Winter in Full Bloom (12 page)

“Are you Camille Violet Daniels?”

“Yes.”

I tried to take in more air, but my faster breaths only made me lightheaded.
Calm yourself, Lily.

“You’re thinner than I imagined. And you have longer hair.” Camille clutched herself around her waist.

“So, you know who I am?” I wanted to memorize everything about her. My feverish study landed on her eyes. They had that same gray hue with flecks of green and brown. And the same probing, melancholy gaze as if perpetually searching for something. Perhaps she’d found it—perhaps we both had. So lovely. Camille was beautiful. Did that mean I was beautiful too? “Forgive me for staring. This is pretty wild to see you for the first time.”

But then Camille was staring too. “Like looking into a mirror. Yeah,” she said in a breathy voice. Her gaze intensified as it brimmed with cautious scrutiny.

“Yes.” I chuckled, eager to hug her, but I took my cues from her more quiet approach and stayed back.

“So, you’re my identical twin sister, Lily.” Camille’s remark came out more to herself than to me.

“Yes, I am. Lily Winter. I married, but I’m a widow now.” I released another joyful chuckle. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to find you. I thought it might not happen, and yet God saw fit to let us have a reunion.” But concern wiggled between us. Why didn’t Camille seem as elated as I was?

Camille turned her head and coughed. “It was from the note I sent your mother, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. I would have come right away, six months ago when you sent the note, but Mother just now told me. I never knew about you until recently.” I tried not to grind my teeth at the thought of Mother holding back such news.

“Yes, that sounds about right.” Camille’s tone held a slight edge. “But then I never expected anyone to come. I’m sorry you fell just now and hurt yourself, trying to find me.”

“It’s okay. I’m just so thrilled to meet you.”

Camille stuck out her hand.

I took her hand in mine and gave it a jovial shake. Her skin felt cool and her muscles shivery. “Do you mind it if I give you a hug?”

“Of course not.”

At first I wasn’t sure if she meant a yes or no. I paused but when she took a step closer to me I took her in my arms for a good bear hug. The kind Julie always loved. She smelled of mint. Nice. But Camille didn’t return the embrace. Her arms merely moved from her waist to her side. My spirit felt a little crushed.
Oh, dear God, what’s wrong?
Why didn’t my sister seem happy over our reunion? I released Camille and pulled back to study her. “I realize this is kind of sudden. Maybe I should have called you first. I didn’t have your number. I wasn’t sure—”

“I didn’t send my phone number or address for a reason,” she said.

“Oh, I see.” But I didn’t understand at all. The passersby gaped at us. A woman’s purse bumped me. “You know, maybe it would be easier if we went inside. Somewhere cozy so we can talk.”

I suddenly remembered Marcus, whom I’d forgotten to introduce. I glanced around and found him. He’d backed away from us—I assume to give us some privacy, but there was little to be had on the sidewalk. I gestured to Marcus to come over to meet my sister. Maybe he could add some warmth to our reunion. “Camille, this is my new Aussie friend, Marcus Averill. He’s been helping me… to find you. I don’t know what I would have done without him.”

“Hi.” Camille smiled, but didn’t reach out her hand to him.

“Good to meet you,” Marcus said to her. “I know Lily is excited to finally meet you.”

“That’s nice.” Camille turned back to me. “I guess what I have to say can be said right here.” She tugged on her ear, just the way I used to do when I was a kid.

“Okay.” I had a feeling her next words were going to devastate me, so I wanted to run and hide. “Yes?”

“I have a message for your mother and for you,” Camille said.

Even amidst the noise on the street and the hustle-bustle of people, the air seemed to crackle with nervous energy and ire. The world stopped its spinning as it waited—as I waited—for Camille’s reply. For a sign of any kind that she might welcome me into her life.

Camille coughed again. This time with more fervor.

“Are you okay?”

“No. I’ve never been okay. That’s the problem.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” I tried to keep the rising panic out of my voice.

