Wild Thunder (25 page)

Trembling, afraid, now suddenly aware of the chill of the night, Hannah rose slowly to her feet and grabbed a blanket around her shoulders. Staring, she watched Strong Wolf light the fire, then stand over it, his back to her, his naked body a copper sheen beneath the moonlight.

“Strong Wolf?” Hannah said cautiously.

When he didn't respond, she took a blanket and placed it around his shoulders.

The blanket warm, he gripped it around himself, but nothing would ease the torment that made him cold inside at her mention of having children. Of course, when he first thought of marrying her, his dark past came back to haunt him, to know that marriage usually brought children into the world.

But every time he had thought of them possibly having children, he had cast it from his mind. He had wanted nothing to get in the way of their marriage!

He wanted only to have Hannah, any way he could have her.

Then everything else would come later . . . the worry, the concern, the downright dread of having children!

If their children inherited the traits of his family that came from his mother's side, then that child would have to live with the same secrets he had carried with him all of his life.

It would not be fair to the child; yet besides that one fear, for
himself
, life had been
grand
!

As for now, he had a woman who met his every need, who fed his desires, who filled his arms with her sweetness.

She made him have faith in himself again.

Only she!

And now? She had seen his fear. She had felt it. He could no longer hold it within himself like a dark sin that he had no control over. He could no longer live a lie!

The blanket dropping away from him, Strong Wolf turned to Hannah and gripped her by the shoulders, causing her own blanket to flutter to the ground. He drew her into his embrace, their bare bodies pressed together as he held her.

For the moment he enjoyed the pleasant, sweet smell of her, the gentle way she clung to him, the way she pressed her cheek against his chest.

She could have plied him with questions!

For having left her so quickly, after having just made love, she could even hate him!

“I have much to tell you,” he suddenly blurted, feeling her grow tense within his arms. “Hannah, I should have not waited so long to tell you. But I was afraid of losing you, I may even lose you now. If I do, I am not certain I can go on. Please listen. Please understand. Please do not go away hating or loathing me.”

Hannah scarcely breathed as she heard his pleas. Her eyes were wide as she clung to him a moment longer, afraid now for him to tell her the secret that she knew he had held from her. It seemed not at all to do with his people's welfare, after all, as she had hoped. It was something else . . . something frightening.

He seemed
so
afraid to tell her. What if she couldn't understand? What if what he said
did
cause her to want to leave him?

Oh, how she loved and adored him. Surely there was nothing that he could say that could change her feelings for him.

“Please tell me,” Hannah said, easing from his arms. She gazed up at him and saw the silent torment; the wavering of his eyes as he stared down at her. “How could you possibly think that anything could change how much I love you?”

He reached down and grabbed a blanket. He wrapped it around her shoulders, bringing the ends around his, so that they were locked together amidst the warmth of the blanket. Gently he led her down beside the fire, then secured the blanket again around them.

“You don't have to tell me,” Hannah said, gazing over at him. “If you feel so strongly against my knowing, you . . . don't . . . have to tell me.”

“I must,” Strong Wolf said, trembling inside at the very thought of what she would soon know. “I feel that you are the sort of woman who won't look at me with disgust when you know that secret part of me and my family. I
must
tell you. It has to be said. I should have told you before we exchanged vows. Then, should you have not understood and wanted to back away from me, it would have been easier. But now we
are
married. We might soon have children. You must be told my reasons for fearing fathering a child.”

Hannah froze inside as she gazed into his smoke-black eyes. “I'm listening,” she said. “And, darling, I will never stop loving you. No matter what you say, I will love you.”

He brushed a kiss across her brow, then looked away from her. He stared into the fire as he began telling her what happened all those many years ago between himself and Doe Eyes.

“Doe Eyes and I were born on the same day, at almost the same hour, to best friends,” he began. “My mother, Swallow Song, and Doe Eyes's mother, Dawnmarie, plotted on that day that their son and daughter would be the best of friends who would then grow up and marry. I went along with their schemes, not seeing harm in them, since I was so enamored with Doe Eyes, at our young age of ten . . . until Doe Eyes revealed her true self to me.”

“What did she do?” Hannah asked, her eyes wide as she listened. She wasn't jealous of Strong Wolf loving someone so much at such a young age. She had gone through many puppy loves herself at that age. The only true love that she had ever felt was for Strong Wolf. She had to believe that it was the same for Strong Wolf.

“It was not so much what
she
did,” Strong Wolf said, gazing down at Hannah. “It was what I did to cause her reaction
to
me, that turned her to loathing, not loving me.”

