Tyler Stone is everything. Everything I shouldn’t want. Everything I should stay away from. Everything dangerous, everything risky, everything that toes the line between good and bad.
Everything addictive. Everything obsessive. Everything tempting.
I squeeze his hand. In this moment, I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to feel the chill of the air against my palm when his hand leaves mine. I don’t want to feel the emptiness.
So I pull our hands toward my face and rest my cheek against the back of his. “I’m scared,” I whisper. “I’m scared that, one day, I’ll be so obsessed with you, so in love with you, that I won’t be able to survive if you leave me.”
I close my eyes as I feel the truth in my words. I don’t know why I said them. I never meant to say them. They were supposed to be inside my mind, silent to everyone except me.
“I promise I won’t leave,” he whispers back, uncurling his fingers from mine and settling them against my cheek. “I promise I’ll always be there.”
“You’re not the only person to say that, you know? You’re not the only person to promise something you couldn’t keep. Why do you think I won’t answer you? Why do you think I can’t commit to you?”
“Liv,” he breathes, holding my cheek tighter.
“It’s not because I’m flighty or indecisive. It’s not because I’m a slut or a bitch. It’s not because I don’t care or that I don’t want to. It’s because I’m so fucking afraid that, one day, I’ll destroy you. One day, I’ll hurt you, Ty. One day, my addiction could become so relentless that I could take everything you’ve ever known and twist into something you don’t know. I could take your whole goddamn world and make every spin about me. If you knew, if you truly, truly knew how bad it is already, what I fight against every single second, you wouldn’t be so flippant about it.”
“I’m not scared, baby girl. I’m not scared of what you think you could do to me.” He turns my face so I’m looking at him. “I’m scared of everything you can’t do to me. Get addicted to me. Get obsessed with me. I can tell you right the fuck now it’s nothing that won’t be returned.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. His hand leaves me briefly, only to return seconds later, this time on my back and pulling me into him. I fist his shirt with one hand and cover my face with the other.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. You’re stronger than that shit. You’re stronger than to let your emotions get the best of you, Liv.
“The thing I fear most is having a day where I don’t wake up and think about you,” he murmurs into my hair. “The day I don’t need you is the day I’m most afraid of. Nothing you think you could do to me could possibly be worse than that.”
“You don’t understand. I could kill us. Why don’t you get that? You don’t know my addiction. You don’t know me. You don’t know my desire to know every single little bit of information about you. Where did you go to school? Why did you stop teaching? Why did you sell your share of the company? Why did you move to Seattle? Why did you work for your cousin? Where was your first job? What made you decide to do photography? What makes you hate the business world so much?
“What’s your favorite food? Color? Shoe? Car? Sport? Drink? TV show? Do you prefer documentaries or sitcoms? Do you like comedy? Do you like movies? Who’s your favorite actor? Singer? Comedian? Football player? Soccer player? Basketball player?” I take a deep breath. “Every little thing, Ty. I need to know every single thing about you because I can’t imagine a world where I don’t. It’s a burning need. Insatiable. Unrelenting. If I don’t find out, it might kill me. Fuck, it
is
killing me! It’s driving me fucking crazy!”
I pull back from him, but he pulls me straight back.
“You wanna know? You ask me. But for the record, my favorite color is orange, my favorite sport is American football, believe or not, and my favorite TV show is the same as yours. The Big Bang Theory. And I already forgot the rest.” A hint of amusement filters through his words.
I laugh into him. “Me, too. I might have gotten a little carried away.”
“No. No, you didn’t. It was the only way you could make me understand. And I don’t. I don’t understand your need to know everything about me, Liv. Just like you don’t understand my need to be inside you every day. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make this shit work. You got it? It doesn’t mean we can’t work through all our crap and pull something real from it.” He runs his fingers through to the ends of my hair. “It doesn’t make me want all of you any less. It doesn’t make me need you any less, baby girl.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and know that there’s only one solution to this. Only one way to figure this out. And that’s to be away from the beauty and magic of another city and be in the dreary wetness of home. Only at home can I firmly put two feet on the ground and make a decision that will stick. A decision I’ll believe in.
I sigh heavily. Ignoring the warmth in my body and the fluttering in my heart, I ask, “Take me home please.”
I
stifle a yawn as I follow Aaron around the new bar. They landed back in Seattle minutes after Tyler and I did, and Day took one look at me and told Aaron to bring me here.
She’s taken Tyler to get coffee, and I swear, if she’s pulling her matchmaking shit, I will kill her.
“What do you think?” Aaron asks.
I look around the building. Right now, it’s carnage in here. Builders are everywhere. There’s dust and wooden planks and whatever in every single possible place. But looking at the plans in my hand—Aaron’s vision—I see it.
“I think it’s gonna be the best damn cocktail bar in the city,” I say honestly.
“Good answer.” He grins. “It should be ready to go in two weeks. When do you have to tell Donny you’re leaving?”
“I’ll go by when I leave here and tell him. I’ll give him a week’s notice then take a week off.”
“No offense, but you look like you need it.” He puts his hand on my shoulder and leads me toward the door. “Come on. I’ll take you to see Donny and we’ll grab a drink.”
“This can’t be good,” I mutter.
Aaron catches it and laughs. “Well my fiancée is currently grilling my cousin and I’ve been told that, if I’d ever like another blow job, I have to do the same to you.”
“Fantastic.”
