Willow Spring (20 page)

“But what I’m asking,” she said, a little frustrated that he was obviously avoiding the real question, “is if you miss being a fireman, Logan. The whole thing. Because . . . it was such a big part of who you are.”

Now he spared her a glance, but only a quick one. They’d strolled into a darker, quieter part of the midway now—over by the still-not-up-and-running Crazy Shack where they’d shared the funnel cake. “It doesn’t matter because it’s not right for me anymore. That part of my life is done.”

“But that’s so wrong, Logan. Because you
are
a firefighter. It’s in your blood. It’s what you’re supposed to be doing.”

He stopped and looked at her then, his eyes suddenly filled with more anger than she’d seen in them since he’d finally come out of his funk. “Damn it, Amy, I
told
you what happened that night. I
told
you. And I thought you understood.”

“I did. I do. I just . . .”

“Want to butt into my business? Want to make my decisions for me? Just like you do with everyone?”

She sucked in her breath, stunned. “What?”

Logan let out a sigh she could hear even above the carnival sounds nearby. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

She felt a little numb. “But you did. What did you mean?”

He shook his head. “You just always kind of . . . think you know what’s best for people. You always think you know who belongs together in relationships. And you . . . well, you give a lot of advice, sometimes even when nobody’s asking for it.”

“Oh,” she said, deflated. More than deflated—hurt. She’d had no idea anyone thought that about her. “Everyone feels this way?”

He released another sigh, looking tired and clearly sorry he’d blurted that out. “No, I’m sure they don’t. Like I said, that came out wrong and I’m sorry.”

“But
you
feel that way.” She found herself unable to meet his eyes, staring at the front of the T-shirt he wore, her words wooden and stiff.

“Only times like right now. And maybe every time you’ve ever wanted to fix me up with somebody. That’s all. I promise. It was a mean thing to say and I shouldn’t have. I’m just . . . done with firefighting and I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Okay?”

It had started out sounding like an apology, but now he was back to seeming testy again.

“Sure, okay,” she said, even though she still felt a little empty inside—in a whole different way than back when she was longing for him. And embarrassed, too. And a part of her was tempted to remind him he’d very recently asked her to fix him up with Anna—but she surely didn’t want to bring
that
up.

Clearly realizing he’d hurt her feelings, Logan teasingly leaned down and bit off a big chunk of the pink cotton candy she held.

And when that failed to make her laugh or even smile, he put his arm around her, squeezed her shoulder tight, and said, “Come on, freckles, don’t be mad. You know I love ya—I’m just still touchy about the whole fire thing. Okay?”

Just then, they emerged back into the light and the louder sounds of the carnival. The brightly illuminated ferris wheel stood nearby. “Okay,” she whispered.

“Let’s kiss and make up,” he said.

And that sounded like the best idea Amy had heard in a while, and just what the doctor ordered. And as a warm ripple of desire ran through her, she whispered that maybe the ferris wheel would be a nice place to do that—and that was when Logan was yanked away from her.

“No line for the ferris wheel—come on!” Amy heard Anna Romo say, and then realized she’d somehow come running up behind them and had grabbed his hand and pulled him away.

Logan and Anna stood a few feet from her now, Anna still tugging at him and laughing prettily—looking stunning and perfect as usual—and he glanced back toward Amy, saying to Anna, “I really can’t, I’m—”

“Yes you can,” she cut him off, and proceeded to drag him toward the ferris wheel. The very ferris wheel Amy had just been thinking it would be so romantic to ride with him.

Logan looked truly bereft as he glanced again in her direction to mouth the words:
Sorry. I’ll be back.

But that didn’t mend the puncture wound to her heart. And as she watched Anna Romo still holding tight to his arm as they stepped onto the ride together, Amy felt completely alone, completely abandoned.

Fourteen

Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised, or a little mistaken.

Jane Austen, from
Emma

A
nna had come to the carnival feeling a mixture of dread and boredom. She’d let herself be talked into staying in Destiny, but at moments she wasn’t sure why, and this had been one of those times. And then, from a distance, she’d seen Logan and everything had changed. Her boredom had turned into anticipation—and into the wild need to make something happen in this quiet little town before she completely lost her mind. She’d suddenly felt aggressive and take-charge in a way she couldn’t have stopped if she’d wanted to—that was just how she was sometimes, how her upbringing had made her. She was in the mood to have some fun, and now she was going to have it—finally—with Logan Whitaker.

As soon as their ferris wheel car started upward, she faced him, flashing her best coy smile. “So where’d you disappear to at the wedding? I’d been hoping we might get together afterward, and then suddenly—poof—you were gone.” Still turned in his direction, she crossed her arms in mock anger. “You abandoned me.”

Yet the sheepish expression he wore in reply completely surprised her—she’d never seen Logan react to anything that way before. “I, um . . . well, it’s a long story, but I was with . . . a friend.”

