Wilde's Army (11 page)

“Do you know how hard it has been to keep these secrets from you?” Her eyes fill with tears. “After I lost your father, you and Brit were the only things keeping me alive, but the Seer instructed us to keep everything from you until the time was right. Of course, she never said when the time might be right—”

“You didn’t think you should try to prevent Brad from coming here? From being roped into a war that has nothing to do with him? To at least attempt to save an innocent life? All because I’d ask too many questions?”

“Kate, but you see, Brad was not innocent. He—”

Now I believe nothing. I will let her Bind me and Arland so we can have acceptance, but I may never trust her again. “Yes he was, Mom, and you know it. You erased Brad’s memory when
Darkness
tried to manipulate him in the forest when he was ten. You knew Brad was a target, you knew he’d die, and I know you could have done something about it.”

She looks at me with her biggest demure eyes.

Shaking, I struggle to maintain control, to prevent flames from bursting out of my core and attacking the woman who gave me life. “Don’t, Mom. Griandor already told me the truth, and he said you were a fool to keep things from me. I want to feel bad for you for everything you’ve had to do for me over the years, but I lost my dad the same day you lost your husband … and I
never
got to know him. Then I lost the normal life I thought I lived. And while I may not be sorry for it, I’m mad. Mad you never prepared me for any of this, and that you continue to lie.”

“What’s going on?”

I start at the sound of Brit’s voice then turn to face her.

My sister’s eyelids are heavy and she yawns.

Looking around, I realize all the soldiers are awake and leaving the cave.
Great
! So much for controlling myself. “I was just telling Mom how I’m sick of the lies and want the truth.”

Worry lines Brit’s forehead; she looks between Mom and me. “Well, why are you yelling about it?”

“Mom knew Darkness wanted Brad, and she let it happen. He wasn’t obsessive, Brit, it was the poison and Mom knew that, too. And I’m sure she’s withholding a lot more.” I give Mom a pointed look.

Arland shifts his weight.

“Mom?” Brit asks.

Mom nods.

“Why would you do that to Brad? Why would you let Kate believe he was evil when he wasn’t?” Brit plops down next to me then wraps her arms around my shoulders.

Her support stifles my tremors, but as they calm, I realize she, too, is trembling.

“It had to happen. Everything has to happen. Just because we know the future doesn’t mean we can change it.” Mom’s tone borders on defensive.

“You don’t know that, Mom. Besides, at the advice of the Seer, you took me out of Encardia to save my life. You’ve already changed the future!”

“I-I—”

“Have no excuse not to tell Kate the truth,” Arland says. Calm, cool, straight-forward. Always supportive.

“Okay.” Mom sighs. “I am sorry. There was no class for Your-Daughter-is-Going-to-Save-the-World-Now-What? I
am
trying.”

“We know it wasn’t easy, and we know you
had
your reasons, but can we all agree to be honest?” I ask, leveling my emotions.

“Yes. I think it’s time to be honest, but please try to control your temper?”

“I cannot promise you, Mom, but I will try not to get angry.”

“From the time of your prophecy, I was aware of Brad’s involvement in the war. But even if I tried to prevent him from being tainted, Darkness would have found another way to get to him, Kate. No matter what we did, he would have been used against you, and I am sorry for that.”

She reaches for my hand again, but this time I don’t yank it away. I hold onto her, allow her love to comfort me. We may have a lot of trust issues, but she is my mom and I still need her support.

“Brad isn’t dead, Mom. Or he is. I’m not sure how it works, but Darkness is living inside him. Part of Brad is still there though. I’ve seen him; there’s a battle going on in his eyes.” I shudder, remembering the touch of Brad’s cold skin on me.

“Griandor said he would restore his life after the war.” So he has to be dead.

Brit rests her head on my shoulder. Tears soak through my shirt.

I lean my head on Brit’s. “I know you’re right. He would have been used against me somehow, even if he never went on our camping trip, but I hate myself for ever doubting him. Reverse our roles, and he would have been a better friend to me than I was to him. He
was
a better friend to me than I was to him. Before he was stabbed, he fought against the poison controlling him to apologize, and he didn’t have anything to be sorry for.” Words are painful to speak. My face and hands burn, and a lump forms in my throat, rendering me mute.

