Wildflowers (19 page)

‘That’s not enough.’  She counts out a wad of notes.  ‘Here - please take it.  Frankie, we both know you don’t owe me any favours.’

‘Well, at least come and have a cup of tea.  Everyone’s gone home.  Our wedding this week has been cancelled.  Bride bottled out at the last minute.’

‘Goodness.’  She looks at all the flowers, quite shocked.  ‘So what happens to all of these?’

‘The bride’s father will take some.  The rest are going to a local children’s hospice.’

As I make the tea, she’s silent.

‘What will you do now?’ I ask her.

She shrugs.  ‘I
’ll go back to the Brighton house.  At least, for now.  I’m not sure but I might even stay there for a while.  Take some time to think.  I thought Giles and I would have years together.’

‘
It must be hard.  You never know, do you,’ I say, more kindly.  ‘My friend’s son has leukaemia.  He’s six.’

She shakes her head,
then astounds me.

‘I’m very proud of you,’ she says quietly.  ‘I want you to know that. 
And also, that I take no credit whatsoever.  What you and Alice have achieved, you’ve done in spite of me…’  She laughs but it’s hollow.

I’m gobsmacked.  Is this her attempt at an apology? 
And what do I say?  That it’s fine, and just let it go, or take the opportunity to talk properly, maybe the only opportunity I’ll ever get.

‘It hasn’t always been easy,’ I tell her quietly, pulling up a chair.  ‘You were never there.  Even when we were little, you were in and out of the house all the time,
and you know, I don’t we’ve ever sat down and talked – not like this.’

She shakes her head.  ‘It was hard on me too when your father died.  He looked after everything you know.’  She looks at me, her eyes glittering with tears.

‘I know.  But we were kids.  They come first – don’t they?’

And there in those few words lies the crux of what’s haunted me almost my entire life.  I’m not worthy enough
, an insecurity that’s become bound into my psyche.

And then she says it. 
‘
You’re right
.’

Two words.
  Just two.  They can’t change the past – but actually, hearing her say them means everything, because I know none of it was my fault, nor was it Alice’s.  She made a mistake.

‘You might like us if you got to know us,’ I tell her quietly. 
‘Me and Alice.  She’s done fine.  She’s really happy.  And I’m happy, just… well.  I’m happy.’

Even now, I can’t bare my soul to her.

‘I know I’ve left it too late to come waltzing back in and be a mother, but I’d like it if we could talk – maybe see each other now and then.’  Her voice is very quiet.

‘I would too,’ I say, finding I mean it.  ‘
I really would.  I’m not sure about Alice, though.  She’s such a devoted mother to Martha, she can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t be.’ 

‘
I don’t blame her,’ Julia says.  ‘Perhaps you could talk to her?’

‘I could…’ I say slowly
, but then she’s just admitted this is all single-handedly her doing.  All her life, she’s leaned on other people.  If she wants Alice to meet her,
Julia
needs to do the legwork.  ‘But you know?  I think it might be better if you did.  I expect she’ll be angry - at first, but I think she’d really respect you for it.  And Martha is a darling…’

She starts when I mention Martha, then sits up straighter
, a look of surprise of her face.  ‘You know, I think maybe you’re right...’

Then s
he gets up and picks up her bag.  ‘Thank you for the tea.  And the flowers.  And the chat too.’

I follow her to the door. 
And though I know we’ll never have a mother-daughter relationship, who knows.  Perhaps now, at least, we’ll stay in touch.

‘Thank
you for coming by.’  I kiss her on both cheeks.  ‘Take care.  And please call me…’

She pulls herself upright and pins on that fake Julia smile I know so well.  ‘I will, darling. 
I’ll see you.’

With Honey in college learning the latest
in high-tech floristry skills, what should have been a hectic day passes slowly, as Skye and I wait and wait for the Senguptas to arrive.

‘She
’s getting quite annoying,’ I tell Skye.  ‘She comes home at night and tells me that I’m getting slack and I ought to do a refresher course on wiring techniques.’

‘Just get her to do it all,’ says Skye
, meaning the wiring.  ‘That’d keep her busy… ‘Ere – this must be the geezer…’

A fleet of
shiny black cars has drawn up outside and Karima’s entire family, plus a few are getting out.

‘Shit!  I was hoping Honey would be back
to deal with them!’  My heart is pounding in my chest as I get up to meet them, suddenly feeling shaky and taking a deep breath to steady myself.

‘Mt Sengupta!  How lovely to see you!  Would you like to er, come in?’

