WindSeeker (8 page)

that night, she would never want to leave him. He had been planning all along to trick Alel, for he had no

intention of keeping his bargain with the Grandfather.

"When dawn came the next morning, the lady could not bring herself to leave, for her heart had been

truly ensnared by her lover. She forgot all about her husband-to-be, who sat at home grieving. The young

man swept her up on his horse and carried her to this very keep where he was personal servant to King

Kyle, my great-great-great-grandfather.

"The lovers spent their second night in this garden, beneath the willow where we are now. It is said that,

if you listen closely, you can hear their sighs in the wind through the willow branches and her laughter in

the waters of the fountain.

"Alel let them have their second night, but then He came down from the vault of heaven and confronted

them by the seagate. Such was His wrath that He decided to leave them in the garden together forever.

Even though the young woman had been innocent in the matter, having been seduced through sorcery, it

didn’t matter to Alel. Sometimes your punishment for not adhering to His wishes draws someone you

love into the punishment along with you. Sp He punished the young woman, for he knew how much it

would hurt her lover to see his beloved suffer for his crime.

"Alel took up a red rose bush by the seagate, and one by one, plucked away the thorns. He squeezed

the thorns together in His hand and fashioned a bush of them, placing it beside the seagate. He blew His

breath on the flowers and shrubs near the seagate and withered them so they would never grow again.

Then He walked to the far end of the garden, where the roses grow now, and placed the rose bush, now

minus its thorns, there where you see it. Then He sucked in His breath and drew the souls from the young

man and his lover. When He exhaled, He blew the young woman’s soul into the rose bush and the young

man’s into the thorn tree. Their bodies He cast into the Abyss where they must suffer for all eternity. But

their souls are still here in the garden where they can see one another, but never, ever touch again. And

for an eternity now, the rose grows alone, the only one of its kind in the garden, for no other roses will

grow here. It bows its head in shame, unsupported, forlorn. And the thornbush sits on unhallowed ground

where no other life may grow; alone and tangled in its own deceitful branches."

Liza gazed at the thornbush that stood so forlornly by the wrought-iron gate. She grew sad by the way

the branches seemed to weave in among themselves as though in shame and hopelessness. She glanced

at the rose bush, whose flowers drooped on the vine, their lovely, lavender-tint seeming blue with

melancholy.

"But they say one day a love will bloom in the land that will reunite the thorn and the rose. New life will

bud from the tangles of the thornbush."

"That is a sad tale to tell children."

"Maybe, but it makes its point," he said. "It cautions you to love wisely and honorably."

"And did you learn?"

"I believe so."

"What other things did you learn here from your mother?" she asked, ignoring his smug smile.

"I learned all about women in this garden."

"Oh?" She couldn’t help but laugh at his expression. "What exactly, Milord?"

"That most of them can’t be trusted." He sat up and leaned back against the tree trunk.

"Your mother told you that?" She couldn’t believe any woman would scar her son in such a way.

"Other women taught me that."

"How many other women, Conar?"

He grinned at her. "More than my share."

"I can well imagine," she sniffed and laid her head on his shoulder. "I saw your mother once."

"Where?"

"In Oceania. She had come to visit my mother. I thought she was very beautiful."

"She was considered to be the most beautiful woman in the Seven Kingdoms."

"How old were you when she died?"

His eyes narrowed with pain. "It was after I came back from the Great Abbey. I was thirteen. I had not

seen her since I was five."

Liza turned to him, shocked. "Is that normal? I mean, I know the young men of the royal families are sent

to the Temple to train. My brothers were, but I thought you were allowed to return home on High Holy

Days and for other special occasions. Grice and Chand came home nearly every weekend."

"I didn’t."

Something in his look made her hesitate in asking anything more about the Temple. He never spoke of

his days there, and when she asked him about those times, he usually changed the subject or ignored her.

"So what did you learn from the ladies of Boreas, Milord?" she asked, trying to restore his good mood.

He lifted one brow. "Why do you want to know?"

She looked at her lap. "I was just curious."

He grinned. "You are jealous."

"Curious," she said emphatically.

"Jealous!" He nudged her with his shoulder.

"Not in the least, Milord." Her nose went up in the air. "Just curious."

"Curiously jealous." He chuckled and saw her blush.

"How old were you?" Her face turned redder still. This was something they had never discussed, but like

most women, Liza was inquisitive about from where her husband’s talents had come.

"I was six when I lost my innocence and somewhat older when I lost my virginity." He snatched up a

twig and started to peel away the bark.

"Is there a difference?"

"Afraid so," he answered, looking toward the fountain.

"In what way?" She wedged under his arm so she could lean against his chest.

"Do you remember the first time you saw one of your father’s mares being bred? Or one of your dogs?"

When she nodded, he shrugged. "Then you lost your innocence when you saw the sexual act being

performed, either by animal or human. You lose your virginity when, well, when you lose your virginity,"

he said with another chuckle.

"How old were you when you and this woman…"

"Thirteen."

Liza giggled. "Eager, weren’t you?"

Smiling slightly, he shook his head. "Not as eager as my teacher."

"An older woman, I suppose. It’s always an older woman, isn’t it?"

"Usually."

"What was she? Sixteen? Seventeen?"

"Thirty-two."

"You’re joking!" she gasped, stunned, and pushed away from him to look into his face. "That’s old!"

"Not at all. She was a Lady-in-Waiting at the court, a ward of my grandfather, actually. She had an

insatiable appetite for ‘young virgin flesh,’ as she called it. She couldn’t wait to initiate all the young men

at court."

"I have her to thank for my pleasure, then?" Liza sniffed.

"Most of it." Conar stood and, for the first time, wished Thom would hurry with the wine. He took hold

of a low branch of the willow, dragging it down.

