Winter Bride (9780345546197) (11 page)

Ysabel didn’t look at her as she unplugged the coffee maker. “I’m glad you’ve found him trustworthy.”

“Trustworthy? He’s saved my neck more than once,” Ronnie said. “He may growl and snap when things don’t go right, but he’s always there when the going gets rough and he stays until the shooting stops.”

“And what then?”

“What else do you want me to say?” Ronnie shook her head in bewilderment. “Isn’t that enough?”

Enough for Ronnie, who was as wary in her own way as Jed, but it wouldn’t be enough for Ysabel. “I’d rather not talk—”

“What the devil do I care what you want?” Ronnie’s
eyes were suddenly blazing. “You hurt him. Now go do something about it.”

Ysabel’s eyes widened. “And what do you suggest I do?”

“How do I know? You did the damage. Repair it.”

She felt as if she had been attacked by a bull-terrier. “You make it sound so simple.”

“It is simple. You screw up, you fix it.”

She gazed at Ronnie curiously. “And what would you do if I didn’t fix it?”

“Don’t ask.” Ronnie turned on the water. “I like you, but Jed and I go back a long way.”

There was no missing the implied threat in Ronnie’s words, and Ysabel’s smile slowly faded. The girl’s fierce loyalty to Jed was as passionate as all her other emotions, and Ysabel wondered wistfully what experiences had cemented that loyalty.

“Go on.” Ronnie began briskly scrubbing the dishes. “I’ll be busy here for a while and then I’m going to take my camera out on deck and work.”

“In the dark?”

Ronnie ignored the question. “I’ll probably be working all night.” She paused meaningfully. “You understand?”

“Perfectly.”

“You make it all right with him any way you have to.”

“Are you suggesting I sleep with him to soothe his feelings?”

“Why not? Sex isn’t important and it seems to make men feel better.” She frowned. “And this time my being around made Jed feel awkward. It’s pretty weird since he’s never been shy about sex
before. I remember in Mexico we shared a house with a prostitute and they went at it like—”

“I don’t believe Jed would want you to discuss this with me,” Ysabel said quickly.

“Maybe not.” She shook her head. “Like I said, he’s weird about you.”

“Weirder than you know,” Ysabel muttered as she headed for the door.

“You’ll fix it?” Ronnie demanded.

“Will you please stop nagging me about—” She stopped as she realized there was genuine concern as well as belligerence in Ronnie’s expression. Perhaps she should have been annoyed with her, but she suddenly realized why she had been willing to let Ronnie bulldoze her. Since the moment she had hurt Jed, she had been miserable about it and desperately wanted to make things right between them. She smiled gently. “Ronnie, don’t worry. I’ll fix it.”

He stood at the rail, his legs astride, staring out into the darkness, appearing about as approachable as an iceberg.

She hesitated and then crossed the deck to stand beside him. “I know you don’t like me to say I’m sorry but, if I don’t, Ronnie may throw me overboard.”

He didn’t answer.

“At least growl at me so I’ll know I’m not completely beyond the pale.”

“I don’t growl. Animals growl.”

“I’d say you do a fairly good imitation.” She put her hand on his arm and felt the muscles harden
beneath her touch. “Ronnie says I have to make things right with you.”

“Charming. Im not sure whether this apology is coming from you or Ronnie.”

“It’s coming from me. What can I do to show you how sorry I am?”

“What did Ronnie suggest?” he asked caustically.

She smiled. “Sex.”

He made a low exclamation and turned to face her, his blue eyes glittering silver in the moonlight. “I don’t find that amusing.”

“I did. She seems to think sex is like an aspirin or a Band-Aid.”

“I could have used that particular Band-Aid in the last few days. Lying in that bunk beside you, I felt as if I were bleeding to death.”

Her smile disappeared. “Really? I would never have guessed it.”

“Because I made you a promise.” He added through his teeth, “Take your hand away.”

She spoke quickly, not looking at him. “You should have told me. I thought you were over it. It’s all right, you know. We made an agreement. If you want—”

“To jump your bones?” he finished harshly. He took her hand off his arm and put it on the rail. “No, thank you. It’s not enough anymore.”

She inhaled sharply, trying to smother a leap of hope at his words. “It’s not?”

