Will to Love (17 page)

"Thank you.
 
Have a good week."
 
Will gave her a quick kiss and left.
 

Clarise watched him leave and felt like crying.
 
She rushed to the elevator to go up to her place.
 
Once inside her apartment, she let the tears flow.

~~

Will walked away from Clarise with a resolve born of a deep-seated fear.
 
Although his heart was heavy, he ignored it, focusing instead on the irritation he felt with himself.

The Melbourne branch of his business was due to open in less than four months.
 
The lease wasn't signed, the office refurbishment plans haven't been finalised, he was nowhere near picking a suitable person to manage the office.
 
Apart from that, there was the never-ending marketing and promotional work.

Normally, he would have pulled out all stops to make sure these important things are progressing at an acceptable pace.
 
But this weekend, he let himself slip.
 
He could have worked on the refurbishment plans.
 
He could have phoned his business contacts about the managerial position as they may have someone they could recommend.
 
He could have worked on the marketing plans for Melbourne.
 
He could have done a heck of a lot of work this weekend.

Instead, he spent the bulk of it thinking about Clarise.
 
While he was supposedly working, he was daydreaming about her.
 
This was the most unproductive weekend he'd had for a long time and he wasn't happy with himself.
 
There was still so much to do and time was not on his side.

After their lovemaking earlier today, Will realised just how little control he had on his physical attraction for Clarise.
 
Will didn't like losing control.
 
He had already achieved much success because he exercised discipline.
 
Emotions didn't play a part in his game plan.
 
His tight rein on his emotions was what made him grow and manage his business to where it was now.
 
And it was still a long way to where he wanted it to be.

During lunch, he realised just how much work he didn't get done in the last few days.
 
It shocked him how quickly he slipped behind.
 
He decided during lunch that he would need to cool it down a bit.
 

He didn't believe he could go cold turkey and just give up Clarise altogether - he admitted to himself he was too attracted to her to do that.
 
But he would need to slow it down, play it down.
 
In his mind it was the only way he would achieve what he had set out to do while still being able to see her.

He didn't like saying 'no' to Clarise.
 
He knew how he disappointed her.
 
But he believed it was better to set the expectations on their relationship early on.
 
They were meant to enjoy each other's company only when their schedules permit.
 
He momentarily forgot his priorities and blamed his incredibly strong physical attraction to her.
 
He needed to fix that.

Will drove home, striving to bring his focus back on the work he needed to do.
 
He was glad he would be away from her for a week.
 
He needed that time to get back his bearings.
 

He was also glad that Clarise was okay with taking it one date at a time.
 
No expectations.
 
At least, there was nothing for him to feel guilty about.

CHAPTER TEN

Clarise absently plopped another spoonful of chocolate fudge ice cream in her mouth as she spent another night staring unseeingly at the TV.
 
She hardly ate dinner, not feeling like eating something wholesome.
 
She preferred her comfort food and was already on her second cupful.
 

But she still hadn't been able to shake the sadness she felt since Will went home earlier today.
 
It disturbed her, feeling this way.
 
She wasn't used to being the one who wanted more.
 
In the last seven years she had been the one to hold back, to put someone at an arms length, to be the one to cool things down.
 
But with Will, her life seemed to have turned upside down.
 
Right at that moment, she wanted to call him, to hear his voice.
 
She wanted to be with him tonight.
 

You're going away for one whole week!
 
Why couldn't I spend the night with you?
 
You're not leaving 'til tomorrow!
 

She banged her arm that was holding the spoon on the armchair of her couch like a petulant teenager and immediately felt ashamed of her childish reaction.
 
She wasn't normally like this.
 
But she just felt so frustrated, helpless even, that she didn't know what tomorrow held for them as a couple.

Clarise hated not knowing.
 
She couldn't stand uncertainty.
 
Especially when she wanted something so much.
 
And Will made her feel very uncertain - and scared for her heart.

Her phone rang, making her heart stop.
 
It was just Faye.

"Hi, Faye," she said with fake cheerfulness.

"Hi, Clarise.
 
What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing.
 
Just watching TV.
 
Why?".
 
What exactly am I watching?
 
She tried to focus on the screen.
 
It was a re-run of 'Bones'.

"Nothing.
 
I'm just feeling lonely already.
 
Steve has to go to Cairns for work tomorrow.
 
He's packing at the moment," Faye said dolefully.

Her friend's melancholy made Clarise smile.
 
At least she wasn't the only one.
 
She felt a bit better.

"When's he coming back?"

"Not 'til Wednesday," Faye sniffed.
 
"He loves his new job and it's much more money than the last one but this is the trade off.
 
I told him to tell his boss to give him longer notice the next time he has to go somewhere so I could take some time off work and go with him.
 
I just hate it when he's away," she sighed.

"Well, at least that's only three days and two nights.
 
Will's going to Melbourne tomorrow and he won't be back 'til next Sunday."
 

"Oh, really?"
 
Faye suddenly sounded more animated and interested.
 
"So how did your
meeting
go last Friday?"
 
She emphasised the word meeting.
 

"Oh, it went well."

"And?"

"And we did go out to dinner."

"Great stuff, Clarise!
 
And?"

