Wild Horses (14 page)

It would take some time but it was worth it. Running through the dark on his unnecessary rescue mission last night had taught him something. She was a part of him. The best part—grounded, wise, tough, smart and shining with a quiet beauty that once discovered only grew brighter. Threads of that beauty were woven into who he'd been when they'd loved each other before, and were rapidly entwining with who he was now. Only this time they were stronger—he wouldn't be able to walk away from them so easily. Luckily for him, he'd grown up enough to know that he didn't want to.

She was still perched on the rock when he stepped out of the shed. “Look,” she said, pointing east, and he did. The sun was over the horizon and putting on a show, lighting up the last fragments of the storm clouds with pink and gold, highlighting rock in light and shadow, all under a sky that went from gold to aqua to sheer blue overhead.

“I'll never get tired of this,” he said, stopping behind her. He couldn't resist brushing a soft kiss across her tangled hair. “And I like that I get to see it with you.”

Her hand came up briefly and folded over his. Then it was gone, like a quick visit from a bird.

He needed to win her trust. And then, just maybe, he'd have a second chance at winning her heart.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

W
HITE
R
OCK
C
ANYON
was silent and still in the midday heat. As if every bird and insect were taking a siesta. Nora pulled the bandanna out of the back pocket of her shorts and dabbed at the sweat running down her face. It was so hot today, she wanted a siesta, too. When Todd had shown up this morning and asked her to go see wild horses, she hadn't checked the weather report before she'd said yes.

She actually hadn't checked anything before she said yes. She hadn't checked with her plans or her logic or the self-preservation that had her avoiding Todd for the past week, ever since the flood.

But hiking with Todd had been one of her favorite things when they were young. And though she could barely admit it to herself, she'd missed him the past few days. Seeing him at the bottom of her porch steps this morning, in his cargo shorts and Greenpeace T-shirt, his hat tilted at a jaunty angle and the sun lighting his skin gold, all of her determination to stay away from him wafted quietly into the clear morning air.

So when he'd offered her coffee, muffins and the lunchtime picnic in his backpack, she'd blurted out the yes before her brain had even kicked in.

Todd stopped on the narrow trail that traversed the scree slope of the canyon wall and pulled a water bottle from his pack, offering her a sip. “Are you doing okay?”

“Just hot.” The water was long past tepid and on its way to warm. But it was liquid, so she relished it.

Todd seemed unaffected by the heat. He was in his element out here. “This reminds me of us, way back when.”

She thought of all the hikes they'd taken in the glorious coastal hills behind Berkeley. Except back then Todd hadn't looked like this. The broad shoulders moving under his gray T-shirt, the V of his body tapering down to his khaki shorts, the muscles that rippled in his arms every time he moved—it was so different from the boy she'd known.

And
they
were different. Back then on their hikes she'd felt as if it was the two of them against the world. They were a unit, facing life together. Now she knew how life could break them apart.

She gestured to the brilliant blue above. “At least we don't have to worry about flooding today.”

“That's probably a good thing, though getting trapped in that shed with you wasn't all bad.” He grinned at her. “I almost miss it.”

“You're crazy.”

“A little.” He watched her, growing more serious until she was sure he would kiss her again. And she wanted him to, so much that she almost threw herself into his arms. Luckily she didn't, because evidently he changed his mind about the kissing and tipped the brim of her hat instead. “Don't get sunburned.”

“Come on. I thought you were going to show me some mustangs. Though if I see them grinding the local plant life into dust I'm going to be sad.”

“I spoke to the herd in advance. They know to steer clear of any and all plant life.”

“If only it were that easy.”

They started up the trail again and she thought about how much he liked the horses. And about all the other animals and plants that were in danger out here. “What if horses weren't beautiful?” she asked. “What if they looked like horned toads? They're a native species and they're endangered. They could use your help.”

He turned around and looked at her in astonishment. “You are something else, Dr. Logic. And you got me there. I think if mustangs looked like horned toads, people would be running screaming in the other direction. But they're not toads and they
are
beautiful.” He started walking again. “And they're a part of the Western landscape.”

“Not a native part.” It felt good to hack away at his arguments. She loved the horses, too, and she didn't want them gone, but the more she argued, the more the boundaries between them solidified. Creating distance she sorely needed. “Their ancestors were brought here by settlers.”

“But they're a huge part of history,” Todd countered. “Brought here by the people we read about in history textbooks. They were part of the gold rush, the silver mining, everything. We preserve other parts of our history—old ships, stagecoaches, ghost towns—and they're just wood and brick. Why wouldn't we want to preserve this living, breathing part of our past?”