But he just stands there imperiously and glares imperiously down his nose at me, while his entourage scuttle in ahead of him.

‘Um, they’re over here…’

I lead them over to the buckets and buckets of beautiful, vibrantly coloured flowers, just beginning to open, petal by petal.

‘Is this all there is?’ he says condescendingly.

‘Oh no, this is just a few.  The rest are through here.’  I lead him into the prep room which is wall to wall with more flowers.  For the first time he looks slightly disconcerted.

‘Now – would you like us to help you carry them out
to your cars?’ I offer helpfully.  ‘Though it might be a bit of a squash…’

He does this arrogant wave
with one of his hands and clicks his fingers, at which point some of his party come rushing over.  There’s a gabbled conversation in Hindu which sounds like an argument and then he stalks out without saying a word.

At this point, all the women start grabbing the flowers
at super speed chattering loudly, loading each other up until their arms are full of them, then they cram themselves back in their cars.  It’s hilarious watching them.  Eventually, they too drive off and Skye and I just stare at each other, speechless.

‘What
was all that about?’ says Skye, shaking her head.

‘I haven’t a freaking clue
– but the question now is…what are we going to do with all of these?’ 

For all the frantic armfuls they
’ve grabbed, it’s barely made a difference.  There are masses of flowers here - too many for Briarwood, that’s quite clear – then I have a brainwave.

‘I need to make a call,’ I tell Skye.  ‘Won’t be a minute…’  I dash to the door to keep a lookout for Honey.

‘Johnny?  I need to see you – can you come to mine, about eight?  Yes, I think she’s going out – but to tell you the truth, I’m really worried about her… Look, I’ll tell you everything later…’

‘Right,’ I say to Skye.  ‘You and I are going to take this lot and turn my flat into the most magical setting on the planet – all before Honey gets back.’  I glance at my watch.  ‘God, we don’t have long.  Get those candles, can you…’  I point to some part-used ones left over from a wedding.  ‘Right – let’s get this lot into the van.’

It’s no mean feat just loading the van up, then unloading it again, all the while keeping an eye out for
Honey.  If she came back now, it would completely ruin the surprise.

For once I’m glad my flat is so small, because it’s easy to turn it into the most romantic setting I’ve ever seen.  In fact
so much so, I wish someone would do this for me.  The flowers, still in their buckets, are piled up to the ceiling, making what looks like a wall of flowers around my dining table, which Skye and I cover with  petals and arrange candles on.

‘Looks really cool
and all that, and I don’t mean to pick holes, but what about the food?’

‘Shit, Skye – I’ve got a bottle of champagne in the fridge, but…’

‘Chinese…’ she says impatiently.  ‘From that posh place in All Hallows.  They deliver – ‘ere – want me to order?’

‘Oh – would you?  Here, use my card to pay and ask them to get it here for eight thirty…’

While she does it, I fetch the new and improved posy Mrs Orange made and set it quietly on the side.  Amongst the candles and flowers, it seems to take on a new potency. 
This can’t fail
, I suddenly realise.  I know it can’t. Once Honey and Johnny are encircled by those tendrils of magic, they’re fates will be sealed forever.

Of course, I reckon without Honey being late.  Really late.  Apparently she’s gone for a drink with her course mates, she tells me when I text her. 

I text her back straight away.
 
Dinner at 8 f x

I might be l8
comes the reply.

Don’t
you dare, emergency, I need you here NOW

I’m hoping that’s suitably
frantic to get her hot-footing it back here pronto, then I’m forced to wait.  She makes it back at a minute to eight and I hurry her into my room.

‘What’s wrong?’ she says breathlessly.

‘You’ll see.  Now change,’ I order bossily, pointing at the clothes I’ve picked out for her.  ‘Here.  Into these.  Hurry.’

‘Frankie, I don’t want to – I’m really tired and I just want a cup of tea.  We did double triple leg mounts today by the way…’

‘I don’t care if you did double-triple-quadruple leg mounts,’ I tell her grimly.  ‘
Please, Honey
– just for once,
hurry
…’

Then the doorbell goes.  ‘Stay here,’ I tell her
, handing her a bottle.  ‘Perfume.  And do your hair – and not too neat.’

I shut the door and go to let Johnny in.

‘Hi!’ He kisses me on the cheek.  ‘Here – I thought we could have this.’  He hands me a bottle of red - Honey’s favourite, I note.  A promising start to the evening.

‘
Thank you.  It’s lovely to see you!  Do come through,’ I say and lead the way to my sitting room.