“I didn’t send my phone number and address because part of me didn’t want to have anything to do with your mother or father or with any of you. But I couldn’t seem to sever things completely. Another part of me wanted you to know what I’ve been through. I felt I deserved that small courtesy.”

“Of course. I will—”

“You can tell Mr. and Mrs. Gray that they were heartless to give me away simply because I was sickly. What kind of a mother does that to her child at one year old?”

“I had no idea that’s what happened.” Father had actually agreed with Mother? To do something so merciless? I clutched my throat, desperate for her to understand me. “Mother told me you were taken away from her, but I had no idea what really happened.”

Camille burbled out a laugh laced with bitterness. “So, this is the lie they told themselves and everyone around them.”

“I doubt she’s told anyone about you until now, except, of course, when you were first born. She would have had to tell some people then. Honestly, with such a horrible scenario Mother would be ashamed I’m sure. I hope she would be ashamed anyway. And I don’t know about Father. He’s been dead since I was nine.”

“Oh.”

“So much has happened. So many years …” I reached out to Camille, but seeing that she was already backing away, I dropped my hand. “Please, it’s so noisy out here. Couldn’t we talk somewhere quiet? Like a café?” My head went light and buzzy.

When Camille didn’t reply, I said, “I agree. What our parents did to you was truly heartless. You’ve obviously been through some rough times because of them. Believe me, I know. Mother has been unkind to me more times than—”

“Please stop.” Camille put up her hands. “You cannot possibly understand. After Mrs. Gray gave me away, I was adopted by Naomi and Terrell Daniels. My adoptive mother was a good woman, a decent mother, but she died when I was ten. My father swore it was an accident with some sleeping pills, but I know what really happened. She took her own life. She couldn’t handle his abusive ways. After her death I had to grow up fast. My father lost his job and then started to drink. That made him become even more abusive. One night I barely survived the beating. So, please don’t tell me you understand. It’s deeply insulting to me.”

Marcus stirred next to me but said nothing.

“It was a bad choice of words on my part. Please forgive me. I just want to get to know you. I want to have a relationship with—”

“But why?” Camille raised her hands and splayed her fingers in the air. “You’re just going back home in a few days. We’ll never see each other again. You have your life. I have mine, what little bit I’ve scraped together for myself. You were the chosen one, Lily. The child who was born with good health and put up on the shelf to be admired … treasured. I am the broken doll that was put in a cardboard box and given away.

“Now, almost forty years later,” Camille went on to say, “you expect me to forget everything and make merry as if nothing happened. As if you can wipe away the past with a few pretty words. You’ve come to take a piece of my heart, but you might as well be asking for a slice of the moon.” She covered her mouth with a handkerchief and coughed. “That’s my message to you and your mother. I’ve been practicing it for a very long time.”

“Oh, I see. Well …” Even though Camille and I spoke the same language, and all the words were at my disposal, I stammered, feeling bewildered and spent.

Before I could find the right words, Camille said, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Lily Winter, I’m going to finish living my life.” And then Camille turned away from me and hurried down the sidewalk. Like a rock thrown into the sea, she was absorbed by the undulating crowd.

I turned to Marcus. “I don’t want it to end this way. It just can’t. What should I do?” I took hold of his arm, nearly tearing his sleeve.

“Lily, I’m so sorry,” he said.

“I can’t let her go. I’m going to run after her.”

“You can’t run anywhere with that wounded knee, but I can.” Marcus took off after Camille, but I limped behind him. When some of the people walked on by and the crowd opened up, I got a better view of Camille and Marcus. He’d caught up with her, and they were talking. I stopped, watching intently. Marcus looked as if he was trying to convince her of something. Camille nodded slowly. She no longer appeared to be in a flight mode. Maybe Marcus could save the day, salvage the moment.

After a few moments, which seemed like time without end, he walked back toward me. With a smile on his handsome face.