“The settlers had pigs, too. And when pigs get loose we call
them
feral and give people permits to hunt them.”

He gave her an exasperated smile. “It's all relative. Even some of your beloved native plants aren't really native. Seeds can fly across oceans if the wind is right.”

Nora had to admit defeat on that one. “You have a way of making everything so complicated!”

“I don't think there's much about life that's simple.”

Like this
, Nora thought.
This
wasn't simple. She should hate being with Todd because he'd caused her so much pain. But she was strangely happy, trading arguments in the morning sun, feeling the crunch of the rocky soil beneath her boots. It was complicated, having so many feelings at once. Her entire life, she'd avoided complicated. But now she wondered if maybe complicated wasn't always bad.

* * *

T
HEY
CAME
TO
a flat rock that jutted out from the trail—a perfect spot for observing the canyon below. When she sat down on it, the granite was almost too hot. But it was also relaxing, like the hot-stone massage a friend had talked Nora into at a spa years ago—except she liked this boulder much better than the spa.

Todd pulled out binoculars while Nora drank from her water bottle. She saw his muscles tense as he trained them on one spot much farther up the canyon. “They're here,” he whispered.

“The horses?”

“Look.” He handed her the binoculars and she focused them on the spot he'd been looking at. Rocks loomed into her field of vision, plants in close-up, and then a brown horse with a long, thick black mane. And as she watched, a foal wandered up and reached between the brown mare's legs and tried to nurse. The mare lifted her leg in protest. Evidently it was weaning time.

She handed the binoculars back to Todd, watching his smile grow as he watched the horses. She understood his excitement. It was magical to find them, especially after a long hike under the summer sun.

“You were right,” she whispered as he glanced at her with a grin. “They
were
here.”

“They're cooling off in the shadows of the cliffs. When they're on their range, they can find places like this to shelter from the heat. There's a stream in the back of this canyon, so they have a water source, too.”

Nora instantly wondered what the stream looked like. If the vegetation had been trampled, the banks eroded. And then reminded herself that she wasn't working today. The White Rock Herd Management Area wasn't included in her study anyway. Her only job was to appreciate the beauty and the hike, and the chance to enjoy it all with Todd.

He reached over and took her hand. “I'm glad you're here,” he said.

“Me, too.” She pulled her hand back, though. It felt too good. Too much like something she'd want forever, and miss forever, once it was gone.

Todd stood up. “Want to see if we can get a little closer?”

“Only if those horses will share some of their shade with us. I'm roasting!”

He laughed softly. “I'm sure we can find something.”

She followed him along the path, the mountains looming higher as they got closer to the base of their peaks. Eventually, Todd found them a spot to sit in the meager shadow of a boulder, where they could look down at the canyon floor. They could see several more horses from here. Nora counted nine adults, and then the little weaning colt.

“That white guy is the stallion,” Todd whispered, pointing to where a large white horse browsed along the side of the canyon. “See how he's staying uphill from the others? He's keeping an eye on things.”

Nora watched as the stallion lifted his head, snuffing something on the wind, and then went back to grazing. “It must be a strange life, having to always be so vigilant.”

“I know someone like that.” Todd winked at her. “Always trying to do the right thing. Always on the lookout for whatever trouble might be coming.”

She elbowed him in the side for his teasing. “You know, if you were raised by wolves like I was, you'd be a little hypervigilant, too.”

“Someday I'd like to meet those wolves.”

She stared at him, shocked. “You've got to be kidding me.”

“I'm not. They're your family. And Wade's. And I care about you guys. So someday I hope I have the chance to meet them, even if it's terrifying.”

She shook her head. “You are a wild man, Todd Williams. I may be on the alert for trouble, but at least I don't go looking for it.”

He grinned. “Sometimes a little trouble keeps it interesting.”

“Well, it sounds like
your
family is trouble—maybe you should make amends with them.”

He looked at her with a guarded expression. “Other people's troubled families feel a lot safer than my own.”

She thought about her dad. Her mom. Her brothers. How much she didn't miss them. “I guess you're right.”

“The horses probably have a thing or two to teach us about family. They fight, they argue, but they stay together and they look out for each other.”

She looked from one horse to the other, trying to see the relationships that Todd did. “Don't the fathers drive their sons away? And the sons come back to challenge their fathers?”

Todd grinned. “Okay, fine, they have messed-up family relationships, too. But they do create a community of sorts. And even if you're not planning to stick around Benson, Wade needs a community.”

She turned to him, surprised by his random segue. “What?”

