Winter Oranges (30 page)

Jason held him tighter and kissed him on the forehead. “Never.”

“So, it’s over? It worked?”

“Like a charm.”

“And what about Dylan? Is he . . .”

“Gone? Yes. He left a couple of hours ago.”

Ben spent a moment digesting that, and finally, he smiled, slowly and tentatively. “I feel like I should say I’m sorry your friend left, but I’m not.”

“Neither am I. Not this time.”

Ben’s smile grew. “So, what happens now?”

“Now? I finally make good on a few promises.”

He wanted to do it right this time though, not go rushing forward like the first time, both of them climaxing before they even took off their clothes. He slowly undressed Ben as they kissed. He laid Ben down on the narrow bed and sat up to study him, wanting to finally see Ben in his entirety. His skin was so white, Jason could see the veins spiderwebbing across Ben’s chest. The hair at his groin was thick and black, his uncut erection lying heavily against his soft stomach. His arms and chest were thin, but it was more a matter of youth than of weakness, and his legs were more muscular than Jason expected. Yes, asthma had kept him from many things, and given his body type, he’d never be big or bulky. Jason could see why he’d felt weak compared to the presumably strapping young men working plantations in the nineteenth century. But Ben was tough, his body thin and wiry, the result of a life without modern conveniences, where going to town might mean walking five miles, and fetching water or milk or eggs required more manual labor than Jason did in an average week. After so many years in the globe, he should have been atrophied, but he’d clearly been suspended in time, his body not aging or changing at all from day to day, week to week, year to year.

“You’re beautiful.”

Ben squirmed and shook his head. “I’m self-conscious is what I am.” He grabbed for the blanket, trying to cover himself, and Jason pulled it away.

“Oh, no you don’t. I never get to see you when we’re on my side of the globe. There’s no way I’m letting you hide now that I’m here.”

Ben laughed, his shy smile turning flirtatious. “I’m not the one who still has his clothes on.”

“Good point.”

There was something momentous, once Jason had shed his clothes too, about finally being skin to skin. Jason sank into Ben’s willing arms, dove into his kiss, relished the feel of Ben’s body beneath him, thin but solid, warm and excitingly pliant. He loved the way Ben sighed, accepting Jason’s weight, parting his legs so Jason could angle between his thighs. He wanted nothing more than to spread Ben open. To push slowly inside of him while they kissed, to gaze into his eyes as they made love, but he suspected Ben had never bottomed. He’d probably never topped. Based on their conversation after the incident on the patio, Ben had hardly done anything at all, and so Jason slowed down, admonishing himself to be patient. There’d be time for all that later. For now, he wanted only to explore how each new sensation made Ben whimper and sigh.

He kissed Ben’s lips, then his cheek, then nipped at his ear before moving to his neck. Here Ben melted, moaning blissfully as Jason nibbled and kissed, leaving a faint purple trail of marks down Ben’s chest, stopping to tease each small, firm nipple until it was swollen and red. From there, he moved lower still to Ben’s stomach while Ben squirmed, panting impatiently, anticipating Jason’s purpose. And finally Jason reached Ben’s groin.

He stopped there, his head spinning. He breathed deep, taking in the rich, musky smell of Ben’s sex. It was intoxicating. Strong and ripe, but sexy as hell, so arousing that Jason moaned, pushing his cock against the mattress, clenching his jaw, concentrating with all his might on not coming then and there. He feared he’d wake when he climaxed as he had the first time, and he didn’t want that to happen yet. At the very least, he wanted first to fulfill this one simple promise he’d made the week before as they lay together under the vast night sky.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked breathlessly, laying his hand gently on Jason’s head.

“Nothing in the world, except that you’re entirely too perfect.”

Ben laughed. “You tell the sweetest lies.”

“It’s not a lie.” Jason kissed the soft crease where Ben’s thigh met his pelvis, and Ben’s laugh fell away, fading into a low, gratifying moan. “You’re gorgeous.” He punctuated his words with slow, soft kisses, following the edge of Ben’s patch of hair toward his navel. “Sweet and beautiful and sexy as hell, and I’m the one who gets to show you everything. I get to be your first, in every single way. I feel like I’ve been granted the most amazing gift in the world. Every new thing you feel. Every bit of amazement. Every time you laugh. I can’t believe I get to be part of it all.” He stopped, surprised at the sudden lump in his throat. Awed by the strength of his emotions. Amazed and humbled at how unworthy he felt.

“Jason?”

Jason shook his head, trying to sum it all up. Determined to make Ben see how earth-shattering it all felt. “I don’t deserve this.”

“What do you mean?” Ben asked, confusion mixed with worry in the tautness of his voice. “What are you saying? That you don’t want me?”

“Oh God, no.” How could that have been what Ben heard? “Not even close.”

“Then what?”

He saw the confusion in Ben’s gorgeous blue eyes. “I’m saying I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be good enough to deserve this one moment here with you.”

“Oh, Jason, no—”

But Jason knew it was true. He felt it all the way to his core, like some universal truth, the way he imagined some people must understand God. This was faith. And devotion. And yes, worship, too. And all he had to do—the only tithe he needed to pay, the only prayer he’d ever have to offer—was to give as much joy as he could. And so he leaned close, kissing Ben’s stomach again, holding him tight, caressing him until his unease fell away, until his confusion at Jason’s sudden confession gave way to pleasure and he was more desperate than before, panting and whimpering. Ben cried out as Jason slowly drew back his foreskin. He tensed as Jason teased his tongue over Ben’s tip. And then Jason parted his lips. He let Ben in, and Ben cried out, thrusting deep, his fingers tightening painfully on the back of Jason’s head.

