WISHBONE (25 page)

Rachael entered the mudroom and placed the baby in her car seat.  

The front door slammed and Julien nearly spilled his coffee. He was nervous, jumpy, embarrassed by his newfound fears and weaknesses.

Randall walked into the dining room. “Hey!” he announced loudly and grinned at Julien. “There you are. I didn’t expect to see you today. How ya feelin’?”

Julien only nodded and stole another sip of coffee just as Rachael returned, wiping her hands on a dishrag.

Randall turned to Rachael. “All done out there,” he informed. “Ladder’s good as new. Oh, and it’s on the house, of course,” he added sheepishly.

Julien scoffed and Rachael discretely shook her head, attempting to excuse her husband’s behavior for the carpenter.

“Thank you, Randall. Are you sure we don’t owe you anything?”

“No, those eggs and the chicken are more than enough. I should have reinforced that ladder better, I guess.” He removed his baseball cap and scratched his head. “To be honest, I don’t know how it happened.” He moved toward the front door. “Those rungs broke straight down the center…nothing to do with the reinforcements on the sides…strange,” he huffed.

Rachael shrugged. “Who knows? A freak accident. Shit happens, right?” she asked rhetorically as she led him the rest of the way out the door. “Well, thank you again.”

“You’re welcome, Rachael. Have a great day.” He yelled past her, “Take care Julien. Feel better.” Randall stomped down the porch, a clamoring of tools and keys clanking loudly around his hips.

Rachael walked back through the room passing Julien en route to the kitchen.

Julien was feeling worse by the minute and had hardly enough strength to remain seated at the table. 

Rachael peeked in on the baby, fast asleep sucking quietly on a pacifier. She picked up the baby and rocked her. Jessica remained undisturbed in her arms. His voice barely audible, Julien muttered groggily, “You will wish this on me, but did you wish for Lily and Matt to be alive again?”

She glanced through the kitchen window to see Randall’s truck disappear through the trees. She turned and rushed at Julien, who did not see her coming; the baby woke and began to cry. Without hesitation, she gripped a tight hold of his hair, pinning his head back with a harsh yank.

“Let it go, Julien,” she growled. “Let it fucking go.” She released him and smoothed her clothing then looked down at the sobbing baby. With a smile and a soft hum, she rocked her again.

Nothing’s fucking changed.

* * * *

Julien awoke slumped over, his ear pressed to the dining room table. He faced the window overlooking the porch into the darkness outside. He pushed himself to an upright position, startling Sarah, who scooted backwards on the floor away from him. Rachael hurried into the room.

“No, no, no, Sarah…it’s okay.” She dropped beside the girl and held her close. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” She rocked her. “No more running away, okay.”

Julien looked down at the pan full of soiled q-tips, a squeeze bottle of blue liquid and a box of clean swabs. Once again, the girl had been on him, touching him while he was insensible.

“What the fuck is she doing?” he asked incredulously, beginning to examine himself.

“Shhh…you’re scaring the shit out of her,” Rachael retorted.

Julien pointed to his own chest and bellowed, “
I’m
scaring
her?
”

“They have to be cleaned…the screws.” Rachael motioned to Julien’s apparatus while holding tight to Sarah.

“Oh no,” he said, violently shaking his head. He could not believe Rachael would allow the girl near him. “What the fuck, Rach?” he asked again, his voice cracking. He was weak, frustrated and feeling defeated at every turn.

“Julien, she’s been assisting her father in this town for years. Dr. Lind assured me…”

“Assured you!” he hollered and vehemently shook his head. “Oh no…you keep her the fuck away from me!”

Sarah buried her face into Rachael to hide. 

Rachael continued, “She’s been doing it three times a day since you came home. If she hasn’t hurt you yet, she’s not going to.” Rachael stood up holding Sarah’s hand and encouraging the girl to get to her feet. “Sarah, go watch the baby,” she instructed.

She walked the timid girl to the kitchen doorway. “Go on, it’s okay,” she insisted. “Watch the baby.” She patted the girls back and Sarah obediently disappeared into the room.

Don’t let her near the baby.