“You know it’s not. I
told
you I didn’t want to get to know you. I knew it would get in the way.”

Hope died almost at the instance of birth. “You
mean it gets in the way of your conception of the Winter Bride,” she said dully.

“Stop putting words in my mouth.”

“That must be what you mean.”

“I don’t know what I meant. I haven’t been able to think straight since I met you.” He glared down at her. “And it’s not going to get any better if I let you lull me off to carnal bliss every time I run into one of these walls you throw up against me.”

“What do you want? What would make it better?”

“Answers.”

“I can’t talk about San Miguel,” she whispered. “I don’t have the right.”

“Half a loaf is better than zilch. Talk about Winter Island.”

“I’d rather not, if you don’t mind,” she said stiltedly.

“I do mind.”

“Why? It’s all in the past now.”

“Because I need to know you.”

“I told you I’m not that woman on the island.”

“The hell you aren’t. You couldn’t have lived those years in a vacuum.”

“You think not? I did live—” She broke off as she realized she was being unfair again. Because she desperately wanted to block out that period, she was closing Jed out entirely. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything. What you felt, what you did, what you thought.”

“I think you’re still trying to decipher the Winter Bride,” she said with a bittersweet smile. “You
knew your father very well so you must know what my life was like.”

“I don’t know and it’s like a hot brand inside me, thinking about you and him and wondering …” His tone was unrelenting. “Tell me.”

“It was difficult.” She crossed her arms over her chest to still their trembling. “I had to learn … You must understand my nature isn’t gentle. At sixteen I was a young hellion. But Arnold perceived the Bride to be gentle, so I had to become the Bride. I had to learn to walk, to move, to speak only when spoken to, to obey his every wish without question.”

“And Betty’s wish?”

“Yes, she was Arnold’s second in command. To disobey her was to disobey Arnold and would reap the same punishment.”

“Physical abuse.”

“On Arnold’s part. Betty soon found her own way to punish me and keep me submissive.” Her nails dug into her upper arms. “I think I preferred being struck. She flayed my spirit.”

“Good God, why did you stay?” he said thickly.

“It was necessary. You can do anything you have to do if it’s necessary.” Her eyes were stinging and she blinked rapidly to keep back the tears. “Have I said enough? I’d like to forget it now, please.”

“Lord.” He suddenly turned and swept her into his arms and rocked her back and forth in an agony of sympathy. “What am I going to do with you?”

Keep holding me, she wanted to tell him. She felt treasured, cosseted as she hadn’t since she was a small child. “Is it enough?”

“Not by a long shot,” he said huskily as his hand cupped the back of her head. “How the hell did you survive it?”

It was easier to talk now, almost as if he were absorbing the pain of those years. “By living in a vacuum, studying, by trying to win something from every defeat.” She nestled closer, speaking dreamily. “That’s the important thing—not to ever let yourself be totally defeated. Every time I was forced into a situation where I had to yield, I tried to find a way to win something for myself. From subjugation you can learn patience, from ugliness you can learn beauty, from cruelty you can learn—”

“Wait.” She felt him stiffen against her and he slowly pushed her away, to look down into her eyes. “And what did you win from me?”

She moistened her lips. “What do you mean?”

“When you came to my bed that day at the cottage you said you had your own reasons for doing it. What were they? How were you going to survive that particular defeat?”

“What difference does it make?”

“I want to know, dammit.”

He wasn’t going to be deterred and she would not lie to him. “A child.”

His eyes widened. “What?”

“I love children. I would like one of my own.” She spoke quickly, her gaze fastened on the top button of his shirt. “Don’t you see, it was the only way I could win. You’d placed me in a position of subjugation.”

“I must have misinterpreted your response,” he said caustically. “I thought we both won in that encounter.”

“Pleasure? Of course, there was pleasure but you still forced that pleasure on me. I didn’t come seeking. I came at your command because it was something I had to do.” She met his gaze. “Can’t you understand? I had to win something for myself.”

“My child?” His hands tightened on her shoulders. “You’re not on the Pill?”

“No.” She added, “I may not have become pregnant, of course, but I hope very much that I did. That day may have been my only chance for a child because, even if I found another man I could respond to, I don’t believe I could tolerate a so-called relationship.” She shuddered. “I never want to be caught in that cage again.”

“So you play hit-and-run and walk away with my child.”

