Withholding Secrets (7 page)

I was twenty-five and perfectly capable of taking care of these two. We would take care of each other. And nothing would ever come between us. We were a family.

Dinner had been cleared from the table, and since it was Thursday night, it was just me and Mom. With Ronnie living in San Francisco, the place was quiet. And Dad was at his Thursday night poker game with the old boys.

Tipping back the ice cold beer, I looked across the table at my mom. Dressed in her gray blouse with her black and gray pinstriped pants, her honey blonde hair was, as usual, wrapped up in a neat twist without a single hair out of place. Perfect, as I always thought of her being.

Her slender fingers curled around the crystal wine glass as she pressed her ruby red lips together, contemplating whether she wanted to ask the questions that were written all over that beautifully aging face. She was a lot more of a ‘
let’s look at the whole picture before making decisions
’ type of person. Dad … he was make the decision now and think about it later. That was what I liked so much about her the instant I was papered into the family.

Since my adoption, they put a lot of money into charities for abused kids, and they never batted an eye at doing so. For as much trouble as I caused them in the beginning, they never regretted taking me in. These people were a blessing to my life, and I knew that I wouldn’t be even close to the person that I was today if someone else took their place, or if I was handed over to the state.

“How’s the season for the juniors coming along?” And there it was. Sidestepping to get where she wanted with her interrogations. When something was off or bothering me, she always had a way to ease those bugs. It wasn’t that she told me what to do about it, but she always gave me some options to think about.

“Not too bad. I had to cut the goalie because he just wasn’t into it this year and after talking with his parents, we felt it was the best option.” With a strong team, I still needed an even stronger goalie; one who’s mind and heart was in it. This year, something wormed its way into our goalie’s mind and took him to other places.

“You always had a knack for seeing the hearts of people.” Sipping her wine, her eyes stayed on mine. She knew there was something else, but she was waiting for me to offer the information first.

That was the one thing I really loved about her. If we didn’t want to talk about something, she never pressured any of us kids. She could make us feel guilty about it; so guilty, that we eventually broke down and told her anyway. Not so much of the blood related kids, but as for me, I broke down every damn time.

“I caught a kid in the locker room trying to steal some gear to sell.” Why not? She wasn’t going to stop looking at me until I caved and fed her the information. Besides, I needed some help with this situation. Since seeing how Keri reacted when I suggested some places for her to send the kids, my gut hadn’t released the knots.

“You can’t fix everyone who’s had a bad life, Kane.”
Jumping right onto the banister of getting to the point
that Mom was also famous for.

But, there was just something more about Keri and those two kids that I couldn’t get out of my mind. I just needed some options on what I should do, and my mom was the best one to talk about this with. 

Maybe I shouldn’t talk to her about this. Maybe I should just try to break Keri down and get the whole scoop of their situation. The woman had her mind set on raising those two kids, regardless of what anyone else thought. And that was the type of woman who was sitting across from the table eyeing me down right now, too. Independent. Strong. Courageous.

“I know that your heart is in the right place. It always is, and I can’t be more proud of you. But, you still have to watch out, Kane. It’s a hard world and it is only getting harder. These kids think that because they don’t get the most expensive phone on the market that they are being abused. Parents just don’t have the authority today and the kids are out of control.” Her eyes softened as she pulled back a touch with the gnash of bitter truth fangs.

“Mom, these kids are… They aren’t mad because they aren’t getting spoiled.” The weight of the vision of Keri’s face, the determination she had for Jordan and Sky … maybe I was wrong for thinking she couldn’t do it. No. Keri couldn’t be but twenty-one, and that was no life for her. What was she even thinking?

“If there are signs of abuse, and you should know them, then you have to alert the proper—”

“She’s not the one who’s abusing them. If anything, she’s the one who’s trying to give them something.” Scratching the back of my head, I studied the label on the bottle of beer. Keri was still on my mind. Every damn day. Every damn night. That look on her face when I offered a number for her to send the kids away to ... Everything about her was all …

The best thing for those two kids were to go to someone who could afford them and give them what they needed. Keri was trying, I did have to give her credit for that, but she was a kid herself yet. How could she even think she was able to give them everything they needed?

“What about the kids? What do they think?”

“The boy … Jordan … he’s still guarded and angry. The girl, Skylar, she wants to really be happy, but Jordan just won’t let her.” The talks that I overheard were always Jordan telling her not to get comfortable, not to look ahead because it will never work out. And Sky, with the trust that she had in Jordan, believed him.

“And what does the mother—”

“That’s the thing. She’s not their mother.” If Keri was older than I thought she was, then I would kick myself in the ass. Still, I had to take cold showers since the day she barged in my office and put up a front. Having two teenage kids would dampen her life; a life that I just might be able to wiggle into … for a night or a weekend.

“Then
what
is she to the kids?”

I shrugged, picking up the bottle and taking a long drink. I still hadn’t found out what the whole issue was with Keri, and what she actually was to the kids. A sister or a cousin was what I was leaning toward, but the looks just may have been from one different parent. Keri was something to those kids with the way she acted with them, but what? “I’m not too sure yet.”

