Winter's Touch (37 page)

“Is this what you want?” he whispered, trailing one finger up to touch the heat of her.

Winter Fawn gasped and arched into his touch. “You know it is. More. Please.” She flexed her hips again. “More.”

It was a plea Carson could not resist. He cupped her between her legs and felt her scalding heat. He tested her with one finger and found her ready.

Shifting and settling his hips between her thighs, he tensed at the thought of hurting her.

She flexed her hips and made him forget.

He eased into her, grinding his teeth to keep from taking her in one violent thrust of need. He couldn’t…couldn’t.

Winter Fawn felt him there at her entrance. There was fear, of the unknown. There was a slight discomfort that took away some of the pleasure. But there was something else, something stronger than either of those. A primitive need inside her, a hollow emptiness that throbbed and begged to be filled by him, with him.

And then he thrust more fully into her, and the pain surprised her. She tensed against it, even as she tightened her arms around him.

“Easy, honey,” he murmured, his breath coming hard against her ear. “If you can relax, it’ll feel good again.”

Carson said the words to reassure himself as much as her. She was so tight. He’d never been a woman’s first before. The thought aroused a mixture of feelings in him. Pride, humility. Honor that she would trust him with this most precious gift. Fear that he might wake up any minute and find that she was only a dream.

He felt her muscles gradually relax and pushed himself farther inside her. This time she took him more easily. But she still wasn’t there, wasn’t mindless with wanting him, and that’s where he wanted her. It was where he wanted himself. Mindless. So he wouldn’t have to think about what might happen tomorrow.

Very deliberately, he drove them both wild with a fierce, hungry kiss. Soon he didn’t have to try for mindlessness. It was upon him before he realized it. She was kissing him back and moving beneath him. She was taking all of him, and giving him back more than he’d ever dreamed possible.

He had come to this ranch looking for peace. He’d searched for it in the ruins of their plantation, across the plains, and into the mountains. And it was here all along, inside the woman who gave herself to him. Winter Fawn was his peace. And she was burning him alive, heating his blood, stealing his breath, and teasing him with the release to come.

He pulled away, then thrust again. In and out, faster, harder. She met him thrust for thrust. Even over his own excitement he could feel the climax build inside her. Higher, higher they climbed together toward the peak.

And then they were there, flying off the edge of the earth into blackness that was somehow filled with brilliant colors. Flying higher, holding tighter, until there was nothing to cling to but each other.

Much later, when Carson’s mind cleared, he realized he must be crushing her. Holding her close, he rolled to his side and took her with him. She was limp as a wet dishrag.

Alarmed, he stroked her face. “Winter Fawn?”

Her chest heaved on a long, quiet sigh. “Hmm?”

He chuckled and relaxed. “Just checking to see if you were still alive.”

She answered his laugh with one of her own. “I’m not sure. Am I supposed to be?”

Twice more they made love to the sound of rain drumming hard on the roof. Each time, he surrounded her, filled her, and took her to the stars and back in his arms. Each time, he filled her with glory. Each time, she fell more deeply in love with him. And each time, her heart broke a little bit more.

Was there no hope for them? No way for her to set it in her mind that her giving in to him would not hurt him or his family? Would not, in the end, end up ripping her own heart out?

Joining their bodies together seemed to be the only way to still the fearsome questions inside her, so each time he came to her, she welcomed him.

It was nearly dawn when Winter Fawn finally admitted to herself that she must return to her bed or risk offending Gussie and shocking the girls.

Carson climbed from the bed with her and pulled her close. It felt glorious to be held against him this way. The hair on his chest teased her cheek; the hair on his thighs, his legs. The kiss he placed on the top of her head was so sweet and tender it brought tears to her eyes.

“I must go,” she whispered.

“Winter Fawn, if we were mar—”

“Shh.” She placed her fingers over his mouth. “Do not say it, please.”

He twisted his head away from her hand. “You told your father you’d think about it.”

“Aye. And I am. I will.”

“We could have this every night, if you’d let us.”

Winter Fawn closed her eyes and lay her head against his chest again. Nothing would please her more than to lie in his arms all night, every night for the rest of her life. She wanted it so badly.