“Perhaps.” She straightened her shoulders. “But you needn’t worry about it. It has nothing to do with you.”

“The hell it doesn’t. I’m not a walking sperm bank. I have feelings, dammit.” His lips tightened. “And I learned through bad example how not to be a father. One of the rules is that you don’t walk away from responsibility.”

“You’re not being reasonable.”

“How would you know what reason is? Your life has been nothing but compromises.”

How could she deny the truth? “I didn’t mean to upset you again.” She tried to smile. “Ronnie’s going to be—”

“Oh yes, we’re back to Ronnie’s philosophy. ‘Soothe the hurt with good old-fashioned sex.’ ” His lips twisted sardonically. “But she doesn’t know
what might result from that application, does she?” He released her and turned away. “Well, I’m through ‘commanding’ you to my bed and I’m through being used so you can win your own little battles.”

“You don’t understand.”

“I do understand.” The glance he shot her over his shoulder held an element of torment as well as frustration. “That’s the trouble. Half of me wants to pick you up and cuddle you and tell you it’s all right that you felt you had to use me, and the other half wants to strangle you.” He strode toward the steps. “Go to bed.”

“Where are you going?”

“To the galley to see Ronnie. I feel in the mood for a cutthroat game of cards and she’s a hell of a lot better at poker than she is at giving advice.”

“It looks deserted.” Ysabel’s gaze searched the vacant streets and ramshackle huts of the small village hugging the coastline. “Where are all the people?”

“Dead,” Jed said. “Four of Juan Perez’s rebel band were wounded in a raid and came here to take refuge. When Marino discovered they were here, he decided to make an example of the village. He ordered every man, woman, and child killed and the village abandoned.”

“Charming man,” Ronnie said ironically as she guided the cruiser closer to the pier.

Ysabel’s hands tightened on the rail. “He’s a monster.”

Ronnie gave Jed a sidelong glance from beneath
her lashes. “I vote we get some footage that will kick Congress into giving more aid to the rebels. How about it?”

“The CIA has been trying to find a way to snag Marino for the last year, but it’s not likely that Congress will give any overt help after Nicaragua.”

“We can try.”

“Perez’s rebels have been doing pretty well on their own lately.”

“A couple of choice pictures wouldn’t hurt. Is Ramon going to meet us here at the village?” Ronnie cut off the engine and pressed the button that lowered the anchor.

“Us?” Jed asked dryly. “I thought you were going to stay on board and guard the cruiser.”

“I decided the cruiser would be safe here and you might need me more to help with this mysterious search.” Ronnie grinned impudently at him. “Besides, Ramon always liked me best.”

“Which doesn’t say much. He doesn’t really like anyone or anything but his printing press.”

“Who is this Ramon?” Ysabel asked.

“Ramon Damirez. He publishes an underground newspaper in the capital and has contacts with the rebels. Marino wants his neck as much as he does mine.”

“Well, is he going to meet us?” Ronnie asked.

Jed nodded as he jumped down to the pier and then helped Ysabel. “At the priest’s living quarters at the chapel where he met us when we came here two years ago.” He released Ysabel at once and turned to help Ronnie, but she had already jumped to the pier. “I had to call in a few favors to get him here, but I don’t promise that he’ll be very
eager to help. He has more important fish to fry than searching for lost objects.”

“I believe he’ll be willing to help me find this one.” She felt strange to be back in San Miguel after all these years. This was the island of her birth yet now it felt as alien as Winter Island. She moved quickly down the pier. “Are you sure the village is entirely deserted?”

“According to Ramon.”

“Still we’d better be cautious. Marino has spies everywhere.”

“You seem very aware of the situation here.”

“Not enough. If I’d known more, I wouldn’t have needed your help. You trust this Ramon?”

“Implicitly,” Jed said. “But then I evidently have more faith in human nature than you do.”

Ysabel felt a wrenching pain at the barb but carefully schooled her expression not to reveal it. “Perhaps you can afford faith.” She quickened her pace. “At any rate, in this case I’ll have to rely on your judgment.” She caught sight of the small white stucco chapel at the edge of the deserted village, and a leap of hope went through her. Alien land or not, she was here. Impulsively she turned to Jed and whispered, “Thank you. You don’t know what this means to me.”