Wishing for a Miracle (9 page)

‘Have you been shot?' Mac's query was crisp. ‘Or stabbed?'

‘Get lost,' the man told him. ‘I'm only gonna talk to
her
.'

‘Come on, Jules.' Mac's tone was icy. ‘If he's not going to co-operate, we're out of here. It's obviously not life-threatening.'

‘Ahh!' the man screamed. ‘Ahhh!
Ahhhh
!'

It was certainly a good impression of someone in agony. Julia shot Mac a warning glance. ‘Won't hurt to take a look,' she said.

‘I'm dying,' the man howled. ‘Give me something…
please
, lady…'

‘Let me see.' Julia took another step towards the mattress. ‘Pull up your shirt.'

There were no marks visible on an emaciated-looking midriff but it would require palpation to check whether there was any guarding or swelling which could indicate internal damage that might explain the man's apparent agony.

Julia crouched. She hadn't even got down to floor level when a skinny hand shot out and wrapped itself around her wrist, pulling her off balance.

‘Stop wasting time.' the man spat. ‘Give me something
now
.'

The training given to deal with situations exactly like this meant that her reaction was instinctive. She wrenched her arm down sharply, towards the man's thumb, which had to give way. Then she rolled out of reach, coming to her knees and lifting her head just in time to see her assailant's other hand coming out from beneath a puddle of blanket, a blade glinting in his grasp.

All hell broke loose then. Police officers seemed to come from every corner of the room and within seconds the man was disarmed, on his stomach and handcuffed.

One of the police officers smiled somewhat ruefully at Julia. ‘Sorry to have wasted your time,' he said. ‘Looks like we can deal with this ourselves after all.'

Julia nodded. She was on her feet now but the awareness of how close that had been was kicking in. Her stomach was a tight knot and she felt absurdly close to tears. Turning, she made an effort to give Mac a smile that would disguise her reaction. Hopefully one that would tell him this hadn't been anything she hadn't been ready to handle. But her smile faded instantly.

Mac looked absolutely furious.

 

‘You just had to do it, didn't you? Jump in without bothering to consult me. Without even
considering
the potential danger.'

‘I did consider it.' Julia lifted her chin. She'd had to wait for this but she'd known it was coming.

Mac hadn't said a word as they'd marched along the concrete balcony of that tenement block or down flight after flight of graffiti-decorated stairwell.

‘NFA,' he'd snapped at Joe, who'd looked bemused and had then sent Julia a ‘what the hell happened in there?' look before scrambling to get them airborne again.

A silent flight. An apparent absorption with a recent emergency medicine journal since they'd been back on station. Until the road crew was dispatched and they were alone in the messroom. Julia had gone to make herself a cup of coffee and had looked at Mac's back where he was sitting at the table and sighed. Her offer to make him a hot drink had finally pulled the stopper from his bottled-up fury.

‘I could see he was an addict,' she continued as calmly as she could. ‘And the fact that he could be drug seeking was pretty obvious.' She held Mac's gaze. ‘So obvious it would have been idiotic to waste time talking about it.'

‘No.' Mac's chair scraped on linoleum as he got to his feet. ‘I'll tell you what was idiotic, Julia. Getting flattered because he wanted
you
to assess him. Making a unilateral,
idiotic
decision to go along with what
he
wanted.'

Julia? He never called her by her full name. Or spoke to her as if he was disgusted with her performance or—worse—disappointed with her. And he was saying she was an idiot. Her throat tightened painfully.

‘Why do you think he was so keen on the idea?' Mac continued relentlessly. ‘Because you were young and attractive and he'd do whatever you asked?'

Julia stayed silent. Battling something that felt oddly like grief.

‘No.' Mac's breath was expelled in an angry huff. ‘It was because you were the weakest link. The person he was most likely to be able to hurt.'

The weakest link? Oh, God! Mac was working up to telling her he didn't want her on the team any more, wasn't he?

He was overreacting. She'd been in a room with a bunch of armed police officers, for heaven's sake.

As he had so often before in their time of working together, Mac seemed to read her mind but it didn't take any of the heat from his anger.

‘What if those cops hadn't been there?' he demanded. ‘What if it had just been you and me, on a street corner somewhere?'

She wouldn't have gone anywhere near him, of course. Julia opened her mouth to try and defend herself but Mac wasn't going to let her get a word in.

‘You would have been stabbed. Or worse. I would have had to protect you and I could have been taken out as well. We're supposed to be a
team
. We look after each other and we communicate. Is that so difficult to remember?'

She was going to cry. It didn't matter that in any other circumstance she could have sucked this up and stayed in control. Or that crying in front of Mac was the absolute last thing she wanted to do.

