With or Without You (22 page)

‘A
try
-sexual. That means you should try everything at least once.’

‘So you really like being –’ I didn’t know how to put this delicately ‘– being tied up? Or tied down?’ I asked. I was having such a difficult time saying the words. I’ve always known the power of words, but in the past I thought I had more control over them than they had over me. I guess I was wrong.

‘You know me,’ she said, ‘I like a lot of things. I like being bound. I like being spanked. I like switching and being the boss if I’m with the kind of lover who brings out that side in me, or completely submitting if I’m with a dominant partner. That’s why I’ve been playing with both Dean and Travis lately. Dean is a dom, through and
through, as you could tell the other night. Travis likes to give himself over to me. Best of both worlds, if you know what I mean.’

I noticed that the two upscale-looking women at the table to our left had stopped talking and were staring at Nora with expressions of half-interest and half-disgust. My best friend might have noticed, as well, but she quite obviously didn’t care. Nora’s like that. If you want to eavesdrop on her, that’s fine, but you’d better not try to judge her. She won’t take it. In fact, she’ll become even louder, even more obscene in her descriptions.

‘It sounds as if you have a guy who’s ready to play,’ Nora continued. ‘I know I told you to consider not sleeping with him right away – or, at least, to make sure that you were really ready first – but once you do hit the sack, you should definitely take advantage of the situation. When are you getting together again?’

‘Tomorrow night. He’s going to give me the latest portion of the journal.’ Anthony had left this message on my voicemail after our morning interaction.

‘Where are you going?’

‘His place.’

Nora’s eyes widened appreciatively. ‘No dinner and a movie. No dancing. Just wham bam.’

‘He invited me. He’s going to make me dinner while I read the final instalment of what he’s done. He mentioned something about Italian food.’

‘He cooks?’

I nodded. ‘I guess.’

‘The man has a killer accent, an unbelievable body, is a graduate from Oxford, can drink mixed drinks without getting sick, and he can cook?’ Nora was incredulous, and apparently a little bit jealous.

‘I haven’t eaten his food,’ I said, ‘but he claims to be a whiz in the kitchen.’

‘But you don’t really care about that,’ Nora teased. ‘You only want to know if he’s a whiz in the bedroom. And
from the things he’s offering you, it sounds as if he’s definitely experienced.’

I felt flustered, and suddenly I had a need to confess the rest. ‘I did this bad thing today,’ I said. ‘And actually, I did the same thing Friday, too.’

‘Do tell,’ Nora prompted, all ears.

‘Not totally bad, I guess. Not evil, or anything, but not like me at all.’

Nora waited, interested and ready. Like I said, it’s not often that I have stories for her. In general, she is the one with the audience. She seemed to enjoy our role reversal.

‘I read the pages he gave me, and then I locked the door to my office, and …’

‘At work?’ Nora asked, understanding immediately, as I had known she would.

‘At my desk.’ I paused. After that, I’d hardly been able to do anything. I had sat in my chair, staring into space, until Nora had called and I’d gotten the idea to invite her out for lunch. ‘What’s happening to me?’ I asked her now.

‘My little girl’s growing up,’ Nora crowed in mock delight. ‘She’s turning into a real woman.’

‘I’m turning into a real slut.’

‘Perfect. I’m sure that’s just what Anthony wants. Most intellectuals, at least the ones that I’ve had the pleasure of being with, prefer their women to be sluts in the bedroom.’ Nora sighed. ‘Although I have to tell you one thing. This is the most intricate method of foreplay I’ve ever heard of. He’s translating ancient pornography for you and it’s getting you off. I can hardly believe it.’

She’d just named my total fear. ‘What if it’s not true, Nora?’ It horrified me to admit that I’d even had this worry, but if I couldn’t ask Nora about it, I was out of luck. There was nobody else.

‘Which part?’

‘What if he’s making this stuff up to entice me?’

‘He’s wooing you with ancient Greek pornography,’
she said with a sexy smile on her face. The thought of what he was doing quite clearly delighted her. ‘I’ve heard a lot of come-ons in my time,’ she said, ‘but never something as intricate as this one.’

‘But maybe,’ I continued, ‘he’s making up modern pornography to try to get me into bed.’ As soon as I said the words, I looked away. I felt as if I were being unfaithful in some way to Anthony, and I also felt brash for believing that he might do this. That I might be worthy of him taking the time to make up such a detailed fantasy.