Julien was surprised by his reaction and the immediate concern he felt for the child, but chose his battles and said nothing.

Worry about yourself.

Rachael collected the scattered medical supplies from the floor then knelt before him.  She wet the tip of a clean swab with the blue fluid and dabbed at one of the screws where it burrowed deep beneath his flesh. “I really want you to get to know Sarah,” she entreated.

Julien felt trapped and his frustration was mounting. He looked at the bottle of pain medication and contemplated how quickly he could consume its contents and if Rachael would be able to stop him before he swallowed each pill. Depressed, he sat quietly while Rachael finished what Sarah had begun. When she was done, she removed the supplies and walked into the kitchen. Julien took the bottle and spilled some of the pills into his palm. He paused.

Don’t do it. 

You can fix this.

You’ll find a way.

He recapped the bottle and swallowed the prescribed amount of medication with the last sip of cold coagulated coffee, left over from the morning. 

Rachael returned with a sandwich and some water. “You have to eat something,” she asserted.

“I’m not hungry,” he replied, betraying his actual hunger.

“Julien, eat,” she insisted and edged the plate closer to him.

He looked up at her. “Please, Rachael,” he begged. “Please fix this.” He reached for her hand and desperately pulled her close, pressing his cheek against her stomach. His pride depleted rapidly and he forced himself on her as he fought back tears.

Rachael stood emotionless with her arms at her sides. She looked down at him hugging her tight, pathetically clinging to her waist. She slowly raised her hand and reluctantly caressed him. 

“It’s going to be alright, Jules,” she said in an icy, monotone voice. “Just give it some time.”

He pulled back and looked up at her again. “What is the point of this?”

“You need some down-time. Some time to think…
clearly
.”

“I have to be like this to think?” he pleaded, wishing for her to make some sense.

“That stunt you pulled the other day…that was pretty fucked up, Jules. Out of control.”

“Please, Rachael,” he implored. “I will do whatever you say. Just wish this away…
please
.” He was fast becoming a shadow of his former himself; no display of emotions seemed below him anymore. “We can do it right now…the two of us. We can make a wish right now, non?”

Rachael looked down at him for a long moment before allowing herself to lean forward and hug him. Worn out and emotional, he welcomed her embrace, though he knew her concern would not last. She let go of him and walked away without looking back.

Julien sat staring at the food before him. 

How do I get out of this?

 How do I get us both out of this?

He pushed the plate away and found the crutches propped against the wall behind him where he had left them. He transferred himself to the couch where his body gave into sleep at once.

* * * *

Julien woke to the sound of Rachael’s voice in the kitchen. 

“Yeah, well, it’s pretty bad,” she stated. “The surgery took several hours and he’s in this external fixation thing; then he ends up with a nasty bone infection...everything’s a mess right now. He’s just heartsick that we can’t make it down for the funeral…”

Phil? 

Matt and Lily’s funeral.

Rachael’s voice faded as he drifted back to sleep.

* * * *

Julien felt her hands on him again, cleaning the monstrosity attached to him. He jerked himself awake.

Rachael grabbed hold of Sarah’s arm with one hand and placed the other on Julien’s stomach to settle them both and keep Sarah from darting off.

“Julien…she does a better job than me. You have a serious infection.” Rachael fed him information quickly and calmly wanting to avoid another scene.

He lay back feeling worse than he had the day before. He buried his eyes in the crook of his arm. “I’m sick, Rach. I need to go back to the hospital.”

“No, no. I spoke to the doctor—”

“Which docteur?” he snapped.

“Ptak. He upped the dose of antibiotics and told us to clean the screws more often. He said this is common,” she assured him.

The monitor erupted with sounds of the baby’s cries. Rachael stood.

“Let her do her thing, Jules. I’ll be right back.” She walked away, giving Sarah an encouraging pat on the head then jogging to the steps.

Julien wanted to chase the girl away, but lacked even an ounce of energy to do so. He was lethargic and running a fever. He struggled to shift so he could at least watch her every move. She worked methodically, cleaning each screw with diligence before moving on to the next. She never looked up from her task. The girl repulsed him, the device repulsed him; worse, he was repulsed by himself.