Arland moves in closer, sandwiching me with support between him and Brit.

“It’s okay, Kate. You said Griandor will restore Brad’s life. Everything will be okay.” Brit sniffles.

She rubs her hand up and down my back, but it does little to make the guilt disappear.

I lift my head then stare into her eyes mirroring mine. “
If
I don’t fail, Griandor will restore Brad’s life. But if I do fail, everything will be lost. And Brad does not deserve to be involved in any of this. His only crime was loving me. It seems like loving me might be a crime for everyone.” I turn to Arland.

He runs his hand along my leg. “You cannot blame yourself for what happened to Brad. And loving you is not a crime, but acting on that love seems to be.”

“Arland!” Brit scowls at him.

Arland’s right. Daemons attacked Brad after he shared his hidden love for me. Arland is in a position where it’s impossible for him not to love me, yet that love is forbidden. We want to spend the rest of our lives together, and in committing to each other, it’s possible we both get in trouble. Maybe love is not for me. Maybe that’s why it took twenty years before I ever kissed anyone, before I ever thought about taking my clothes off for a man. So why
did
Gramhara give me her power of love? I’m at a loss.

He cups my face with his hands. “The more I think about mine and Brad’s love for you and everything loving you means, the surer I become of my father’s reasons for you to keep your distance from me at Willow Falls. He is aware of your mother’s intentions to Bind us, Kate. He has to be.” Arland faces my mom. “Is there anything you can tell us about Willow Falls? You said something angers Kate, but what? You must have more details.”

She shakes her head. “All I know is how important it is for you to follow through with the Binding. I believe it is important to both of you, as well. Am I right?”

“You are aware of what the spell means to us, but why else is it important?” Arland asks, his voice flat.

“The closer you two are, the more you share, the stronger both of your magic will be. By the end of this war, many will conjure magic the way Kate does, but it starts with your marriage.”

Brit bolts upright. “Wait, now you are marrying Arland and not Perth?”

A smile stretches across my face before I have time to stop it. “Yes, but you cannot tell anyone.”

She looks between Arland and me as if she wants to bolt to the nearest bridal store … too bad for her they are all worlds away. “Oh my God, Kate, that’s awesome news! Of course I’ll never tell anyone, but how—?”

Mom arches an eyebrow. “We are going to need
Perth
to side with us, and we are going to have to make sure everyone around here remains quiet about Arland and Kate’s relationship.”

“It doesn’t sound like you think Perth will help them, Mom,” Brit says, excitement fading from her voice.

“I do not.”

I place my hand over Mom’s knee. “Well, I do. I will talk to him—”

Arland clears his throat.

We lock eyes, and for a moment, I get a glimpse of our future. Lazy days spent on picnic blankets with warm sunshine beaming down on us. Laced fingers. Tangled legs. Stolen kisses. Kids with curly locks, running around. Horses. I don’t know if what I’m seeing is an actual vision, but I pray it is.

Blinking away everything I want with remorse greater than I’ve ever felt, I see Arland staring back at me. “Arland and I will talk to him.”

He tears his gaze from mine and squeezes my leg. I wonder if he saw what I did, if Griandor and Gramhara shared the vision of our future with both of us. If they did, maybe Arland will have more hope for a positive outcome—I do.

“What else of Kate’s future do you know?” he asks, looking at Mom.

“If Kate does not give her uniting speech, or it doesn’t work, I am afraid I do not know what will happen. But if she does, you and an army will be sent to seek out the Leader of Darkness. The search will take months. It will be bloody, tiring, and you will be faced with more horrors than you can imagine.”

Turning to face Mom, Brit narrows her eyes. “You didn’t say
we
, Mom. Are you not going to fight?”

Her hands tremble. “No.”

Brit appears as though she wants to wrap her arms around Mom, but something keeps my sister rooted in place.

I move my hand from Mom’s knee to her shoulder, giving a nudge to get her attention. “Why are you crying?”