‘And it was kinky?’

I flushed. ‘It was for me.’

‘Tell me.’

I bent over my bag and pulled out the papers, then handed them over to her.

Nora took a moment to skim the first few, and then started to laugh. ‘He wants to tie you up, Eli. Just like in the manuscript. He’s said so. He’s going to pop your cherry.’

‘I’m not virgin.’

‘To this stuff you are.’

I couldn’t tell her she was wrong. Nora knows me too well. But maybe he did want to tie me up and maybe that had been his plan from the start. I cleared my throat and said, ‘Maybe the journal is only a series of boring letters, or political rants, or tales of gods and mortals and the Oracle at Delphi. Or, what if it
is
a journal, but it was written by some chaste young virgin who’s never had sex, who hates the thought of it and lives until old age without ever experiencing the sins of the flesh? What if Anthony’s just concocting the whole thing to get me all hot and bothered?’

‘Christ, are you suspicious,’ Nora said, finally understanding. Then she paused, pondering it. ‘That would be a totally elaborate thing to do. He’d have to research the fuck out of ancient Greece in order to fool you, wouldn’t he? And you only just found the manuscript last week.
There’s no way that he would have been able to do all that research in that short a time period, would he?’

‘So far there haven’t been too many facts woven through it. He could have gotten any of them from the profiles on our exhibits. Plus, the stuff today was way out there.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘We’re getting into hot girl-girl sex. I mean, I know all about Sappho, but this stuff is on fire. It’s X-rated.’

‘Like?’ Nora asked, wanting examples.

‘Like naked bodies and sweat and suckling and licking, and contests about the prettiest body parts. You’re right that Anthony said that he had done research on it, that he had found items in our library that back up the text. Still, I’m just not sure about some of this other stuff.’ I didn’t look at her as I said the last part. ‘Come on, Nora. What do I do?’ I was practically wailing now. ‘What if he’s just making it all up to get me into bed?’

‘I don’t believe he’d do that,’ Nora said, finally. ‘I like Anthony. I mean, I know I don’t know him all that well, but he was a real trooper at the casting call. I liked the way he ordered that last drink, the Party Girl.’ She considered the situation, for a moment. ‘But if you’re really unsure, why not take a page or two and have someone else translate it for you. Someone who you’re sure doesn’t have any sort of designs on you.’ Nora hesitated. ‘But not someone too straight, in case it
is
pornography. You don’t want to shock anyone and have the person tell your bosses what you’re really doing with your time. I mean, aren’t you supposed to be working on an Angel show?’

I leaned back in my chair. ‘Good idea. I’d never have thought of doing that. It’s sneaky and underhanded.’

Nora beamed, happy with herself. She didn’t take either of those words as insults.

‘But I really have to know. I mean, Anthony’s writing these things down that totally meld with my fantasies. Tie me up, tie me down, make love to me outside.’

Nora leaned forwards in her chair, as if ready to drink up every word I was saying. This was the type of conversation she lived for.

‘If he’s making it up to get me into bed, I need to know.’ I took a deep breath. ‘I actually need to know before tomorrow night.’ I thought about it for a moment. ‘That’s just not going to be possible.’

‘Postpone the dinner for another day, then,’ Nora suggested, pleased with the idea. ‘Whenever you make a potential bedmate wait, it drives the person extra wild. If Anthony is being a good little boy and translating the stuff honestly, he’ll be totally out of his head with lust by the time you arrive for the date. If he’s lying, then you’ll be able to figure out a way to get back at him, like invite him to the Slave to Love room and put the cuffs on him. Plus, now you can still go shopping with me tomorrow night, like you promised.’ Nora put on her pout, which made her look extra charming. Our waiter did a double take when he brought over the check, clearly captivated by Nora’s pretty face.

I nodded. ‘It’s a plan. I’ll photocopy a few pages and give them to Marcia. She’s only average at ancient Greek. That’s why I didn’t use her in the first place.’

Nora gave me a look, then said sarcastically, ‘Of course, that’s why you didn’t use Marcia.’ She snorted, unable to help herself from jabbing at me. ‘What a total lie, kiddo. You’ve wanted Anthony for three years. I’ve never waited that long for any man in my life.’

‘Still, Marcia and Anthony had a rather publicised flirtation last spring,’ I said, thinking out loud. ‘She had a crush on him, and he didn’t respond as she’d have liked. There were bad things said, but never to anyone’s face. Gossip spread. Ever since then, there’s been intense rivalry. If he found out I went to Marcia behind his back … I don’t know what he’d do.’

