Will She Be Mine (16 page)

“What do you mean?” I asked coldly, looking at my watch. Perhaps, it was time to say goodbye instead of enduring her barbs further. It didn’t have to be always her to reject me. Two could play the same game. “Shalini, let me be honest. It was good meeting you, but I've a busy day ahead and I can't afford to stand here gabbing the whole day,” I said a little rudely, and then remembered something else. “It’s unfortunate some people are ignorant of world class brands. I feel bad for them- but Eleny is actually a good place to work in. It’s not at all backward. And I'd soon travel to-.”

She giggled. “Hope you aren’t serious. You call this good?” she interrupted, looking around again like a connoisseur. “Anyway, even if it pains me to see you here, it’s good to see you happy. I always wanted you to become a man.”

I snorted as she turned away to fill a glass of water from the dispenser. What did she mean by that! Wasn't I a man? An isolated instance when she caught me sobbing outside her MBA training center and told me to become a man, didn’t mean she could generalize it for life. I felt a rush of blood to my head and grabbed her by the shoulder, spinning her around, in the process spilling some water on her shirt.

“Look- you can't just walk in here and say anything you wish,” I said with rising inflection. “I think you've changed a lot, Shalini. You’re arrogant, just because you get paid well! All that money has gone to your head. The least you can do is show gratitude."

“For dropping me to college in your father's rickety car?” she said without remorse and added an impish wink to worsen matters.

I felt a little confused. She didn’t sound serious or in a mood to fight despite my rudeness. She seemed to be pulling my leg, while I was overreacting. Was I being made to look like a fool? But past neglect from her side increased my frustration. I’d anyway worked myself up by now and felt compelled to carry through with the momentum I’d set up for me.

“Shut up!” I shouted, then looked around hastily and lowered my voice. “You've forgotten everything, but I haven't. I hold all those memories dear. You forget how I helped with your mathematics problems and later physics as well. You couldn't have managed without me. I might add that I laid the foundation for you to do better in your studies. I mentored you for a long time. You're an MBA today and into a good job because I built the foundation for you.”

“You made me what I am,” she paraphrased simply. Had she spoken in jest again or actually acknowledged my support?

“Of course, I did! There’s no need to be sarcastic about it. Instead of being grateful, you're just plain selfish and arrogant. I even considered your sister my own and treated her like a family member. She got cured when top doctors failed. But you’re ungrateful.”

“You’re simply upset, RK. But let your pent up frustrations rush out. You might feel better,” she said with a patient smile, then blinked mischievously again, unable to resist a dig. “What can I do if my father didn't pay you for the tuition classes? We thought you were a good Samaritan helping a neighbor in need. Who would have known at that time that we had a wolf in disguise in our midst.”

“Wolf! Is that how you think of me?”

“No, but-”

“Is that the way to reciprocate my help? I wasn't a wolf- and it was not tuition!” I thundered. “I helped you because I...”

“You helped me because you- what? Why did you stop?”

“I didn’t stop,” I said, feeling stupid and confused.

“What's wrong with you, RK? You’ve other girls chasing you, who understand your prestigious qualifications better than me. How does it matter what I say?”

I looked at her, unsure what to say. She stared back at me for a long moment, and then her eyes took on that familiar blaze I knew so well from our schooldays. Gone was the banter. With a pouting tilt of her chin, she looked at me deeply.

“I think I made a mistake coming here all the way. You’ll never change. Always the pompous person- thinking only of yourself.”

I felt a pang of regret. At the back of my mind I’d always wanted her to love me, but when confronted with the situation, suspected I was simply backward in these things, unable to read the signs even as they screamed at me to take note. Why didn’t she simplify things by just saying, ‘I love you’? Or had I misunderstood again?

“You'll always remain dumb. Just a dumb, arrogant MSITian. An idiot. You fib when you say girls chase you! How can anybody fall for you except another idiot?”

She wasn’t fighting or arguing or even accusing me. It seemed I’d really misunderstood the purpose of her visit. Was my initial assessment right then, that she’d indeed come here to profess her love for me?

