Wild Aces (34 page)

“I’ve been thinking about it. I know it’s none of my business, but—”

“It
is
your business, Brea.” He tilted his head, so he could look up at me. “I want you in my life, so my decisions affect you.”

I felt so much warmth in my chest. “What does it feel like to find out Roman is your dad?”

“It’s a mixed feeling. He’s been in my life for so long and supported everything I’ve done. He’s given me advice and listened. Those are things I would expect in a father, and he’s done them well. I just can’t forget how badly he wronged me.”

“I have to believe he knows what he did was wrong, and in his own way, he’s been trying to fix it since you were twelve.” I could tell he was thinking about what I was saying. “I bet tonight was even harder on him than it was on you. If he respects you as much as I think he does, then being called a coward had to have absolutely killed him.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“Do you think things will change between you and Vera now?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want them to. I’m pissed at her for not telling me, but I don’t want to stop seeing her. I really care about her. The memories I have of her are real good ones.”

I brushed my hand over the top of his head. “Adrianna and Vera only had his back because they’re a team. If one person from that team had crumbled, the whole circle would have caved. They love you too much to have let that happen.”

“Vera’s in love with Roman, so I get why she didn’t say anything. But Adrianna, I don’t get at all. She’s been with me since the beginning. She knew what I went through. She saw it. She fucking owed me an explanation, and I’m furious she didn’t give me one.”

“Adrianna was your social worker,” I was speaking out loud, working through the details as they came to me. “Do you think that maybe because Roman told her he was your father, she was able to put the paperwork in the right hands to get it approved much faster than normal?”

He seemed to think about my question. “Yeah, it’s possible.”

“You were only in that group home for a day. Sounds like a short amount of time to have that amount of paperwork processed.”

“You’re probably right.”

“Do you see where I’m going with this?”

He looked up at me. “I get it. She worked hard to make it right and has continued to ever since—not because she had to, but because she wanted to. But I’m still furious.”

“That doesn’t make her a bad person, Trapper. I think it makes her human and motherly. She was doing what she thought was right to protect you.”

He turned his head and rubbed his cheek over my stomach. “I didn’t need protection as an adult. I needed honesty from all three of them. I fucking deserved that, and they couldn’t even give it to me. I think I just need some time.”

“I would be just as hurt as you.”

He moved again, this time climbing up my body until he was on top of me, our faces so close. “I want to get my mind off it and give you something…if you still want it.”

“What is it?”

“A job at the compound.” His kiss was so soft, I melted. “Nothing full-time. I know how much you like your gig with Frankie, but you can come in and work as much as you want.”

“I’d really like that.”

“But I want you to work with the imports. There’s a lot they can learn from you, and they won’t be able to learn it if you’re working in a back office. They need to see you and be around you and love you.”

I smiled. “Love?”

He nuzzled my neck. “Yeah, Brea. Love.”

I didn’t know where the sappiness was coming from, but my eyes watered a little, and a wave of flutters passed through me. “Well…I’d love that.”

“Good.” He climbed off me and lay flat on his back, pulling me so that I was resting my face against his chest.

I ran my hand over the light hair that covered his pecs and then to his full sleeve of tattoos. It was made up of symbols all relating to poker—cards and terms, suits and chips. All of the art was done in black and white. Poker was the light that seeped through all his darkness.

I hoped I would become some of that light for him, too.

“Good night, baby.”

I looked at his face. “Good night, love.”

He smiled and closed his eyes, and I listened to his breathing. It only took a few minutes before he fell asleep, comfortable enough where he could completely relax and turn vulnerable with me. That was enough to make me close my eyes and wait for sleep. In my own darkness, there were no voices. No memories. Nothing at all tugging at me, except for him and his beautiful scars.

The next time my eyelids opened, the spot next to me was empty, and on the pillow was a note.

I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.

I’M HEADED TO ACED TO TALK TO THEM.

I LEFT SOMETHING FOR YOU ON THE COUNTER DOWNSTAIRS. TEXT ME AFTER YOU SEE IT.

YOU’RE SO GORGEOUS WHEN YOU SLEEP.

—TRAPPER

I climbed out of bed and quickly dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater. I threw some water over my face and brushed my teeth, making sure I had washed off yesterday’s makeup. While I hurried down the stairs, I twisted my hair into a messy knot and stopped in front of the counter. Sitting in the middle was a key. No label and no second note from Trapper. Just a key.

I pulled out my phone and typed him a text.

Me: A key?

Trapper: It’s to my place.

Me: You want me to come over?

Trapper: I want you to keep it and use it whenever you want. It’s yours.

Now, I could go to his place after I left Frankie’s late at night and not have to ring his doorbell and wake him. I could go out and grab us breakfast in the morning without having to search for his keys. I could surprise him during the day when I was in the area for a showing. This was a huge step…and I was ready for it.

But as I held the key in my hand, there was something tugging at me. It was a memory. A memory of when Cody had given me a key to his place. And the more I thought about it, the more it pulled. I needed something from Cody that I just couldn’t get in my townhouse or in any of my memories or in the box of his things that I kept upstairs in my office.

I rushed over to the closet and put on my boots. Then I grabbed a jacket, and at the end of the block, I climbed into the backseat of a taxi. After I gave the driver the address, I realized I hadn’t replied to Trapper’s text.

Me: Thank you. I love it.

I would have loved any gift he’d given me, but because this one was so personal, I loved it even more.