Hannah's pulse raced realizing that finally she would be told what caused that haunted look in her husband's eyes; yet now she feared that knowledge.

Strong Wolf took both of Hannah's hands and held them in a tight grip. “On that day, Hannah, my mother's·fears became a reality,” he said thickly. “On that day, Hannah, my body became something unfamiliar to me. It was then that I discovered that I had inherited something from my mother that was humiliating, degrading, and loathsome.”

“What . . . did . . . you inherit?” Hannah asked, her voice barely a whisper, for now she realized how much her husband feared her knowing. And what if his fears were founded? What if she saw him as someone who made her turn her head with disgust?

“What?” she persisted. “Tell me what happened? What did you inherit?”

“I was with Doe Eyes,” Strong Wolf said, releasing Hannah's hands. He lowered his eyes. He swallowed hard. “We were only ten. We shared our first kiss. Then . . . then . . .”

He turned his eyes away from her and moaned, as though someone had hit him.

Hannah moved to her knees. The blanket fell away from her. She knelt in front of him and placed her hands to his face. “Darling, please go on,” she encouraged. “When you get this behind you and realize that I shall always love you, then don't you see? Your life will be like a newborn child's. You won't have to ever think about this again. You can begin fresh. I will be with you all of the way. I love you so!”

His eyes locked with hers. “While kissing Doe Eyes, my body began to tremble strangely,” he said, his voice breaking. “I suddenly jerked away from her, not by choice, but by being forced to as my body began shaking and jerking strangely. I was thrown to the ground by the impact of the shakes. My head was thrown back. My eyes rolled back inside my head. I almost swallowed my tongue, my body uncontrollably shaking.”

He paused and swallowed hard.

“At that moment I lost sense of time,” he continued solemnly. “Of reality, of self. I only became aware of the horrors that happened when the shakes stopped and I found Doe Eyes staring down at me. There was a look of total disgust, of loathing on her face. She was gagging, as though she might throw up. And I knew that I was the cause of her reaction.”

He took her hands in his and held them to his chest. “Hannah, when I moved to my feet and tried to reach out for her, she recoiled.” he said bitterly. “She told me that I disgusted her. And then she ran away. Since that day, she has not said one word to me until she came and spoke in behalf of Hawk. I had to live with knowing that my body could betray me at any time, that I could be the target of people's loathsome stares. It has been a life of torture. Hannah, to think that I might have to relive those moments again.”

Hannah stared at him for a moment, stunned by the truth. Then she felt something more. It wasn't pity. It was an intense caring, an intense wish to make things right for this man she would die for!

“Oh, my darling,” she cried, flinging herself into his arms. She pressed her body against his, loving the feel of it, and hardly believing that anything as beautiful could ever be ugly. “I love you still! I understand how you must feel! Please let me help you forget! Please know that I love you no less now than before you told me. Doe Eyes was a coldhearted fool! How could she do that to you? She betrayed you, Strong Wolf! She betrayed you!”

“Her betrayal was complete when she jerked off a necklace that had been worn as true proof of our devotion to one another,” he said somberly. “When we were born, we were both given the same identical necklace to wear. She stood in her disgust of me and tore her necklace away and stamped on it!”

“How horrible,” Hannah gasped. “I can see how that day affected you so terribly. But this is now. Please forget what happened in the past.”

“What brought it back so strongly tonight was your saying that you want to have my child,” he said. “I began to think about us, about possibly having children, and fear filled me like bolts of lightning that our child might inherit the traits of my mother's family, as
I
inherited them.”

“And that is something we shall concern ourselves with if it happens,” Hannah said, brushing his brow with a kiss. “As for now, let us be happy with what we have. Our love. It is so special. It is so deep.”

Strong Wolf was relieved over her reaction, yet he had to know just one more thing.

It was easy to say to him that she understood.

But what if . . . ?

“What if you should witness one of my seizures?” he uttered. “Can you honestly say that you would not be repelled and look away in disgust?”

Hannah took a deep breath. “Darling, I could never do that,” she murmured. “I would be there for you. I would hold you in my arms to comfort you until the seizure is passed. I would make you see just how deep my love goes for you.”

“How can you be so sure?” he asked, his eyes imploring her.