"Did she approach you, then, or was it the other way around?" Liza inquired, envying the woman with all

her being.

"She found me here one day studying a book on military strategy. She took hold of that part of me she

wanted." He shrugged. "She’d already initiated Legion, Teal and Teal’s older brother, Roget. I had been

avoiding the bitch like the plague."

"Why?" Liza asked, surprised.

"Because I didn’t want to be
initiated
."

"By her?" She looked at his stony profile.

"By anyone." He pulled the willow strand from the tree and fashioned a crown, bending down to place it

on Liza’s gleaming hair.

"But weren’t you curious? I’m sure you and the others talked about their experiences?"

"I didn’t."

"I thought all boys were hot and ready since birth!" She thought of her brothers, who had chased after

anything in a skirt since becoming old enough to know girls were vastly different, and far more

entertaining, than boys.

"I already knew about sex," he said quietly.

"By watching?" She giggled, picturing him as a small boy spying on his older brothers.

His face was devoid of expression. He scanned her lovely eyes and it was as though he was trying to

come to a hard decision. "In part. I had seen animals before I left for the Abbey, and I saw human sex

there."

Her cheeks tinted with embarrassment. "You didn’t like what you saw the man and woman doing?"

Conar’s face stayed carefully blank. "I was interned at the Great Abbey until I was thirteen, Liza. There

were never women allowed there."

"Then how could you have seen…" Her mouth went wide as she stammered to a stop. She blushed

down to the tips of her toes. "Sweet Merciful Alluvia!"

He turned his back on his wife. He couldn’t bear to see the look of disgust on her pretty face.

"Men do that to one another?" She couldn’t accept that. How? she thought.

His hands clenched into fists. "Some do."

"And you watched?" Her face turned even redder as he flinched. "How could your father have allowed

you to go, knowing what those men do among themselves?"

"He thought I was still in Corinth at the Wind Temple, where your brothers were, Liza. But even had he

known where I was, I don’t believe he would have been worried." He shrugged. "It would never have

occurred to him that I would be allowed to see something like that."

Conar walked to the fountain and sat.

"Didn’t anyone know those things happened there?"

Conar shook his head. "After I had left training, a young man who had connections to Prince Rylan of

Virago informed Papa about the sexual practices of some of the priests at the Wind Temple. Papa was

shocked. It’s common knowledge now, but then, it was not to be discussed. I was the first of the royal

family to have been chosen to train at the monastery and, like I said, he didn’t know I was there until I

was brought home by one of the Grand Master’s servants."

"What did he do?"

Conar shrugged. "What could he do? The Temple is a law unto itself. What they do is their own

concern. Papa went before the Tribunal and told them he refused to let any more of the royal family take

part in the live-in arrangement at the Monastery. He has made sure there are advocates with each of the

boys who train at Corinth now." A faint smile appeared on his lips. "Coron and Dyllon were spared

having to go. The Temple didn’t want them, since they had had me. My brothers were taught by a

teacher-priest in the keep."

Liza sat beside him. "It must have been awful for you to see something like that."

Conar had been trailing his hand in the water. He stopped and took up a bright, gold water lily. With

water dripping from his fingers, he held the beautiful flower out to her, but avoided looking at her.

"Milord?" she asked, her hand going to his shoulder. She watched him try to smile, but his lips could do

no more than tremble.

"It’s getting late," he whispered. "I think we’d better see if Sadie locked Thom in the wine cellar."

"Conar?"

"Let it go, Sweeting. There are some things you have no need to know. Didn’t you once tell me that?"

She caressed his cheek with her hand. "There is pain in your heart, Beloved, and I would erase it. Ever

since I have known you, I have seen it lurking there. Isn’t it time you shared that pain with me?"

He turned his face so that his lips were in the palm of her hand. Gripping her palm to his mouth, he

planted the softest of kisses there. "You are my life, Elizabeth McGregor. I have wanted, needed to talk

to you about this for so long, but I’ve never known how to start." He looked away. There was a hitch in

his breath as he spoke again. "I have never wanted to cause you worry."

"Something happened while you were at the Abbey, didn’t it? What? Did they try…"

He attempted to smile, but couldn’t. He put up his hand to cup her chin and tugged gently. "They did

more than try." He let go of her chin, her look of shock making him flinch with well-remembered shame.

She sat in stunned silence as he waited for her to accept what he had said. At last, tears filled her eyes.

"You were molested?"

He didn’t answer. He couldn’t. Neither could he look at her.

"They molested you?" she pressed, the horrific notion sending waves of pain through her heart. Liza put

out her hand to touch him, but something stopped her, told her it would be the worst thing to do. "Did

you tell anyone? Legion? Cayn?"

He shook his head. "The only one who knows is Hern. I didn’t need to tell him. He guessed."

"Why haven’t you told someone?"

"I was too ashamed, Liza. I was afraid of what they would do to me. What people would think of me."

"Even now? Now that you are a man?" She couldn’t imagine her husband being afraid of anything.

"You don’t understand how something like this can make you feel inside. How terrible you see yourself.

How weak it makes you seem to have allowed…"

She shook her head in denial. "You can not be held accountable for what was done to you as a child."

"There are those who would wonder if I had not become like the others at the Abbey."

"How can one time…" She watched him look away, pain etched on his face. "It was just the one time,

wasn’t it?" She felt a tremor of fear go through her as he mutely shook his head. "More than once?" He

nodded. "How many times?"

He stared sightlessly across the garden. His hands were clutched together in his lap and he seemed

oblivious to everything around him. "Every night of my life from the time I was six until I left that horrible

place." He turned to face her. "I came home, my spirit broken, too ashamed to live, and slashed my

wrists."