Witch Is When Things Fell Apart (4 page)

“I spiced the replacement cake with a special potion. It should be very easy to spot the culprits.”

Sure enough, the perps were easy to identify. Grandma assured us that their pig noses would revert back to normal within twenty four hours. I’m not sure I believed her.

Grandma was on her third double whisky when it was time for the winners to be announced. It was all very tense. There were several worthy contenders in the iced sponge cake category.

‘Second place goes to Ruth Landown. And the winner of this year’s iced sponge cake category is Lucy—’

At that, the place erupted with cheers. Aunt Lucy was a popular winner with everyone except the pig noses. The prize was a modest silver cup, but Aunt Lucy could not have been happier.

“Let’s go home and celebrate,” she said.

“Jill, you have to come with us,” Pearl said.

I’d intended going back to Washbridge as soon as the winner had been announced, but I could hardly refuse to join in Aunt Lucy’s celebrations.

“Will there be drinks?” Grandma hiccupped.

Chapter 4

A few of Aunt Lucy’s closest friends joined us back at her house. There was hardly room to swing Winky.

“Where’s Lester?” I asked the twins after we’d sneaked out into the garden.

“That’s a good question,” Pearl said. “He should have been here for Mum’s big day.”

“I’m not sure Mum knows where he is.” Amber shivered—the night air was cold. “When I asked her about him, she fobbed me off.”

“Do you think they’ve had some kind of bust up?” I glanced at the door to make sure no one had followed us outside.

“Who knows?” Pearl drank the last of her wine. “Old people are weird. I’m never growing old.”

“Me neither,” Amber said.

“Talking of old people.” I hesitated long enough to check the coast was clear. “What’s with Grandma? She spends all day criticising your Mum’s baking, but then comes to the rescue like that.”

“Typical Grandma. She loves to wrong-foot you. The moment you think you have a handle on her, she surprises you.”

“Where is she anyway? I haven’t seen her for a while.”

The twins giggled.

“What?”

“We couldn’t possibly tell you.” They giggled again.

“Come on you two. What’s going on?”

“You mustn’t tell,” Amber said.

“She’ll kill us if she ever finds out.”

Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to know.

“Come with us.” Amber led the way back inside.

The main party was in the kitchen and dining room where the drink was still flowing, and music still playing.

Amber pointed to the door of the living room. “She’s in here,” she whispered.

Pearl put a finger to her lips. I nodded my understanding, but was beginning to regret ever asking about Grandma.

Amber opened the door as slowly and quietly as she could. What sounded like Wool TV was playing on the television. Amber peered inside, and then beckoned us to follow her.

The twins had their hands clamped tight over their mouths to stifle any laughter. When I saw the source of their amusement, I was too stunned to laugh or say anything. Grandma was on the sofa. She’d obviously fallen asleep, and had slumped to one side so her head was on the armrest. The side of her face was covered in jam and cream from the cake which was on a plate on the armrest.

I was terrified she might wake up, so led the way back out, through the kitchen and into the garden. The moment we were outside, the three of us dissolved into hysterics.

“We should have taken a photo.” Amber was crying with laughter.

“Too dangerous.” Pearl could barely speak. “She must never know.”

“That we saw her?” I tried to catch my breath. “She can hardly punish us for that.”

“Yes, well—” Amber glanced at Pearl.

“What?” I was getting a bad vibe.

“We didn’t
just
see her.”

“What do you mean?”

The twins giggled.

“What did you two do?”

“Well—” Pearl teased.

“Tell me!”

“We
might
have noticed that Grandma had fallen asleep,” Amber said. “And we
might
have noticed that she was beginning to slump to one side.”

“And we
might
have
accidentally
put a piece of cake on the armrest.” Pearl laughed.

They both laughed. I didn’t.

“You two are dead women walking.”

“You were with us.”

“I didn’t put the cake on the sofa.”

“I’m sure Grandma will believe you.”

They were right. Grandma was more likely to think
I’d
done it than the twins. We’d had a few run-ins lately.

“You two are evil.”

“Come on. You have to admit it’s funny.”

There was no denying that, but we were dealing with someone who wouldn’t think twice about turning all three of us into dung beetles.

“I’m going to call it a night,” I said.

“Aren’t you going to stay around until Grandma wakes up?”

“No, because I don’t have a death wish.”

“Are you going back to Washbridge?”

“I thought I’d stay here tonight. I promised Barry I’d take him to the park in the morning.”

“We’re going to hang on here.”

“Don’t you two dare blame me for the cake.”

“As if.”

Their innocent expressions didn’t fool me for a moment. If Grandma had them in her sights, they’d throw me under the bus without a moment’s hesitation.

I slept in my room above Cuppy C. Or at least, I tried to. What little sleep I did manage was filled with nightmares about giant jam and cream cakes, and dung beetles. I woke a little after eight o’clock. It came as something of a relief to find I still had only the two legs, and no overwhelming desire to roll balls of dung around the bedroom. I could hear no sign of life from the twins’ bedrooms which meant that they were either still asleep or had been turned into scarabs too small to be heard.

“Let’s go to the park,” Barry said. “Can we? Please. Can we?”

Barry was my Labradoodle. His tail was wagging so vigorously it threatened to lift him off the ground.

What I wouldn’t have given for some of his energy. It was taking all of my strength just to keep my eyelids open. “Come on then, boy. The park it is.”

“Yes! I love the park!”

He did too. Now that I’d had him for a while, I was a little more relaxed about letting him off the lead. He would run away and disappear for short periods, but he’d always come back in the end—at least that’s what I’d thought.