“When I was a little girl, I would say about twelve years of age, I was downtown with my father, when suddenly a woman fell down in the middle of the street and began having seizures,” Hannah said softly. “My father ran to her and held her until the seizures were passed. I sat down beside her and held her hand. I felt so badly for the woman, I wanted to cry. But when she awakened and discovered what had happened, the courage she showed made me know that no pity was needed. She thanked my father for helping her, she gave me a quiet, sweet smile, then rose from the street and went on her way as though nothing had happened. Her courage, and her showing no shame made me admire her so much. As you can see, as a child I did not turn away in disgust. As an adult, I shall be even more loving and comforting.”

Strong Wolf seized her into his arms. “My woman,” he whispered, slowly caressing her back. “You are filled with such heart, with such caring. I will not fear any longer that which has plagued me since I was a child. You have helped me place it behind me. Thank you, Hannah. Thank you for being you.”

“Shall we try once more tonight to make a baby?” she asked, snuggling against his broad, hard chest. She felt that was true proof to him that she had been sincere in what she had said to him. To have a child.
Theirs
.

He gave her a lingering, warm look, touched by her sweetness, then grabbed her up into his arms and carried her to the blankets.

When he lay over her, their bodies touching, their hands exploring, he gave her a heated kiss, one that made her head reel with the passion.

They made love with more feelings, with abandon, their hearts thudding within their chests!

Strong Wolf felt as though his demons had been finally released from inside him.

He was now free to truly live . . . and love . . . !

Nothing could make the river be
So crystal pure but she.

—A
NDREW
M
ARVELL

 

 

 

The Chippewa village sat on a hill overlooking a dense forest close by. A river snaked through the forest.

Hannah had entered the village proudly at Strong Wolf's side, her pinto keeping stride with his magnificent steed. She had taken in everything—the wigwams made of poles that were bent and covered with the bark of trees and cattail mats, the women working industriously about their homes, the children running and playing.

Enjoying the merriment and celebration, Hannah now sat in the council house, a large one-roorn building made of logs with a roof of wooden shingles.

There was one door that opened into the interior.

Hannah sat beside Strong Wolf on a raised platform that was covered with rich pelts. From the moment she had arrived at the Chippewa village, she had been comfortable with the surroundings, and the people.

She had been introduced to everyone right away. She glanced over at White Wolf, who sat on a platform next to the one on which she and Strong Wolf sat. His wife, Dawnmarie, sat beside him. A loose robe hung in folds over White Wolf's right shoulder. Dawnmarie was dressed in a white doeskin robe.

White Wolf, of the Lac du Flambeau clan of Chippewa, was Proud Heart's father and the chief of this village. From first glance, Hannah had seen that he was a chief with much power, a man with charisma.

Hannah had been told that White Wolf's name was always spoken when old men sat around talking about proud feats of valor.

Old women praised White Wolf for his kindness toward them.

Young women held him up as an idol to their sweethearts, for although he had reached the age of sixty, he was still steel-muscled, quick of movement, and breathtakingly handsome.

His eyes proved his gentle, peace-loving nature.

As he smiled over at her now, Hannah's insides melted, so much that she sought Strong Wolf's hand quickly, to make her remember that she was married to a man who was just as handsome, whose charm matched White Wolf's.

And Hannah had been taken quickly with his wife, Dawnmarie. Not only was she sweet and friendly, a half-breed who bridged two worlds of white and red people with her Kickapoo heritage, she was beautiful, with violet eyes.

Dawnmarie's hair was gray, yet lovely in how it swirled around her delicately featured face. Onty a few traces of wrinkles creased her brow, and around her eyes and mouth. Usually those wrinkles were hidden in her deep, friendly smile.

Hannah's eyes shifted, and she looked around Strong Wolf at an elderly lady who sat at Dawnmarie's right side on a platform next to the one on which Hannah and Strong Wolf sat. This elderly lady, who had reached and passed her hundredth birthday, was shriveled up and tiny, her wrinkled skin tautly drawn across her bones.

Her head bobbed uncontrollably as she sat with her hunched back, a huge knot at the base of her neck. Her old eyes seemed sightless, yet she proved even now that she was alert as she watched the dancers performing around the council house central fire.

Dressed in a loose-fitting buckskin dress, adorned with various colorful beads, her long and flowing gray hair reaching the floor behind her; the woman kept time with the music as she patted a fan of feathers against one of her knees, her legs crossed beneath her.

Hannah smiled as she thought of this woman as young and beautiful, and perhaps someone who had been quite skilled at dancing. Surely that was how she got the name Woman Dancing!