‘Don’t let him find out obviously,’ Nora said. ‘Or don’t do it. And let your mind get the better of you. Can you handle not knowing?’

I shook my head. I couldn’t. I had to find out for real if Anthony was being honest with me. ‘It doesn’t matter how good Marcia is. She’ll at least be able to tell me if it’s sexual.’

‘But be sure you really want to know,’ Nora said softly. ‘Maybe that’s not the real issue.’

‘I don’t know what you mean.’

‘Maybe you don’t want Anthony to be a good guy. Maybe you don’t think you deserve someone like him.’

‘That’s not true. Why are you saying that?’

‘Sometimes, you think you’re living vicariously through me, don’t you?’

I was silent. Was I? Had I always been. I didn’t have an answer for her.

‘You’re not,’ she insisted, her green eyes bright in the blazing light. ‘I’m the one living vicariously through you.’

‘What are you talking about, Nora?’

‘You’re the one who’s stable. You’re the one always in a solid relationship. You’re the one with the happily ever after.’

‘And you’re the one who read Byron’s blog. You know that happy ever after doesn’t exist.’

‘It might. If you’d give Anthony an honest chance.’

ThePinkFedora.blogspot.com

Halloween is here at last – or almost here. Forget counting the weeks, we’re now counting the days. In fact, it’s nearly time to count the minutes. The Pink Fedora’s annual Halloween Masquerade Ball begins at 10:00 on Halloween night. At midnight, we’ll announce the contestants chosen for Bijoux Network’s new
You Can Leave Your Hat On
reality show. A show that will be filmed live in the Pink Fedora!

Oh, you can guess how excited I am! Twelve gorgeous and lithesome bartenders-to-be will be signing up for the ride of their lives. Only one can win. Judges include myself, of course, and Vlad, our former beau of the bar. We will have two guest judges each week, as well, from top chefs to top models. You’ll have to tune in to see who we’ve invited.

Even more exciting, we’ll be passing out goodie bags to all of you tricksters featuring my brand-new fragrance: The Pink Fedora. Now, all of you lovelies can smell just like me! Soon, we’ll be presenting a Black Fedora cologne, for the men. These scents join my cosmetic line of lipsticks, blushers and eye shadows, and are available on our website.

Remember to wear your sexiest, slinkiest, studliest costumes on Halloween, and anyone in a pink fedora gets a free drink on the house.

Kisses,

Nora

Quote for the Day:
As Jimi Hendrix said, ‘Knowing me, I’ll probably get busted at my own funeral.’

P.S. Check out my latest Pink Fedora Mix on
iTunes.com
It’s perfect for Halloween!

‘It’s sexual,’ Marcia told me in a stage whisper. Her face was flaming. I am the queen of blushes, and I don’t think I have ever seen anyone turn quite that vibrant a shade of crimson. Her cheeks reminded me of a piece of neon artwork I’d seen at MONA (the Museum of Neon Art) by Guy Marsden called
Crimson Cubed
. Marcia has hair the colour of an Irish setter’s. Now, her cheeks were nearly as flaming as her hair. ‘I mean –’ she lowered her voice ‘– it’s like pornography.’ Lowering her voice even further, she said, ‘It’s absolutely the dirtiest thing I’ve ever read in my entire life.’

She had finished the translating quicker than I’d expected. I had already postponed the dinner with Anthony to the night before Halloween, giving me time to think about what might happen if the journal turned out to be false. I had played out several scenarios in my head. Yet somehow I hadn’t prepared myself for the possibility that the journal was real, that the entries I’d been reading had been honestly translated, not new creations made just for me by Anthony. Because of this, I didn’t exactly know what to say to Marcia. I was thrilled that Anthony wasn’t lying to me, but now I had to deal with the fact that I’d had Marcia, one of our youngest members of the team, translate something that was intensely X-rated. Still, I found myself needing to know more. I needed to know if there was kinky sex, bondage and dominance, or if the story was simply about a prostitute fucking a soldier.

‘Could you be more specific?’ I asked, pushing my reading glasses on top of my head. When she didn’t
respond, I looked up at her. She was staring at me, her lips trembling. She obviously had never even said the words aloud I’d just had her translate. ‘I mean, could you tell me this: is there a submissive and a dominant together in the pages I gave you? Is the girl tied to a bed?’