Winners (29 page)

Jessie saw her son the next morning for breakfast, as promised, and hugged him tight before she left him.

“I’ll come back soon, I promise,” she said as he put her in a cab.

“I’ll be fine,” he said with a wistful expression. He knew he would be, but he was worried about her. She was so tired and stressed all the time, and so overwhelmed now without his father. He had given the others a stern talking to before he left, not to be difficult and to try and help their mother whenever they could. No one had paid attention to him except Jimmy, who had solemnly promised to do whatever he could to help her, and was trying hard to do so.

Jessie slept on the flight to Reno, and took a cab home. She got her car out of the garage then and picked up all three kids. They stopped at a Burger King for dinner, and they told her about their weekends. Heather had a new boy she liked, and all of them said they had had fun at their friends’ houses. She told them all about Chris’s room and his roommates and what they’d done, and what the campus looked like, and then she told them about The Lily Pad. They weren’t too interested in the project, which seemed remote to them, but they were happy she was home, and so was she. She had enjoyed catching up with Carole over the weekend and hoped to see her again soon. She was glad they had the connection now with Denver, and the excuse to occasionally meet for the weekend, if they could coordinate their schedules again.

Jessie did all their laundry when she got home. She checked that their homework was in order. She read Jimmy a story and tucked him into bed. She reminded Adam and Heather not to stay up too late, and then she lay on her bed for just a minute before she undressed—and woke up in the morning, still fully dressed with the lights on. She had needed the sleep. She often fell asleep that way now.

She showered, dressed, made breakfast, and got everyone off to school, and then she left a sheet of instructions for Barry, the young ski instructor who was coming in that afternoon to babysit the kids. He’d been recommended by the mother of one of Heather’s friends who had hired him the year before to watch her two boys. She and her husband had gotten divorced, and her ex had moved to San Francisco, and she said Barry had been a godsend for her. Jessie hoped he would be for her too. Especially without Chris now, she needed help, and she couldn’t afford a full-time housekeeper without Tim’s salary to complement hers. Barry at the house after school until she came home from work was all she needed. He was twenty-two and had a car, which was even better, since she needed hers for work. He had promised to take Jimmy to the dentist for a checkup that afternoon.

She left the house and got to work before Ben, in time to see her first patient. She had two surgeries scheduled after that, and it was four o’clock before she got back to the office, and six before she finished. And then she dashed home to see the kids. She didn’t know what to expect, but when she walked in, she found utter chaos.

Adam and Jimmy had had a pillow fight in the living room, and there were feathers everywhere, and Jimmy’s lip was bleeding and he was crying. Heather had baked cupcakes to take to school, and had left a huge mess in the kitchen, and burned half of them. She had put the stereo on and it was blaring. There was a half-eaten pizza in a box on the table, and Barry was avidly playing with the PlayStation and letting them do whatever they wanted. He had a bottle of Evian next to him, and took a long drink as he went to the next level of the game and didn’t even see Jessie come in. She stood in front of the TV glaring at him, and he grinned at her, as the boys went silent and scampered upstairs.

“Just what exactly is going on? Is this what you call ‘watching my children’? What were you watching, them trying to kill each other and destroy my house, or Heather burning it down?”

“Sorry,” he said, taking another sip of the Evian, and then he stood up, and Jessie thought he looked unsteady, and suddenly she wondered if what was in the Evian bottle was really water. She picked it up off the table before he could stop her, unscrewed the cap and smelled it, and looked at him with horror.

“What is that?” It had a familiar smell. She knew it was alcohol but she couldn’t identify it.

“Tequila,” he answered simply. He was a drunk, but not a liar.

“Are you crazy? You drove my kids today, and you were
drinking
? Are you insane? Do you want to kill them? Get out of my house! I should report you to the ski school. Do you realize I operate on people all the time who get hit on the road by drunks like you?” And then she held out her hand. “Give me your car keys.”

“Huh?”

“You heard me. Give me your car keys.” She was so livid that he was afraid to argue with her. He fished them out of his pocket and handed them to her.

“I only started drinking when we got back here.”

