Who I Became (Who I Was Book 2) (9 page)

He continues to tell me about this and I am getting very anxious.  I feel tingly like I need to go to the gym and work out after way too much pre-workout.  I can feel the fight in me getting amped. I need to tame it and save it for when it’s time. I smile big. This is going to be epic.

“You get all that?”

“Yeah, thanks. We will look it up now. How long do we think until they arrive?”

“They expect him there in just three days. They plan on getting to him on the fourth day. We don’t have as much time as we thought we did. We are going to have to move quickly.”

Shit.

“Okay, we will be ready.”

“We will be there in two nights to get ready. Vanessa and I will bring weapons and ammo.  She will stay behind with Lil if at all possible.”              

“You can’t-”

“She is going to find out soon enough Wes. I will be there, this is my fight too.”

I sigh. “Okay. Let’s do this then.”

We hang up and I drop the phone and myself to the floor. I just need a minute to wrap my head around the last hour. I was kissing her. I pushed her away. I hurt her. They called. This is going down so soon. I want it over, I need it over. I am scared that I will still lose her. As selfish as this may be, her being stuck here with me is all I have to keep her with me at this point. I don’t know if I cannot be around her all the time.  I don’t know if my heart can take it.

“So….” It’s Park. I am pissed he is asking, obviously I need a minute. However, if it was switched I would be pushing harder than he is.

“They found him and Mia.  She is okay.”

“Fucking hell man, you shouldn’t scare us like that, you flip out like that after mentioning her name and I think the worst.”

“Yeah, well, turns out he thinks he is safe as long as he has her., Nobody cares enough about her to worry that she may be caught in the cross fires.”

His nostrils flare and his fists tighten. Good.

“Anyway, for now she is good. I swear if he hurts her-” I shake my head, no time for that, this is happening and it’s happening soon. “Okay so they found them. They haven’t a fucking clue where we are. However, they expect Lucas and Mia to be in the area in three days.”

I stop, letting it sink in. It does when both of them gasp.

“That’s right, the bureau is going after them in four, and we have to go first. So that being said, Vanessa is sending us the location, how to get there, blueprints.
She
will be here just before we go for backup.”

Parker’s eyes bulge when he gets what I was trying to tell him and he looks over at her. I shrug; nothing that can be done. Part of me happy if seeing Braxton might make her remember, I’d welcome him with open arms.

We spend the rest of the night diving into the information from Vanessa. We are still awake as the sun comes up but I can tell that Lillian won’t be for long.  Ever since I hung up on Vanessa, she has been acting weird.  I suppose it has something to do with how things ended right before the phone call.  I really need to talk to her to explain myself better but it’s hard with Park here. I am sure he would just love to know I was mauling his sister who has very important parts of her memory missing. My excuse of she started it probably won’t work.  I know it’s not true anyway. I am losing all my control.

Parker has found all possible entry points from the construction notes from when the house was built.  It has three main door openings, one being going through the basement and then of course the windows and if we are desperate and are able to shrink, he thinks the fire place is an option.

“None of us are Santa, Park.”

I look over at Lil after she says that.  She smiles then lays her head down on her arm and closes her eyes a little.  They are partially open as she watches us, but I know it won’t be for long.  I am sure she is just exhausted.  She is still healing and needs lots of rest.  I know she is stubborn as shit though, so if I am going to get her to go to bed, I will need to figure another way than just asking her to go lay down. There is no way she would if there is a possibility that she may miss something.

“Alright Park, until we get more info I think we can stop beating this dead horse. I am so tired and sick of looking at that house.  It’s starting to blur and look like a fucking neighborhood.”

“Oh! How did we forget? We need to get an aerial view of the neighborhood.”

I look over at Lil and she just smiles a little and shakes her head. We aren’t going anywhere. 

CHAPTER ELEVEN

LILLIAN             

Having both Parker and Wesson here together should be a dream come true.  I know they think I am not
really
paying attention but they would be wrong. I have that house so imbedded into my head that I could walk it with a blindfold on.  I know they are going to hate me but I have to do this.  I am developing a plan and unfortunately I will probably have to enlist some help from Vanessa.  I don’t know her, I assume she knows
of
me. I hope she knows my situation as much as someone from the outside can.  I cannot risk them going in and dying. I can’t risk someone else’s life going before mine.  I also need to be able to talk to Lucas before everything goes down.  I need to know what causes someone to do what he did. I thought that we meant something to him. I know it could all be an act.  However, I think there was a time when I saw more in him. If I think back, there was compassion and no one is that good of an actor.  I also know he raised Wesson and fuck if he didn’t raise him well. So again, how does someone do that then try to kill them? I need to know.

I know I am drifting to sleep but I can only hear them argue over the same things so many times before I freak out on them so I let the fatigue take me over and I will enjoy what rest I can get. If I am honest with myself, I am very tired. I know I look it because I know Wesson was trying to cover for me. I saw him looking at me. I saw the look of concern.  I am still pissed at him pushing me away but deep down I know that with everything he knows he was in the right.  I also know that I will need to tell him soon—tell him before I leave that I remember. That I love him.