Was he right? Could it work between them, even if he didn’t love her?

Was Hunter right that she should let the others make their own decisions? That she should not worry about the consequences?

It was all so painfully confusing. “I must go.”

She meant to plant a brief kiss on his cheek, but he turned his head and captured her mouth with his.

That fast, and her knees were weak with wanting him again. Before she could give in, she broke free and pulled open the door. She was halfway to the stairs when she heard him.

There was laughter in his voice. “You might want this.”

With a gasp, Winter Fawn raced back and grabbed her night gown from his fingers.

Winter Fawn had never felt more awkward or shy in her life as she did later that morning when the men—Carson—came in for breakfast. One look at him, at the knowing, intimate look in his eyes, and she felt the blood rush to her face. She did not dare look at him again. Nor did she dare look at anyone else, for fear they would read in her eyes all that she and Carson had shared during the night.

She was not ashamed of her night with him. But it was too private a thing to share with anyone. She wanted to hold it to herself and keep the memories safe. For those memories might be all she had one day soon.

“Lass?”

She looked up at her father. “Aye?”

He stared hard at her for a moment, and she felt her face heat. He looked at Carson, who met his gaze squarely.

“By damn,” Innes muttered. He looked back at Winter Fawn. “By bloody damn.”

He knew! One look at her face and her father knew.

“You!” He jabbed a finger at Carson’s chest. “Ootside, mon.” He stood so fast his chair toppled over. He paid it no mind as he stomped out the door with a final, “Now!”

Carson gave Winter Fawn a slight smile and a shrug. “Excuse me, ladies.” He carefully placed his fork beside his plate, and then laid down the red checkered napkin that had been on his lap.

“Carson,” Winter Fawn said, “no.”

He reached over and patted her hand. “It’ll be all right. Don’t worry.”

“What on earth?” Gussie looked from Winter Fawn to Carson. As Carson rose and followed Innes outside, her mouth opened, then closed. Her face went carefully blank.

“What’s going on?” Bess asked.

Megan frowned. “Is Mr. Mac mad at Daddy?”

“Just never you mind,” Gussie said. “Eat your breakfast.”

Winter Fawn could not sit still while her father berated Carson for something she had urged. She tossed down her napkin and raced after them. They were several yards from the house, squared off at each other like two rams about to butt heads.

“Ye bloody bastard,” Innes bellowed, right before he punched Carson in the jaw.

“Da! No!” she cried.

Carson stumbled back beneath the force of the blow. He put a hand to his jaw, then wiggled his jaw back and forth to see if it still worked. “Feel better?”

“No, by God, I don’t. Did she change her mind? Are ye getting married?”

“Da! Stop it. You’ve no call to talk to him like that.”

“No call? The bloody bastard takes advantage of ma own wee lassie, and I’ve no call?”

She advanced on her father. “I’m no a wee lassie, and haven’t been for years. You lost the right to your outrage long ago when you rode away and left us to be raised by Grandmother. And if there was any advantage taken last night, it was me doin’ the takin’, not that it’s any of your concern.”

He looked Carson up and down.

Carson was hard pressed not to whoop with laughter. It really wasn’t funny. Really it wasn’t. He’d just been caught, albeit not directly in the act, of doing unspeakable things with the man’s daughter. But Winter Fawn’s claim of having taken advantage of him, and the shocked look of disbelief on her father’s face, nearly did him in. Giving Winter Fawn a quick wink, he held his hands out to his sides and told her father, “I would never contradict a lady. What can I say? She overpowered me.”

Winter Fawn clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. It wasn’t funny, she told herself. It was horrible! It was the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to her.

“I somehow doot that,” her father snarled at Carson.

Funny, horrible, and embarrassing the situation might be, but her father had not been there for her since the spring of her twelfth year. She would not tolerate his condemnation of Carson, or of herself. “
Doot
it all you want,” she said heatedly. “But ‘tis the truth.”

“Ye’ll be marryin’ him now, and that’s a fact. If he’ll still have ye.”

“I’ll have her,” Carson stated firmly.

Winter Fawn ignored him and gaped at her father. “I’ll be doin’ no such thing. Not on your say-so, I won’t.”

