Wild Fling or a Wedding Ring? (11 page)

And she’d found Paulo.

He hated to be reminded of it. But she was too much a part of his life to ever forget. His youth, his family, his friends, even his career. She’d been there at the start, and there wasn’t a person he worked with who didn’t know some piece of their history together. Most remembered his wife fondly. Had shared meals and celebrated his triumphs with her. Hell, she was probably having drinks with his partner’s wife while she was in town. He’d never actually be rid of her. On some mature level didn’t really want to be—had to value her for the bond they’d once shared. But there were other levels not so mature.

If Cali would just open the door he could at least forget about Pam for a while—scrub her from his mind as he lost himself in Cali’s warm, sweet body. He needed to cool off. Unwind and
let go. No talk. No baggage. No history or mistakes. What he needed tonight was sex and satisfaction—at least until he could shake off the moody disposition weighing him down.

Finally the lock tumbled and the door opened. Only something wasn’t right. Cali stood cool and distant, bracing the door in front of her.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, automatically sidestepping into the apartment and reaching for her.

Cali winced and slapped his hands away, as though the idea of him touching her was beyond repulsive.

What the hell?
Jake took a step back, scanning the apartment around them for some clue as to what this was about.

“I saw her.” Her mouth pinched shut. The lips he’d envisioned as a balm for the day he hadn’t believed could get any worse flattened into an unforgiving line.

Saw who? But then it clicked. He ought to know that disappointed glare anywhere. It spelled only one thing.
Betrayal.

Of course—she’d seen
Pam
leaving his apartment.

He shook his head, weary from too many hours of bull. He didn’t need this. “Take it easy, Cali. It’s not what you think.”

Coughing out a laugh, she threw her head back in disgust. “Right. And where might I have heard that before? Sorry, Jake. What’s that saying? ‘Been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt’. So save it.”

His jaw clenched, teeth gritting in a series of slow pops as the resentment that had been simmering just below the surface all day threatened to erupt. “Listen. The woman you saw was Pam—”

“
Pam
? Perfect,” she cut in. “Wow, let me tell you that makes it even better.”

He knew where her frustration was coming from, logically, but she wasn’t giving him a chance to explain and he’d had enough.

“I can’t believe I thought you were different—”

And then he saw it. Pain too deep. Feelings too real. His eyes snapped shut, wanting to block out the sight of her emotions, but he’d already seen them. Knew what was there. A seed of resentment took root in his consciousness. She had no right berating him like this. None. She wasn’t his wife. She was barely his girlfriend!

“I thought that we had something! That there was a chance—”

“That’s enough, Cali.” His voice was harsher than he’d intended it, but the result was immediate silence.

“You assume too much about the claim you have on me,” he stated flatly, daring her to object.

Her head jerked back as though he’d slapped her. But he wasn’t done. “Have we ever discussed exclusivity? Even once?”

“That’s garbage,” she accused, her voice hoarse with betrayed emotion. “We were sleeping together. You acted as though—as if—”

“I acted as if I cared about you. And I do.”

“Funny way of showing it.”

“Actually, I think I’ve been pretty good at showing it. Specifically in coming over here—regardless of the fact that you didn’t return my call today—because we had plans for dinner. Even though I’m beat to hell after spending the better part of the night dealing with my ex-wife’s hotel crisis and acting like it didn’t bother me to have her crashing in my guestroom when, honestly, seeing Pam at all frustrates the hell out of me.”

Cali blinked back at him, her lips parted in silent understanding. After a beat, she shook her head. “I thought—”

“Yeah, I know what you thought. But don’t lump me in with the bad choices you’ve brought home in the past. I don’t screw around on the women I’m sleeping with, no matter
how casually. Not while we’re together. It’s not my style. Never has been.”

“Jake, she was buttoning her blouse— I— What was I supposed to think?”

“I don’t know, Cali, have you even
met
me?” He was raking her over the coals about Pam, but that wasn’t what this was about. She shouldn’t have looked at him like that. Why had she let him see it? But suddenly all the things he’d been refusing to acknowledge because being with Cali felt so damn good were too hard to ignore. She’d stopped running from him to protect her career. It was what he’d wanted, but he hadn’t realized the risk she’d thought she was taking when she gave in. If she’d been right about Amanda—

She swallowed, let her gaze run the length of the room before daring to meet the challenge of his. “I’m sorry.”