He didn't want her on his team any more.

He didn't want
her
.

 

Oh,
hell
!

She was going to cry.

The anger, which had very little to do with Julia's decision-making on the last job and far more to do with the fact that he hadn't protected her—that she had made it clear she didn't
want
his protection—evaporated.

They stood there, facing each other in the kitchen area of the mess, the room dim now because it was getting late in the day and they hadn't turned on any lights yet. How had they got this close to each other? Had he been trying to intimidate her with his size as well as punishing her with his words?

Whatever. He was close enough and there was still enough light to see the glint of too much moisture in her eyes. Horrified, Mac watched as the glint intensified and a single, fat tear escaped to roll down the side of Julia's nose.

Mac could feel that tear. Melting something inside himself, and he knew exactly what that something was. The lock on that damned box. Things that had been crammed inside started seeping out. Flickers of images like her smile and the way it made him feel. Pride in her courage. The knowledge that he wanted this woman more than he'd ever wanted any woman in his life. He'd give up anything for her. His life, even. And that was extraordinary. Terrifying. Because he'd honestly believed that nobody would ever be able to mess with his head to this degree now he'd finally got over Christine.

‘Oh,
God
…' His voice sounded strangled. ‘I'm sorry, Jules. I didn't mean—'

‘Yes, you did.' Julia sniffed and scrubbed at her face
with an impatient gesture. ‘And you're right. It was stupid. I let you down and I'm not surprised you don't want to work with me any more.'

‘What?' Anger had become dismay. ‘When did I say anything of the kind?'

‘You didn't have to.' Julia was avoiding his gaze. ‘You think me being female is some kind of liability. That you have to protect me or something.' She gulped in a breath that caught somewhere on the way to create a tiny sob.

The sound undid Mac.

‘No.' He spoke softly now. ‘Don't you see, Jules?' The words were being forced out. He shouldn't be saying them. But he couldn't no more
not
say them than take in another breath. ‘It's not that I
have
to protect you so much. It's that I
want
to. Too much.'

Slowly, her gaze lifted. Caught his and held it.

Mac's hands fisted by his sides as a defence against the urge to reach out and pull her into his arms. He tried to smile but could only manage a brief, one-sided twist of his mouth. ‘It's a bit of a problem,' he confessed. ‘It has been ever since that…kiss.'

 

She so hadn't expected this. She had watched and waited for days for some sign of acknowledgement of that kiss that wasn't running in the opposite direction as fast as humanly possible. In the wake of his anger this was such a twist that Julia felt the earth tilt beneath her feet.

Was the anger…the
passion
behind his reaction to that scare today about frustration, not disappointment?

‘I thought you wanted to forget about that kiss,' she whispered.

‘I did.' This time, both sides of Mac's mouth moved but, endearingly, they seemed to go in opposite directions. ‘I tried to. It hasn't worked.'

‘No.' Julia's agreement was heartfelt. She knew precisely how hard that kiss had been to try and forget.

For a heartbeat, and then two, they stood there in silence again, watching each other. Julia was soaking in something warm. Joyous, even, because that kiss had had the same effect on him as it had had on herself. Awareness sizzled between them and she finally knew that it wasn't just her feeling it. The acknowledgement that it existed was enough to have unleashed it and it seemed to be getting bigger and stronger with every second that ticked past.

‘Bit of a problem,' Mac offered. There was something in his eyes that made Julia want to cry again, but for very different reasons. A vulnerability that tore a piece off her heart. For some reason, that scared him and now it was
she
that felt the need to protect.

‘Mmm.' Were they leaning closer to each other or was that wishful thinking on her part? ‘Maybe it doesn't have to be,' she heard herself saying.

Mac said nothing but she could sense his stillness. He was listening. Hard. Something Anne had said was trying to filter through this awareness of Mac that was filling her mind. Something about a fling doing her a world of good. That this was a perfect opportunity because it had a clearly defined end point.

Yes. That was the key. Mac was still safe. He didn't need to be afraid. Vulnerable.

‘Whatever it is that's going on here,' she told Mac, ‘it's got a use-by date. It won't be a problem for very long.'

Yes. She could see the realisation that there was a safety net available dawn on Mac's face. He was being offered a choice here. They both knew the attraction was there. They could live with it for a limited period of time. Or they could give up resisting it. Either way, it would be temporary. And Mac had the choice. She was giving him control. Not that she should be going down that track but if it was what Mac wanted…

‘The
problem
,' Mac growled finally, ‘is resisting it.'

‘Mmm.' Yes. They were definitely closer. Somehow—imperceptibly—they had moved within kissing range. The pull was simply too powerful to resist.