Then Hannah looked elsewhere. Her eyes stopped on Proud Heart and his wife, Singing Wind, who sat on a platform at White Wolf and Dawnmarie's right side. It was obvious that Proud Heart was happy to be home. He was all smiles as he watched the dancers, one hand linked with his wife's. They had only moments ago revealed to Proud Heart's parents that Singing Wind was going to have a child.

Hannah glanced over at Dawnmarie again and how she beamed with the news that she was going to be a grandmother.

White Wolf sat just as proudly smiling over the news.

The only drawback was that White Wolf and Dawnmarie were soon to depart from this village. Dawnmarie was going to search for her true people, the Kickapoo, in Mexico. Proud Heart would then be chief of this village. By leaving, White Wolf and Dawnmarie would not have the opportunity to watch their grandchild growing up.

But Dawnmarie explained to Hannah that she had waited a lifetime to finally search for her people. She explained that her mother, Doe Eyes, for whom Dawnmarie's own daughter had been named, had been abducted from her Kickapoo village long ago. She had been forced to marry a white trader, Dawnmarie's father. Her mother had always wished to join her true people again, but death had claimed her before she had been given the opportunity. Dawnmarie had promised that she would go there herself when their son, Proud Heart, became old enough to take over her husband's chieftain duties.

Now was the time. Proud Heart would not be returning with Strong Wolf to the Potawatomis village in the Kansas Territory. He would stay behind, in his rightful place, with his own people.

Hannah shifted her eyes to Doe Eyes, who sat with Hawk, on a platform next to Proud Heart's. It had been evident that White Wolf and Dawnmarie had disapproved of their daughter's choice in men. Although White Wolf saw Hawk's father as a friend, his mother—whose Sioux brother Slow Running had been an ardent enemy of White Wolf—was anything
but
friendly. She had carried her hate for White Wolf deep inside her heart ever since her brother had died fighting with White Wolf and his warriors.

She had always blamed White Wolf for his death, overlooking the fact that her brother was a demon on two feet while he had lived!

Slow Running no longer posed a threat, but when White Wolf looked at Hawk, he seemed to be looking at Slow Running; Hawk had taken on his uncle's appearance, as though he was the reincarnation of Slow Running.

Doe Eyes had talked with Hannah earlier in the evening, speaking about Hawk's mother. Doe Eyes dreaded facing Star Flower with the news that Hawk had not slain Strong Wolf and Proud Heart, as ordered, and with the news that Hawk and Doe Eyes would soon be married. She expected Star Flower to go into a fit of anger! Oh, how she dreaded that moment!

Strong Wolf leaned closer to Hannah. “We will leave for my people's village tomorrow,” he whispered. “But it is good to be here with such friends as White Wolf and Dawnmarie. Are you enjoying yourself? You seem so quiet. So studious.”

“Yes, I'm truly enjoying myself,” Hannah whispered back, giving Strong Wolf a soft smile. She reached for one of his hands and twined her fingers through his. “I guess I got caught up in thinking about White Wolf and his family. They are all so kind, aren't they?”

“As far back as I can remember, my grandfather traded and had council with White Wolf often,” Strong Wolf said, glancing over at White Wolf. He was amazed at how the last thirty years had hardly aged him. And he had seen how Hannah had been taken by his noble presence.

For a moment Strong Wolf had been jealous!

“And your mother?” Hannah asked, drawing Strong Wolf's eyes back to her. “Did she come often also and visit with Dawnmarie?”

“They were, they still
are,
the best of friends,” Strong Wolf said, nodding. He smiled as he again glanced over at White Wolf. “But for a while, when they were both seeking husbands, there was some competition between my mother and Dawnmarie. My mother told me that she had first loved White Wolf, then my father, Sharp Nose. She said that White Wolf saw no other woman in his eyes once he caught sight of Dawnmarie.”

Strong Wolf shifted his gaze. “Violet Eyes,” he murmured. “White Wolf calls Dawnmarie Violet Eyes. And I see why. Her eyes are quite intriguing, wouldn't you say?”

“Yes, they are so beautiful,” Hannah said, following his gaze. “So deeply violet in color, like the violets that spread across the ground in early spring.”

“But yours, the color of new
grass
in the spring, are as intriguing,” Strong Wolf was quick to say as he placed a finger to her chin and drew her eyes around, to lock with his. “You are ever so beautiful tonight, my woman. When this celebration is over, we shall retum to our camp down by the river. We will attempt, again, to make a baby.”

Hannah laughed softly, squeezed his hand, then leaned into his embrace at his side as he placed an arm around her waist and drew her against him.

“I've never been as content,” she murmured, his tightened hold on her assuring her that he had heard her.