“Did I sound abusive?” I asked repentantly, my confusion refusing to subside. “But you didn’t spare me either,” I added sheepishly. Perhaps I’d overreacted to her teasing words and sounded ruder than I’d meant. “By the way, I don't fib, whatever else I do.”

“Obviously, you fib. You said girls chase you. Isn’t that fibbing?”

“Why?”

“Who could be stupid like me?” she said with a sigh. My heart skipped a beat. Did she mean by that what I wanted her to mean? “We all make mistakes and I too made mine. It’s too late for me to change now. I guess I made my choice long ago and there's no turning back now.”

I stared at her, unable to believe what I’d just heard. She had a way of moving fast, and paused to cast a long look at my crestfallen face.

“RK, how can you be an MSITian and yet be so dumb,” she repeated in exasperation. “You're one of the dumbest creatures I've known, so I don't know why I still love you.”

“Good,” I replied at last trying to muster some dignity into my voice.

“Is that how one responds when his girlfriend says 'I love you’?”

I’d heard her right. She was no longer playing a game of wits. She’d said it loud and clear this time! It was too good to be true.

“Well, there was no need to be so dramatic about it,” I said, trying to justify my actions. “You could have said it right away after arriving, instead of fighting with me.”

“I never fought- you did,” she corrected firmly. “Wasn’t it obvious to you when you saw me in the reception why I came? Isn’t it unusual to find me in your office? Do I turn up here every other day?”

“Well, my first reaction was no different- that you came here to profess your love, maybe also propose to me- but I was afraid to trust my instinct after your previous rejections. I couldn’t believe my good fortune. It’s like winning a lottery. Why did you tease me about chasing girls and the office being shabby?”

“Your office
is
shabby,” she repeated stubbornly. “Even if it weren’t, can’t I tease you?”

“Yes- but haven’t you already teased me enough, for many years? My heart is lacerated. You’re supposed to make amends today by saying all the nice things that I always said to you before. It’s my turn to listen, and I won’t call you an idiot like you did.”

She had absolutely no ego problem with my demand. "Sorry, I shouldn’t have called you an idiot," she said simply. "I love you, RK, I really do. I always think about you and can’t live without you. Let me add that I don't chase other boys or think about any other man, like you chase other girls or think about them.” I winced but she ignored me. “I'm chaste as they come- even in this modern age. I was waiting all these years for you to land a decent, respectable job, grow in your own eyes and build up your self respect and dignity before proposing. But you never proposed again. What happened?”

“I thought you were not interested.”

“Are you blind to miss all the signs? Why would I keep meeting you after I got a job or visit eating joints and other places with you whenever we met in Delhi, if I wasn’t interested?”

It had really been a blunder to miss all those signs, though I’d occasionally suspected if those were not signs of her tender feelings, of her love for me.

“I expected you to call me after curing Rags and propose a last time.” Her eyes were moist. “You can’t imagine how bad I felt each time I rejected your proposal. But it was the only way to steady each of us in our careers before taking the plunge. Why didn’t you propose again, RK? I kept waiting. Does it look good for a girl to travel all the way to propose to her beau?”

“Frankly, I didn’t have the courage to try again,” I explained lamely. “Whenever I called your house, mostly your father answered the phone. Whenever I visited Delhi on vacation you were traveling. We hardly met after I left Delhi.”

“You’ve a habit of missing important things,” she said with a patient smile on her lips. “Did you pay attention to what I just said?”

“What?”

“I said- does it look good for a girl to travel all the way to propose to her beau?” She looked up brightly. “I’m here to propose, Romeo, in case it’s still not clear.” She looked me deep in the eye, leaving me nonplussed. “RK, will you marry me?”

I must say she had style. She’d restored my dignity, put me back on track into regular job life and kept intact the fire of love within her. Despite lofty qualifications and a high paying job, she’d retained the freshness of an adolescent alongside her maturity.

“RK, you appear absentminded. What are you thinking about?” She peered into my eyes. “Say something! I just proposed. At least I said ‘no’ when you proposed. Now it’s your turn to say something- ‘yes’ or ‘no’!”

“Sorry, I was thinking about office,” I admitted sheepishly.