Stepping forward, Cali searched his eyes, her own filling with liquid relief as she reached for him. Catching her hand an inch from his cheek, he stopped her, leveled her with a steady stare.

“Look, it’s been a hell of a day. One that I can’t wait to be done with.”

“Don’t you think we should talk about this? What you said? I know you were upset—”

He waved her off, hating that aching look in her eyes. “I’m going to call it a night, get out of here and get some rest.”

She blinked up at him, and then, as if suddenly understanding, took a step back, her cheeks running to pink. “Okay, I’m— Sure. Okay, then.”

“Tomorrow.” He leaned in and brushed her cheek with a perfunctory kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I
T WAS
nine-thirty the next evening before the knock came at her door. Cali had been useless all afternoon at work, and after checking her watch every minute and a half for an hour, she’d finally bolted for the door at five. She needed to feel his arms around her. Needed to hear his laugh. And all his sensible, calming, smooth talk reassuring her that everything would be okay. Only Jake wasn’t home, and as the hours had passed, she’d begun to panic. Now her nerves were shot, and as she jolted from her perch on the couch she dumped her files to the floor.

With a quick sweep, she haphazardly collected the mess and then raced to answer.

“Jake,” she sighed, when she finally set eyes on him.

Running a hand over his jaw, he cocked a smile at her. “Sorry it’s so late. Got hung up in a surgery.”

Saving lives. If a man had to keep her waiting for hours, having an excuse like that certainly took the sting out of it. “I’m just glad you came. I was worried—after last night—”

“Hey, don’t,” he soothed, drawing her under his arm. “I said I’d come.”

A pinch of warning prickled at the back of her neck, but then slipped away with the soothing stroke of Jake’s hand over her hair.

“Can I get you a glass of wine or a beer?” she offered, dodging the confrontation under the guise of good manners.

“No, but don’t let me stop you.”

She didn’t need a drink. Just a resolution of this whole messy business.

If only she knew what to say next—or if only Jake would say something. Ease the tension and put them back on track. But he didn’t say anything. Didn’t joke or laugh. He merely stepped away from her to shrug out of his suit jacket.

Knowing there wouldn’t be any smooth introduction to a subject as uncomfortable as the one she had to broach, she dove in. “Jake, I’m so sorry about yesterday.”

There. She’d begun, and it wasn’t nearly so bad as she’d expected. Now Jake would volley back, and in no time they’d have everything behind them. Her stomach would stop twisting into anxious knots, she’d be able to choke down more than a single bite of food at a time, and they’d pick up where they’d left off too many days ago with an embrace that lasted the whole night through.

Jake tossed his jacket over the arm of the couch, tugged at his tie with a series of practiced jerks that left it hanging free at his neck, then propped a shoulder against the wall. The portrait of casual comfort and relaxation. Only the edge of alertness in his eyes as he tracked her progress across the room—as if he were trying to gauge her fragility—told her it wasn’t so.

“We both said some things—we need to talk about them.”

The way he was watching her had her heart sinking slowly in her chest. “I know. We do.” She’d thought about little else all day. Trying to make sense of how something going so right could suddenly go so wrong. She crossed to the couch, trying to adjust herself so she wouldn’t appear as tense as she was. But when Jake dropped into the cushions beside her and began rubbing her shoulders with one hand it was fairly
obvious she’d missed her target. And then, worse yet, he abruptly stopped, as if he hadn’t meant to touch her at all.

And just like that every one of her senses went on alert. The haze of frustrated confusion that had plagued her throughout the day vanished as she realized with sickening clarity what was about to happen.

Breakup.

No. That didn’t make sense. He couldn’t be ending it. What they had felt so right, like nothing she’d ever known before. It was new, yes, but for the first time in her life she felt as if all the pieces had found their proper places. What had happened because of the Pam thing was a…a blip. Certainly she’d misjudged him, and he was disappointed, let down that she hadn’t had more faith. That she’d lashed out before giving him a chance to explain the situation. But he had to consider the circumstances.

She couldn’t be the only one feeling that what they’d started was worth a bump in the road.

Forearms resting on his widespread knees, Jake let out a slow breath and dropped his gaze to the floor. “Look, Cali, I’m not going to marry you.”

“What?” She let out a stunned laugh. Maybe this was going to be easier to resolve than she’d thought. Marry her? That was ridiculous. Marriage hadn’t even crossed her mind. “I—I didn’t— I wasn’t—”

“Really?” He spoke softly, but there was an unyielding edge to his words. “Then what was it you thought there was ‘a chance’ for last night?”

