Wingless Book Series (book 1) (20 page)

“
Evan, I did not mean it. Look, I
don’t have to be here, I chose to be here,” I said, trying my
hardest to get a glance.

“
That’s right, and maybe you
shouldn’t be.” He sat down on the step.

My heart sank. “Can you look at
me?” I asked.

“
No,” he said, not giving
in.

“
Evan, please listen to me. You’re
shutting me out. I want to be here, there’s no where I would rather
be than here with you!” I yelled at him, feeling
annoyed.

“
That’s all nice and sweet, Eve,
but I’m starting to think you’re not the girl I assumed you were
all this time. I need someone who can withstand all of this, not
take what they choose and bail when times get hard,” he
said.

“
I don’t want to be that way, and
I’m trying my hardest to get through all of this for
you.”

“
No, you’re not.” He stood up,
walking inside.

“
Oh, so this is how you’re going
to be? You’re just going to walk away and be done with it?” I
yelled at him, slamming the door behind me as I came back
inside.

“
Call it whatever you want. I am
so tired of trying to get anyone to understand. And then I meet you
and I feel like you’re totally the exception. It’s not worth it!”
he yelled, banging his fist on the counter.

I flinched. He was angry and not
seeing reason. Maybe I should leave, I thought to myself. “I’m
trying. What part of that don’t you get?” I said in a whisper,
afraid to upset him more.

“
I understand that. I try to be
honest with you and you lash out at me,” he said, finally looking
at me.

“
What am I supposed to do when
someone tells me something like that?” I asked in
disbelief.

“
Not take it out on me. I’m not
the bad guy. I was trying to help you and trying to be
honest!”

“
Okay,” was all I could think to
say. He was right.

“
You don’t understand and I get
that, but put yourself in my shoes. I ruin lives for a living. I
don’t get to make people happy. I don’t get to give anyone what
they want, ever, and I wish I could do that for you,” he said,
coming closer.

“
I know,” I said, holding onto
him. “I’m not mad at you, it’s not your choice, and I’m sorry I
said that.”

He squeezed me tight, sighing long
and hard. “Thank you, because there’s this thing in the back of my
head that makes me wonder if I am doing what is right,” he
explained to me. “It’s like, I know I have no control over fate,
but I just wish I wasn’t part of it sometimes.”

“
What would happen if you just
said you’re not doing it?”I asked.

“
Nothing good.”

“
Oh, well, then you have no
choice,” I said, kissing his cheek.

“
There’s something I want to talk
to you about. Remember when my dad told you that I needed you to
make me look more legit?”

I remembered clearly that Carlo
had said that he saw me as good for his son, and that if I wasn’t
with him, it would hurt Evan.

“
Yeah, I do,” I said, irritated by
the thought of his dad.

“
Well, I sort of feel that way too
now,” he said, kissing me. “You make all of this worth it. I would
go through all of it for you.”

I smiled, kissing him back.
He took my hand, leading me into his bedroom. I was starting
to feel super nervous now. I saw where this was
going and
I felt it was right; I just
wasn’t sure what to expect. Plus, he was more than just a man. I
wasn’t even sure if it was something we should do. My brain raced
regarding whether or not I should entertain my crazy thoughts. I
knew nothing of how his life worked, and if something as simple as
this would be alright. I didn’t want to seem crazy, so I kept my
mouth shut on the topic.

Evan sat down on the bed, grabbing
my hand and pulling me to him. He lifted his shirt up and off
tossed it to the floor. He ran his hands over my stomach kissing my
stomach softly as he pulled me to him. He pulled my shirt off, his
hands intertwined with mine, making mine look dwarf. I bit my lip,
nervous about the whole situation going down. Everything seemed to
be happening in slow motion. I undid my shorts letting them drop to
the floor and he pulled me onto him, we kissed once again. His
whole being seemed so intense and into the moment, my brain seemed
to shut down and just let it all happen.

Before things went way too far, he
slowed down and looked at me with an odd expression. “You’re
alright with this aren’t you?” he asked.

“
Of course. I mean, it’s okay
isn’t it?” I stumbled, trying to not seem like it was something I
had been wondering all this time.

“
Yeah, were adults. Why wouldn’t
it be okay?” he laughed from above me.

I stared up at him feeling a
little ignorant. “I don’t know, I just…I don’t know what I was
thinking.” I shook my head as it all continued.

There are things that happen to
you in life that you will always remember, and this was one of
them. I had never been intimate with anyone before so there was no
comparison, but I truly believed it was an amazing first time. It
was all so similar to the Ferris Wheel; it felt electric, in a good
way. His body was fueled by the emotions of all that was going on.
When it was over it was all a haze. I sighed, staring at the
ceiling in awe.

Evan sat up in the bed,
beaming. “That was like I said, it didn’t need to be planned to be
amazing. And it
was
amazing.” He smiled at me, smoothing my tousled hair. “You
want something to drink?” he asked, getting up and walking out of
the room.

“
Sure, I’m parched. Is that
normal?” I asked, laughing.

“
Depends. And yeah, seems like you
would be after that.” We both laughed.

It all felt right, and I was
happy.

“
I’m just glad you decided that
you were okay with going through with that,” he said, taking a
drink of his water.

I squeezed my bottle opening it.
“What do you mean?”

“
Eve, what do you mean what do I
mean?”

I was confused now, all my
paranoia was back. “Evan, I don’t get what you’re saying.” I sat up
in the bed, alarmed.

“
Jesus, Eve!” he yelled at me,
jumping out of the bed as if something bit him.

“
What?” I was starting to
panic.

He shook his head, looking at me
in awe. I pulled the covers up and stared at him as well. I always
used to go with my gut instinct, but with Evan, I didn’t feel like
it was working that well anymore. Where it had gone, or if it would
come back, I wasn’t sure.