“Winter Fawn.” Carson grasped her arm.

She shook off his hold. “I’m not saying no to you, at least not right now. I told you I’d think about it. But I’m saying no to him.”

“I knew I should have left you with your grandmother that night you were shot,” Innes muttered. “None of this would have happened then.”

“No, I would have grown old and died alone, because you forbade Grandfather to accept any offers for me.”

“Lass…”

“Carson, would you leave my father and I alone for a while?”

“If you’re sure that’s what you want.”

She met his gaze and tried to offer him a smile. “Aye, I’m sure.”

After a long look into her eyes, Carson nodded once and walked back to the house.

“For the life of me,” Innes said, “I can’t decide which one of you is leadin’ the other on. If ye gave yerself willingly to him, ye ought to be willing to marry the man. Ye gods.” He shook his head and looked to the sky as if for guidance from above. “Listen to me talk to ma own daughter about giving herself to a man.”

“I’d rather not listen to any of it,” Winter Fawn told him darkly. “You’ve humiliated me in front of everyone.”

“Ye shoulda thought of that afore ye went and did the deed,” he protested. “Why would ye do that if ye dinna plan on marrying him? Did ye no stop to think ye could be with child now?”

Winter Fawn froze. Man-Above! She hadna thought of that at all.

“Ach, I see that got yer attention, it did. Now, will ye marry him willingly, or do I have to get ma shotgun?”

Winter Fawn frowned in dismissal of his threat. “You wouldna shoot me and we both know it.”

“Nae, but I might shoot him.”

“Da, be serious.”

“I’m being dead serious, lass. This willna do. This just willna do at all. I’ll no hae ma own bairn make a whore of herself when she could be a honest wife to the very man she’s so hot after if she wasna so all fired stubborn.”

His words stung like a lash on tender flesh. “Do ye think I dinna want to marry him?” she cried.

For the first time since realizing what had happened between his daughter and the man he called friend, Innes’s look softened. “Ye love him, don’t ye?”

“Aye,” she said miserably. “I’m so confused, Da. I dinna ken what I should do.”

“Ye’re making it much more difficult than it has to be, lass. Just marry him and let everything take care of itself.”

“Aye, I might be able to convince myself to do that, but…”

“But? But what?”

Winter Fawn closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath for strength. “He disnae know about that thing I’m not supposed to do, but that I do anyway, and that I’m not ever supposed to talk about.”

“Oh. Well? So maybe he disnae need to know.”

Her eyes flew wide. “You would have me keep that kind of secret from the man I marry? “Tis…why, ‘tis dishonest.”

“Then tell him.”

“Tell him?” she cried. “My own father canna except it, and you expect him to? Why, Da? You’ve never told me why this gift I have is so terrible that I must never let anyone know.”

Innes looked away and would not meet her gaze. “It just is, that’s all.”

“Why?” she demanded. “I’ve done what you said. I’ve kept it a secret all these years. I’ve stood back and watched people suffer needlessly because you said I must never heal again. Why?”

“Because I dinna want people looking at ye and calling ye a freak,” he said hotly.

Winter Fawn frowned. “What is a freak?”

“’Tis something unnatural. An abomination. Like a two-headed calf, or a man with a third eye in the middle of his forehead.”

“You’re making that up.”

“Nae. ‘Tis true enough. That’s how people treated ma grandmother when I was a lad. Like she had an extra head, or an extra eye. They whispered about her, called her a witch. They despised her and ostracized her. But when one of them was hurt or sick, they came running fast enough, begging her to make things right. And she did, bless her soul, because she couldna turn away from suffering. Then the minute the bastards was well again, they wanted nothing to do with her. Fair broke her heart they did, over and over. It finally killed her.”

Winter Fawn hugged herself against a sudden chill from within. “What happened?”

“She gave too much of herself, that’s what happened. It works for you the same as it did for her. I saw that right off. When you touched that rabbit, you took its pain into yourself. You felt what it was feeling, didna ye?”

“Aye,” she said slowly.

“And with Carson’s hands. You felt the pain in them, and when you felt it, it left him.”