Winter In August (24 page)

He had been calling every hour on the hour and left several messages I couldn’t answer.

I let my guard down by letting him into my life and allowing myself to fall for him. My therapist had told me I needed to love and trust someone. She told me love was there in front of me and I needed to accept someone’s love so I could move on with my life and be happy. Fuck that. Loving someone was nothing but problems.

Like I knew he would, that evening he stopped by my house. I let him in the front door trying like hell not to make eye contact.

“Not answering my phone calls?” Colt asked walking in the door. He took my breath away even as pissed as I was with him. He came over from work still in his suit and tie. His hair needed a cut, and his face sported a five o’clock shadow I adored. He knew how to make me melt, and he was using this tactic to his advantage.

“I have nothing to say to you, Colt. If I did, I would have answered.”

“That’s a first. You have so much to say all the time. I wanted to talk to you.”

I closed my eyes and looked away from him.

“I’ve been busy. Since you took it upon yourself to find my mother behind my back, I have a whole other set of problems.” I said not looking at him.

He eased himself closer to me, but I held my ground. He ignored what I said to him.

“Did you get the purse I sent you?” He sent me a Louis Vuitton purse to the salon. I noticed the purse one day while Colt and I were out shopping. I told him, once I opened my salon, I would buy that for myself. He obviously took me seriously, but typical of him, he wanted to get it for me. He’d had the purse delivered last week, with a card saying “Take the Louis on opening day of your new salon.” I had the purse ready to give back to him.

“Yes, as a matter of fact. You need to take it back. I don’t need an expensive purse bought for me.” I walked to the closet to get it out.

Colt followed behind me and threw up his hands. “No, I won’t take this purse back.” I turned to face him. He raked his hand through his hair setting my insides on fire.

“I don’t need gifts bought for me or mothers found by your resources.”

“I’m sorry. I thought you wanted to see her. I thought finding her was the one issue that would make you happy. I didn’t find her to be an asshole, Gabby.”

“I wanted to find her on my terms, Colt. Not because you are rich and have the resources to find her.”

“What difference does it make how we found her?”

“It fucking makes a ton of difference to me,” I yelled. I pounded the table I was standing in front of to make a point. Colt tried to get closer to me, but I kept backing away.

“Gabby, settle down. I didn’t do this to hurt you or piss you off. I wouldn’t do that to you. I…I love you.” He said looking away from me.

“No, no you don’t. No one loves me. Nobody has loved me but, one man and he’s dead. I don’t want to hear it. You like to control me and flaunt your power. You don’t love me.”

I started to shake. The fact he told me he loved me, was unsettling.

“You don’t own me, Cold Andrews.”

“I don’t want to own you, Gabby. I want to love you. That’s all that matters. I loved one woman beside you and she left me forever. I won’t let that happen with you.”

He grabbed me and held me close to him. I tried to fight him, pushed him away from me. I tried to pound on his chest. He held me close and wouldn’t let me go.

“I need to be alone for a while. Aren’t you going to Alaska again?

“Yes, I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“Well, that’s good. I need time.” I looked out the window with my back to Colt. I turned around to see his expression and to my surprise he had none.

“Okay. If that’s what you want, I’m not going to argue with you anymore. I told you before I have a business to run and this fucked up shit is causing me too much stress. You need to get some help if you think everyone in your life is out to hurt you. I would never think to hurt you, Gabby. I’ll give you some time, but I swear to God, this is going to be the last time. What I did for you was out of love and nothing else you have dreamt up in your head. I guess I will see you when I see you.”

I stood there looking at him. Something didn’t feel right. I didn’t want him to leave me, yet I was so angry with him.

Colt walked up to me and planted a kiss on my forehead, turned around, and walked out of the back door. I stood in the kitchen until his car pulled off in the distance. I was once again alone.

Chapter 21

I
walked into the salon earlier than expected one Saturday morning. Colt had been gone for a week, and like he promised, I had not heard from him. I took the time to work and Sven was helping me search for a place to start my business. We were scouring locations and building almost nightly. He offered to let me call my place Gino’s II and I was considering his idea.

The place was not busy yet, only a few of the regulars. I wanted to get an early start for the day which promised to be insane. We were doing the hair for two bridal parties. The day would be a parade of hairspray, updos, and lots of bobby pins. As I approached the front of the building and walked inside I noted a woman standing in the waiting area. Dressed in designer clothes, perfect makeup, and her hands folded in front of her. I walked up closer to her and was stunned. Standing in front of me was my mother. I dropped my purse and froze.

I didn’t know if I should ignore her, speak to her, or slap her. She was still beautiful as I had remembered, only older.

“Gabby?” The same voice that would sing to me, tell me stories and tell me I was her girl.

“Mom?” I had no expression on my face. I was in shock.

“Yes. It's me.” She smiled and opened her arms for me to give her a hug. I wasn’t hugging her. The smile wasn’t genuine but clearly forced. I stood in front of her expressionless. All these years and she stood in front of me now. Why now? Because my dad had died or because Colt called Annie? Now she wanted to be a part of my life?

I studied the face I had not seen in almost twenty years. She looked the same except for the fact her skin was stretched and tightened, she had no lines around her eyes, and she was dressed better than I ever remembered. She had a slight tan, same black hair put up, and the same bright red nails I remembered as a little girl.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. The air seemed to be sucked out of my body. What was happening? For so long I had wanted my mother, needed her, and cried for her. She was standing in front of me acting as if she was gone on a two-week vacation and was coming back home to take me out to lunch and share pictures.

“I wanted to see you. I received the message about your dad. I was told you worked here.” Her gaze took all of me in one fast sweep.