Oh, well…that. Her arms crossed defensively over her chest. “I don’t know. We have a connection. Something…special. I wasn’t plotting a wedding.”

His expression said,
Not yet,
and before Cali could protest he went on to drive the point home. “Okay, not a ring and
ceremony then, but the lasting kind of emotion that goes with it… I saw it in your face, in your eyes. I could see it tonight when you opened the door. You looked at me like you wanted forever. The way you’re searching my eyes right now— Cali, you’re looking for something in me that isn’t there.”

“That’s not true.” She leaned forward, took his hand. “Jake, I’m not looking for anything I didn’t see there before. I’m not talking about marriage. I don’t know about forever, but there’s something real between us. That’s all I want.”

“It’s not love. I told you from the start it couldn’t be. Never will be.”

Cali’s throat tightened as she met those clear blue, beautiful, unwavering eyes. What had happened between them was still so new, so completely wonderful. It was this incredible surprise she hadn’t had time to put a name to, let alone consciously examine it to determine how deeply her feelings ran. And yet with that simple, straightforward declaration she felt the brutal loss of it to the very bottom of her soul.

Her breath sucked in on a hiss. She’d been a fool. And the pained expression on Jake’s face said that he was seeing her recognition.

The worst kind of fool.

He’d told her—warned her—from the very first night, but somewhere along the way she’d forgotten. Let her heart take the lead in a relationship that was supposed to remain skin-deep. And now Jake was looking at her as if this was goodbye. Not because she’d accused him of sleeping with another woman and once again jumped to the wrong conclusions, but because he’d seen in that moment when she’d been proved wrong the purity and depth of her relief. He’d figured out something she hadn’t even admitted to herself.

“Cali, you’re too invested in this.”

“No.” The harsh denial had left her lips before her brain
had time to process the decision she’d already made. The answering silence spoke as loudly as the doubt written across Jake’s face. But she wouldn’t let him go. Not after having only the barest taste of being with him. Just enough to let her know how desperately she needed more.

She didn’t need him to love her. She’d lived without it for so long, and she could live without it from Jake. Because whatever it was he’d been giving her this last week, and even before that, was enough. Was wonderful. All she needed was just more of that. Being with him. Laughing with him.

“It doesn’t have to be love.”

Clearing his throat, Jake leveled her with a heartfelt stare. “This was supposed to be a fling.
Just
a fling. Something it seemed like we both needed. Wanted. A feel-good, sexy good time between two consenting adults who were clear from the start they weren’t looking for something serious.”

She could see the banked heat behind his stare. The desire was there, burning in him the way it always burned in her. Only he was fighting it. Being careful of her.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“And I don’t want this to end.” She wouldn’t let it.

The wheels began to spin as problems and solutions sped through her mind. Costs and returns. Needs versus wants. Every kind of workaround. Cali had made her career of thinking past problems to meet her goal. This time she’d do it for herself—and just that fast she had a plan.

Her seeing Pam, coupled with his realizing how deeply Cali cared for him, had pushed every commitment-phobic button he had. She just needed to put them back on safer ground. Give him the space to get comfortable again and everything would be fine. She could do that.

“You’re right. Maybe I got carried away.” She let out a cool
laugh she only hoped sounded more convincing than it felt. “I mean, let’s face it, you’re a lot of fun.”

Jake’s shoulders stiffened, his brow drawing down as he studied her. He’d caught the change, but didn’t trust it.

Balanced at the edge of the couch, she forced her posture to loosen. Slid one leg over the other, positioning her knees at a sharper angle toward Jake as she leaned back on one hip into an exaggerated seductive pose that caused the hem of her skirt to inch up her thigh and Jake’s intent gaze to follow.

“I get that this isn’t about forever. Okay. I don’t need forever. I need London. But before I get there…” she reached down to flick a little piece of nothing from the turn of her ankle, allowing her fingers to run a short distance up her calf “…I wouldn’t mind having a little more of you.”

“Cali.” He shook his head, closing his eyes with a rough groan. “I don’t believe you. You’re talking like a different woman than the one who was sitting here with me, her heart in her eyes, two minutes ago.”

“I’m talking like a woman who can understand the concept of having a good time.” Cali leaned further into Jake’s space, noting the whitening of his knuckles as her breath feathered over his ear. “We have fun, Jake.” Her breasts brushed against his arm. “I won’t let you hurt me.”

