Wish 01 - A Secret Wish (12 page)

Angela woke to the smell of bacon and the sound of laughter. Throwing on her bathrobe, she walked into the kitchen to find Colin making breakfast for Laurel and Kimmie. The girls were laughing, and Colin had a big grin on his face. The scene seemed so surreal, so close to so many of her dreams, that she had to blink her eyes a few times to make sure she wasn’t imagining it.

“Colin is making animal pancakes,” Laurel said, catching her eye.

“He made me a bear just like Mr. Bear,” Kimmie said with delight, her mouth half full of pancake.

She moved around the island where Colin was getting ready to flip another batch of cakes. “Thank you for doing this.”

“My way of saying I’m sorry for not being very supportive when you first brought the girls home last night. We’re a team. We’ve always been a team, and we stick together, no matter what.”

“I like the sound of that.”

He gave her a warm smile. “Now, what will you have? Bunnies or bears? I can’t make much else.”

“I’ll take a bear,” she said, grabbing a plate.

Over breakfast, the conversation was light and easy. Laurel and Kimmie obviously felt more comfortable now with Colin, and it was clear that Kimmie liked to talk. She related endless tales about school and friends and people in their building, and even a few revealing details about her mother. Laurel tried to shush her on occasion, but Kimmie would jump back in again five minutes later, making her big sister sigh.

“It’s okay,” she told Laurel as Kimmie left the table to use the bathroom. “We want to help you.”

“But you said you’re calling the police.”

“First we’re going to talk to a friend of mine,” Colin interjected.

She gave her husband a surprised look. “We are?”

“Yes.” He paused. “Laurel, do you mind if I speak to Angela alone for a few minutes?”

“I’ll check on Kimmie,” Laurel said, her eyes still worried, but there was a tiny bit of hope in her gaze as well.

“I called Rebecca Hensley,” he said when they were alone.

“Paul’s wife?” she asked, referring to Colin’s coworker.

“Rebecca works for the Department of Children and Families. She said we might be able to apply for emergency foster parent status, which could still take some time, but she’s going to come over later this morning and talk to us.”

“Are you serious?” she asked in astonishment. “You want to be a foster parent?”

“Possibly. I think it’s an option we should explore.”

“We never considered that.”

“So we’ll do it now. Watching you with the girls reminded me of how great you are with kids, how lucky someone would be to have you as a mother.”

Her eyes blurred with emotion. “That’s so sweet, Colin. But you’re talking about a huge commitment.”

“Like I said, we’re a team. And I let you down when I quit. But I’m back in the game now.”

She felt an overwhelming wave of relief. “I don’t know what to say, except I love you. And I’m glad you’re not giving up on me, on our dreams.”

“Exactly, our dreams. For a while I forgot how much I wanted kids, too. But I do. I can’t waste my pancake making skills on just you.”

She smiled through her happy tears. “You’re incredible, do you know that?”

He smiled. “I try. But I have to warn you that this could get very messy. We don’t know about anything about Laurel and Kimmie’s mother. She could be a good person who needs a little help to get back on her feet and be a mother again.”

“That would be the best scenario,” she said quickly. “That’s what I would want for them. They need their mother. You might find that difficult to believe, because I’ve been so crazy lately, but I’m not so far gone as to think I’d be a better substitute than someone’s biological mother.”

“I don’t find it difficult to believe,” he interrupted. “I know what a big heart you have, Angie. But it’s also more than likely that their mother is in serious trouble. Why else would she have left her kids?”

“I don’t know.”

“We need to find out.” He paused. “We have a lot to offer a child – even if it’s not a baby or it’s not Laurel and Kimmie. There’s some child out there who needs us. The real question is can you look beyond having a baby yourself to adopting?”

“I didn’t think I could – until I met them. All along I’ve been so focused on being pregnant that I forgot the most important part – the years that come after the baby is born. I want to be a mother. I want a house with children in it. I want kids around this table and bunny pancakes and mornings just like this.”

"I want that, too. And we can cash in the cruise tickets and try IVF again."

"You're amazing. But I have to tell you this, Colin. If at the end of all this, it’s just you and me, I’ll still be the luckiest woman on earth. And I'll have no regrets.”

He smiled. “We’re not going to end up alone. We’re going to make it happen.” He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “One way or another, we’re going to make a family.”

* * *

Carole walked into the big house she shared with Blake and her children, and the first thing she noticed was the silence. The large kitchen was empty, and no dishes sat in the sink. Obviously the kids were still at their friends’ houses – which left Blake. She wondered if he’d stayed at the hotel as they’d planned, if he’d come home… or if he’d spent the night with someone else. She’d certainly made it easy for him to do just that.

She climbed the stairs and walked into the master bedroom suite. Blake was wearing charcoal gray slacks and buttoning up a dress shirt.

He gave her a cool look. “Finally decided to come home?”

“Yes.” She sat down on the edge of the bed. “Are you going to ask me where I’ve been?”

“Do I want to know?” he countered, reaching for a tie.

“I went to see my mother.”

“Why?” he asked, as he slung the tie around his neck.

He wasn’t even looking at her, but rather at his reflection in the mirror, and the familiarity of this moment struck her hard. She’d been staring at the back of his head for far too long.

“I needed a reality check. Could you look at me, Blake?”

“I’m in a hurry, Carole. We have lunch with the Dunsmuirs in less than an hour. Why don’t you get changed, and we’ll have this conversation later?”

He still hadn’t looked at her. “I’m not going to lunch.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You always come with me. This is important. They have a lot of money to donate to my campaign.”

“Michael has a football game today. Sophie is cheerleading. It’s homecoming. I want to go to the game.”