"And... I did open my legs."
 
Clarise blushed at her words - well, Faye's words that she borrowed.

"Oh.
 
My.
 
God!
 
Who are you and what have you done to my best friend?"
 
Faye said with shock and amazement.
 
She really didn't believe that Clarise would go ahead with the seduction plan but obviously, she did.
 
And succeeded.
 
"So, my dear, how was it?
 
Was he good to you?"

"Faye!"
 
Clarise's blush deepened and she was grateful she was alone in her apartment.
 
She remembered her first time with Will and grinned.
 
"It was great, and yes, he was very good to me."

"Heavens above!
 
Finally, my best friend has given up her celibacy.
 
Did you see him at all this weekend?"

"Yes.
 
We had lunch together today."
 
Clarise still felt shy telling Faye all about her sexual activities with Will.

"That's it?
 
Just lunch?"

"No," she whispered.

"Clarise, you're driving me nuts.
 
Stop being so coy!
 
This is so not you that I just have to hear about it."

"Okay, okay!
 
Yes, we slept together today, too.
 
Before lunch.
 
Can you call it sleeping together when you do it in the middle of the day?"

There was a brief silence on the other line and Clarise could imagine Faye grinning madly.
 
"This is looking very promising.
 
And it doesn't matter what you call it.
 
The fact is you did it."

Clarise sighed despondently.

"Clarise, what is it?" Faye asked ominously.

"Oh, Faye, I don't know.
 
When we went to lunch after we...you know, made love...he was very quiet.
 
I think he was distracted with work but still...
 
And he didn't really say anything about seeing me again when he comes back next Sunday."
 
Clarise felt her earlier sadness and frustration come back.

"Oh, Clarise.
 
It's early days yet.
 
And you were the one who told me he's a very busy man with a very demanding work schedule who wasn't really looking for a relationship.
 
You need to give him time to adjust to the thought of going out with you."

"And if he decides he didn't want to adjust to it?
 
That he's too busy?"

"Well, it seems to me that there's still a lot of the old Clarise there.
 
You're looking for certainty, aren't you?
 
My dear, sometimes, you just can't know until you have given it some time to sort itself out."
 

"I'm just thinking it will hurt a lot more later if the answer is 'no'."

"Letting your fears run you again, Clarise?" Faye asked softly.
 
"There are no guarantees in life but if you run, you will never know for sure.
 
And what's more, if you're not proactive, you are not giving yourself the chance to make things happen the way you want it to happen."

"Oh, Faye, you are so wise.
 
I'm so grateful to you," Clarise said sincerely.

Faye laughed.
 
"No guts, no glory.
 
I know I'll hate it more if I didn't go for something I really wanted.
 
And I just happen to think everyone should feel the same," she said teasingly.

"Hmm.
 
Yes, I think you're right.
 
I think I
 
- "
 
Clarise didn't finish what she was saying as she heard Faye gasp and try to repress a giggle.

"Faye?"

Clarise heard Faye's muffled tone as her friend tried to cover her phone so she wouldn't hear.
 
"Shhh, I'm talking to Clarise."
 
She was talking to Steve and from Faye's breathless and giggly sound, Steve was obviously doing something to her that she liked.

Then Steve was on the line.
 
"Hi, Clarise.
 
Would you mind so much if Faye calls you back tomorrow?
 
It's just that I'm leaving tomorrow and..."

Clarise chuckled, knowing exactly what they'd be doing.
 
"Of course not, Steve.
 
I'll talk to her tomorrow.
 
Good night.
 
Enjoy yourselves," she added with a snort.

"Good night, Clarise.
 
And don't worry.
 
We'll more than enjoy ourselves," Steve said suggestively.
 
In the background she heard Faye shout "Good night" as they hung up.

Clarise felt envious.
 
Why can't we be like that tonight, Will?
 

She sensed the spectre of a broken heart just around the corner.
 
But unlike before when she would run away and hide from the source of pain, she promised herself that this time she wouldn't.
 
Even if she got hurt in the end, she didn't want any regrets that she didn't do all she could.
 
She didn't want to be that kind of person anymore.
 

As she mulled over her conversation with Faye, Clarise formulated some sort of plan.
 
She needed to let Will know a casual relationship was not for her.
 
Her feelings were too deep to be able to handle it.
 
But how does she let him know without scaring the crap out of him?

One step at a time, she decided.
 
First, she wanted commitment from him that they'd see each other exclusively.
 
Just that for the time being.
 
Hopefully, he wouldn't be running for the hills when she asked that of him.
 

It would be a deal-breaker for her if he didn't want exclusivity.
 
Not that she thought he had much time for other women, but it was the commitment to their relationship that she wanted.
 
She wanted the right to be jealous and to demand he not flirt with someone else.
 
And she wanted the right to fend off other women who wanted him - like Delia who worked in the office.
 

Telling him she loved him could happen much later, when she felt sure he was ready to hear it.
 
She knew holding back on saying she loved him would be very hard.
 
And it would hurt, too.
 
But for now, she'd settle for showing him instead of telling him.

~~

Will was walking into his hotel room in Melbourne when he received the text message from Clarise.
 
He put his bags down and checked his phone.