Willful Child (34 page)
“Our evolutionary slide is there for any of us to see, should we be brave enough to do so. The gift of the Benefactors woke us up, briefly, but now we’re back on track. Distracted, bemused, unmindful, reactionary, and, at times, just plain witless. Too much fun, right there at our fingertips. Too much play, even if it’s mostly of the virtual kind. And the worst of it is, the people behind the people in charge, well, they like us this way.
“So, as I said, we’re about to return to Affiliation space. I know,” he added, stepping out now to make a slow circuit of the bridge, his eyes fixing on one officer after another, including Adjutant Lorrin Tighe—who sat slumped at the security station, head resting on one hand, fingers massaging a temple, “I know, some of you will object, and that’s fine. Every captain needs at least one thorn in her, or his, side. But the simple fact is, I am intending to save the future. Our future.
“My methods won’t be orthodox—the better to keep the enemy off-balance—and I know I’m looking at a long, bitter fight. But I intend to win.
“Upon our return to the nearest Rim Station, I will accept any and all requests for transfer from this ship. As for those of you who choose to stay with me … all I can say is, it’s going to be a wild ride, so hang tight. Captain out.” His circuit had taken her next to the comms station, and Hadrian reached out, over the shoulder of a staring, openmouthed Jimmy Eden, and flicked off the comms link.
“Helm, set course for Rim-82, System IX. Antimatter engines at point five five. Once we’re clear of this system, initiate the T drive. Eden, standard update packet to Terran Space Fleet. Tell ’em we’re coming in. I’ll be in my office. 2IC, you have the bridge.”
Hadrian was just sitting down behind his desk when Sin-Dour entered.
“Anything wrong?” Hadrian asked her.
“No, sir. I was just wanting to inform you, sir, that I intend to stay on as your second-in-command, assuming you will have me.”
“Outstanding.”
“And, uh, the sooner you get back to being a man, the better.”
“I’ll light the fires of an adventurous spirit in you yet, Sin-Dour. In any case, I need to know—how many men on the bridge watched my backside as I made my way to this office?”
“All of them, sir. Including some of the women.”
Sighing, Hadrian leaned back in his chair. “You know, I really do need to learn all the names of our bridge support team. I mean, they’ve all been there, through all of this, but there I was, all caught up in commanding this vessel, in outwitting and outbattling aliens, allies, officious twits, and still more aliens—why, to me, they were pretty much invisible, and that has got to change.”
“In time, sir,” said Sin-Dour, “I have no doubt.”
“Thank you, 2IC. So … I sense there’s something else. Shall we get naked?”
“Uh, perhaps some other time, sir! I just wanted to add … well, I was down there, too, listening to those Temporal Corrections agents. Captain, you’re right. We need to change the future. And if that means taking down the meatheads, then I’m with you, all the way.”
“Those last six words, 2IC, are what every captain wants to hear, be that captain a he or she. But listen, before I do the Big Switch, it’s our last chance here.”
“Captain, our professional relationship—”
“That relationship, surely, is with you and Captain Hadrian, the male Captain Hadrian, that is. Not me. Anyway, come round here, onto my lap—come along, there, right, here we go … ahh, and here we are. Now, about these bras—”
“RED ALERT! CAPTAIN TO THE BRIDGE! FOUR ECKTAPALOW SOLDIER-CLASS WARSHIPS ON INTERCEPT COURSE!”
“Oh crap! That’s just not fair!”
Moments later, they emerged onto the bridge.
The chicken was in the command chair. “Captain! All shields at full! The Ecktapalow have just informed us that they are declaring war on the Affiliation and intend to destroy every last human in existence. Dimple Beam fully primed and ready to fire!”
“Belay that!”
“Oh,” said Tammy, “you’re no fun at all.”
Hadrian made fists with both hands and assumed a fighting stance. “Tammy! Fire up the Insisteon! The flagship’s bridge! Displace! Displace!”
EPiLOGUE
“SPACE … it’s fucking big. But barely big enough for one Hadrian Alan Sawback, commander of the AFS
Willful Child
. And definitely not big enough for both Captain Hadrian and that mob of meatheads running the show.
“Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. These are the voyages of the
Willful Child
. Its mission: to seek out inane institutional idiocy and eradicate it. It’s an ongoing job. Nobody appreciates it. Few even notice. But someday, in that far-off future, why, they’ll thank me. They may even put up a statue, right there on the front lawn of Terra House. I’ll be naked, of course.”