Winner Takes It All (23 page)

He was led through the
various corridors and up in a huge lift to the third floor. He felt
nervous about seeing Tara, wondering what sort of state she was
going to be in. Should he ask her why she’d done it? Or should he
gloss over it and talk about inane things? He’d never visited a
friend who’d tried to commit suicide before and wasn’t sure of the
etiquette.

Tara was sitting up in
bed in a room, all by herself. Her left wrist was heavily bandaged
and a bag containing clear solution was being fed into her right
arm via a drip. Her complexion was now a light beige and her eyes
seemed to disappear into the dark circles beneath them. There was
something ghostly about her, as if the light had disappeared from
her soul.

Her full, dark pink lips
broke into a sort of smile on seeing Tom and never more had he felt
like a Judas. He was her beacon of light in these horrible times
and his only purpose for entering her life had been to destroy
her.

‘
How are you
feeling?’ he asked, sitting on a chair beside the bed.

‘
Tired,’ she
replied.

‘
I’ve phoned
your mother, she’s on the way down.’

She turned her head and
looked away.

‘
I never
wanted mummy to know.’

‘
You could
have died Tara, she has a right.’

On saying this, his eyes
trailed down to the bandage and for the first time ever, along her
arm, he noticed the silvery and dark brown scars; long, thin scars
like they’d been sliced by a knife. He looked up to find Tara
looking at him, tears filling her eyes.

‘
I’m so
ashamed,’ she whispered, a tear falling onto her cheek.

‘
What of?’ he
asked. ‘Why do you hurt yourself? Why did you try to kill
yourself?’

‘
I wasn’t
trying to kill myself. I was trying to let the pain out that’s all.
I cut too hard and the blood started spurting out. That was when I
phoned for an ambulance.’

‘
Why
Tara?’

‘
I can’t tell
you,’ she cried. ‘I’m so ashamed.’

He reached up, wiping her
tears away. Her skin felt so cold, almost waxy like a dead
person’s.

‘
I’ve done
lots of things I’m ashamed of,’ he said. ‘There’s nothing you can
say that will shock me.’

‘
I haven’t
done it for a while. But seeing Polly the other day just pushed me
back over the edge. It brought everything I want to forget
back.’

‘
Did something
happen at university?’

She nodded, unable to
speak.

‘
You didn’t
sleep with her boyfriend or something did you?’

‘
Sort of. His
name was Martin Spicer; he wasn’t at college with us or anything,
he was a city trader. I shared a house with Polly and some other
girls and Martin often dropped by. I didn’t like him, he wasn’t my
sort of person. He was so full of himself and how much money he
made. Whenever he was round, I’d try to avoid him and get on with
my studies. I was all set to become an archaeologist - I’d wanted
to become one since I was a little girl. When we finished our
finals, we decided to have a party before splitting up and going
our own ways. Martin was there and he was drunk and taking cocaine
and being a pain the backside. I went up to my room to fetch
something and before I knew I, he’d followed me and locked the door
behind him.’

Her voice trailed off and
a feeling of dread crept up Tom’s bones. He knew what she was going
to say without her saying it. This man Martin Spicer had raped
her.

‘
Couldn’t you
scream for help?’ he asked softly.

She shook her
head.

‘
It isn’t like
you see on the TV Tom. You become very still, like an animal
pretending to play dead to stop itself being attacked. All you can
think about is getting out of it alive and for it to be over as
quickly as possible. I’d never slept with anyone before that night.
I’ve always been shy and wanted to wait for the right person.
Afterwards Martin slapped me and told me it was all my fault and if
I told Polly, he’d tell her I’d come onto him and cried rape
because he’d refused.’

‘
What a
bastard,’ Tom hissed, wishing the low life was in the room now so
he could beat him to a pulp.

‘
I waited
until the party had finished and everyone had left and my
housemates had gone to bed and I ran a bath and stayed there for
three hours. All I wanted to do was wash him away.’

‘
Did you tell
anyone?’

