Wild Horses (47 page)

Dust motes danced in the air. The bales of feed were rearranged as the horses ate their way through the supply, but what remained was being continuously rearranged to provide a semblance of privacy. The futon was on the floorboards as before, except now there was bedding on it and fresh pillows. A worn quilt Attila recognized as one of his sister’s guest comforters was hiding under his generous supply of army blankets. Two plastic milk crates and a wooden board formed an improvised shelf that sat where a headboard would be. Intrigued, he came closer. One milk crate was stocked with water bottles; the other one held two six-packs of ale, the kind that was supposed to be served at room temperature.

Clever Hal.

Attila’s smile died young, however, when he noticed a large cardboard box that used to hold tall riding boots. It had a sign taped to the top:

Toys for boys.

A sticky note held a message from his nephew, who was now safely out of range:

Dear Uncle ’Tila,

Thank you for letting us camp out here for a few days, and thank you for sharing your supplies. We’ve restocked for you, and we included a few things we thought you and Kai might find interesting. I hope you won’t be mad, but Mom told us where to go and what to look for. Have fun!

Hal and Lindsey

With great trepidation, Attila lifted the lid of the box. There was a flashlight right next to it, and he used it to examine the contents. There was a large box of condoms, as he expected, and right next to it was a bottle of regular lube and a cinnamon warming lube and mint cooling lube. He was amazed to discover a generous assortment of sex toys, including three different cock rings and a pair of fur-lined handcuffs.

Baby wipes?

Images of him and Kai together flooded his mind, blood rushed to all the right places, and it made Attila sneeze, like it almost always did. Kai always laughed that Attila’s state of arousal had such an audible “tell,” and the memory of Kai’s laughter forced Attila to think of Kai again. He decided not to touch anything and leave it for Kai’s consideration. If Kai didn’t run off first, that is. Before even broaching the sensitive subject of Hal and Lindsey’s gift, he had to tend to his fallen lover and see if he felt up to eating anything solid, or even talking. Thinking of Kai made him think of the pizza downstairs. Attila slid down the ladder and retrieved the still-warm pizza box. As he headed out the door, an empty stall caught his eye.

Sen. Cayenne.

Immersed in his own problems and thoughts, he had entirely forgotten to bring those two guys in. He walked up to the fence and whistled. Soon, hoofbeats broke the still evening air and a white blur took on a familiar shape. “Hi, Sen. Heya… where’s your buddy? Where is Cayenne?”

Sen whickered, pushing against the gate. Horses were ruled by their stomachs, and Sensational Snowfall knew what to expect in his feed bucket.

“Cayenne!” Attila called out into the dusk. There was no response, but then again, Attila didn’t expect one. Cayenne stopped eating the evening he and Kai stayed in Pittsburgh and, as far as Attila was aware, he had not eaten since. The only reason Sen had not been ridden since he and Kai had returned was so Cayenne was never alone.

Sally had been the first to notice the vacant, depressed-horse look in his eyes. When Attila had come to see Cayenne in his stall, the stallion had not responded to his greetings—he hadn’t moved much at all and his neck had stuck forward in a way that made his head hang.

“W
HAT
’
S
wrong with him?” Sally fretted.

“Maybe he misses Kai,” Attila said. “Kai will be back tomorrow and all will be well, you’ll see.”

The next day, Kai was still passed out in their bed, and Sally tried to socialize with the stallion in his stall, which is why she ended up with two broken ribs and a hoofprint in her side.

A
TTILA
vaulted onto Sen’s bare back and squeezed. Sen knew what to do. Babysitting the temperamental newcomer had been his job from the time the red horse set foot in his pasture. They cantered across the expanse of grass. There, up the hill, in the shade of the tree line beyond the white fence was something red. Sen slowed down as they neared his pasture companion, and Attila slid off his back immediately to rush toward Cayenne.