Hmm. She wasn’t sure what that meant, or why he was being so vague, but her current mood kept her from caring very much. The truth was, it didn’t matter where he’d gone after the wedding—that was old news and she was much more concerned with right now. And right now, once and for all, she wanted to kiss him. She’d been waiting for
him
to make that particular move, but she was
tired
of waiting.

So without further ado, she leaned over, placed her hands on his shoulders, and energetically pressed her lips to his.

She could tell it shocked him, though she wasn’t quite sure why. Had he not known things were headed in this direction? Did things in Destiny move that slow?

Well, it didn’t matter—stopping the kiss for a brief second, she met his gaze, only inches from hers, and then kissed him again. Her palms drifted lower, to his chest, and his closed lightly on her upper arms. She moved her mouth on his, sinking into the kiss, or attempting to anyway. She wasn’t quite sure he was into it, but she kept trying, luring with her lips, attempting to get him where she wanted him.

That was when he drew back.

She bit her lip, dismayed, then let out a breath. And since she wasn’t in the mood to pull any punches, she said, “Um, why are we stopping?”

“Well . . . I’m kinda here with Amy.”

Whoa. What? The ferris wheel came to a stop to let more people on or off below, parking Anna and Logan at the very top. Other than the glow of lights far beneath them, darkness surrounded them and Anna couldn’t help but think how wrong this suddenly felt. This should be romantic, exciting, the moment when she and Logan were finally moving forward. Could she have truly read the whole situation so wrong?

“Amy? I didn’t know you and she were . . .” She trailed off, though, remembering that, in fact, he
had
been walking with Amy when she’d first spotted him on the ground a few minutes ago. But everything she’d seen and heard, even from Logan himself, had led her to believe the two were just friends, so it had never even occurred to her that they were here
together
.
That
way.

“We weren’t,” he finally said. “It’s . . . new. Something we’re trying on for size.”

Oh. Hmm. She didn’t exactly know how to interpret that, but . . . well, it sounded pretty sketchy and undefined, and made her feel a lot less like a trespasser than she had a few seconds earlier. And though logic and good manners told her now was the time to back off, she’d suffered nothing but various frustrations since arriving in this tiny town, and she just wanted . . . what she wanted. And besides, she wasn’t used to guys turning her down or not being interested, and having Logan say no compelled her to change his mind and make him say yes.

“Maybe you should try
me
on for size,” she said—and then she kissed him again, deeply, passionately. She knew she hadn’t misread all the signals he’d sent her these last few weeks—and she was determined to prove that to both of them.

And then finally—finally—she felt him relax a little, kiss her back more naturally, more like she’d expected in the first place, and a hot ping of desire danced through her body.
Yes! At last! Thank God.

So it surprised her when he again ended the kiss, almost abruptly, pulling back, using his hands to push her slightly away. Wow. She’d never had any guy do that in her entire life and she couldn’t deny that it felt, at this point, downright embarrassing.

She simply drew in her breath, let it back out. And as the ride began to move again, she just looked at him, waiting for him to explain. Maybe this really
was
about Amy—but whatever the reason, she needed to hear more. After all, they’d been spending time together, and it hadn’t been purely platonic. If he wasn’t going to kiss her, he needed to tell her why.

“It’s not that I’m not into you, Anna,” he said, “but like I said, I came with Amy tonight. So I feel pretty shitty about this—both for her sake and yours. And besides, maybe this doesn’t feel right . . . because of Mike, too.”

“Oh, for crying out loud!” she practically spat at him. “I’m so tired of hearing about Mike trying to protect me. I don’t need protecting, Logan—I’m a big girl more than capable of handling my own affairs. He has no right whatsoever to just march into my life and try to tell me—or you—who I can see or what I can do. It’s freaking ridiculous!”

“Technically,
you
marched into
his
life, and he loves you,” he retorted. “Don’t get me wrong, I totally see your point—but he’s my best friend, Anna. When you disappeared, I went through that with him. And I’ve gone through everything with him ever since. So I can’t just ignore his feelings on this.”

She sat there, speechless, seething, as the ferris wheel turned, fast enough now that the breeze lifted her hair from her shoulders. She understood about Mike, how hard his life had been because of her, and she was truly, deeply sorry about that. In fact, it was a lot of weight to bear on top of everything else. But what happened wasn’t her fault—she’d been one of the victims—and she didn’t intend to spend the rest of her life paying for a crime she hadn’t committed.

Logan went on. “It doesn’t mean he’ll be like this forever. It’s only that having you back is new—he’s going through a period of adjustment, and so are you. Things’ll get easier. And so . . . even though I like you a lot, and even though I know at the wedding he said he’d back off, for now we just need to . . . stay in this holding pattern. I know that sucks, but try to be patient and remember it’s because he cares so much. And because
I
care about
him
. He’s not the easiest guy in the world to be with—trust me, I know—but it all comes from a good place, I promise.”

She let out a sigh, almost annoyed that the stuff he was saying sounded so . . . reasonable. Patience was a virtue—just one she didn’t necessarily possess right now.