‘What…um….' It was hard enough to remember to breathe, let alone form a coherent question. Julia tried again. ‘What do you think we should do about that?'

‘I can't do a thing,' Mac groaned. ‘Unless I don't mind getting fired.'

Julia's eyes widened. She hadn't thought about it from that perspective. Maybe she wasn't giving him a choice after all, just making things worse. ‘You mean there's something I didn't see in the contract? About partners being…um…'

‘It's unwritten,' Mac admitted. ‘But it's also unethical.'

‘Why?'

‘Because I'm supposed to be mentoring you. Teaching you. Coercing you into any other kind of relationship would be seen as an abuse of power.'

‘Oh…' Julia pursed her lips thoughtfully. ‘What if
the coercion came from the less powerful side of the equation?'

Mac blinked slowly on a sigh. ‘It would still be unethical.'

‘Because it would interfere with doing our job?'

‘In a nutshell. Yes. It's doing that already, isn't it? Look at what happened today. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up the fight. It's killing me.'

‘Maybe you don't have to,' Julia said very softly. Whatever part of her head might have spent a considerable amount of time warning her not to go down this track was curiously silent. Gagged, probably, but it wouldn't have made any difference if it had been audible. She wanted this way too much. More than she'd ever wanted anything. ‘What if it didn't interfere with our work? If it was something kept strictly to out-of-work hours that nobody else knew about?'

Mac's eyes were drifting closed again as though his lids had become too heavy. Was he stepping into fantasy or praying for strength? Suddenly, they snapped open.

‘It could work.' He spoke as softly as Julia had. ‘If we really wanted to make it work. What do you want, Jules?'

‘The same as you, I hope.'

Their eye contact had locked. They were breathing exactly the same air. So close now they could feel each other's body warmth.

‘Really?' Mac's voice had a seductive edge Julia had never heard before. A low, silky rumble that made her toes curl. ‘Do you know what that is?'

Julia could feel a tiny smile playing with her lips
but she feigned ignorance because she wanted to hear him say it.

‘No. What do you want, Mac?'

His response was a sigh of breath against her lips as he finally closed the last distance between them.

‘You. I want
you
.'

‘W
HY
is it so dark in here?'

Julia peeled away from Mac's kiss before he'd had the chance to do anything more than touch her lips with his own. She dived for the light switch in the kitchen area and filled the room with a neon glare that was almost as much of a wrench as losing that touch had been.

Angus bowled into the kitchen part of the mess. ‘Joe's fiddling with that blessed helicopter again. He said he didn't want to come inside because there was something weird going on and here you guys are, standing around in the dark. What gives?'

Mac shrugged, moving back to where he'd left his journal on the table. This was crazy, thinking they could have some kind of affair and keep it secret from their colleagues.

‘I was making a coffee,' Julia said in a surprisingly steady voice. ‘Want one?'

Angus swung his head from Mac's direction to stare at Julia. ‘Something's up. Joe's right. There's a weird vibe. And you look…'

‘Like hell, I expect. It's been a long day.' Julia
seemed intent on pressing the switch on the electric jug. ‘Can't wait to get home. How 'bout you, Mac?'

‘Ditto.' Suddenly, Mac was enjoying the undercurrent between them. The totally private innuendo. Maybe this
was
crazy but trying to work with Julia for the next ten weeks or so and not doing anything about the way he was feeling would make
him
crazy.

There was no chance of locking anything away now. The lock was gone. Melted by those tears that had shown Mac a whole new side to this astonishing woman.

An unexpectedly vulnerable side.

Maybe it was just a physical thing for her but she wanted him. Out of all the men on this station who would cheerfully kill to be fancied by Julia Bennett, she was picking
him
.

They were both single, consenting adults so why not?

Mac had forgotten what it was like to feel this level of attraction. What sex could be like when there was more to it than simply slaking lust.

No. He sucked in a breath. He'd never felt like this. He remembered their last kiss only too well and just that tiny brush of contact they'd just had had been even more electric. Sex with Julia would be totally new territory.

Dangerous, exciting, totally irresistible territory.

And maybe they could keep it a secret. Angus knew there was something up but he was frowning. He couldn't make sense of whatever he was picking up.

‘The last job wasn't much fun,' Mac told him calmly. ‘Some low-life pulled a knife on Jules.'

‘Hells bells! Are you OK?'

‘I'm fine.' Julia smiled at Angus. ‘It was entirely my
own fault and Mac told me off. We're sorted. I'll have to let Joe know it's safe to come inside.'

