-wife with such harshness even when he'd caught her kissing his best friend. Didn't Ashley understand that all this anger came from being concerned about her?

“No, because all you can think about is being that kid who didn't protect his mother. So now you overreact when you think someone might be in danger.”

“Might? Like someone being shot at? That's a real danger. At least everyone but you thinks so.”

She paused for a moment. “I know, I shouldn't ignore what happened. That's why I haven't made more of a fuss about the security men being here at night. But what I can't live with is this hypervigilance from you about where I am and when I'm coming home. I had enough of that during my childhood.”

“But you've gone overboard the other way. Your parents convinced you that someone was out to get you at every turn. Now you believe no one will harm you. You take chances. Like facing up to Marko. Coming home at a late hour by yourself as if no one would be waiting to do you harm. You've been lucky so far. All I'm asking for is a simple phone call to let me know you aren't in a ditch somewhere.”

“Not being a little overdramatic, are you? You think everyone is out to get me because the man your mother trusted turned on her. Your wife and friend betrayed you. You have to trust in people and believe in the best in them. My parents couldn't do it and I hated that.”

“Trust. Is that what you were doing when you lied to your friends about being shot? Refused to tell your parents? If you would do that to the people you're closest to, how do I know I can trust you to act safely?”

“I would never purposely hurt you by putting myself in danger. I need you to trust me to make my own choices. I know you have a hard time with that and you have a good reason.”

“But you're not being safe.”

She took a step toward him. “How can you say that?”

“Because you're so caught up in doing and fixing for everyone else that you can't see what you should be doing for yourself. It's like you think that if you keep busy, pushing for an improvement here and rebuilding there, you won't have to think about what could happen or did happen. You want things to be perfect so another little girl won't be hurt. The world has depraved people in it, Ashley. You can't save everyone. Even Marko you're trying to save by not wanting to get police help. Some people are just bad.”

She stepped toward him. “Like the guy that beat your mother. Your ex-wife. You want to carry the burden of hurt and guilt where they are concerned. You need to face that they were just bad people also. It seems like you might have the same problem as I do.”

That statement hit home. “This isn't about what happened to my mother or with my ex-wife and what she did to me.” He pointed to her and then to his chest. “This is about you and me. Why can't I get through to you? I'm not just worried about what happened tonight but your attitude about being aware of what is happening. It's as if you can't accept that someone has tried to do you harm. You seem to have gone into a mental shell where you're pretending you're unshakable. You're denying reality. Is that what you did after Lizzy went missing? Did you zone out so that you could deal with it? Look at you—you still wear your guilt around your neck.”

Ashley fingered her necklace.

He couldn't stop himself. “You didn't hurt Lizzy. That guy did. You want me to move on but you haven't. You're still trying to make amends. Guess what, Ashley? You can't. You just have to live with what happened. You also can't save everyone.”

She glared at him. “Like you do?”

That deflated him, his anger vented. “Maybe you're right.” He hated to admit it. “Our issues are too large for us to get past.”

* * *

Ashley's heart was splitting in two. It was excruciatingly painful. She didn't want to lose Kiefer but she didn't know what to do to hold on to him either. Giving up the freedom she'd fought so hard for wasn't easy.

Somehow she managed to say in a calm voice, “It's been a good ride while it lasted, Kiefer. I'm not going to change. You can't either. I wish you the best.”

He stepped back, his shoulders slumped. “Then I should resign from the clinic.”

Panic filled her. “Are you trying to blackmail me?” She needed him to work at the clinic. Only with a doctor would the clinic be successful. The council would want to know why if he did leave.

“No. I just don't think we can maintain a daily professional relationship after this. You're more to me than an associate and I'll never get past that. We obviously disagree fundamentally. It would be harmful for the clinic and what you're trying to do here.”

“You talk about trust,” she spit. “I trusted you to see the bigger picture. The one beyond us. You're no different than all the other people who come here for a few days then leave feeling good about themselves without truly investing in the neighborhood. Southriver is just something to look good on your résumé. I thought you were starting to devote your heart and life to this place. I believed, of all people, you understood loyalty. You were getting to know the people. Becoming part of us. Now here at the first bump you're trying to figure out how to get out.”

