Witch Is When I Said Goodbye (A Witch P.I. Mystery Book 10) (18 page)

“You know Betty Longbottom, don’t you?”

“Betty? Yes, we’ve spoken a few times, but never for more than a few minutes.”

“Did you know she was a tax inspector?”

“I think she did mention it.”

“Well, she paid me a visit the other day, and more or less accused me of paying Mrs V off-the-books.”

“Isn’t that your P.A? The knitter?”

“That’s her.”

“I thought you didn’t pay her at all?”

“I don’t, but Betty thinks otherwise. Anyway, she insists on seeing my accountant.”

“I see. Well, don’t worry. I’ll put her straight.”

“Would you call on her to arrange a meeting between the two of you?”

“Of course. No problem. I’m sure I’ll be able to answer all of her questions to her satisfaction.”

“That’s exactly what I told her. I said if anyone can satisfy her, it would be you.”

“I’ll let you know how I get on.”

“Thanks.”

Poor Luther. He had no idea what he’d let himself in for.

Snigger.

Chapter 22

The temperature in my office dropped, and I knew either my mother or the colonel was about to appear. Winky hissed; he hated it when ghosts were around.

“Morning, Jill.” The colonel beamed.

“Morning, Jill.” Priscilla was by his side. They were arm in arm. Love’s young dream.

“Hello you two. I see you’re getting on famously.”

They smiled at each other, and for a moment were lost in one another’s eyes. How very—sickening—I mean sweet.

“Thanks for the heads up about our friend, Battery, Colonel. It’s all sorted now.”

“My pleasure, Jill. Only too happy to help. I hate to think of you coming to any harm because of an idiot like that. What happened to him, anyway?”

“I have a friend who’s a parahuman. By day she’s a librarian, but by night she’s a Ghost Hunter.”

“Really?” Priscilla said. “That sounds very exciting.”

“She apprehended Battery; his haunting days have been well and truly curtailed. I definitely owe you one.”

“Funny you should say that, Jill.” The colonel grinned. “We were wondering if you might be able to do us a small favour.” He looked at Priscilla, who giggled. She giggled a lot. She and the twins would have got on famously.

“I will if I can.” What had I let myself in for now?

“The thing is, although we have our own places in Ghost Town, we’d both rather like to have somewhere in the human world where we could spend some time.”

“I thought you already had somewhere: my office.”

“We do pop in here rather often, don’t we?” He laughed. “We were actually thinking of somewhere a little more permanent—you know, a proper home. Somewhere we could haunt on a permanent basis.”

“Did you have anywhere in mind?”

“I do actually. I know exactly the place.”

“Are you talking about your old house?”

“Got it in one. I spent a lot of time and money on that house. It seems a pity to let someone else get all the benefit.”

“Who owns it now?”

“That’s why we’ve come to see you. As per my Will, it was sold, and the proceeds split between the dog charity, Mrs Burnbridge and Peter. But I don’t actually know who bought the old place. So we were wondering if maybe you could take a run up there sometime to find out who the new owners are. And to see if they’re the sort of people who wouldn’t be too freaked out by the idea of ghosts sharing their home.”

“No problem. I’ll take a drive over there later today.”

“Thanks, Jill. You’re a diamond.”

Diamond? Don’t remind me.

“Come on, Cilla.” The colonel took her arm. “We’d better get going. I’ve booked a table for lunch. Bye, Jill.”

***

It felt strange to be back at the colonel’s house knowing that he no longer lived there. It was a beautiful house, and although I’d only been there a few times, I’d grown very fond of it.

Externally at least, nothing seemed to have changed. I rang the bell, but there was no answer. I tried again, and this time the door opened to reveal a man in a butler’s outfit. I’d always assumed all butlers wore black suits. This man’s suit was red. Or perhaps, more accurately, crimson.

“Hello, madam.”

“Hi.”

“You’re a little late.”

“I am?”

“Yes, but it’s all right. Follow me.”

What a stroke of luck. He obviously thought I was someone else. If I could just get to speak with the new owners, I could try to get a feel for if they’d be open to the idea of ghostly visitors.

Halfway across the hall, the butler stopped and pointed to the room on the right.

“That’s the green room, madam. You can get undressed in there.”

“I’m sorry?”

“The green room. You can get undressed in there.”

“Why would I want to get undressed?”

He looked puzzled. “Aren’t you here for the open day?”

“Err—no. I was hoping to speak to the owner of this property.”

“Mr Nolan?”

“I guess so. Is that possible?”

“I’ll have to check. He’s out on the terrace. Who shall I say wishes to speak to him?”

“Jill Gooder. I’m a good friend of Colonel Briggs who used to own this house.”

“Very well. Would you wait there for a moment?”

“Certainly.”

The interior of the house hadn’t changed dramatically. There were a few new paintings, but otherwise, it was practically the same as the last time I’d been there.

The crimson-clad butler returned a couple of minutes later.

“Mr Nolan will see you now. Please follow me.”

We walked through the house and out through the large French doors at the rear. The sight that greeted me took my breath away. There were at least twenty people: some on sun loungers, some playing volleyball, and others playing a game of badminton. And, they were all naked! Stark naked!

The butler led me to a man sitting in a deckchair. In one hand, he had a huge cigar; in the other, he was holding an enormous glass of wine. Middle-aged, he was more than a little overweight. His grey hair was pulled back into a ponytail. He too, was stark naked.

“Hello, Mr Nolan,” I said, fixing my gaze firmly on his face. “I’m Jill Gooder.”