‘
No not at
first. I kept telling myself it was my own fault, that I’d done
something to lead him on. Then the next month I missed my period
and I realised I was pregnant. I didn’t know who I could turn to. I
was working in the bookshop with Andrew at the time and one day I
couldn’t hold back anymore and I started to cry. It all came out
and I confessed everything to him. Andrew came to the clinic with
me; I told everyone he was my grandfather. Afterwards I stayed with
him at the house until I felt well enough to look after myself.
Mummy thought I was just staying there because Andrew was getting
on a bit and needed looking after. But it was the other way round,
he was taking care of me.’

‘
So you had an
abortion?’

‘
Yes.’ Another
tear fell onto her cheek.

Tom was shocked. He’d
always imagined Tara to be a virgin, and if not, her limited sexual
experiences to have been with geeky boys she came across in her
job. Not a rape followed by pregnancy. How horrible that Tara - the
sweetest person in the world, had carried this horrible secret
around with her for so many years.

‘
How long have
you been cutting yourself?’

‘
It started a
few weeks after the abortion. I was so ashamed and depressed and
one night I was lying awake, crying and in the wall beside me a
nail was hanging out. I pulled out the nail and found if I dug it
into my skin until it bled, the pain went away for a while. I’ve
done it ever since.’

‘
And no one’s
ever noticed?’

‘
I always make
sure I wear long sleeve tops and cardigans. What am I going to tell
my mother now?’

‘
The truth.
Your mum deserves to know what really happened to you.’

‘
She’ll hate
me.’

‘
Your mother
loves you and none of this was your fault. I just wish I could find
this Martin Spicer and fucking kill him.’

‘
That’s the
thing. I keep in touch with Amy Little, one of the girls I used to
live with and she tells me that Polly and Martin are getting
married later this year. That was why I ignored her invitations to
the reunion. I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing that
man.’

‘
You must go
to the police Tara. He could do it to another woman.’

‘
It happened
nearly ten years ago Tom, I’ve no proof. The only proof there would
be is my poor baby’s DNA and that was incinerated years
ago.’

There was a knock on the
door and Tom looked round to find Paula’s face peering through the
glass. She opened the door and entered, followed by a tall,
handsome black man whom Tom presumed to be Tara’s
father.

‘
Darling what
have you done?’ Paula gasped, rushing to her daughter’s bedside.
Tom stood up and looked at the man he took to be Wesley.

‘
I’m Tom,
Tara’s cousin,’ he said.

‘
Wesley
Eades,’ the man replied, shaking his hand. ‘Thanks for looking
after Tara. How is she?’

‘
Very weak.
Thank God the paramedics got to her in time.’

‘
And thank you
Tom. She’s lucky to have a good friend like you.’

Tom didn’t feel like a
good friend as he sat in the taxi that was taking him back from
Brighton to Summerset. Everything was going so badly wrong. Tara
had just entrusted him with her deepest darkest secret not
realising that his main aim in life was to destroy her family. The
relationship they’d built up over the last few weeks had come to
mean something to her – she felt she could relax and open up to him
and when she discovered what his true intentions were, it was
likely she would feel she could never trust anyone ever
again.

If Tom was honest with
himself, subterfuge didn’t come naturally to him. The meetings with
Jackson, manipulating Michael Cusack, getting information out of
poor old Ben. None of it had given him the buzz he got from sharing
an office with Tara, eating cream cakes from Greggs the Bakers in
the High Street and listening to Joy Division on the iPod docking
station Tara had bought so they could share their music. Even
running the estate was fun and he realised he was far more suited
to administration than he was to writing. He wondered what Jackson
would do if he returned the flat and the suits and the car and
promised to pay the money off as soon as he could. Even if between
them, Jackson and Bannerman still managed to bring down the
Cusacks, at least he would be there to hold Tara’s hand and protect
her.

His phone rang, making
him jump and like some sort of spectre he’d conjured up in his
mind, he saw it was Jackson. Tom almost ignored it, but knew he
couldn’t. Not while he was in Jackson’s pocket.