“But here’s the difference—we’ll talk normally, and when she inevitably asks you about our conversation, you’ll tell her that I chewed your ass out from here to Miami.” He shuts the car door behind us and tells the driver to go to White Stag.
I smile. “Man, you know how to handle her.”
“I’m soft as shit for her, but what she doesn’t know isn’t going to harm her or my chances of a blow job.”
I laugh. “In that case, I will willingly lie to my best friend. As far as she’s concerned, you asked so many questions that I decided to offer you my bra size for good measure.”
Aaron smirks. “Now who knows how to handle her?”
“I have fifteen years of experience. She’s wrapped around my finger.” I wink at him as the car stops.
Aaron opens the door and helps me out. My stomach bubbles with nerves when I walk into the bar and spy Donny behind the bar.
“Let me get you a drink,” Aaron says softly. “Sauvignon?”
“Please,” I reply. “Hey, Donny, can we talk?”
My boss glances up and blinks in shock when he sees Aaron. “Mr. Stone. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He holds out his hand and I hold in my sigh.
“The feeling is mutual, Mr. Hall.” Aaron smiles politely.
I cough and Donny looks at me. “Rosie, can you serve Mr. Stone, please? I’m going out back with Liv.”
He waves his hand, and I follow him out to his office. I wring my hands in front of me and sit in the leather chair in front of his desk.
“What’s up?” Donny settles back into his own seat.
“I’m leaving,” I blurt out.
Way to quit with finesse, Liv.
“You are?”
“Um, yes.” I run my fingers through my hair. “Aaron—Mr. Stone—has offered me the manager’s position at his new cocktail bar.”
“I see. Well, you deserve it, Liv. You work hard and I’m sorry to see you go.”
“I’m sorry to leave. I love it here. I’ll work out the week.”
Donny nods. “Sure thing.” He stands and hugs me. “Come on, then. I’m pretty sure Ro was imagining Mr. Stone naked.”
I laugh and follow him back out. True enough, Rosie is staring at Aaron across the bar with hearts in her eyes. He’s smirking, amused but not interested. It’s like a high school moment.
“Everything okay?” he asks me when I appear.
“Fine. Let’s go and sit where you won’t be accosted by roving eyes.” I wink at Rosie and grab my glass.
She flips me the bird and I laugh while sliding into a seat in the corner of the bar.
Aaron slides across from me and sets his glass down. The whisky inside sloshes a little with the motion.
“So. You and Tyler.”
“Maybe me and Tyler,” I correct.
“Maybe?” He laughs. “There’s no maybe about it. You know as well as I do you two are more than a maybe.”
“Just because we’re more than a maybe doesn’t mean we have to be. Our feelings don’t always have to define our actions. Yes, I like him. I like him a whole lot more than like, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for me to pursue a relationship with him.”
Aaron sips his drink slowly, his blue eyes leveled on mine. “That’s true. On the other hand, it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for you not to. For someone so impulsive, you’re sure thinking this through a lot.”
“I’m impulsive with shoes, wine, and jobs. I’m not impulsive with my heart.”
“Perhaps that’s your problem. You and Day are so alike in that respect. When I found her again…” He sighs and shakes his head. “Call me a fucking pussy, but it was like everything in my life was right again. Like it all made sense just by looking in her eyes—and I still feel like that. Hell, Liv, she felt like that. But she fought me every damn step of the way. She kept fighting even when she knew she’d lost. If she’d just stopped, for one moment, she would have seen that we made sense.”
“But she did. In the end.”
“After a few mountain-sized bumps and a fuck-ton of groveling on both our parts, yes. My point is that you’re doing the same with Tyler. You’re fighting everything when anyone can see that you two are good for each other. Stop thinking for five minutes and you’ll see it, too.”
I snort. “We’re not good for each other, Aaron. We’re the very worst thing either of us could have.”
“Sometimes you need the worst to bring out the best in you.” He puts his glass down again. “Look, I know you had a rough time a few years ago. Just like I refuse to tell Dayton about Tyler’s past, she refuses to tell me about yours. I wish we would tell each other, because it would make this a whole lot easier.”
“I don’t know his past and he doesn’t know mine.”
“Because you’re refusing to talk about it. Yeah, we talk. Just because we’re guys doesn’t mean we don’t talk about this shit. I called him a hundred times with Dayton—he’s more like my brother than anything. I know how he feels about you, Liv. He’s told me. And let me tell you, if you’d asked me six months ago if I ever thought he’d be this serious about a woman, I would have laughed at you.” His lips twitch. “I did laugh when he told me. I thought he was kidding, but he isn’t.”
“It’s not just a snap decision. I can’t clap my hands together and know. I’m not holding off to protect myself. I’m doing it to protect him.”
“Tyler’s a big boy. He can protect himself. I’ve seen him do it several times.”
I put my face in my hands then run my fingers through my hair. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m afraid to commit. There we go. I don’t know why I’m admitting it to you, but I’m afraid of the thing he wants.”
“The only way to beat your fears is to face them. Listen to me.” He rests his hand over mine on the table. “Day said your parents live nearby. Go and stay with them for a night. Get out of Seattle and be in a place where you can make your decision. It’s not fair to either of you.”
“I know.” I blink back a set of tears. Fucking things. “Will you tell Tyler where I am?”
“No. I’ll tell him you’ve gone out of town for a night, and that’s it.”
I nod. Going to visit my parents isn’t such a bad idea. I haven’t seen them in a few months, and maybe Aaron’s right. It could be exactly what I need.