Evan pulled on his pants, throwing
his shirt on as well. He sat down on the edge of the bed with his
back to me. “It’s a big thing to do what we just did for me, and I
thought you understood that,” he said solemnly.

I thought I had too. Obviously I
was wrong. “I won’t understand unless you tell me.”

“
Let’s not worry about it. Are you
happy being with me?” he asked me, looking at me
intensely.

“
Yeah, I am,” I said, sliding down
to the end of the bed to be near him.

“
Okay, well, then that’s all that
matters right?” he asked.

“
Of course it’s all that matters.
You make me happy, and I care about you a lot. If I didn’t, we
wouldn’t have even done this,” I said, assuring him. He wasn’t
wrong for it.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the
door. I jumped and Evan motioned me to get dressed and opened
it.

“
Ari!” he
exclaimed loud enough
to hear him from in
the bathroom.

I hurried and threw my clothes on,
excited that she was back, I hadn’t seen her since Kenny had
disappeared. I was hoping this meant that Kenny was back too. I
came hurrying out of the bathroom, to catch a glimpse of her in
person; I had missed her free being.

She smiled at me. “Hey there,
girly!”

“
Hey, long time no see!” I
exclaimed, so happy to see her I hugged her. Evan gave me a weird
look. I could tell he was a little weirded out as well to my
instant affection for her. It had been some time since I’d had
someone who could relate and that I could talk to about life
now.

Evan shook his head at us both.
“I’ll leave the two of you alone,” he said, walking out.

“
So, how have things been here?”
she asked, surveying the room with a grin.

I started to feel self-conscious
about what had just gone on. I could tell she knew as well. “Things
have been alright. It was a little scary at first when Kenny left,
but things are alright,” I said, sitting down on the
bed.

She stood staring at me closely.
“Eve, did something happen here, um, just now?” she asked
delicately.

“
What do you mean?” I
blushed.

“
Did you and Evan, you know? Never
mind. Did you guys have sex?” she demanded, turning a little too
serious.

“
Yeah, it was the first time,” I
said, remembering how it all had gone down and almost getting lost
in the memory.

Ari quickly snapped me back to
reality. “Listen, sex is looked down upon for all of them, unless
they’re willing to stick with the person they engage in the act
with. It’s like a union, and you never want to cross the union. It
can be very dangerous. Evan is not going to let you go, it’s what
they call a “Lock.” And once that happens, there’s no getting out,”
she said so seriously I did not for once take it as any kind of
typical Ari. So that was what Evan had meant when he was so freaked
out.

“
What about you and Kenny?” I
asked, hoping she was in the same boat.

“
Same here. When I met Kenny I
didn’t know anything about this, but I learned quickly, believe me.
Kenny would love to have different women, but he can’t. It’s part
of who they are. They see no one else but you after that,” she
said, sitting next to me. She ran her hand down her leg, studying
her movement quietly.

“
What happens if it doesn’t work
out?” I asked.

“
There is no ‘what if.’ You don’t
want the ‘what if’ to happen. So, let’s just hope that you and Evan
made the right choice. You two seem to care about each other, so it
shouldn’t be a problem.”

She got up, smiling, and headed
out the door. I crawled back in the bed, burying my head under the
covers. I needed to sleep, this was all becoming very
intense.

Chapter 20

Arrival

Ari and Kenny were home again and
Evan was thrilled. We all sat out in the living room in the
morning. I was still half asleep from a rough night of tossing and
turning and crazy dreams.

Kenny seemed in good spirits as he
chatted with Evan. He told us he realized that Evan was right and
headed back home after smoothing things out and getting Tony’s
approval. I don’t know how much of that I believed, and I doubted
Evan took it seriously either.

“
But while I am here with all of
you I wanted to relay the message for Dad. He has a job for us in
the next town over. So, are you all down to hit the road?” he
asked, looking at me for approval. Evan looked at me as
well.

“
Sure, I don’t mind,” I said with
a sigh. Once you saw it how much worse it could be, to see it
again, wasn’t so disturbing.

We all started packing up; Evan
said we would be gone for two days, no longer, no less.

“
Why do we need this big suitcase
for two days?” I practically whined. The lack of sleep was starting
to get to me.

“
I got a duffel bag if that will
make you happy,” he said sarcastically, sensing my irritability. He
tossed it at me, laughing.

“
It’s not funny. And I’m tired, so
I hope there is room to sleep in this car,” I said, seeing we were
taking Kenny’s and not the truck.

“
You can rest your head on my
lap,” he assured me, throwing his clothes in the bag.

“
Thanks,” I said, tossing my stuff
in as well.

We headed out in Kenny’s black
Camaro. Evan and I sat in the back; Kenny’s music was so loud I
could barely hear myself think. I was sure we were going to die
with his bat-out-of-hell, Speed-Racer type driving. I rested my
head in Evan’s lap, gripping his thigh in pure terror, trying to
sleep. Evan rubbed my back constantly, feeling how tense I was. We
couldn’t speak, and I swore that when I got my feet back on the
ground, I would refuse to get back in unless Evan drove.

Somewhere in the midst of the
chaos, I fell asleep. Being jostled to and fro woke me up
occasionally, but after who knows how long, we finally arrived. It
was near dark when Evan woke me and slipped out of the car. I
strained my eyes into focus, stumbling out myself.

I yawned, looking up at the
huge hotel and bright lights. The valet nodded his head at me,
getting in the car. I wasn’t even sure where we were. Evan came
over to me, wrapping his arm around my waist as we headed inside. I
looked back to see where our things were
seeing a
man who
was following close behind with our bags.