The horse was lying down in the grass. Halting first, then speeding his steps again, Attila approached the prone horse, only to see the shaded form of Kai curled up next to him, his head pressed against the thick, equine neck. He was asleep.

Attila figured Kai must have used his horse’s neck as a pillow, but his head must have slid off and he found his comfort by pressing against Cayenne’s warmth. The horse lifted his head. His eye focused on Attila and, detecting no threat, he remained on the ground. Attila’s heart leapt at the sight—Cayenne actually
looked
at him. It was a far cry from the apathetic, depressed horse that would not eat. Now this very horse was here, basking in the presence of his favorite human.

Attila approached them, his movements slow and smooth. He knelt by Kai and stroked his shoulder. “Kai! Kai, honey, wake up for me!”

The redhead stirred. Attila saw he had taken a shower, and his hair was pulled into a ponytail, which was now an unruly mess. The familiarity of it made the corners of Attila’s mouth twitch into an involuntary smile .

“Attila.” Kai opened his eyes.

“I am glad you felt well enough to get up,” Attila said and leaned forward to embrace Kai’s shoulders. The gesture was intimate, but careful. This horse was still a little wild, could still be spooked away.

“I’m sorry to make you worry,” Kai whispered. “I’m sorry for all the awful things I said. I’m sorry for not sitting on my temper, you know, when I hit the wall.”

As Attila stood back up with Kai, his chest filled and his voice threatened to break in his effort to speak. “I am sorry you had to wait on that dock,” he whispered, drawing Kai even closer. The scent of their shared shampoo reached his nostrils and he pressed his lips into the unruly hair, savoring their contact. Kai was still here, the situation was still salvageable—perhaps it would be safer to focus on the practicalities of their existence. “You hungry? There’s a pizza. Are you feeling well enough to eat?”

“Sure,” Kai said. “I’m feelin’ fine. The headache is gone. I just wanted to say hi to Cayenne, and he was so comfortable, I just sacked out with him.

“Good. It might still be warm, but I can reheat it. Let’s walk back,” he said, unwilling to let Kai onto Cayenne’s back yet.

Kai only nodded and fell into step with him. The horses, seeing their humans headed for the gate across the pasture, thundered ahead.

“Cayenne must be starving,” Attila commented. “He hasn’t eaten since we left.”

“I brought him apples,” Kai said. “And carrots.”

“How many?”

“All of them.”

A
TTILA
and Kai’s horses were in their stalls, and their eager eating sounds filled the air as Attila brushed against Kai’s warm side. They both leaned against the post that divided Sen’s stall from Cayenne’s.

“So Cayenne wouldn’t eat? Why?” Kai asked, his voice sheepish even to his ears.

“Horses can get depressed. They feel things—sometimes it surprises me how much, actually. Like Zorro, being depressed when Mona took her horses away. He didn’t eat for two days, either.”

“You think it’s because I wasn’t here?” Kai asked.

“Yeah.” Attila slid his arm around Kai’s waist, slipping under the taller man’s arm. He barely fit. “If you disappeared, more than just the horses would miss you.” He cleared his throat and pressed his face into Kai’s shoulder.

“I… I didn’t know,” Kai blurted out. “Nothing made a lot of sense at the time. I figured you were mad enough to leave me with Theo, and you were too mad to pick me up, so I went to my place and figured I’d see your car, or text you, and….” The feelings of being shoved to the side like a disposable coffee cup flooded him again.

Trust.

“I’ve been acting kind of silly,” Kai said, trying to express himself and not finding the right words. He stood there, yearning for Attila’s love but being barely able to feel his touch. He was aware of Sen behind him and Cayenne in front of him. He could see the big, red horse in the dimming light of the stables. Grasping for a sense of connection, he grabbed the metal rail of the window and pressed his head against its cold surface, forcing an exhale.