Finally, he turned around, confusion in his eyes. “Are you serious? It’s a football game. And Michael rarely gets into the game; he’s only a sophomore.”

“If he does, I want to be there. I invited my mother to come as well.”

“Are you crazy?”

“Actually, I’m feeling remarkably sane.”

“Is this about Krystal?” he asked shortly. “I told you there’s nothing going on there.”

She drew in a deep breath. “I’m not stupid, Blake. I don’t know if you’ve had an affair or if you're contemplating one, but you crossed the line last night.”

“She was flirting with me; I flirted back. Big deal. Her father is going to donate a lot of money to my campaign.”

“So you’re selling yourself to her?”

“I’m not having an affair,” he said flatly. “Believe me or not, I don’t care.”

“Why don’t you care?” she challenged. “Why doesn’t it matter how I feel – what I think?”

He sighed in frustration. “Are you PMSing, Carole? Or are you just pissed that you’re forty?”

“This is not about my hormones or my age – well, maybe a little about my age,” she amended. “Because I certainly don’t want to waste the next decade living the way I’ve been living.”

“What are you talking about? We have a good life.”

“We barely touch each other. It’s been months since we’ve made love.”

“We’ve been busy. Look, we’re a fantastic team together. There is no limit to our future. We could be in the Governor’s mansion one day, maybe even the White House. That’s what we need to focus on. And you know that, because you’ve always been able to see the dream as clearly as I did.”

His eyes glittered with ambition, an ambition she’d once shared and found intoxicating. But she was no longer drunk on dreams. She was stone cold sober and forty years old. She didn’t want to waste the rest of her life chasing a fantasy. “I want you to be successful, Blake, but not at the expense of our children. I need to spend more time with them.”

“They’re teenagers. They’re practically grown.” He frowned at her. “Look, I get that you’re having a midlife crisis. But I’ve given you everything you ever wanted, and you’re being ungrateful.”

“You have given me a lot,” she admitted. “But what I want now is family, love, time together. I can’t give you a hundred and fifty percent of myself anymore. I need to focus on the children, on my mother, and on me.”

“So what are you saying?” he challenged. “You want out?”

She was shocked that he’d actually asked the question. “I don’t know.”

“It won’t come cheap.”

“Is that a threat?”

“A fact. If you bail on me, I’ll have to work hard to rebuild my reputation.”

She shook her head in amazement. “Do you know how cold and cruel you sound?”

“Do you know how stupid you’re being to want to throw away this incredible life for your mother?”

“It’s not just about her. It’s about the children.”

“They’re fine.”

“You barely see them.”

“I provide for them – and for you. What do you think you would do without me? You haven't held down a job in twenty years. You're not qualified to do anything but be my wife. Without me, you'll end up just like your mother. Is that what you want?”

There had been a time when his words would have sent her into sheer terror, but somewhere in the night she’d rediscovered her backbone.

She tried to inject a little calm into their conversation. “I’m not asking for you to give up your dreams, Blake, just readjust a little bit – for me, for the kids.” She paused. “It’s much easier for a good family man to get elected.”

His gaze narrowed. “Now you’re threatening me?”

“As you said, I’m just stating a fact.” She hadn’t mixed with power brokers for almost two decades without having learned a few tricks of her own. She wasn’t sure she could fix what was wrong with her marriage and her family, but she was determined to at least try, if not for herself then for her kids. Sophie and Michael needed a father, too.

“I can’t reschedule lunch. They’re flying back to New York tonight.” He sighed. “You go to the game. I’ll tell them you’re not feeling well.”

“You could just tell them I needed to be with my kids,” she said dryly.

“Since you’ve never needed to do that before, I doubt they’d believe me,” he said cynically.

She met his knowing gaze. “I know I’m changing right in front of you, but it’s actually been happening for a lot longer than you know. I haven’t been happy, Blake. And I haven’t been as good a mother as I should have been. Seeing my mom last night reminded me of that.”

“Your mother is a hell of an example. She’s still not welcome in my house.”

“Our house,” she corrected, getting to her feet. “And she is welcome here. Because she’s my mother and I never should have turned my back on her. I feel so badly about my behavior.”

He shook his head. “I don’t have time for this. I’ll see you later.”

As Blake left, she waited for the doubts to come, for the urge to run after him and make things right. She could still change clothes and catch up to him at lunch, tell the Dunsmuirs she was feeling better. But when she got up and went into her closet, she found herself reaching for jeans and a T-shirt, and when she left the house, she headed to the private high school her kids attended. She had a feeling that they’d be just as surprised by her decision to come as Blake had been.

She arrived at the game fifteen minutes later. She walked along the front of the grandstand, pausing in front of the cheerleaders as they finished their routine. When they tossed their pom-poms high into the air, she started clapping.

Sophie saw her and stopped abruptly, shock on her face. Then she walked over to the fence. “Mom? What’s wrong? Has something happened?”

“Everything is fine,” she said. “I just wanted to watch you and Michael. Has he gotten in the game yet?”

“Not yet,” Sophie said, disbelief in her eyes. “Are you sure there’s nothing wrong? Where’s Dad?”

“He went to lunch with the Dunsmuirs.”

“Without you? You always go with him.”

“Not any more. I want to watch you cheer.”

"Why?"

"Because you're my daughter."

Are you okay?”

“Yes,” she said with a laugh. “Go on, show me what you can do.”

“All right, I will,” Sophie said slowly. “Thanks for coming.”

“I love you, Sophie,” she said, realizing how long it had been since she’d said the words.

Sophie flushed and muttered something, then ran back to join her friends.

Carole took a seat on the bleachers, realizing sadly that she knew none of the parents of her children’s friends. One day at a time, she thought, echoing her mother’s favorite mantra. She might have messed up the last decade, but today was the beginning of the next.