“What're you talking about?
You
are more than a bump to me. I came here and worked my butt off, giving my all to the job. Not everyone wants or needs to spend every waking hour trying to save Southriver. You know what I think? I think you
need
to have a crusade. Something that will fill the void where you should have a personal life. You're afraid to care about anyone because you might lose them.”

His accusation froze her for a moment. Was she really doing that? Was she covering up being scared? Pushing him away? But what was he offering her? The same thing they had been doing? There was no real commitment there.

She started picking the stuff up off the floor. “I just want people to have a happy life.”

“It's not your job to provide that for them. Yours is to represent them. You're thinking only of Southriver and leaving no room for yourself. Me.”

Had she really become consumed by her ideals? “I know it isn't working between us but I still need you to stay at the clinic. I was given six months to prove this clinic should be funded. If you leave now they'll pull my funding. Close the clinic. It'll affect my reelection as well.”

That stuck like a knife in Kiefer's gut. Just as he'd suspected. It was about political gain. Once again he'd been fooled on more than one front. “That's all you care about. Your clinic. I thought we had something real and all you can say when I tell you I'll be leaving is what's going to happen to your precious clinic. Tell me how you're so different from my ex-wife. All that talk of her being selfish. Even if the cause is a good one, it's still more important to you than us. I've played second seat for the last time to the last person I'm going to. I knew better than to get involved. But I let myself do it anyway. No more. Not again.”

“I'm sorry you feel that way.” Ashley put the papers and purse on the kitchen table. She sounded casual but all she wanted to do was drop to her knees and sob.

Kiefer walked toward her bedroom and returned with his shoes on and a bag in his hands. “I'll stay at the clinic until a replacement can be found.”

“Thank you for that.”

“Good-bye, Ashley.”

“Bye.” The word was weak and sad, just like how she felt.

* * *

The next few weeks were beyond painful for Ashley. Just knowing that Kiefer was only steps away made life almost unbearable. Still, she couldn't come up with a way to make the situation better. Surely a new doctor, an old and stodgy one, would replace Kiefer soon. She desperately wanted the clinic to succeed, but how she was going to survive when he was gone forever she had no idea.

She tried to force herself not to look out the window when it was time for Kiefer to leave for the day, but most of the time she couldn't resist just watching his back as he walked to his truck. The trick was to make sure she moved away from the window so he wouldn't see how pathetic she was if he happened to look up toward her apartment. The first week after their split she'd made a point of not returning home before she thought he would be done for the day. For the most part it had worked, but then she was driven to have just a glimpse of him whenever she could.

Did he ever do that? From what she could tell, he was honoring her request to avoid any contact outside of what was necessary for the clinic. Which had been little. He was an excellent administrator and the clinic was running smoothly. Ashley just hoped it wouldn't be damaged by Kiefer leaving. The community had started accepting him. It was ironic that her personal issue with Kiefer might ultimately damage what she had worked for years to accomplish in Southriver.

The time came when she had no choice but to go to the clinic. It had been open for weeks now and she needed to submit an updated report to the council about how it was doing. She hoped she could see Maria to get some statistics and be gone before she had to face Kiefer. Going in the front door instead of down her stairs seemed like the best way to accomplish that.

With purse in hand, she entered. The waiting room was full. She hated it that so many people felt ill, but it also demonstrated the need for the clinic. Kiefer was nowhere in sight as she approached the desk.

“Hey, Maria. I need to get an idea of how many patients have been seen since the clinic opened. How many were serious enough to send to the hospital and what the needs are.”

“Wouldn't you rather talk to Dr. Bradford about that?”

Ashley glanced down the hall. Could she be a bigger coward? “No, I don't want to bother him. You should have all the information I need in your computer files.”

“Sure, I'll pull it up if all you want is numbers. Problems and needs you'll have to talk to him about.”