What follows is
like a scene from a movie.  As I walk in, Honey’s already there, standing amongst the flowers and looking around in amazement.  ‘Good God, Frankie…  What is all this?  Have you got a date or something?’

‘Not exactly,’ I tell her
, suddenly nervous, then take a deep breath. 
Here goes
…  ‘But you have.’  And I stand back and let Johnny in.

Against the flowers, she’s suddenly vulnerable and beautiful at the same time.  I feel a lump in my throat.
Johnny looks at her, then me, uncertainly.  It’s time for me to go. 

‘Before either of you say a
word, there’s champagne in the fridge and dinner is arriving in twenty five minutes exactly.  It was on the expensive side so please be good and don’t waste it or I shall really be quite upset.  I’m going out and I won’t be back for ages, so you know, if you…’  My voice is getting squeakier.  I talk fast so neither of them can interrupt. 

‘Johnny – light the candles will you?’ 
Shell-shocked, he stumbles forward but does as I say. 

‘
Okay.  I’m going now...’

I completely scarper at that point, though I needn’t have worried because
right at this moment, neither of them are capable of speaking.  I think of the little posy on the side in there, crossing my fingers, wishing them all the luck in the world.  This time it better work…

Leaving the lovebirds to it, I pop over to see Alice, who with Martha in bed, is throwing together supper for her and Dave.  I tell her about my visit from Julia.

‘You might even be hearing from her yourself,’ I tell her.

‘God, I hope not,’ snorts Alice, sounding angry just at the idea of it.  ‘I’d prefer to leave the past as it is.  I’ve really nothing to say to her.’

‘Actually, you might be surprised.  I mean, she’ll never be a mother in the sense that you are to Martha, but she’s interested in us. And I think she knows she got it wrong.  I really think she’d like to get to know us.’

‘Sorry, but I really don’t want her waltzing back in and screwing us up again.’

I understand why Alice feels like this, only for me it’s different.  I’ve seen another side of Julia.  A lost, vulnerable side, because she’s still looking for herself and until such time as she finds what she thinks she’s looking for, how can she be a mother?

I leave Alice to her cooking and join Charlie and Nina at the pub.  We’ve decided to get together to send powerful positive vibes in Honey and Johnny’s direction, just in case they need a little help.

‘So now we just have to wait,’ I tell them – and Will, when we meet in the pub.  I’m still not used to the fact that one of my friends is now a couple.  ‘But this time, I have a good feeling. 
Oh my God
.’

‘What?’

‘Ryan and Elise,’ I hiss.  ‘Friends of Honey and Johnny, identikit smug marrieds – over there, in the corner.  Matching outfits and drinks.’

‘
Aren’t you going to go and say hello?’  Nina nudges me.

‘Of course.
  Only…’

‘What?’ says
Charlie.  ‘It doesn’t look like you’ll be interrupting anything…’

It’s true.  They’re sitting there, both of them staring into their drinks which are an innocuous lemonade colour, unless they’re half-pints of vodka which
knowing Ryan and Elise, isn’t likely.

‘It’s just, every time
I meet them, I’ve been pissed and behaved atrociously.’

‘Then you’ve
absolutely nothing to lose…’ says Charlie, and she’s right.

As I get to they’re table I notice
that it’s matching t-shirts and jeans instead of the crisp linen they usually wear.  Most noticeable of all is the silence – neither of them’s saying a word.

‘Hi guys,’ I say brightly.  ‘I thought it was you.  I just thought I’d pop over and say hello
.’

‘Frankie!’  Is it my imagination, or is Elise actually pleased to see me?  ‘Come and sit down.  Have a drink
with us!’

‘Actually, that’s very kind of you, but I’m with my friends.  Over there…’  I nod towards Charlie, Nina and Will.  ‘You’re very welcome to join us…’
 

Not expecting for a moment that they’d want to, but t
o my amazement, Elise leaps up immediately.  ‘We’d love to.  Wouldn’t we, Ryan?’

Looking far from pleased, Ryan mutters something I can’t make out.

‘Great!’  I say, astounded.  ‘Come on, then…’

They follow me over and a
s I introduce them all, it becomes abundantly clear that something’s wrong between them.  Will tries to chat to Ryan, whose monosyllabic grunts verge on the point of rudeness.  The smug marrieds are clearly anything but smug and when I go to get more drinks, I decide I need to investigate.

‘Elise?  You wouldn’t give me a hand would you?’

She leaps up, beaming at me, but at the bar, the beam fades somewhat.