“Barry?” It was over ten minutes since I’d last caught sight of him. The park was huge with numerous copses. “Barry!”

My phone rang. It was the call I’d been dreading.

“Jill? I’ve been trying to catch you for days,” Drake said.

“Sorry, I’ve been kind of busy.”

“Where are you?”

I thought about lying—saying I was in Washbridge, but Drake lived close by, and for all I knew might have already seen me. “I’m in the park.”

“Would you like some company?”

“Not right now. I have to get back to Washbridge soon.”

“Oh. Okay. What about later in the week? I could come to Washbridge.”

“I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment. Sorry.”

“Oh.” I could hear the disappointment in his voice. “Okay then. Give me a call when things slow down.”

“Sure. Bye then.”

I hoped that might be the end of it, but something told me that Drake wasn’t the type to give up so easily.

“Barry! Barry! Where are you?”

A couple: a witch and a werewolf were walking towards me. Their well behaved Westie was following a few yards behind them. Why didn’t Barry do that?

“Hi, sorry to trouble you. Have you by any chance seen a black and white Labradoodle anywhere? I seem to have lost him.”

The woman smiled. “He’s more black than black and white now.” She pointed off into the distance. “See those trees, close to the wall?”

It was a part of the park I’d never been in before.

“He’s down there. In the swamp.”

“The swamp?”

“It’s not really a swamp. That’s just what the locals call it. It’s a shallow pond really. It’s mighty muddy down there.” She looked at my trainers, and gave me a sympathetic smile.

“Barry! No! Don’t!”

Too late. He jumped up and planted his muddy paws onto my clean, white t-shirt.

“Don’t!”

Too late again. He shook himself from head to tail, covering me in water, mud and goodness knows what else.

Fantastic!

It wasn’t just that he was wet and dirty. He smelled—real bad. Something must have fallen into the ‘swamp’ and died. There was no way I could take him home like that.

“That was fun!” he shouted, as I put on his lead. “Can I do it again?”

The dog groomers, Woof Wash, were only a stone’s throw from the park. From outside, I managed to catch the eye of the woman behind the counter, and beckoned her to come out.

“Looks like he’s been in the swamp,” she said, when she saw Barry.

“How did you know?”

“We get a lot of our business that way.”

“Is there any chance you could fit him in?”

“Yeah, no problem. We only have a couple of dogs booked in this morning. I’ll probably need to give him a trim as well as a wash. Is that okay?”

“Sure. What time can I collect him?”

“He should be ready about one o’clock.” She took his lead. “Are you sure you don’t want to book yourself in too?”

I somehow managed to force a smile.

“What happened to you?” Pearl said.

“Barry and the swamp happened to me.”

“You shouldn’t have let him go in the swamp.”

“Thanks for the tip. Where’s Amber? Rolling dung around?”

“What?”

“Never mind. What happened when Grandma woke up?”

“Nothing. It’s weird. When she came into the kitchen, she’d already wiped her face clean. She didn’t say a word about it.”

“That’s scary.”

“She must know it was us,” Pearl said.

“Us? Hey, there’s no ‘us’ about it. I wasn’t the one who put the cake on the armrest.”

“Maybe she’ll let it go.”

And maybe I’ll win the lottery. “I’m going to get showered and changed.”

“Good idea. You do kind of reek.” Pearl pinched her nose.

After my shower, I felt much better. The clothes I’d taken off were beyond salvation, so I dumped them in the bin. I was still thinking about the conversation I’d had with Drake. He’d sounded disappointed and a little surprised. But then, so had I when Daze had told me about his past. Perhaps if he’d come clean right from the start, things would have been different.

With time to kill until I picked up Barry from the groomers, I volunteered to help out in Cuppy C. The twins were remarkably chipper, and both still had the giggles over the previous night’s events. I wasn’t so sure that it was over yet. Grandma wasn’t the kind of person to let something like that go. I just hoped that I didn’t get dragged into whatever punishment she decided to inflict on them.

“Are you looking forward to the school reunion?” I was behind the cake counter with Amber. Pearl was busy in the tea room.

“I can’t wait.”

“Have you seen many of the people you were at school with since you left?”

“Yeah. Most of them still live around here—a lot of them are still with their parents.” She glanced over at the tea room. “Can you keep a secret?”

“Sure.”

“You mustn’t tell Pearl. Promise?”

“I promise.”

“At school, there was this one guy I used to have a crush on: Miles Best. He was hot with a capital ‘O’.”

Huh?

“I think he fancied me too, but he was a bit shy back then.”

“What about William?”

“What about him? Nothing’s going to happen. I’m just looking forward to seeing Miles again. That’s all. You won’t say anything will you?”

“Of course not.”

As we approached lunch time, the tea room was getting busier. Pearl asked if I could help her out for an hour or so until it was time for me to collect Barry.

I took the orders and payments while Pearl and one of the other assistants made the drinks.

“You should see the dress I’ve bought for the reunion!” Pearl said, during a lull. “I look hot—even if I do say so myself.”

“Hot with a capital ‘O’?”

“Huh?”

“Never mind.”

Pearl sneaked a glance at the cake shop counter to make sure Amber wasn’t listening. “There’s this guy I used to fancy at school. I can’t wait to see him again.”

“What about Alan?”

“It’s only flirting. Nothing serious. Alan doesn’t have to know. You won’t tell him, will you?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Or Amber? Promise?”

“I promise.”

“He was the hottest guy in our year, and I’m sure he used to fancy me, but he was shy back then.”

Oh dear. It couldn’t be, could it? “What was his name?”

“Miles. Miles Best.”

This wasn’t going to end well.