‘If you're sure.' Angus seemed to have forgotten Mac. He had stepped closer to Julia and was eyeing her with concern. ‘You…um…haven't been crying, have you?'

‘As if!' Julia snorted. ‘Try and spread that kind of rumour and you're dead meat, Gus.'

Angus grinned and visibly relaxed. ‘As long as you're OK. This job throws some curly ones at us sometimes, doesn't it?'

‘Mmm.' Julia looked up from spooning coffee to catch Mac's gaze. ‘It sure does. Nothing we can't cope with, though, eh, Mac?'

‘No.' Mac held her gaze and it felt like a kind of pact. They could make this work.

It would be easy. Fun. More than fun. He was being given an opportunity he would never have again. And if he didn't go along with the affair Julia clearly wanted, he'd be in trouble. He knew only too well how determined she could be to get what she wanted. Look at today's job when she wasn't going to be left behind at a safe point. Working with her would be hell if he tried to back out now so maybe he should just give in gracefully and enjoy the ride.

A half-smile was playing around his lips and he was only half listening to the conversation behind him.

‘Dale should be here any minute,' Angus was saying. ‘You can get home a bit early if you want. Any plans for tonight?'

‘Maybe.' Julia sounded perfectly innocent. ‘I'm waiting to see if something comes up.'

Incredulous laughter almost broke from Mac. He
managed to strangle it and turn the sound into a cough. Fortunately, Dale arrived on station at precisely the same moment.

They were free to go where they liked and start their time away from work. Mac caught up with Julia as she walked to the car park.

‘What comes up?' he muttered. ‘You like playing with fire, don't you?'

‘I was just testing.' Julia gave him that mischievous grin he was coming to love. ‘It worked, didn't it? Angus could tell something was going on and now he just thinks you're mean and I'm a girl.'

She wasn't a girl. She was a woman. The sexiest, most desirable woman in the world. No, there was no going back now. No chance that Mac could turn away from the path he'd stepped onto when he'd confessed his attraction.

‘I can be mean,' Mac growled. ‘I probably will be, if we don't get the hell out of here to some place we can stop pretending we don't want to rip each other's clothes off.'

He watched the way Julia licked her lips as though they were suddenly dry.

‘Your place or mine?'

 

Julia's place was the obvious choice.

Private. Discreet.

Mac shared an inner-city apartment with Angus and even though they worked opposing shifts and only saw each other on days off, it felt far too close to work and the possibility of being discovered.

That this was going to be a secret liaison added a di
mension to both the connection and the excitement and it seemed more than enough to tip Julia's anticipation into nervousness. Or maybe it was because every time she glanced in her rear-view mirror she could see the big, dark shape of Mac's vehicle shadowing hers.

The intention of this journey resonated in every cell of her body. It became harder to concentrate. Hard to take a deep enough breath. By the time she pulled to a halt beside the overgrown hedge surrounding her rented cottage, Julia had decided she must be crazy.

She had to work with this man. What if this was a disaster? If he found her a disappointment in comparison to that mystery blonde? If someone at work did find out and she was sent home in disgrace? Was the risk really worth it?

Then Mac was beside her and she was fumbling with the key to the cottage and his hand closed over hers and just held it.

Calming her. The way his solid strength always calmed any nerves she might have when facing a job. Julia took the first deep breath she had managed in quite some time. Felt his presence and automatically found courage again. Looked up and saw understanding in Mac's eyes. Heard the same kind of unspoken conversation they had become so adept at.

We don't have to do this.

I know.

We won't, if you don't want to.

I do. I want to. Do you?

You know I do.

Nervousness kicked back into anticipation. Aware
ness of Mac's presence ignited into a desire so fierce Julia didn't notice that she rose to stand on tiptoe to meet Mac's lips before his head had completed its dip.

A soft kiss.

A promise.

And then Mac took the key from her hand and unlocked the door.

 

Something changed the moment the front door of the cottage closed behind them.

Whatever it was between them was unleashed and free to roam.

The heat and urgency in Mac's gaze sent a tremor down Julia's spine. The tiny hallway of her house made him seem so much bigger. His hair was dark and tousled and his eyes darker than she'd ever seen them and so intent there was no hint of a smile on his face. It made him look…dangerous.

This
was dangerous.

Never mind any complications with work. She could get hurt. Badly. She could find that any chance of the future she hoped for was destroyed because she'd never find anyone who could make her feel like this again. That was terrifying—the thought that she might be sacrificing future happiness for something that could only be temporary. If it was—and she just knew it would be—totally amazing, it was only going to last a matter of weeks. A brief interlude in her life.

But she'd known it would be dangerous and facing danger—embracing it, even—was part of who she was.