I feel someone picking me up under my legs and resting my head on his other arm against his chest.  It feels just like when Braxton would carry me when we were traveling. Prior to knowing Wesson.  I want it to be Braxton. Not because of any intimate feelings toward him but because I miss the hell out of him as a friend. I also can’t help how bad I hurt knowing he is gone, and it is my entire fault.  I bury my face in Wesson’s arms knowing that it is Wesson.  He feels like Wesson, he smells like Wesson.  I hear Parker tell him where my room is.  He turns the other way.  I smile against his chest. I know he sleeps better, nightmare free when I am with him just like I do. I am glad I can be that for him for a bit longer. 

He lies be down and pulls off my socks.  He goes to his bag then starts to undress me.  I know he is trying to make me comfortable, he isn’t trying to be fresh.  Then he takes his shirt and pulls it over my head and covering me.  His shirt is so big it’s like a sleep shirt. 

“Open your eyes sweet love. I know you aren’t asleep.”

I do what any grown up would do in this somewhat intense situation. I stick my tongue out at him.

He laughs.

“Do that again and I will take that tongue hostage.” He whispers, with his lips right against mine. His lips so close that with each word he says, they brush against mine. 

I want to do it again, but I don’t. My mouth goes dry and I wait a second before finally opening my eyes. I am met with the most beautiful man right in front of me. His eyes now searching mine for all the answers to all the questions in the world.  He leans in and gives me a quick peck before sitting back on his heels.  I take the opportunity to glance down at his naked chest and continue to travel to where his boxers meet me.  He is gorgeous.

“Alright love, it’s time we talk.”

I shake my head no and try to scoot back.  He lets me then sits astride my hips, capturing me in place, not allowing me to move away and I don’t want to move away. He grabs my arms and pulls them together, pinning them above my head.  What happened to him being concerned that we shouldn’t be doing this kind of thing until I remember?

“What were you thinking earlier?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I lie.

“When I picked up that phone, you about turned into a bull ready to charge.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Oh love, you looked about ready to have smoke coming from your ears and you know what else?”

I shake my head no, both in denial, not that I have much to deny, he is right but also because I don’t know what else he is going to say.

“Park mentioned this isn’t the first time you have been jealous of Vanessa.”

My brother is a traitor. He may be right, but I won’t let him know it. I know I am kidding myself because he knows he is right.  Time to play with him a bit.

“Oh yeah?” I lean up toward him as much as I can.

He leans down, bringing us that much closer. “Yeah.”

“Well Wesson, I was upset but not over this Vanessa character.  No, I was upset because I had a memory of before, of you.”

Fuck, maybe not the best way to play this.  What I intended to be funny is going to actually probably hurt him.  I am too far gone to go back now. I have no choice; I’ll just have to try to smooth it over afterward.  I am headed for a crash at full speed with no brakes to lessen the impact.  I look at him and he has the biggest grin on his face.

“You did huh? Was it the cuddling on the couch that triggered something?” He fishes and actually wiggles his eye brows.  I look away unable to keep eye contact with what I am about to say.  I stare at the tattoos on his arm. Each one I have grown to love more each time—such a work of art.

“Well maybe but I don’t think it’s in the way you are thinking.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I remember when I first met you, I remember you on the couch with the leggy, fake boob, bottle blonde.”

“Fuck.” I hear the disappointment in his voice.

“Yeah.”

“Please tell me that isn’t all you remember.”

“I vaguely remember going up to what you called our room after your bimbo left but then that’s it.”

“Doll, let me explain.”

I turn facing him, maybe this is for the best. Maybe it will have him backing away from me, giving me space.  Allowing me to go through with my plans.  I stare at him as I scoot off the bed.  I think about grabbing my clothes when he pulls me back.  He pulls me between his legs and holds my back against his chest. He whispers in my ear.

“You can be mad, although you shouldn’t, you need to remember everything else not that shit. However, you can be mad, but you can’t leave. I need you just as much as you need me.”

My heart actually constricts.  He’s right.  I huff and he lets me go.  I crawl back to the opposite side of the bed and lay as far to the edge as I can.  I look at him and see him visibly relax.  Then I look past him.  This room doesn’t have much furniture.  A bed without any foot board or head board and a dresser with Wesson’s bag on it. There is a window behind me and I see the trees outside when I glance behind me to look out of it.  I see trees as far as I can see.  We are secluded, if only we could stay here, in our own world.

“Look, I don’t know what to do here Wesson; I have a lot of fucked up going on. I don’t remember anything of us being
together
and what I do remember, doesn’t seem like we were together at all.  The only reason I believe you is because of Park.  He wouldn’t let anything happen to me and if he trusts you, so will I.  I am glad you stopped what happened downstairs.  I don’t know what I was thinking.” The last part coming out as a forced whisper, I knew exactly what I was thinking. I fucking love him and I wanted to taste him.