“That’s nice, I’m sure that seems fine to you, but it doesn’t to me. You were responsible for my children, one of whom is seven. He’s a little kid, and he was bleeding when I walked in. I don’t care if you walk home—you’re not driving if you’ve been drinking. Come back and get your car tomorrow. I’ll leave the keys under the doormat. Now you can go.” He looked frightened of her as he slunk out. He had never seen anyone so angry, and he’d been afraid she might hit him, but she wouldn’t have. She started cleaning up the living room after he left, and burst into tears. And one by one the children came downstairs.

“I’m sorry, Mom.” Adam apologized first, and Jimmy was right behind him. It scared them to see their mother crying—they were big gulping sobs. She’d had enough, and she knew she couldn’t manage without Tim, or Chris, and her son couldn’t give up college to help her.

“Me too,” Jimmy said softly, and Heather came down the stairs and helped Jessie pick up the feathers and the burned cupcakes in the kitchen.

“I was going to clean up before you got home, but I forgot,” she said, embarrassed. They had pushed their mother too far, and they could see it. They didn’t know what to do to make it better now as she continued to cry. She couldn’t stop as she tidied everything up and they helped her.

“Do you realize that kid was drunk?” she said in outrage, looking at all of them. “And he’s not a kid, he’s a man. He should know better. He was drinking tequila while he was supposed to be taking care of you.” She grabbed the Evian bottle, emptied it into the kitchen sink, and threw the empty bottle in the trash.

“We’ll cook dinner, Mom,” Jimmy said, and she realized that he could cook frozen pizza as well as she did. She felt like she kept letting them down again and again because she couldn’t cope. She knew she had to get a grip, but she didn’t know how, and then she quietly left the kitchen and said she’d be back in a few minutes. She walked upstairs to her room and locked the door. She knew now that she had no choice. No matter how upset they would be about it, this was worse.

She sat down on her bed and called Bill Thomas in Denver on her cell phone, and she didn’t even realize she was still crying. He answered on the second ring, and he was startled to hear her voice. He could tell that she was crying.

“Are you all right?”

“No,” she said, and sobbed again. “But I will be. I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much. Not by myself.” She was still sobbing, and he felt sorry for her. “I’ll take the job as medical director. I’ll take the house if you still want to give it to me. I need the money—I can get a decent housekeeper that way. And maybe I can still practice, or join an office of neurosurgery and operate part time. I’ll figure that out later. Just know that I’ll take the job. I need to let Heather finish the school year here, but we could move in June. Will that work for you?” It all came out without stopping for breath, and he was stunned by everything she was saying. He hadn’t expected that at all.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to take advantage of you at a low point. Why don’t you think about it tonight, or for a couple days?” She sounded desperate, and he was sorry for her. She was having a tough time.

“No, I always knew I wanted the job. I just couldn’t do it to my kids. But this is worse. I can’t manage here without Tim or Chris. I just hired some kid to watch my children, and I came home and found him drunk on tequila, and a total mess here.” Bill wished he could give her a hug as he listened—she sounded as though she could use one.

“Why don’t you take it easy tonight, and we’ll talk tomorrow? If you don’t want to leave Squaw, there has to be another way to work it out.”

“I really want the job.”

“And I really want you as our medical director, but I don’t want to exploit your situation and have you regret it later.”

“It doesn’t get much lower than this. Or maybe it does. But I’m ready. I think moving to Denver will do us all good. Ben’s right, it’s too depressing in this house.”

“All right, let’s talk in the morning,” he said kindly. “And Jessie, take it easy tonight. The kids are going to be okay, and so are you, whatever you do.”

“Thank you,” she said sadly. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“We’ve all been there,” he said gently. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” They hung up, and she lay on her bed for a minute, wondering if she was crazy or had done the right thing. She took a breath, blew her nose, and then went downstairs and cooked dinner. And the kids were so worried about her they were angels that night.

When Jessie woke up the next morning, she thought about her call to Bill Thomas the night before. She knew she had sounded crazy, but it felt like the right thing. Her life was over here—it had only worked with Tim, and now it didn’t. And she knew that at first, the kids would be upset about moving to Denver, but it was a fresh start for all of them, a new house, new schools, a new job for her, and they would be close to Chris.