“What a time to think of office when someone proposes to you!” she chided. “Ragini rightly describes you as an absentminded professor. Can you put your office out of your thoughts, please- and respond with a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’?”

“Sorry- yes, of course, I do want to marry you.”

“That sounds better.”

“It's what I've been living for all these years. You know it better than anyone else,” I said with a gush of emotion. “Who wants to think of office? Actually I was feeling jittery about my first trip abroad, that’s all. I’m in the midst of preparing for it these days.”

She cocked her brow.

“I've been asked to transition a project from USA to India and would leave within two weeks,” I explained. “I guess the trip’s weighing heavily on my mind. I don't want to go away so far from you just when I found you.”

“Think positive, RK. Career is important. I'll always be there for you.”

I stared at her tongue-tied. She was saying all the nice things and all the right things today. Why hadn't she said the same things a few years ago when I had first proposed? It might have transformed me into a different man altogether, full of energy, enthusiasm and confidence.

“I always knew deep in my heart that you loved me too,” I said happily. “You could have reciprocated my feelings long ago instead of making a dramatic dash to Bangalore. Can’t you take a simpler approach to life instead of teasing and harassing me all the time?”

“Teasing is a part of loving, dear,” she replied affectionately. “Now, stop looking worried. You’re not going to the US forever. I’ll not go anywhere. I’ll wait for you. Go and have a nice time. It’s a good place to visit.”

“Have you visited the US?” I asked somewhat surprised. “I thought you’d never been out of the country.”

“Oh, I went there a couple of months ago for a weeklong trip,” she shrugged. “Anyway, don’t be worried about your trip. They’re usually nice people there.”

“It’s just that I'm afraid of failure, Shalini,” I admitted. “I guess I've become a timid person and don't feel confident of going to the US or taking up any new venture.”

“RK, don't think negatively or you’ll feel more pessimistic,” she said in an understanding tone. “It happens to all of us- we feel drained of confidence at some point or other in life. But everything turns out alright in the end if we persist with the right actions.”

How could I tell her I was afraid of failure on my US trip as I didn’t want to lose my job due to bad performance and her as a consequence? How could I forget that it was my joblessness that kept her away from me for so long? I couldn’t risk it again.

“If I ever fail, or lose my job, will you leave me?” I asked bluntly, raising the question uppermost in my mind.

She laughed. “Yes, I will, because I’m crazy. I’ve recently escaped from a lunatic asylum, you see. Didn’t you realize that when you saw me waiting in the reception?”

“Be serious, Shalini.”

“I am. Think for yourself,” she said. “Did I leave you when I got a job with a grand salary packet while you were still unemployed and struggling? On the flip side, do you love me because of my job? Will you leave me if I fail?”

“Of course not! Your job is the last thing on my mind.”

“Then how can it be any different for me? How can I leave you if you fail?” She looked at me silently. “I avoided you for so long for your own good. Even if we love each other it’s important to learn to live away from each other too.” Her eyes softened understandingly. “Feeling better or do I need to take an oath that I won’t leave you?”

I smiled sheepishly.

She sat down on the sofa, pulling me down beside her, and gazed at me with a demanding look. “I didn't come all the way from Delhi to shed tears on your job or fear of failure on your US trip. Will you talk of better things or do you want me to go back?”

I took her hand apologetically and held her close. The receptionist looked up and smiled as our love story unfolded before her eyes.

“Don't ever talk of going away again. It scares me,” I said sincerely. “I almost gave up hope and was passing my days feeling lost. There should never be any misunderstanding between us. We should always try to discuss things before jumping to conclusions.”

“Sermon over?” she asked, leaning back. “I'm here on a short trip. Aren't there better things to talk? Maybe, go out somewhere and have coffee?”

“Sure, let me get my bag,” I said. “How long is your tour to Bangalore?”

“You're jumping to conclusions all the time, lover boy.”

“Why?”

“I'm not in Bangalore on work.” She replied, a thousand watt smile lighting up her face. “I'm here on a personal trip- to meet you. Just you. Make a note of it again-
just
to meet you.”

It was too much to digest in a day. I’d been thinking that she wasn’t one to waste time and money on sentiments, and here she was, out to prove me wrong again. I hardly knew how to respond.