“Listen love, that is the worst possible memory for you to remember but I will take it. I will take any part of that time coming back to you.  I was able to still have you fall in love with me and that was the first time we met.  However, I now realize we never talked about it, so I feel I owe you an apology.  I have no idea who she really was.  I went to the school to check it out before you and Braxton showed up.  I was pent up because I had got a glimpse of you when you were at that hotel.  I was pissed because I didn’t know what to do with the feelings I have ALWAYS had for you.  You had me wrapped around your finger before ever saying one word to me. She didn’t mean anything. I wish I could go back and change it. You never should have seen it.  I love you Lil, and you don’t know it yet, or maybe you know it a little but you love me too.”

“I still don’t know Wes, but I am keeping an open mind.  A clear mind which means we can’t be as close as we were downstairs. That doesn’t help me keep my thoughts clear. It muddies them right up.”

“Deal. Now get some rest.”

I close my eyes trying to relax. Hoping we are both able to sleep without any nightmares haunting us.  The ghosts of the past waiting for us to let our guard down just enough for them to take over.  I toss and turn for a few minutes until I feel his strong arms wrap around me.  He is close to me, holding me but farther than he normally would be. He leans in for a second; I think he is going to kiss me again. He doesn’t listen very well.

“This helps with the sleep Lil; I am just going to hold you okay?”

“Okay.” I am thankful that even after all I said that he keeps taking care of me. I don’t deserve him, he deserves better. I will fix everything.

I wake to the sun shining through the trees, casting shadows in the room. It is so peaceful, beautiful out there.  I wish we were here under better circumstances. I would love to go explore with Wesson and Parker.  I would love to sneak off with Wesson and find a clearing in the woods. I shake my wayward thoughts and roll over to see the room is empty. 

I smell food coming from the kitchen. It smells like heaven. I feel like I haven’t had a real meal in so long.  I get out of bed and look for my clothes.  They aren’t anywhere to be found.  I don’t know where any of my stuff was put when we got here.  I look over toward the foot of the bed and see a pair of Wesson’s boxers laying there, clearly placed so I would put them on.  I have to roll them down a little and it makes his shirt fall below it, giving the effect of me being bottomless, perfect.

I meet up with Parker in the living room who gives me a once over then smiles.

“Hey there Lilbug, didn’t know you moved to wearing men’s clothes?”

“Ha-ha funny, I don’t know where my stuff is.”

He just smiles, and walks back toward the hallway I just came from.  No help in finding my things from him I see. Traitor. I am beginning to think Park isn’t the loving brother I remember him to be.

I am drawn to the kitchen when I start to smell coffee.  Man I missed coffee.  I head in there not even glancing in Wesson’s direction, making a straight line toward the liquid heaven.  I see a cup sitting next to it and start to pour the coffee.  I go to sniff it and it doesn’t smell that good close up.  I swear, this must be old coffee, left from whoever used to live here and I put it down, heartbroken.

“Not your roast sweetheart?”

“It smells like shit.” I grumble.

“Really?”

He comes over and takes the cup I was about to drink from.  The cup that should have the best liquid invented in it. Instead, it has its rancid cousin.

“It smells fine to me love. How about some orange juice?”

“That sounds great.” It really does, I swear my mouth started to salivate at the thought of it.

He pours me a glass and heads back to the stove.  I still haven’t seen what he is making, I don’t need to. It smells like bacon and anything that smells like bacon is good in my book. I am in my own head while he sets up the table, just enjoying the feel of the orange juice as it slides down my throat.  The citrus so incredibly good that I think this orange juice could very well be served to the President or even better the Queen.  I nod as Parker comes back in and watch as he heads for the coffee. We share the same love, there is no way he will like it. 

“Good coffee Wes, thanks bro.”

Two things just happened.  One, he fucking likes that tar resembling coffee? Two, when did they become “bros”? I am so confused but yet happy all at once because I have this amazing orange juice and bacon.  Oh and these two “bros,” I laugh at myself.

“What’s so funny love?”

“You two are bros?”

“Uh oh Wes, I hope she doesn’t get jealous of me too.”

I flip off Park, because I can and finally glance at the spread set before me.  It takes me a few minutes to see what is going on. My eyes well with tears threatening to flow down my cheeks.  He didn’t…

“Shit, is this what I think it is?” Parker is stunned.

Wesson nods. I can’t breathe. My heart hurts so much right now.  For the love I have toward my father who lost his life for me, to the man who brought back one of my favorite memories from my childhood.

I stand up and head out of the kitchen.  I don’t stop until I am outside the door and I know one will be following me, they won’t leave me unattended. Not out here where the big bad wolf can come and get me. Huh, I am going to him, I have a new resolve, well a new/old one.  I will go and finish this for them.  I don’t move when I hear the door open and close.  I am sitting on the steps outside the front door. I don’t move to see who has joined me. I hope they were smarter than me though and put on more clothes, it’s cold out here.

I don’t bother to look when I feel the blanket come around me. I know its Parker, it doesn’t feel like Wesson. My body would have been able to sense him.