She could still say no. For a heartbeat, as they stood
there, Julia knew instinctively that this was her last opportunity to back out. That Mac would respect that decision.

But then he reached out and touched her face. A soft brush of fingertips on her forehead that trickled down to end up on her lips, and the touch was so gentle, so
caring
, that Julia knew she was in real trouble here.

Past the point of no return.

Falling in love, with nothing to hang onto to try and break that fall, and even if there had been, she wouldn't be able to summon the willpower to save herself. She felt her eyes drift shut and her head tip back as Mac's lips replaced his fingers, softly kissing her lips and then the corner of her mouth. Her jawbone and then the side of her neck where her pulse throbbed and then skipped.

Yes. It was way too late to save herself.

 

She looked…perfect.

The last piece of clothing had been peeled away and Julia was small and golden in the soft light of her bedside lamp, the tan of an antipodean summer still glowing over her entire body.

His hands felt like they might be rough against the silk of her skin. For the first time Mac felt big and…clumsy, almost. Yet every touch…every kiss drew a response that made him feel nothing short of amazing.

She seemed to know exactly where to touch
him
. The right words or sounds to make that had him on the brink of losing control utterly, again and again. Dear God—she
wanted
him. As much as he wanted her.

But he had to hang on. To make this as good as it possibly could be. He had to
be
amazing because it was
the only thing good enough for this woman. And he could be, because this was time away from reality. The past didn't exist and didn't need to damage what they had. What had Julia said? This had a ‘use-by' date. Yes. It was a blink in a lifetime but it had the potential to give them both a memory they could treasure. Something too good to forget.

Ever.

So he took his time. Milking every sense. Revelling in the sounds of her sighs of pleasure or whimpers of desire. The sight of that smooth, golden skin and what he could read in her eyes. The smell of her hair and her skin and her desire. The taste and the astonishing feel of every part of her body. Yes. He took more time than he ever had. He slowed things down until Julia was begging. For
him
.

Even then, he tried to be gentle. To ease himself into her delicious, tight warmth but she cried out his name and Mac was lost.

He buried himself in paradise and knew he was taking her with him with every stroke.

Her cry of ecstasy could have come from his own soul. Nothing had ever been this good.

Nothing else ever could be.

 

How amazing—that something so good could get even better.

Mac couldn't get enough of it. Couldn't get enough of Julia Bennett.

With the frustration of trying to fight the attraction gone, life was just about perfect.

He got to spend every minute of every working day
with Julia. The way he had ever since she'd arrived. Except that it was nothing like it had been.

Funnily enough, it was easy to keep up the pretence that nothing had changed. When they were on a job and dealing with patients they were both ultimately professional. On station, the banter might have had a new edge and the way they stole glances at each other might be more significant but nobody seemed to notice. Not even Joe, who spent more time with them than anyone else.

Angus didn't guess but why would he? Mac never spent a whole night away from the apartment so his breakfast dishes still littered the bench and the pile of dirty socks grew in the laundry.

But even with all those working hours and those glorious, stolen evenings, it wasn't enough.

‘What's wrong with you?' Mac asked himself, more than once. ‘You've got the perfect woman with no strings attached. No excuse not to be the happiest man on earth.'

What else did he want?

A clock that wasn't ticking somewhere in the background, maybe, counting down the weeks and days they had left.

A whole night with Julia, perhaps, so he could hold her in his arms while she slept. Fall asleep himself knowing that when he woke, she would still be there beside him.

Strings?

Possibly. That way, he could eliminate the niggle in the back of his head that kept pace with the growth of this relationship. The fear that his bed, his job—his
life
—might feel too empty when she had gone home.

Not that he was going to think about that. Not yet. If
it was formed into coherent thought or, worse, words, there would be no escape. It would change things. And something told him that Julia wouldn't like it and, therefore, it carried the risk of finishing this prematurely. Mac didn't want it to finish. Not while it was this good.

He'd known from the point of recognising his attraction that the potential was there to get in too deep and end up being hurt. It was far too late to do anything about it now and he'd been there before. He could take comfort from the knowledge that he could survive. It was simply a bridge he had no intention of crossing before he was obliged to. There was an element of hope encased in denial. If things continued to get better, maybe Julia wouldn't want to let it go either.

 

It was possible to float through life.

What truly amazed Julia, however, was that it was also possible to have someone else occupying what seemed like every bit of space in your head and heart and soul. Mac was the first thing she thought of when she woke in the mornings and the last thing on her mind before she drifted off to sleep at night and yet she still had room for everything that used to be important as well. She discovered that the presence of someone you were so much in love with could seep into everything else and make it better.