“I'm throwing a party at my house tomorrow. I'd like you and Wade to come.”

“To have community. Like horses.”

He laughed. “Yes. Like horses. You two can't keep hiding out from people. And my party is a great chance to socialize without actually going into town. It's just my friends, who I personally believe to be all the best people.”

“I...” She didn't know what to say. Because Todd was right. She'd be gone once her study was over, but Wade would be here and he'd need friends.

“I promise it will be fun. I can almost guarantee that no one will say anything weird.”

“
Almost
guarantee?” She was only half joking. She wasn't ready to tackle another Phil.

“Hey, I can't control everything. But I can promise lots of beer and wine, so if something goes wrong you'll have a good vintage to drown your sorrows in.”

“I'll think about it.” She tried to picture herself at a party, mingling with a bunch of her hometown's residents.

“Look at the horses. They argue all the time.” He pointed to a big gray horse with its ears back, teeth bared at her chestnut-colored neighbor... “The chestnut probably said something really dumb in horse language and the gray is letting him know it. But at the end of the day they'll be fine, because they know they need each other to survive.”

“You're stretching, but I see your point.” She watched the chestnut dart out of range. The gray had won the argument.

“So you'll come?”

He'd won
their
argument. “Yes. But I just hope none of your friends say anything dumb.”

“If they do, you have my permission to bite them, just like that gray over there.”

She couldn't help but laugh. “I doubt that would do much to improve the Hoffman family reputation. But Wade and I will be there.”

He put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a brief moment. “I'm glad. I'm really glad.”

Nora watched the horses make their peace with each other, which simply seemed to involve walking next to each other, tails swishing. She wondered if she could ever find a community. She'd made it this far in life by keeping mostly to herself. Could she be like Todd and find people she could count on? It didn't seem likely, but with the comfort of Todd's arm around her, it did seem like a nice idea.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“H
OW
,
EXACTLY
,
DID
you get us into this?” Wade asked, yanking open the passenger-side door and getting into the Jeep beside Nora.

“Todd and I talked yesterday during our hike.” She remembered his loose but convincing metaphor about the horse community and smiled. “He knows a lot of people in Benson. Some have moved here in the years since we left. He thinks if we get to know people, we'll feel more at home here. And maybe some of the old bad feelings about our family will start to fade.”

Wade studied her carefully while he pulled his seat belt on. “How does Todd know so much about all the old bad feelings?”

“He works in town. He hears stuff.”

Wade was getting all puffed up. The protective soldier. “Come on, Nora. Did something happen in town? Did someone give you a hard time?”

“I told you, it's not a big deal,” Nora lied. She turned the key and started her Jeep down their bumpy driveway.

She couldn't mention Phil. The last thing she wanted was for Wade to feel weird walking into the hardware store. He had so much work to do on this ranch, there was no doubt he'd be spending a lot of time there. Hopefully Phil wouldn't be so careless with his words around her burly ex-military brother. “Someone brought up Dad and I got kind of upset about it. I just need to grow a thicker skin.”

“And, apparently, waste a perfectly good Sunday afternoon at a barbecue.”

“Coward!” she teased. “You didn't move to Benson to become a hermit, did you?”

Wade shrugged, and the worry that Nora tried to keep at bay crept back. Her brother hadn't been this antisocial before he went to war. She drove them in silence until they turned in to Todd's driveway. “How about we just stay a couple hours?” she asked. “We can be back at the ranch in time to check a few more items off the to-do list. I promise.”

Wade didn't say anything. Nora parked the Jeep next to Todd's barn. It was the closest she could get to his house. Cars were everywhere.

“Is Todd friends with the whole damn town?” Wade looked ready to jump out of the Jeep and jog back home.

Nora studied her scowling brother. “How about a signal if it just gets too strange?”

“You mean
the
signal?” His expression lightened and he opened his door.

Nora smiled in relief and climbed out to join him.

They'd had a signal when they were young. They'd reserved it for the dire moments, when their dad was drunk or their older brothers were especially horrible. Or when there were drugs everywhere. One of them would look at the other, then scratch the upper part of their left arm, near the shoulder. And the other one would know it was time to evacuate. To go study in the barn, or hitchhike into town or hide in the woods.

“Of course.
The
signal,” she told him.

“Okay. If people are weird, or we just need to leave, we scratch.” Wade scratched himself on the upper left shoulder.

Nora laughed. “Deal,” she said, wondering if it was too early to start scratching. Because she was nervous, too, and the closer they walked to Todd's house, the bigger the crowd on his patio appeared.