“Wanted to see me? Why? Because I have no one now? Now you want to see me.” I didn’t flinch.

My mom glided to me on black Louboutins. I staggered back against the wall. I didn’t want her to think she could touch me.

“Can we go somewhere and talk?’ I didn’t want to go anywhere with her, but I also didn’t want her in the salon. My eyes went to Sven who watched everything unfold.

“Are you here because of dad dying or because I visited Annie?” She whipped around and looked at me stunned.

“You visited Annie?” Her face became instantly red.

I hesitated as I watched her reaction. “Yes, I went to see Annie. I went to see her a few months ago. She told me the whole story. Should I refresh your memory? Does that make you nervous?” She stopped in her tracks.

Now I had her attention. I’ve been waiting for twenty years, but now she wanted to talk to me. She insisted we go somewhere again. I told her I had a very busy day and I would meet her after my shift. She could wait for me now.

“Fine, what time do you get done here?” she looked around as if the place I worked at was beneath her. Her eyes scanned everything as she sneered.

“I’m done at four. I can meet you over there.” I pointed to a café called The Roundtree. Not my favorite place, but the small overly priced restaurant wouldn’t be busy at four. They made strong drinks, and I’m sure I would need several to sit with her for any amount of time.

“Great, I will see you then.” She spun around on her expensive heels and headed out the door. No goodbye, have a nice day, or a kind word. A black SUV was waiting to whisk her away to I don’t know where, and I didn’t care.

“Are you okay?” Sven came up to me and gave me a hug.

“I’m fine. That was my mom, Sven.” He pulled me away from him and looked shocked.

“I’m sorry, Honey. She’s not very nice.”

I laughed. “No, she’s not very nice at all.” Tab rushed over to me with an espresso.

I grabbed the coffee from him and went to my workstation. I had work to do and she wasn’t going to ruin my day, not anymore.

At four I made my way to the restaurant reluctantly. Dani was already there at a table with a worried expression on her face. I greeted her with a hello and sat across from her. The first few minutes of our salad and bread were more than uncomfortable. What do you say to a woman who abandoned you? A woman who never contacted you for twenty years? There wasn’t much to say and yet there was so much I had on my mind. I took the opportunity to study her face closer. She was twenty-one when she had me, so she was still young. She was still so beautiful, yet almost ruining her looks with fillers, lip injections, and what looked like a recent eye lift. I noticed so much of me in her behind all of that. I had been told I was the spitting image of her for as long as I could remember. Looking at her close up, that was once true. We even had the same mole on the right side of our chin. The more I thought about the holidays she had missed and the special things she was not involved in, the angrier I became. I sat and waited for my mom to start talking sipping my whiskey and eating a piece of bread from the bread bowl.

“So, tell me about this trip you took to Annie’s.” How nice. Not how have you been for the past twenty years? What’s new with you? I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you started your period or needed a mother figure to confide in. Nothing from this heartless woman.

“I went to the Seaside a while ago. I needed to get away. I had no idea you were a lesbian.” My mom looked as if she saw a ghost. Dani was about to take a bite of her salad and put her fork down on her linen napkin.

“I’m not a lesbian, Gabby.” My mom looked down, and I noticed she had fake eyelashes on. What a difference from what I remembered nineteen years ago when she hated to wear makeup of any kind. The restaurant was becoming crowded, and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

“Come on. You two were like a real couple. I’m not a child anymore. That’s when you last saw me, right?” She ignored me.

“Well, whatever she said to you, our time together wasn’t a big deal. I was curious”

“Bullshit. You left us for a woman.” I yelled and looked around.

I was in no mood for any more lies. I drank the last of my whiskey and stared at my mom. My gaze bore into her.

“She told me everything, Dani,” I hissed. I motioned for the waiter to bring me another drink.

Honesty was all I cared about and another whiskey.

Dani’s hand went to her throat and I caught a glimpse of the huge diamond on her left hand. A diamond fit for a queen, not a poor girl from Ohio who left her daughter, husband, and now a girlfriend.

“Okay, I was confused, Gabriella. I thought I loved her. I was looking for anything to make me happy.”

“Like you thought you loved my dad?”

“I didn’t love your dad.” The waiter came over and I asked for another whiskey and my mother did the same.

“Whiskey drinker?” Dani sarcastically smiled at me sensing our similarities.

“Whiskey and our looks, I hope, are the only things similar.” I looked away. The sight of this woman made my blood boil. How could she smile as if nothing happened?

“I know you’re angry. I would be, too. I don’t blame you for hating me. You have no idea how miserable I was.” The whiskeys were sat in front of us as I downed mine in two gulps.

I didn’t respond to my mother. The silence was deafening as we sat alone with each other in a noisy restaurant. Each of us in our own thoughts and both refusing to listen to the other.

Jesus Christ, how is this even happening right now?

“Why didn’t you ever check on me?”

Dani sat and looked at her nails not able to answer or at least give me the answer I longed to hear

“You never once called me or came to see me. Dad raised me by himself with no idea what to do with a girl. He drank himself into a stupor every day. Every day I wondered what I was facing when I came home. Every day was hell. I went through so many things without you. Didn’t you miss me at all?”

“I missed you every day of my life. Every day I thought of you Gabby. Every night I cried for you. I was confused and didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t face your father or the family.”

I smacked the table and made my mother jump. Clusters of people sitting around eating stopped to look at us with a disapproving stare. “I’m your daughter. I’m a part of you. We have the same blood and yet that didn’t make you realize I needed you. What I went through five years ago was the worst time of my life. Aren’t mothers supposed to feel the pain their daughters feel? Are you that heartless, and out of touch with me?”