“Cali,” he groaned, an instant before dragging her across his lap to straddle his thighs. Crushing her mouth with his kiss, demanding more. She opened to him, took the thrust of his tongue with a desperate moan, shivering as he licked once and again. Everything would be fine. Jake was holding her. So strong. So right. Gripping her with hands that sought to touch every part of her at once. Devouring her with the kisses of a starving man. How could he have thought they could end this?

He pulled back with a harsh curse, his fists balling in the
bunched fabric of her skirt. A question stood clear against the stark heat of his gaze.

She nodded once.

“It’s a fling, Jake.” All confidence. No emotion. “So make me feel good.”

Jake wrenched the tap closed and stood naked in his shower, chest heaving, muscles bunched, glaring at the wall.

His palm hit the tile with a resounding smack. How the hell had he ended up in her bed, in her
body
, spilling himself inside her, when he’d stepped through her door with every intention of making a clean break and walking straight out.

But that was not how it had gone. He’d started to tell her goodbye, and she’d looked at him with those gorgeous green eyes and told him she wanted him. Didn’t need more than he had to give.

There was no way she was as cool as she was playing it. And he’d known it even as he’d watched the words fall from her lips. But that had been part of the problem. He’d been watching her lips. That mouth. Thinking about how it felt moving over him. And when she’d crossed her legs….

She’d done it on purpose, knowing he couldn’t be within fifty feet of her without wanting to pin her against the nearest flat surface. And then that unbelievable concession. She’d suggested a fling, and he’d snatched it from her fingertips so fast he hadn’t even realized what he’d done until Cali was spread over his lap, moaning into his mouth. And two hours later he’d staggered out of her bed, already half hard for her again, dishing up some lame excuse about not spending the night to avoid any confusion.

Nice guy. He could kick his own ass for letting things get so far out of hand so fast.

He dried off and whipped the towel at the hamper in
disgust. He was always so careful. Picking women with an innate understanding that their relationship wouldn’t extend beyond passing a few evenings together—sharing some spectacular food at chic restaurants, a little intelligent conversation, followed by a few rounds of no-strings sex. Not women who’d taken a three-year hiatus from dating and all but screamed from their every action that they wouldn’t be able to keep the line between physical and emotional intimacy from blurring. From confusing lust with something—something more.

He’d been off his game with Cali from the start, intrigued by the novelty and challenge of so many conflicting signals coming from such an enticing package. Stop and go. Yes and no. Sexy and shy. The good girl who did bad things. There was only one signal that remained steady, burning bright. That single beacon he hadn’t been able to lose sight of. The smoldering heat between them was a constant. Whether she was enraged or listening attentively, telling him goodbye or laughing in his arms, it never cooled—and that should have been warning enough.

But he’d liked it. Too much.

And, ego-driven jackass that he was, he hadn’t recognized the danger of breaking his own rules. He’d gotten caught up in the chase, working for her in a way he couldn’t ever remember working for a woman before. Her hesitance to get involved had been exciting, challenging, and had given him a false sense of security about her unwillingness to commit.

Stupid.

Because of course he’d caught her. And, blindly reveling in the thrill of conquest, he hadn’t even noticed when she’d begun bombarding him with one incredible sensation after another. The sight of those green eyes glinting with mirth. The sound of her laughter whispering through the night. The feel
of her sigh washing over his chest as she drifted off to sleep. The scent of her hair as he woke with his nose buried in the soft tumble of it. The taste of abandon when she gave in to his kiss. She was a full-scale assault on his senses, and he’d been heedlessly following this feel-good tug at his heart until he was teetering at the edge of that sinkhole of contentment he’d spent the last four years so deftly trying to avoid. Poised to wade in.

And then to discover she was already there!

What a mess.

Dressing for a day of patient appointments he hadn’t had enough sleep to look forward to, Jake jammed his legs into a pair of khaki trousers, and buttoned up a white Oxford shirt. As mad as he was at Pam for dropping out of thin air with her usual sense of selfishness and bad timing, it was more than obvious he owed her one this time. It hadn’t taken more than a few hours with his ex-wife within cursing distance to clear his head of the emotional fog that had settled there. To realize how complacent he’d allowed himself to become and to figure out that he needed to stop what was happening with Cali before it spun any further out of control than it already had.