‘Is everything okay?’ I ask.  ‘
Only – you and Ryan… well…’

‘No,’ she says.  ‘No – it’s really
not, as I’m sure you can tell.  I’m trying extremely hard, Frankie, but…’

‘Look,’ I say kindly.  ‘Would it help – to
meet.  Just you and me - and you can tell me all about it.  I’m very good at listening, you know…’

Elise sighs.  ‘You know
, I’d love that.  All our friends think the world of Ryan… it would be great to talk to someone who doesn’t.  Well, you don’t do you?  To tell you the truth, I always thought you were laughing at us.’

‘You
what?
’  I’m outraged.   ‘You’ve got it all wrong, Elise.  You two were laughing at me, for being the badly behaved single friend who always drank too much…’

‘But you have fun, don’t you?’ 
When her eyes meet mine, they’re serious.

People really are full of surprises, I decide that evening.  Who’d have imagined that Ryan and Elise weren’t a match made in heaven.  Honey and Johnny too, come to that – what is the world coming to?

But w
hen I get home, there’s a soft light in the window – from the candles, I’m presuming, which, crossing my fingers I take to be a good sign.  Even better, when I go inside, the remains of the Chinese are still on the table along with an empty champagne bottle and only the dregs of Johnny’s red wine.  Then I hear it - a muffled giggle, coming from Honey’s room.  Then the bed creaks.  Deciding I’ve heard enough, I tiptoe into my own room and close the door.

When I get up the next morning, the flat is clean and tidy and Honey’s looking chipper.

‘Has Johnny gone?’ I ask her, noting a hint of red in her cheeks.  ‘So?  How was it?  Tell me, Honey…’

‘Amazing,’ she says, smiling properly with a faraway look in her eyes.  ‘Oh thank you, Frankie… I really think we’re back on track again – all because of you.  Johnny says I’m a changed person…’  she giggles slightly.  ‘Let’s say, I really surprised him.  You know, when we went to bed we…’

But I hold up a hand. 

‘Too much information, Honey,’ I say, shocked at her sudden lack of inhibitions and thinking I must tell Mrs Orange so she can modify her formula for the next posy.  ‘But I’m
so
thrilled for you!  You deserve it, both of you, you really do.  So what happens now?’

‘He’s coming over tonight to help me pack all my stuff,’ she says, slightly subdued
all of a sudden.  ‘You don’t mind, do you?  Only you’ve been the best friend in the world…’

‘I’m just glad you and Johnny have sorted things out, silly,’ I tell her, realising that actually, I’
ll really miss her.  ‘It’ll be strange though – we’ve been living together, working together… and all of a sudden, you’re disappearing.’

She looks at me, aghast. 
‘Oh no.  That’s the thing.  I’m really not.  I’ve talked it through with Johnny and he agrees, Frankie. That I should finish my floristry course and work with you – at least for now, if that’s okay still?’

‘Okay?’ I cry, flinging my arms round her.  ‘You bet it is!  You mean you’re really going to leave the legal profession?’

‘
Yes
!  I can always go back part time if I miss it, but to be honest, I just want to get my marriage back on track.  I’ll worry about the rest later.’

Suddenly I remember. 
‘Honey!  I saw Ryan and Elise last night!’

‘Oh bloody hell, aren’t they just the most nauseatingly happy couple you could ever meet?’ she says, astounding me.

‘
Honey
!  Don’t you dare say that - they’re your friends.  And actually, they’re not.  Not any more.  In fact, I’m meeting Elise later to talk about it.’

‘You and Elise?
  That’s ridiculous,’ says Honey.

‘No more ridiculous than you and Charlie,’ I remind her.  ‘Anyway, you’ll be safely ensconced in the arms of lover boy by then
.  I need someone to keep me company.’

Now that the unwanted wedding flowers have done their trick for Honey, we take them over to Briarwood, filling every vase they can find for us and taking the rest back to the shop where Skye suggests we tie them in bunches and sell them off ridiculously cheaply, again in aid of the hospice.  After bribing Mr Crowley with a large bouquet for his missis, we set a table up outside Demelza’s, where Skye flogs every last one to all the passers-by and collects a few hundred pounds in donations.  Result!

That evening, Johnny turns up and helps Honey load her car. 
And everything’s like it always was between them – the affection, the banter – only Honey’s still softer, gentler than she used to be.  Then suddenly, they’re gone and my little flat feels strangely empty.  And with an unexpectedly quiet end to the week, I go for a long run before I go to meet Elise.