A fucking prisoner of war.

Rachael walked down the steps with the baby in her arms and continued her conversation where they had left off. “When Sarah’s done, we’re getting you back upstairs and into bed,” she told him. “And you need to eat.”

You want me like this. 

Why are you bothering?

She loves me.

Does she?

Rachael came closer and broke into baby talk: “We’re worried about Daddy, aren’t we?”  She held the baby up to her lips for a kiss. She turned to Julien and asked, “Do you want to see her?”

“I want a cigarette,” he responded with slurred speech.

Rachael exhaled in a huff. She walked away and returned with his lighter and cigarettes, handing them to him then moving further away as he wore out the flint repeatedly trying to ignite the Zippo. Sarah moved swiftly, snatching the lighter from his hand and producing an instant flame. She held it out to the tip of his smoke. Out of desperation, Julien allowed the interaction and took a long drag until his lungs had filled with warm smoke. He felt an instant calm blanket him. Rachael opened the front door and went to stand in the dining room several feet away. 

She spoke in whispers as if Sarah would not hear her. “See, she doesn’t bite,” she said, nodding toward Sarah.

His hands were trembling as he took another drag. “Rachael, please,” he pressed. “I want to talk to you about this. We need to talk.” The smoke gagged him and he began to cough. The pain was agonizing and his body shuddered. He crushed out the cigarette in an ashtray on the coffee table to his side.

“You’re not going to start up again, are you?” she asked irritated.

He did not answer, but continued, “If I make a promise that the baby stays and everything else remains the same,” he said, motioning toward Sarah working diligently, “if I do this
your way
and accept it once and for all, can you wish this away…wish this thing off me, and make me okay? Please, just make this go away, and no more game…no more wishes in the future.”

“Uh…” Rachael stammered, glaring sideways at him. “You had me for a minute there, but really Jules, why would I want to give up the wishes?”

“Because they are dangerous,” he reasoned. “Look what they did to Lily and Matt…
to us
.”

She stepped in closer and pointed an accusing finger his way. “
You
are doing this to us,” she avowed while fixing the baby in her arms. “I just don’t get you. Why do I have to see your side, yet you can willfully refuse to see mine? Do you hear yourself?”

He spoke softly, sadly, “Rachael, our best friends have died. Maybe I am dying?”

“
Your
best friend,” she spat. “That bitch couldn’t deal with
me
, remember? I was too much for her. The fact that I had just lost my child—which she
did
know about. That I was attacked, near fatally mind you,” she paused. “Well, that was just too much for her to handle. Fuck her and her half-wit husband.”

“Mon Dieu…” He groaned, realizing he couldn’t win. He was baffled by the changes in her. “Rachael…?” he attempted.

“Well it’s true! That’s how I
feel
.” Her face flushed with the slightest inkling of embarrassment. “But once again…I am not allowed to have feelings or opinions, right Jules?”

“I never said that.” He whimpered and fought back tears of frustration once again. He was exhausted and didn’t know what hurt him most, his body, or his
heart
.

“I would say that’s been the implication here,” she argued, placing the baby in a bouncer on the dining room table. “My opinions are certainly not being considered in this conversation.  Your way, or the highway.”

“I never said that either,” he tried. He covered his eyes with his arm again. “I’m trying to reach a compromise with you. The baby can stay and you can keep everything, just wish me back to one piece and we stop playing the game. You lose nothing that you have right now.”

Sarah finished and began gathering the supplies. 

Rachael moved the baby and bouncer to the floor where she knew Jessica would be safe. “C’mon, Jules, let’s get you up,” she said, seemingly ignoring his latest pleas. “You have to go back upstairs.”

“I’m not moving,” he attested, rolling the upper half of his body onto his side and nestling into the pillow facing the back of the sofa.

“No,” she countered, “you’re going back upstairs.” She came toward him clapping her hands loudly. “Let’s go! Don’t fall asleep.”

“Why?” he asked, sniveling like a child. “What the fuck is the difference?”

“I don’t want to have to stare at you down here,” she responded, gesturing to his body, “like this.”