Attila slipped from underneath his arm. Soon, strong hands stroked Kai’s shoulders, kneading his tense muscles and sliding along the exposed skin of his neck. “I would never just abandon you, Kai. There were things going on and I lost control of them and I…. It wasn’t going so well on my end.”

L
OST
control.

Like a four-year-old.

Kai detected a rare note of self-loathing in Attila’s voice and turned around to face his partner’s controlled countenance. It was just a mask, Kai knew, a glacial façade that didn’t let feelings slip out. It was possible to melt the ice from the outside, however, and Kai was moved to do just so. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Attila’s smooth forehead, returning the kindness and rubbing his stiff shoulders in return. “We know what happened to me: Larry slipped me a mickey and I didn’t react real well to that. But what happened to you, Attila?”

They remained silent for a few heartbeats. “I do not wish to discuss it.”

The icy reserve failed to deter Kai—it was just a defense mechanism, and he’d broken through before. “I felt so scared,” Kai whispered by Attila’s ear, his breath caressing the sensitive auricle. “I thought you dumped me forever. I just couldn’t think of living back there again. I wanted you back—I wanted you so bad, I figured if you dumped me, I didn’t wanna go on without you. And there was the river, y’know? So friendly. Scary, that. Those were just feelings, not real thoughts, but they felt real all the same. Had I been more coordinated, I might have made it across the two parking lots and down to the bank.”

“How did you make it from Theodore’s to the old Produce Terminal?” Attila asked.

“I told him I felt fine, and I took my time. He kept feeding me a lot of coffee from a place down the street, but when that wore off, I guess I began to slip again. That’s as best as I can explain what happened, with not thinking straight an’ all.”

The external chill that protected Attila’s heart began to seep into his bones. His stomach flipped. “You didn’t… did you… did you really want to….” Disjointed words were kissed off his lips.

“I’d never do it now, but back then, I felt so alone. I felt like you were a totally different person from who I thought you were—that’s why I was so angry—and then you dumped me at Theodork’s, but that was actually a good thing, because he told me a lot about you, and I felt like an idiot for not even asking you to explain.”

The cold, paralyzing feeling took hold of Attila again and he was frozen in place, rigid, unable to respond.

“So we talked about you,” Kai continued, “and he said he felt bad about the way things ended between the two of you. He said he’d fucked it up without knowing how bad it was for you, and anyway… he said you liked flowers.”

Attila swallowed, still unable to speak.

“So I saw those white ones, they smelled so nice. Stephanotis, he said. He didn’t want to sell me any because he had them reserved for a fancy wedding, but finally he caved.” Kai’s voice almost broke. “I think—I think I remembered to leave them for you.”

“You did,” Attila croaked.

“Did you like ’em?” Kai asked.

Attila nodded.

“So why didn’t you return my texts?”

Attila sighed and cleared his throat. The paralyzing cold turned to delicate shivers, his eyes itched from all the hay dust, and the lump in his throat wouldn’t go away. An image of a motionless, pale form in the water would not leave his mind—coppery hair wreathing a handsome face, surrounded by fragrant blossoms of the white stephanotis.

Definitely too “Ophelia.”

“I misplaced my phone. It fell out of my pocket in the back of the police cruiser.”

Kai reacted to both the content and the flat delivery.

“Why the hell were you in the back of the police cruiser?” His voice jumped as he asked, running his long fingers through Attila’s raven hair.

“Did you see the news? No? Wait. You don’t know what happened.” Taking his time, one sentence at a time, Attila spun the yarn of his posse raid on the warehouse. He told him about their hopes and speculations, not omitting their patently idiotic scheme to “just go in and check it out.”

“There were police cars and sirens and the coroner’s truck…. The girls were already gone. They escaped, Kai. Lindsey said you were teaching her about picking locks, and even though it had been a simple combination dial, just knowing that she could do it helped all of them escape. It looks like Johnny and Larry had an operation going, keeping the girls locked up in a cage, naked and starving, just to soften them up before they were… before they were sold.”