Trapper: I’m about to leave Aced. Want me to come over?

I looked out the window, seeing the hills of snow-covered grass start to come into view and all the stones that stood from the ground. Trapper had agreed to come here with me in a few weeks. It would be the first time he’d be meeting my parents, and then we’d all go out to dinner and to a Celtics game. Whatever was pulling me there was telling me that Trapper needed to come, too.

Me: How’d things go with everyone?

Trapper: They’re better.

Me: Good. I want to hear all about it, but I’m not home. 500 Canterbury Street. See you there soon.

Just as I put my phone back in my pocket, the driver slowed and parked outside the entrance. I handed him enough cash and started walking up the narrow path.

During the first year, I had gone there so often. Days in a row, I’d sit on the grass, listen to the sounds of the cars pass by, and let the hurt and darkness swallow me. But as the pain started to lighten, I spent less time there and kept Cody active in my mind through the memories I had of him.

It had been months since I’d been there, and only two things had changed. Snow now rested on top of his gravestone, and as I stared at his name, I felt completely different than any of the times I had been there before. It was the distance between us that felt so foreign. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I certainly hadn’t planned for it. But I was sure Trapper was the cause of it.

There was pain in my chest as I continued to stare. There would always be pain. But it felt nothing like the last time I saw Cody alive…

For all the danger and crime and torture he saw on the streets every night, he looked so calm and peaceful when he slept. He didn’t snore or stir. He just clung to the pillow that he held against his chest and breathed in a slow, steady rhythm. I watched him from the doorway of the bathroom while I brushed my teeth. When I was finished, I moved over to the side of the bed and leaned down to kiss his cheek. It was only slightly prickly, as he’d shaved just before he’d gone to work. He smelled like city nights and sleep.

“Mmm,” he groaned, grabbing my hand as I started to move away. “You’re leaving so soon?”

“It’s seven, Cody. I have to go to work.”

He squinted, the sun bothering his sensitive morning eyes. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you. Will I see you for lunch today?”

When he was working on a case, lunch was the only time we could really spend together. I cherished it.

“I can’t today. Something came up. But tomorrow…I promise.”

He released my hand, and I moved to the bedroom door.

Just before I walked through it, I stopped…

The something that had come up was Trapper. Cody was going to Trapper’s place around lunchtime, but he never made it. No matter how much I blinked or how hard I stared at his gravestone, the memory was still in my head. I wondered, if I went back into it and I turned around and looked at Cody, could I just…

I stood at the bedroom door; it was closed. Instead of reaching my hand out to twist the knob, I looked over my shoulder. Cody was there, fast asleep.

I turned around and walked back over to the bed. “Hey,” I said.

He opened his eyes again. I couldn’t help but grin. It felt like I hadn’t seen that face in so long. Those light gray eyes. The kindness in his smile. His warmth.

“Hey back.”

I couldn’t believe he had responded. I’d never talked to him in a memory before. I knew he wasn’t really there. I knew this was only happening in my head. I knew his voice was just a combination of what I remembered it to be. But there was a knot forming in the back of my throat, and all of this felt so real…

“I hope you know how amazing you were. You were a real hero, Cody.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes,” I said. “It’s how I feel now. It’s how I felt when we were together. I just didn’t express it. I hated that I had to share you with your job, but I know now that you were making a difference on the streets, and you saved those kids’ lives. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. I loved you more than anything, Cody. In fact, you taught me how to love. I’ll never forget that, no matter what happens.”

He smiled. “It’s time for you to move on. You should love someone again. It’s what I want for you.”

I was having a hard time figuring out what to believe. The Cody in my memory was telling me to move on, to love someone again. Was this real? Or was this imagined?

“Trapper is an incredible man, Cody. I wish you could have met him, and I wish he had been a part of your life.”

His eyes gleamed with so much emotion. “I wish that, too. If only I hadn’t gotten out of my car, right?”

He laughed, and a chill ran through me. It was so wonderful to hear that sound again yet so painful at the same time.

“He makes me really happy.” I took a breath. “He makes me feel as safe as you did. He’s a hero, too.”

His smile fell a bit. “If he couldn’t be in my life, I’d want him to be in yours at least.”

“Brea?” I heard someone say.

I looked up from the gravestone and met a different pair of eyes. These were stormy gray.

“Trapper…”

Trapper

Brea stared at the headstone while I stood several feet away, watching her. Her arms were wrapped around her waist, her chest rising and falling so damn fast. She didn’t move; she didn’t blink. Her face kept changing expressions, like her head was filled with so much emotion and she wasn’t sure how to process it all.

I was surprised the address she’d texted me had led me there—to a cemetery. Although I couldn’t see the stone she was gazing at, I knew whose it was. In some strange way, I could feel him.

Cody.

My brother was buried under her feet. The brother I should have known. The brother she loved. I could see how much she loved him, how difficult it was for her to let him go. And as fucked up as this all was, I was happy I saw it. He deserved to be loved by someone as amazing as Brea.

I said her name a few times before she looked up. Once I had her attention, I slowly walked over to her and stood behind her, circling my arms around her waist. She leaned her head into my chest, and I breathed her in. The cold air made her hair smell different.

“Are you okay?”

Now, I could see his stone, and I read the words that had been engraved—the dates I already knew, the name I said so often in my head, the description that should have included the word
brother
.

She nodded. “I’m just saying good-bye.”