“I am going to stay at Willow Falls. As a Leader, I will not be permitted to fight.” She hangs her head.

“There is no truth to that statement. Do you forget you are in the company of a Leader?” Arland glares at her, breathing heavy, agitated.

She lifts her head; an expression as frail as the tree in Watchers Hall’s courtyard fills her face. Mom has never shown emotions or allowed them to control her. I feel like our roles are reversed and I should reach out, tell her everything will be okay, but I don’t know if that’s true or not.

“As a Leader punished for running away, I will not be permitted to leave Willow Falls—I may not be permitted to live. Brian and I disobeyed a High Leader’s law when we passed through the portal.”

My face burns as tears fight their way to my eyes. Mom and Arland lock eyes in some sort of silent duel, each trying to prove to the other who knows more, who is telling the truth. Mom may be many things, but I do not want her to die. This war has claimed so many lives already, why would any Leader take the life of someone who sacrificed everything to protect this world?

Arland rubs his chin, eyebrows turned down. “You may be punished, but my father would never kill you. You are friends. He respects you and Brian for everything you were willing to give up.”

She covers her face with her hands. “We are friends—dear friends—but it will not be your father’s choice—”

“He is High Leader. It will most certainly be his choice.” Arland’s voice cracks in a way I’ve never heard before. Is he unsure?

“Arland, there are things we have to do as Leaders we do not like. What is the punishment for breaking a High Leader’s law?”

He reaches for my hand then squeezes. “Death. But that means they will also kill me and Kate if they discover our marriage.”

I gasp.

Mom shakes her head. “No, they will not kill their only hope. If your marriage is discovered, and either of you is penalized, I will take full responsibility. My downfall will please Dufaigh. Your father knows the only way for Encardia to survive is for the two of you to be together. Kate’s happiness means Encardia’s Light. Does that sound familiar?”

“Yes, it was part of my prophecy,” he says, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

“Your father knows
you
are Kate’s happiness. That was why we made the marriage arrangement in the first place. It was our biggest mistake. We should have left well alone, but I am sure Dufaigh would have found another way to torment my family.”

“But, Mom, if they kill you,
I
will not be happy. How can I go out and fight for people who seek to destroy my family? My life?”

“You are not fighting for them,” she says, her voice warm and comforting. “You fight for yourself, for all the other worlds. You fight for survival of goodness. You need not worry about me; my life has never been the same since your father died. I do not mind the thought of death. In my heart, I know he and I will be reunited.”

My mom never loved my step dad. Gary and I might not have been as close as we should have been, but I’m sorry for him. Whenever this is over and his life goes back to normal, I’ll have to visit.

“I’m glad I mean so much to you! What about
us
, Mom? Kate and I need you.
We
love you.” Brit glances at mine and Arland’s laced fingers.

“At least Kate will have Arland when you are gone, but what will I have? You don’t even know if I’ll survive this war, but you’re willing to let yourself be sacrificed with my future just hanging out there?” She stands, face red with anger, rocking on her toes. She looks like she could run far away and never come back, but something keeps her in place. She’s waiting.

I’m waiting, too. Waiting for my mom to redeem herself. To be what Brit needs, the way Mom always has.

“You should consider yourself lucky, Brites Wilde. Your life is your own to do with as you see fit. Not many in Encardia are even aware of your existence. They do not seek to destroy you or marry you to someone against your will, and they certainly do not seek to have you fight in wars that make very little sense … .”

Brit’s lower lip quivers. She stares at our mom for a moment, mouth opening and closing as though searching for the right words, then turns and runs away. Sobs echo their way back to us.

Frowning at my mom, I jump to my feet. “She might have been the only person left who still trusts in you, and you basically just told her she’s nothing. I know you didn’t mean it that way, but I doubt Brit will ever understand that. When she calms down, we can talk about the Binding. For now, Arland and I are going to try to fix what you broke.”

I turn on my toe then storm off with Arland following behind me.

“Kate! Are you going to tell me what this war is about?” she yells after us.

“When the time is right. Of course, no one has ever given me any indication as to when that time may be,” I say, over my shoulder and run to catch up with Brit.