She must have looked upset, because that was when Logan put his arm around her, as if to comfort her. “Look, this will all even itself out. Just give Mike a chance to work through his growing pains with you, okay?”

She hardly had words to answer with. Because she still thought the whole issue was beyond silly. But since Logan was such a nice guy, she murmured, “Okay. Only . . .” And maybe she should shut up, but again, she’d never been shy, and she just needed to know. “What
are
we, Logan, you and me? Is anything going to come of this?”

He let out a breath she could hear as the ferris wheel carried them upward. And he looked just as confused as she felt at the moment when he said, “I don’t know, Anna. I’m sorry, but I honestly don’t know right now.”

Logan felt like a jerk. To both Amy and Anna. Damn it, sometimes it was easier to let yourself be swept along by the tides of life—like when Anna had grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the ferris wheel and he hadn’t wanted to embarrass her or hurt her feelings by breaking away. But then he’d looked back, seen the expression on Amy’s face, and knew he’d made the wrong call—and by that time it had felt too late, like the deed was already done.

And then Anna had started kissing him. And he’d thought—
hell, I know I’ve screwed up tonight with Amy, and I’ve wanted Anna for awhile now, so maybe I should just go with the flow
—but that hadn’t worked either. He didn’t know why, but kissing her somehow . . . hadn’t felt right. And he’d told her, and himself, that maybe it was about Amy, and that maybe it was about Mike—but it was more than that. It just hadn’t been . . . like he’d thought it would, like he’d wanted it to be. And he had no idea why.

God, he was torn inside. About a lot of things.

In addition to this Anna situation, he was still trying to decipher his feelings for Amy. They were good friends. Now they were lovers. But could you really be both? He had no idea. And as much as he loved Amy, things were suddenly a hell of a lot more complex between them. He suddenly had to worry about hurting her feelings if he was with her and another girl came along—that was brand new, and a little hard to adjust to. And it had felt . . . different to him than before when she’d insisted he should return to his old job. What had previously felt like friendly advice now felt . . . more insistent. And he knew she meant well, but he also knew that being a firefighter just wasn’t right for him anymore.

As the ferris wheel continued to turn, he tried to make more casual conversation with Anna, just to relax things, for both of them. “Clear night. Look at all the stars.”

“Yeah,” she said quietly. She still didn’t sound happy, but she leaned her head back to look as their car again passed over the highest point in the rotation. “It’s nice.”

“Bet you see a lot more stars out here than when you lived in the city, huh?”

She nodded, admitting almost grudgingly, “I guess this place
does
have a few perks.”

He laughed. “More than a few. You’ll see. Things really will get better for you here, Anna.”

“I hope so, Logan,” she said, arms crossed, but at least it came with a small smile. Then her look grew more introspective. “You know, I never came here expecting to stay. Somehow that part just happened. And now I feel . . . like something invisible is holding me here, like I’m
supposed
to stay, even though I don’t fit in and don’t like being smothered by my family and my existence would surely be easier back in Indy where I have friends and a life. It’s hard to explain. And even harder to deal with.”

But Logan didn’t answer—instead, he simply met Anna’s gaze with his own, letting her know he empathized.

And for a moment, he almost had the urge to tell Anna . . . other things. Important things. About him. He’d almost had the same urge on the night of Rachel’s bachelorette party at the Dew Drop Inn—when Anna had said he’d make a better fireman than a bartender. In one way, he hadn’t wanted to burden her with his troubles, but as the night had gone on, he’d considered finding some moment and maybe telling her . . . the reason he couldn’t be a firefighter anymore. The way he’d ended up telling Amy after the wedding.

But just as quickly as the thought occurred to him, he let it pass, same as he had that night at the bar. Because it was kind of like that kiss. Maybe some time in the future, it would feel right—but not tonight. Tonight was weird enough already. Confiding in Amy had made sense, and once he’d started, it had come . . . almost naturally. But confiding in Anna, even right after she’d confided something in him . . . well, for some reason, his heart just wasn’t in it.

The next time the ride carried them downward, their car came to a halt at the loading ramp and the operator opened the door. And as they stepped off, reimmersed into the sights and sounds of the carnival, Logan remained just as conflicted as when he’d stepped on.

Anna was easy to be with, fun. Other than the Mike situation, she came with no real complications. No judgment. No history between them. And that was usually exactly the kind of relationship he enjoyed with a girl.

And yet . . . he was beginning to wonder if maybe he really
did
have feelings for Amy, romantic ones. She was harder to be with in ways—and the conversation about him returning to work at the fire station still rankled. And yet . . . he was bummed when he got off the ferris wheel and didn’t see her standing anywhere around.

Which was the precise moment it hit him: Had he really expected her to be? After he’d let Anna lead him away from her like that? It was still hard to grasp that what would have been fine between him and Amy a week ago wasn’t anymore. And if he’d come off that ride thinking she’d be standing there waiting for him with open arms . . . damn, he was an idiot.

“I, uh, kinda gotta go,” he told Anna.