“Oh my God!”

Ben fell back onto the bed, tense and panting, and Jason teased the tip of Ben’s cock with his tongue, circling his head, before sinking again down Ben’s length.

Ben cried out again. This time he held Jason there, not letting him pull away, thrusting with his hips, driving deeper, and Jason let him. He let his muscles go lax, letting Ben take control.

“Oh God!”

Ben thrust again, faster now, and then again and again, deeper and harder, running on instinct, driven by lust and need and sheer amazement, his grip shockingly tight on the back of Jason’s head. Jason knew Ben wouldn’t last long. His own orgasm was imminent as well. He debated using his hand, letting himself climax along with Ben, but he didn’t want to wake up too soon. He didn’t want to leave before seeing Ben’s response when this was over, so he wrapped his hand around the base of his cock, gripping his balls to keep them from rising, steeling himself to hang on no matter how much Ben’s pleasure turned him on.

Ben cried out, and thrust one more time, his back arching, his rhythm breaking. “Ahhh!”

Jason swallowed on instinct, ready for the salty gush in his throat, but none came. Ben tensed again, and then again, crying out hoarsely as his orgasm peaked and receded. He fell back against the mattress, breathing hard.

“Oh God, Jason,” he breathed, his grip on Jason’s head turning into a caress. “Did I hurt you?”

“Not at all.”

“That was . . . That was . . . “ Ben’s hands fluttered, flying about, grasping for words and finding none. He laughed, letting them fall to his side. “No day will ever beat this one. Between that and the oranges and you, I could die right now and be happy.”

“I hate it when you say things like that. Maybe you’d be happy, but I’d be heartbroken.”

Ben touched Jason’s arm and shoulder, gently drawing him up so they were face-to-face. He kissed Jason sweetly and peered imploringly into his eyes, his fingers soft on Jason’s cheek. “Those things you said earlier? You’re wrong. I don’t know why you think you don’t deserve happiness, but you do, more than anybody I’ve ever known. And I’ve known a lot of people in a hundred and seventy years.”

Jason wanted to argue—he
intended
to argue—but Ben silenced him by pulling him into a kiss. He slid his fingertip up Jason’s erection, and Jason shivered. “I want to do it for you,” Ben whispered.

Jason moaned, tempted to let Ben do anything and everything it might occur to him to do. But no. The night was still young.

“Wait,” Jason said, stilling Ben’s hand. He gently pinned Ben’s wrist to the mattress, although he couldn’t resist kissing him as he did. “I don’t want to wake up yet. I want to stay here with you as long as I can.”

Ben’s smile was tentative and surprised. “Really?”

Jason shook his head. “I don’t know how you can still be amazed by the fact that I’m crazy about you.”

Jason knew all of Ben’s smiles, but the one Ben gave him now was the one he liked best, big and happy and bright as heaven.

Jason added it to the list of things he didn’t deserve.

If there was one good thing about being inside the globe, it was the lack of postcoitus mess. Jason didn’t exactly doze, but he lay there for a long time, his head on Ben’s chest, simply reveling in finally being able to feel the solidity of his lover beneath him. He should’ve been content, but some indefinable unease tickled the back of his brain.

He stroked Ben’s hip, shivering at the feel of Ben’s fingers in his hair, and Jason tried to relax, but he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something was wrong.

The cabin was eerily silent. No sound from outside. No sound from the fire. There was only the sound of his own breathing, and the sound of Ben—

No.

No sound from Ben. That’s what was troubling him. Jason should have been able to hear his breathing. With his head on Ben’s chest, he should have heard the beat of his heart. Under normal circumstances, he might even have heard the quiet gurgle of his stomach. But he heard nothing. He realized with shock that Ben’s chest didn’t even rise and fall as he breathed.

Jason jerked up, horrified, almost expecting to find Ben cold and unresponsive.

Ben reached for him. “What’s wrong?”

Jason shuddered, fighting the urge to back away. Of course he’d known that Ben didn’t age here, and Ben had told him during his first visit to the globe that he wasn’t sure he breathed. Still, it was unnerving to realize exactly how strong the globe’s magic was.

“Nothing,” Jason said. He didn’t want to alarm Ben or make him uncomfortable by telling him what he’d heard—or
not
heard. “Nothing at all.”

He planted a quick kiss on Ben’s lips before rising to pull on his pajama pants. In a few minutes, he knew he’d be past it. But at that moment, he desperately needed to distract himself from their current situation. Unfortunately, there was nothing to distract himself with. The cabin was depressingly barren. The windows showed nothing but gray sky, endless trees, and white fluff. He found himself at the bookcase. Here at least was some semblance of normalcy. Some sign that a living human being passed hours and days and years in this space. Jason scanned the spines, but found no titles. He reached for one and pulled it free. No title on the cover, either. Jason flipped it open and his jaw dropped.

“It’s blank.”

“They’re all like that,” Ben said, coming up behind him. “I stare at them sometimes. I pretend there are words there, or pictures. I imagine stories. Sometimes I convince myself I’m reading. But really, there’s nothing. It’s all in my head.”

Jason set the book aside and pulled Ben into his arms. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” Ben asked, squirming free. “It isn’t your fault they don’t hold stories.”

“I guess not, but it makes me so angry. I don’t know how you bear it. I don’t know how—”

“Stop.” Ben put his fingers over Jason’s lips. “I’ve been there. I’ve gone over all of this, a lifetime ago. I told you about the madness. I told you about the shadows and the light. You remember, right? You know what I mean?”

Jason nodded, his throat tight.