Winter Kisses (16 page)

“About us? What's there to think about? I love you, Monica. I want to spend the rest of my life trying as hard as I can to deserve the strong, independent woman you've grown into.”

“But I don't know if I want that from you, Alex. I don't know if I want your love and protection or if I even deserve it. I don't know this woman you claim to love because I feel like she's someone I pretended to be all these years. I need to know if I, if the real Monica Lakefield, loves you or even wants the type of commitment you're talking about.”

“What are you saying?” Alex asked, his face hardening as he waited. “Just say it, Monica. Tell me no and mean it with your heart.”

Monica took a deep breath and did what was possibly the hardest thing she'd had to do. “No, Alex. I don't want this with you right now. I'm saying no and
meaning it with all my heart.” The last words hitched as tears flowed freely once more. Her chest constricted, her heart hammering as if it would jump right out of her chest.

Alex nodded. He went to the closet, grabbed his bag and threw the clothes he'd had on yesterday inside then quietly walked out the door. Out of her life.

And Monica sat on the floor in the middle of her bedroom, wrapped only in a towel, and cried some more.

Four weeks later

T
hey'd been through so much in such a short span of time. Valentine's Day was almost over and here she was stepping off the elevator onto the twenty-third floor where the executive offices of Bennett Industries were located. Monica took a deep breath and walked with the confidence she was known for, the confidence that had been shaken a bit in the past couple of weeks, but was now back with a vengeance.

Alex told her once that when she said no with her heart he'd walk away. And he had. Monica thought her heart could never be broken as severely as it had been years ago by Yates. Now she knew an entirely different kind of hurt. Yates hurt her mentally and physically, he took a part of her she hadn't even learned to live with
yet. He'd taken her youth, her idealism about love and relationships, and turned them into something ugly and dark. Then he'd threatened her life. Looking back it was probably more than foolish of her not to tell her family about what he'd done to her, or to tell someone so that at least she could move on with her life with some semblance of sanity.

Luckily and finally, she'd closed that chapter of her life. Yates was a part of her past and nothing more. She'd given him too much of herself as it was. And she hadn't given Alex enough. It was beyond humbling to realize that she'd wanted his love so much and had thrown it away under the pretense of protecting herself. Alex wanted to protect her and to love her and she'd been a fool. That's what Deena had said and Karena had agreed when they'd been on the three-way call days after she'd pushed Alex away. Although Karena hadn't been as vocal as Deena. It still amazed Monica that her baby sister had so much clarity and good sense when it came to relationships when all along Monica had found herself advising Deena.

“Who would have thought two of the Lakefield sisters would have to deal with a deranged stalker?” Deena had asked while they were on the phone, trying to lighten the mood that had been dampened by Monica's admission about the rape. “And in the end it was you that kicked both their asses!” Her baby sister had laughed at that.

“So now what are you going to do about Alex?” Karena had asked. “He really loves you, Monica.”

“Yeah, and that's not an easy feat,” Deena added.

“Okay, Deena, I get it.”

“No, Monica, I don't think you do. You think ev
erything has to happen in your time, according to your plan. But that's not how love works. It's not how life works. This man loves you, tried to protect you, wanted to give you the world and you pushed him away. Why? Because you were feeling sorry for yourself?”

“No, because I need to find myself.”

“When exactly did you lose yourself? You've been the same strong-minded, ambitious, loyal sister every year of my life. You think Yates took something from you but he didn't—he unknowingly strengthened what was already there.”

It had taken her a couple more days, then three weeks of therapy on Mondays and Wednesdays, to see how true Deena's words really were.

Now she was here, at the door to Alex's office. It was well after nine so the staff was all gone for the evening. Yet she'd known without a doubt this was where she'd find Alex. They were so alike in their business practices it was scary. She wondered briefly how a future with them would work considering their schedules, but brushed that thought off. No more negativity. No more protecting herself from the unknown. She was going for what she wanted, hoping against hope that he still wanted her.

After knocking on the door, she waited to hear his voice telling her to come in. When she didn't she almost turned to leave. But then the door opened and instead of hearing his voice she was blessed with seeing his handsome face.

“This is a surprise,” he said.

His face was blank and Monica searched his eyes urgently, trying to pick up some emotion. If it was there, Alex hid it well.

“I probably should have called first, but honestly I knew you'd be here.”

He nodded. “Do you want to come in?”

“Yes. Thanks.”

He stepped to the side and she moved past him into his office. A very cordial act that did nothing to bolster her confidence. Behind her she heard him close and lock the door.

“So what brings you by? Is everything all right at the gallery?”

“The gallery is fine,” she said, removing her leather jacket and placing it along with her purse on one of the guest chairs.

Alex had made his way around his desk and was just sitting in his chair. “Oh, Adriana thanks you implicitly for giving her Jaydon Donovan's number. She's going to Miami later this month to meet with her. And I think her older brother Dion is going to do some kind of article in their magazine about her transition.”

Monica smiled sincerely. “I'm glad I could help. I really like your sisters, Alex. Your whole family is a great bunch of people. You're very lucky.”

“Thank you.”

She cleared her throat and sat up straight in the chair—old habits died hard.

“Why don't you just tell me what you're doing here, Monica?”

“You once called me Queen. I think you said I was your queen and that you wanted to spend the rest of your life loving me or something like that.” She gave him a nervous smile, but he didn't return it.

“You also told me if I said no and meant it you would walk away. And you did.”

“I did.”

“That hurt me more than anything I thought ever could.”

“That wasn't my intention. I was doing what you asked.”

She nodded. “I know. But I have something else to ask you, Alex.”

“Go ahead.”

“I want you to be my king. You protected me when I was too stupid to accept it. You held me when I continuously tried to push you away. You loved a woman I didn't think deserved any man's love. You gave me back what I thought I'd lost. And for those reasons alone I am forever grateful to you.”

“You came here to give me your gratitude?”

Another nervous laugh escaped and Monica decided this would work better if she stood.

“No. I came here to ask you, Alexander Bennett, to marry me.”

When he opened his mouth to speak she held up a hand, stopping him.

“I'm not perfect, Alex. I'm stubborn and I can be selfish. I'm bossy and irritable and ambitious to a fault. I like things my way and I don't like to be told what to do. But I love you with all my heart and I'm hoping that'll be enough to bypass all the other bad points I just made.”

He didn't say anything.

“You can talk now,” she prodded.

But he still didn't say anything. Instead he stood from his chair and walked around the desk. When he was in front of her he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It took a lot for you to come here, didn't it?” he asked.

“It did.”

“What would you do if I said no and meant it with my heart?”

She'd go into a corner, curl up and die. No, she wouldn't, Monica thought with a slight pain in her chest. She'd survive just as she had before. “I'd be pretty damned pissed at you for a while and would curse you every time I saw you. But I would live, Alex. I would still live.”

He smiled then. A big warm smile that had her nipples tingling and her heart filling.

“And what if I said yes? Would you come over here and kiss me or would you just stand there and smile?”

“I'd come over there and kiss you and kiss you until you couldn't breathe.”

“That sounds good.”

“Well?” she asked.

“Well what?”

“What's your answer?”

He crooked a finger, telling her to come closer. When she was standing right in front of him, close enough that she could smell his cologne and see the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, Alex leaned forward and whispered in her ear.

“Yes.”

Monica threw her arms around his neck and put her lips to his. She did exactly as she said she would; she kissed him and kissed him and kissed him some more.