“Hey!” Todd must have been watching for them, he appeared so quickly. “Glad you guys made it.”

Wade reached out his hand. “I haven't had a chance to thank you for going after my sister in the storm the other night.”

Todd shook hands but brushed off Wade's gratitude with a laugh. “Hey, it was an adventure. And I hadn't had one like that in a while. I should be thanking her for making life so interesting.”

Interesting.
Was that what he called it? Nora could feel her skin flush pink and took a step past Todd and Wade. No way did she want her brother to see her blush and make any guesses as to what interesting things might have gone on during that storm.

“How about a beer?” Todd was asking.

“Just water for me.” It was her first event in Benson since high school graduation. She didn't want to give anyone a thing to gossip about. Even a beer might connect her with the drugs in her family's past. Todd led them into the party and opened up a cooler chest. He handed her a bottled water and popped the top off an amber ale for Wade.

“Okay,” he said. “Let me introduce you to some of my friends.”

Nora watched Todd's back as he walked ahead of them through the party, shaking hands and clapping shoulders. He was so at home, so well liked. So much more handsome than any other guy at the party.

Stop.
She needed to stop thinking about Todd and begin worrying about surviving her reintroduction to the citizens of Benson. At least Todd had been right about one thing—most of them were strangers to her. The only people she remembered from growing up were an older couple, Jed and Betty Watkins, who had always been kind to her when she was young. It was actually a relief to see their familiar faces and to get a hug from Betty.

Jed clapped Wade on the arm and thanked him for his service to his country, while Betty wiped tears from her eyes and told him he'd made the town proud. Nora's heart swelled two sizes at that. She wanted Wade's time in the service acknowledged, even if it was just in small ways like this. He deserved it, and it might help heal the wounds she could sense beneath his skin. She needed them healed before she could move on to her next job with peace of mind.

Wade stayed with Jed, asking him some questions about the heifers they'd bought. Todd introduced her to a handsome man standing close to Jed. His name was Jack Baron—the man who'd taught Todd all about training horses. Jack's wife, Samantha, shook her hand warmly, as well. This was the Samantha Todd had mentioned, who'd lived in San Francisco and knew Berkeley well. It was nice to have a ready-made conversation topic.

And then a soft hand on Nora's shoulder had her turning to face Tess, the incredible blonde whom Nora had already met, and embarrassed herself in front of, at the High Country Sports Bar. She could feel her face turning beet red, but Tess just hugged her and introduced her husband, Slaid Jacobs, whom Nora vaguely recognized. He'd been the local high school football star when she was young. And now apparently he was the mayor. Nora wondered what he'd think if he knew his host had been illegally freeing mustangs from government holding pens. But Slaid looked pretty easygoing. Maybe he wouldn't mind.

She met a few teachers from the high school, and a couple people who worked part-time in Todd's shop. There were other auto mechanics and some ranchers. And there were kids, running around in the brush below Todd's deck, blowing bubbles and playing with the toys he'd set out, helping themselves to snacks and juice at a separate table he'd decorated just for them.

The toys and the table gave Nora pause. She'd had no idea Todd was the kind of guy who would set up something special for kids.

Looking around at all the people he called friends, it hit her that she didn't really know Todd at all. She'd held on to him in her mind and heart for so long, but all she'd been holding on to were memories of who he'd been in college.
This
was Todd.
This
horseman,
this
mechanic, the guy hosting
this
party, who thought about how to make other people's kids happy. The Todd she remembered was so much younger.

She took a sip of the cold water to calm her turbulent thoughts. She was such a hypocrite. She wanted people to see her differently, to notice how she had changed, but she'd been seeing Todd as the same boy she knew way back in college. She'd been mistrusting him for things he'd done back then. Just like people might not trust her or Wade, for their family's past misdeeds.

A woman walked up and put her arm on Todd's shoulder and leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek. Nora's stomach lurched. So much for a clean start with new people in Benson. It was Kit Hayes, who'd dated Nora's brother Arch for years. Right up until he'd fled the country. Nora knew her well. Kit had practically lived at the ranch with them.

She and Arch had been legendary together. Wild. Drinking, partying and brawling. And Kit, with her tight red halter top, artfully mussed dark hair and a rattlesnake tattoo winding up her arm, didn't look as though she'd changed too much.

Kit glanced over and caught her staring. Her eyes widened. “Nora?” Her voice, low and smoky, took Nora right back to the days when she'd find Kit in their kitchen in the morning, dressed in one of Arch's T-shirts and a pair of skimpy underwear, making him coffee.