Together they watched the dancers perform their dances. Everyone had already eaten a feast of dried venison, bear's meat, and duck, accompanied by corn dishes, blueberries and pine-needle tea.

Hannah didn't see how the dancers could be performing so vigorously after having eaten such a feast.

To the rhythmic throbbing of the drums, the young people danced, while the older ones looked on, enjoying the music of flutes, gourd rattles and bird-bone whistles.

Hannah's eyes were quickly averted when a woman entered the council house in a huff, causing the instruments to become suddenly quiet and the dancers to stand ghostly still.

Hawk standing quickly to his feet drew Hannah's attention to him.

Then she looked in jerks again at the woman, and followed her movements as she stamped up to Hawk and suddenly slapped his face. The sound of her hand against his flesh made a strange, hollow sound in the large room.

Gasps reverberated around the room as Hawk reached a hand to his burning face, where his mother's handprints were engraved onto his flesh from her having hit him so hard.

“Mother . . .” Hawk said, his voice almost failing him.

“You are no longer my son!” Star Flower screamed, livid with anger. She slapped him again. “How could you? Word came to me that you were here! You are in the council house of my enemy? You sit as friends sit while a celebration is in progress?”

She turned and looked slowly around the room, her whole body stiffening when she found Strong Wolf slowly moving to his feet, and then Proud Heart.

Again she turned to Hawk. “They are still alive!” she screamed, starting to hit Hawk again, but this time stopped as Hawk reached a hand up and grabbed her by the wrist.

“Mother, you should not be here,” Hawk said sternly, his ability to speak having finally returned. “And, yes, Strong Wolf and Proud Heart are still alive. I would have it no other way. And although you wish them dead, they have become my friends again, as they were when we were children.”

Tears rolled down Star Flower's cheek. She wrenched her wrist free and hung her hands in tight fists at her sides. She looked slowly over at Doe Eyes, fire entering her eyes at the sight of the woman standing beside her son.

Then she glared up at Hawk again. “And you even take the daughter of my enemy to be your woman?” she cried. “Hawk, you have disgraced me. You shame me!”

“Mother, Doe Eyes and I have loved each other for many moons,” Hawk said, keenly aware that everyone was watching and hearing. Shame filled him over a mother who could belittle him in such a way in front of people he now saw as his friends. “We are going to be married.”

“No!” Star Flower cried, lowering her face in her hands. “I wish to die! I . . . wish . . . to die!”

Another presence in the room drew everyone's eyes to the door. Buffalo Cloud, Star Flower's husband and Hawk's proud Sioux father, came on into the room and swept Star Flower up into his arms and held her close.

His eyes wavered as he looked slowly around him, his gaze holding on White Wolf as Star Flower pounded on his chest, ranting and raving to be set free.

“I apologize for my wife,” Buffalo Cloud said, his voice coming through loud and clear over his wife's continued tirade. “She has not yet learned how to forget a brother whose spirit even now laughs from the hereafter at her foolishness for fighting for something he gave up long ago when he died at the hands of the Chippewa.”

Star Flower's screams ceased as Buffalo Cloud held her closer. She shrank into a tiny ball within his arms as she buried her face shamefully against his muscled chest.

“I will take my wife home now,” Buffalo Cloud said, his voice breaking as he glanced over at his son. “And, son, please forgive your mother. At times she knows not what she does. It seems as though a demon is set loose inside her. Please see past it as I have learned to do, for when she is her normal self, no one could be as sweet and kind.”

Hawk nodded, then went to his mother and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Mother,” he said softly. “Please turn and look at me.”

Star Flower's body tightened. She clung fiercely around Buffalo Cloud's neck.

“Mother, please?” Hawk said, a little boy again who always wished to please his mother.

Star Flower sobbed, then turned her red and swollen eyes slowly around to gaze at Hawk.

“Mother, I am sorry if I have disappointed you,” Hawk said, his eyes imploring her. “But I am not a murderer. I am a man who seeks peace with everyone. I was wrong to leave when you asked me to, to travel to the Kansas Territory. Even before I left I knew that I could not do as you asked. But I thought . . . that . . . perhaps time away from you would be best for both of us. I went to the Kansas Territory and renewed friendships. Please forget the vengeance that eats away that sweetest part of your heart. For your sake, for mine, and for Father's? Please, Mother. Try and forget the ugly past. Live for the future, for time is so fleeting. Soon you will be nothing but an old woman who still hates, who still thinks vengeance as your sole purpose for living.”