‘
Tom I spoke
to my grandmother and I have the most amazing news. She keeps
diaries and she found her one from 1948. It seems while she was on
honeymoon with grandfather in July of that year, Briggy almost died
from pneumonia. Andrew had to rush down to Bournemouth to be with
her because he was up in London….staying with Lou.’

‘
You’re
kidding?’

‘
No. It seems
they were both invited but Briggy was at a conference, so Andrew
went alone. I don’t know where Ben was, but Andrew McDonald was
definitely with Louisa O’Connell in July 1948, when Paula was
conceived. My dear Thomas, I think we’ve struck gold.’

‘
Well what do
you suggest we do now?’

‘
It’ll keep.
It’ll keep. We’ve got bigger fish to fry. Something that will
destroy the reputation of Sheridans.’

‘
What’s
that?’

‘
I’m going to
leave it as a surprise, even for you Tom. Are you going to speak to
Daniel Steadman?’

‘
When I get
the chance. Tara’s been taken to hospital.’

‘
What’s the
matter with her?’

‘
She fell down
some stairs,’ Tom lied. ‘If Dan does come to Summerset he’ll be
more interested in seeing his sister.’

‘
Perhaps you
should suggest she convalesces in Cornwall with her brother after
he’s sold his shares in Sheridans.’

‘
Maybe. Leave
it with me Jackson, I’ll see what I can do, I promise.’

Thirteen

Alex opened her eyes to
the sensation of a finger being run down the middle of her chest
and when she groaned, it wasn’t with pleasure. She wished Robin
would just leave her alone. He was making up for the fact that
she’d refused to sleep with him when they were teenagers. She used
to hold him off claiming to be saving herself for someone special.
However, she’d ended up sleeping with a Hells Angel called Butch
who dumped her straight afterwards. This time she couldn’t use any
such excuse with Robin and seeing as they were now a couple, she
had to comply with his wishes. She hated every minute of it – he
was like a slobbering puppy, overwhelmed at finally being with his
beautiful Alexandra.

‘
Good morning
my darling,’ he smiled as her eyes focused upon him. ‘Happy
Birthday.’

‘
Thanks,’ she
replied quietly.

His hand moved across her
chest, cupping her breast. Alex gritted her teeth and resisted the
desire to swat it away like an unwanted insect.

‘
Do you know
what it also is today?’ he asked.

‘
What?’

‘
It’s a month
today since you agreed to go out with me again.’

‘
Oh
yes.’

Alex thought back to that
day on those bleak hills between Layton House and Summerset. That
same regret filled her heart, wishing she could be with Jack,
feeling she was compromising herself by choosing Robin. But their
reunion had made everyone so happy. With such a big future ahead of
her, it was important she settled down and the Lancasters were such
a suitable family to marry into.

Robin moved in to kiss
her, and Alex knew she just couldn’t face it. She turned her head
away.

‘
I’m tired,’
she said. ‘Didn’t we do enough last night?’

‘
But it’s our
anniversary.’

‘
Maybe tonight
eh?’ she smiled. ‘We need to get up and start packing.’

Alex was twenty nine
today - her last year before she hit thirty and she’d never felt
more old. She was stuck in a relationship she didn’t want, and
seemed to be working eighty hours a week just to keep things
ticking; although she was determined to keep away from work this
weekend. She and Robin were heading down to Abbotts Leigh for her
birthday party. It would also be the first time everyone would see
Tara since her suicide attempt. It had broken Alex’s heart to
discover her poor cousin had been so mentally anguished yet had
felt she couldn’t confide in anyone. Paula had only told closest
family the truth behind Tara’s self harming and Alex had cried on
discovering she’d been raped. Alex recalled her own encounters with
drunken, lecherous blokes who’d taken her friendliness as a come
on. She was experienced enough to deal with it and yet it had
scared her, let alone an innocent like Tara.