“Kit. Wow. You still live in Benson?” She'd always assumed that Kit would have taken off when Arch did, either to follow him down to Mexico or to hook up with some other lowlife.

“Yep, I'm still here, Bore.”

Ugh, that nickname. Bestowed on her by her older brothers. Sanctioned by their father's laughter. Boring Nora. Nora Bora. Bore. Because in their eyes, nothing was more boring than trying to get a good education and live like a normal person.

“How are you?” she asked, just to say something.

“I'm good.” Kit nodded, but the tension around her mouth and the anxiety in her eyes didn't match her words. “Doing good.” She paused, twisting the beer bottle she held in her fingers. Then glanced around cautiously. “Have you heard from your brother lately?”

The hope that sparked in Kit's dark eyes was unmistakable, even from behind the thick dark eyeliner and mascara she wore. After all these years, Kit still loved him. Though what there was to love about Arch beyond the reckless good looks that always had women dropping at his feet, Nora didn't know.

“No, we're not in touch,” she told Kit airily. As if it wasn't at all embarrassing that her family fled the country like the drug-dealing criminals they were.

“Can I ask...did they really go to Mexico?” There was desperation in Kit's face that Nora recognized. She might despise it in herself, but it softened her toward Kit. She knew exactly what it was like to hold on to a love you'd lost. At least when Todd left for the rain forest, he'd had the courtesy to tell her where he was going, and the courage to say goodbye. From the angst in Kit's eyes, it seemed that Nora's brother hadn't even had that much grace.

“Kit, I'd honestly tell you if I knew. We think that's where they are. But we've never heard from them—not even once. They just disappeared.”

Kit sighed. “That must be hard on you guys.”

Nora couldn't help but smile at the differences in their perspectives on her family. It had been a relief when her father and brothers had left. Of course it was sad, but their leaving put an end to so much that was frightening, uncomfortable and shameful.

“We're okay, Kit. Thanks for your concern. I hope you are, too.”

“Me? Oh, I'm fine.” Kit gave a laugh so false that it had Todd turning away from his conversation to glance at them. He was by Nora's side at once, true to his promise to make sure she enjoyed his party.

“Kit? I know you just got off work. Why don't you grab some food? You must be hungry.”

Kit gave Nora a vague wave and wandered off. She looked a little lost, probably shaken up at seeing Nora again. It made Nora's heart hurt—in sympathy and in pity. Because Arch wasn't worth it.

“Everything okay?” Todd asked. “I didn't realize you knew her.”

“She was my brother Arch's girlfriend for years,” Nora told him. “She practically lived at our house.”

Todd stared after Kit, who was smiling up at a guy who was opening her beer. “I had no idea. And here I thought I was giving you a fresh start.”

There was that familiar shame again. But this was Todd, and he'd told her the dirt on his family. He understood. “It's okay. But if Kit's your friend, you should try talking some sense into her. It's not right for her to be so torn up over someone like my brother.”

“And that works well? Telling a person not to be in love with someone because it's
not right
?”

Nora stared at him in horror. Did he know how she felt? That she'd never let go? Her flushed cheeks got hotter. But they were talking about Kit, not her.

“He was never good for her.” Kit had been known to accompany Arch on many a night that had ended with yet another stolen car parked in the Hoffman yard.

“I'll try to talk to her,” Todd said. “But I doubt it'll make much difference. Kit's a pretty strong person. If she wants something, she won't be talked out of it.”

Nora sighed. “Coming back to Benson is so weird. In some ways I feel so different, and in others it's as if the past ten years of my life never happened.”

Todd smiled down at her. “Don't let twisted small-town dynamics make you forget who you are.”

“But to people here it doesn't matter what degrees I got, what jobs I had, where I lived or that I did it all on my own with my hard-earned money. All they want to talk about is my dad, or Arch or Blake. Where they are, whether they've been caught. It's like being stuck in a time warp.”

He grinned at her. “Time is pretty flexible stuff. Especially when it comes to juicy gossip.”

Nerdy
and
funny. This part of Todd hadn't changed. “So you're saying I'm a walking, talking gossip time machine?”

“I'm saying that your family is probably one of the most intriguing stories to have come out of this town in ages. People are curious. I don't think they mean much harm by it.”

She wasn't sure she shared his perspective. “Still, I wish they'd ask me about something else. It's not very flattering to think that my messed-up family is the only thing that's interesting about me.”

Todd looked at her thoughtfully. “You know, after I hurt my leg, I had a wheelchair. Then crutches. Then a cane. And even after I was able to lose the cane, I still walked with a pretty big limp.”