Camille looked back at me. She didn’t smile, but she gave me a nod and then strode on her way.

I limped up to Marcus. “What happened?” Please let it be good news.

“
She’s willing to meet with you
,” Marcus said to me.

“Really? How did you do it? What did you say?” I latched onto the sleeve of his jacket and didn’t let go.

He glanced away, paused, and then looked at me. “I told your sister that there was a car accident a year ago that killed my sister, and it was my fault. And that I would give anything to see her again. Just one chance to say I was sorry and to tell her how much I love her. Please give Lily this one chance … the chance I’ll never get.”

A hundred emotions erupted inside me, and I could do nothing but let them out. I gave Marcus the hug that Camille would not accept. “Thank you.” As if he were still connected to my sister, I didn’t want to let go of him.

He wrapped his arms around me, creating a little cocoon from the noise and the crowds and the fresh remembrance of watching Camille walk away from me in an attitude of hurt and anger. “I realize I’m making a blubbering fool of myself out here on the sidewalk, but I don’t care,” I said into his jacket.

“It’s all right.” He rubbed my back and made soft noises that consoled me as I continued to bury my face in the curve of his arm.
Camille, why did you run? We need each other. How can you not see what I see?
A car honked and then screeched to a halt in the street, jarring me from my little womb of daydreams. I eased away from Marcus and asked, “Where am I supposed to meet her?”

“Tonight. She’s going to play her flute. She’ll be in her usual spot.”

“That’s wonderful. Thank you again and again.” I shook my head. “But I don’t know what went wrong earlier.”

“I think she’s scared. Maybe your sister had planned to tell you off and then be rid of you, but now that she’s met you in person it wasn’t so easy. She’s scared to get involved … to care about you.”

“Do you think that’s really it?”

“It’s just a guess,” he said. “How’s your knee?”

“I sort of forgot about it.” I offered him a lukewarm smile.

“You might remember your knee again when we start walking. You still need to get it cleaned up and bandaged.”

“We’d better go back for now.” I knew we’d miss our fun outing, but for me the joy had ended when Camille walked away.

“Here, lean on me.” Marcus held out his arm to me. “And if you don’t, then I’m going to pick you up in front of this whole crowd and carry you back. Okay?”

It wasn’t a request, so I quickly took Marcus’s arm and put some of my weight on him.

When we’d made it back to the lobby of my hotel, I said, “I suddenly feel the full load of what just happened with my sister and the news about my parents, and to be honest, I’m worn out.” Someone at the front desk looked over at me with concern. Since I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, I lowered my voice. “I think I’d like to clean up and rest.”

“Do you want to talk about it? Would that help?”

“I will sometime, but right now I just want to be in bed. I want to be unconscious from this day.” I didn’t even want to dream, fearing it wouldn’t be a happy one.

“All right then. I understand. It must have been quite a blow today. I know it wasn’t what you’d expected.”

“Maybe I was hoping for one of those family reunions like you see on TV.” I let out a chuckle. “Nothing ever really works out like we plan … does it?”

“No. But sometimes things turn out much better.”

“Yes, that’s true. Easy to forget that on a day like this.”

Before Marcus turned to go, I asked, “How about dinner? Would that be okay?” I couldn’t believe I suggested a date, but that was exactly what I’d done. And if Marcus said no I would go to my room and cry like a baby. I was that wound up emotionally from my encounter with Camille. And I was that fond of him.

“But tonight is special,” Marcus said. “You don’t want me to tag along. You should wait and eat after you hear Camille play. Your sister might be able to eat with you.”

“Now that’s thoughtful,” I said.

“Don’t get me wrong. I would love to take you out, but your sister seems skittish, and with me there you won’t be able to really talk, and it sounds like you both have a great deal of road to cover. This evening needs to be about twins bonding for the first time, not a date with me, even though I’d love to be selfish and say yes. But I’d just clog up the works. Am I right?”