She called Bill back even before she showered and confirmed what she had said the night before.

“I was worried about you last night,” he said gently.

“It was a bad night.” There had been nine months of them since Tim died, and she knew that moving to Denver wouldn’t change that, but it was an exciting job, which would be good for her. “It’s still the right thing. Maybe I had to get to this point to be willing to make a change.”

“I’ll try to make it as easy for you as I can, and June will be fine. And I have the perfect house in mind for you.” He had seen it recently, and had been thinking of buying it for any director they hired, as an incentive to take the job. Free rent, in a beautiful home in one of the best neighborhoods in town, not far from his own house, and it was in an excellent school district.

“Thank you. I’ll try to make you glad you hired me. I want to do a really great job.” She sounded earnest, and he was touched.

“You already are.” He was enormously relieved. She had just solved his biggest problem, finding a director for The Lily Pad. “What are you going to tell your kids?”

“Nothing for about six months. They don’t need to worry about it now. I need to check out the schools. Elementary and middle school for Jimmy and Adam, and high school for Heather.”

“Don’t worry. We have some wonderful schools,” he said calmly. “Heather would be going to Lily’s high school. We’ll work it out, and I’ll help. Just get things organized at your end. This is a big leap ahead for us. When do you think you can come here again?” They had a lot of work to do together now.

“In a few weeks,” she said, thinking about it. “Just don’t say anything to my kids if you call.”

“I won’t,” he promised her. “And Jessie, I’m thrilled.”

“So am I,” she said honestly, and she suddenly felt lighter. She knew she was doing the right thing.

She went downstairs and put Barry’s car keys under the mat. Then she cooked breakfast for the kids, and after they left for school she called Carole and told her the news.

“You made a great decision,” Carole congratulated her. “I’m proud of you. I know it must have been hard to do.”

“Not really. I just lost my mind. After that it was easy,” she laughed. “What about you? When are we going to convince you?”

“Now, now, you’ve been the director for five minutes, and you’re already coercing me.” She laughed, and so did Jessie.

“I wish I could … I hope I can … We need you in Denver.”

“They need me here too. I’m just glad you took the job, Jess.”

“So am I.” She had a feeling of peace that she hadn’t had for months, and her kids would adjust to it. It didn’t seem so insurmountable now. Sometimes kids had to move, and they survived. She knew that hers would too.

She told Ben about it when she went to work, but swore him to secrecy since she wasn’t going to tell her kids for a while. And he was thrilled too. He gave her a big hug and beamed at her.

“I’m so happy for you! You don’t belong here, Jess. You never did. You need to move on.” She discussed the issue of practicing in Denver. She’d have to get a Colorado medical license, and find an office that would let her do surgery part time. She didn’t want to give that up. Ben assured her it wasn’t impossible to find, especially with credentials like hers.

She felt better all day when she thought about what she’d done. She still felt a little guilty toward her children, but she was convinced now that it was the right thing for all of them.

Bill called her again that afternoon to make sure that she hadn’t changed her mind, and she laughed.

“No, I’m sorry I was such a nutball last night. I shouldn’t have called you then.” She was embarrassed, but he was a friend now too.

“You were fine, and you’re not a nutball. You’re human, and you have a lot on your shoulders. I’m just glad you took the job.”

“So am I.” She was smiling this time. And she had decided to rent their house. That way if it didn’t work out in Denver, they could always come back, but she didn’t think they would. But keeping the house was a safety net for them and a smart thing to do. It was going to be a big change.

“There’s an expression I’ve always loved, ‘What blesses one blesses all.’ I believe that. Your taking the job is a blessing for me and The Lily Pad, and hopefully it will be a blessing for you and your kids too.” The Lily Pad had already blessed a lot of people—Joe, Carole, and all the people Bill had hired so far. And it would bless all the kids who stayed there for rehab. It had only begun to bless all those involved. “I’ll call you in a few days,” he said, and hung up, and everything felt lighter to her now. She even stopped at the grocery store on the way home and made them a decent dinner. She realized as she set the table that she hadn’t done that since Tim died. Now that she had accepted the new job, things were finally starting to look up.