“Nice to meet you, Jill. I never met the colonel, but from all accounts, he was a good sort. Tragic what happened to him. I’ve been on the lookout for somewhere to base our little club for some time, so when this property came on the market, I leaped at the chance.”

“Club?”

“Yes. This house is now home to Washbridge Naturist Society. Do you have an interest in naturism?”

“No. It isn’t really my thing. I get goosebumps very easily.”

“Pity. We’re always on the lookout for new blood—that’s why we’re having an open day. Now, what was it you wanted to see me about?”

“I was just passing, actually. I still have a soft spot for this house, so I thought I’d call in on the off chance I’d be able to have one last look at the old place. It doesn’t look like you’ve changed very much—other than the nakedness, obviously.”

“I’ve made a few changes, but nothing much. The colonel had excellent taste.”

“Have you seen the ghosts yet?”

He looked surprised. “Ghosts? No. I wasn’t aware that there were any ghosts.”

“Oh, yes. The house has been haunted for quite some time. The colonel often used to see them.”

“How very interesting. I do hope they turn up. I like all things supernatural.”

“Really? Well, I have a hunch that you may be seeing them very soon.”

“Are you sure I can’t interest you in our club? The human body is nothing to be ashamed of, you know.”

“Err—no. Thanks anyway.” I glanced at my watch. “Gosh, is that the time. I’d better get going. I have an appointment with my—err—cat.”

“With your cat?”

“I meant cat groomer. His fur is in a bit of a mess. The cat’s that is—not the groomer’s. Better dash. Thanks for seeing me.”

***

I was helping Pearl out in Cuppy C. Amber was upstairs. She’d been complaining of toothache for a couple of hours; the poor mite had looked in agony.

I didn’t notice Maxine Jewell come in until she appeared in front of me at the counter.

“Hello, Maxine.” I treated her to my falsest smile. “What can I get for you today?”

“I don’t want anything to drink. I’m here to see you.”

“My lucky day, then.”

“Always got a smart word to say, haven’t you, Gooder?”

“I do my best. What is it you want, Maxine?”

“I’d like you to come down to the police station with me.”

“I don’t think so, but thanks for the invite.”

“It’s not an invitation; it’s an order.”

“What have I done now?”

“Inspector Lyndon, my boss, would like a word with you.”

“What about?”

“Just come with me. He’ll explain when we get down there.”

I could have argued, but it wasn’t as though I was really needed in Cuppy C; it was deadly quiet. And, I had to admit, I was curious why Maxine’s boss wanted to see me.

Inspector Lyndon was a tall, thin man with a long pointed nose; he greeted me with a warm smile, and a friendly handshake. All very disconcerting.

“So you’re the famous Jill Gooder. I’ve heard and read a lot about you.”

“All bad, I assume?”

“No, far from it.”

“Why did you want to see me, Inspector?”

“I’d actually like your help; if you’re prepared to assist us.”

I glanced across at Maxine Jewell. I could tell that she wasn’t happy about this at all, which made me even more keen to get involved.

“Gladly, Inspector. How can I help?”

“We have a rather strange situation on our hands. Over the last few weeks there have been multiple thefts on the buses which run from Washbridge to Candlefield.”

“I had no idea there was public transport between the two towns.”

“There’s no reason you would know. As a witch, you’re able to use magic to travel back and forth between the two. Wizards can too. But the other sups have to rely on more conventional means of transport. And for those who don’t have a car, public transport is the only option. There are two buses each way, every day. The ones from Washbridge run at midday and midnight. The midnight bus has experienced problems on at least four occasions now. When the bus arrived in Candlefield, the passengers found that they’d been robbed of their money and other valuables.”

“Who did it?”

“That’s the strange thing. No one on board the bus remembers it happening. The first they knew about it was when they got to Candlefield, and realised that their money and valuables were missing.”

“So you’re saying they didn’t see anyone do it?”

“That’s precisely it. It’s a mystery really. Anyway, the reason I asked you to come in is that we need someone to go undercover on that bus.”

“What about your own people?”

“We need someone who is familiar with Washbridge and Candlefield. Unfortunately, it’s a condition of service that those in the police force do not visit the human world. So, you see my problem?”

“Yes. But won’t the fact that I’m a witch alert the thieves?”

“No reason it should. Witches and wizards often use the buses. Not because they need to, but because they enjoy the experience.”

“So you’d like me to travel on the bus, and see if I notice anything unusual?”

“Precisely that.”

“Okay. I’ll be happy to help.”

***

When I got back to Cuppy C, Amber was back downstairs, and sitting at a table with William.

“How’s the toothache?”

“Not good.” She was holding her mouth. “I’m still getting a lot of pain.”

“Oh, dear. When are you going to the dentist?”

“I’ve called him, but he can’t fit me in for a couple of days. I’ll just have to take painkillers until then.” She turned to William. “I think I’ll go back to bed, and try to get to sleep.”

William gave her a gentle peck on the forehead.

After Amber had gone, I joined William at the table. “Poor Amber.”

“I know. She’s really suffering, poor girl. It’s a pity that the dentist can’t see her sooner.”

“Hey, William, did you know there’s a bus service between Candlefield and Washbridge?”

“Of course. Didn’t you realise?”

“No. It never even occurred to me.”

“It’s all right for witches and wizards, but the rest of us have to travel the more conventional route. I’m okay because I’ve got a car now, but when I was a kid, we always used to go on the bus. Back then, they used to take the old route before they built the new road. Anyway, I’d better get back to work. Nice seeing you, Jill.”

“Yeah, you too, William.”