“Does she seem like she’s good to them?” And that was purely my mother coming out, the worrier. She was the reason my adoption took place. It wasn’t that my father was up for adopting a young teen, but Mom saw something inside of me she couldn’t let go of. And to this day, I was grateful for her intuition.

“I can tell that she’s
really
trying, but she has no idea what she’s getting herself into. I don’t know how she ended up with them, why she has them, or if she’s related to them. She put herself as the guardian and main contact on the rink release for them, but that was it. Nothing else.” My heart clobbered my chest as I looked at my phone. Seeing her name come up on the screen when it rang an hour ago damn near cut off my appetite and robbed the strength from my knees. I hadn’t seen her since the day I offered to help her out on finding a good home for the two. Since then, she always picked them up outside.

“What is it that makes you think that she can’t take care of them? Is there someone else at the home who helps out?” Mom’s rational thinking, looking at the whole picture before reacting, was what I needed in this situation. That was why my issues went to her and not Dad. Dad would just say for me to make the calls myself to get those kids a better life.

“She’s like twenty-one, Mom. She can’t possibly take care of those two herself.
She’s a kid
.”

“For one thing, never underestimate a woman, Kane. Women are capable of doing something men can’t even fathom. If she is struggling too much, then she may come to realize that she can’t and she will do the right thing. But, then again, maybe she has everything under control.” She took in a deep breath as she pressed her lips together. “What is the little girl like?”

“I don’t know. When she’s around Jordan, she shies away because he reminds her not to fall in the trap, because Keri will get rid of them someday.” When Keri was with Sky, Sky really did look up to Keri and brought something out in the little girl. Something that I could imagine Sky was never given before. Hope and unconditional love.

“What do you think when you look at Skylar with the woman?”

“I think that she really likes Keri.” I wrapped my hands around the amber glass that my beer was contained in. My taste for the damn thing was withering away.

“And how is Keri with the girl?”

Sitting back in the finely sculpted wooden dining chair, I laughed while recalling the look on Keri’s face when I said that I would put Sky in the box while the boys were on the ice. She had no idea about hockey, and the anger spilled into her eyes. That was when she threw the first color of feelings at me. “Well, she’s … she’s not bad.”

“Not good either?”

“Maybe a little over the edge.” The muscles in my cheeks were fighting, trying to gain complete control, and I ended up losing the battle. The laugh bubbled up and I quickly tipped my chin down to my chest, trying to shield the heat that was building in my face.

The night she stormed into my office wearing that short, tighter sweatshirt that enhanced her luscious body … those jeans that shaped to her sexy ass … I had to take two cold showers after she left. Needless to say, I went to bed alone.

“So, it’s apparent that she has some feelings for these two.”

“Oh yeah. I can see that a mile away. But there’s just something they are not talking about.” Silence filtered through the room and killed my bought of chuckles. A thousand bricks pressed down on my chest, once again, and the heat poured over the edge and was cooled by the dose of reality that shot into my blood. “I offered to sponsor Jordan for the season, but she acted like I stabbed her or something and she wouldn’t even hear me out about it. I just don’t see her having the money to get him proper gear—”

“If she’s not willing to accept, then you need to drop the subject. Now that it’s on the table, if she needs that help, she will come to you.”

Looking above her head at the painting of the field of flowers on the wall, my heart thrashed around in search of something to grab hold of. Yes, the offer was there, but I had a feeling Keri would scrape and cut the money short for the family just to get Jordan to play. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. But, that woman was starting to get under my skin more and more.

“What do
you
think about this woman? Do you really think she’s incapable of taking care of the kids?”

“She’s just as scared, if not more, as they are. How can a twenty-one-year-old take care of a fifteen and a twelve-year-old? Really? What kind of life is that for her?” Living on the streets was haunting. I’d seen more things on those streets while trying to survive as a kid before I was brought in to child protection services. Kids having babies, selling themselves for money to survive, selling themselves for drugs. Stealing. Fighting. And it wasn’t just kids that were my age. There were people Keri’s age and up into a senior grouping. What was going to happen if Keri wouldn’t cut her loses soon enough and the three of them were tossed out onto the street? With the missing girls around the state, how could Keri be able to keep Sky from being one of the missing cases?

“Well, if something arises, then I would suggest for you to keep an eye on those kids and do the right thing. This isn’t going to be easy for her, and if you catch wind that those kids aren’t hers legally—”

“She’s registered them for school, so they have to be or they wouldn’t have let her.”

“You’re smart, Kane. Use your best judgment, but it’s really best to not get involved unless needed.” Her lips kissed the rim of her wine glass and she tipped it back to finish the contents. When her eyes came back to mine, a hot pool of something navigated into my lower stomach.

My mom was right. I didn’t need to get involved. I needed to just push the thought of Keri out of my mind and let her do her thing. If there was something that arose with the kids, then I would have to step in. It was my oath as a coach. Only if it was needed.

My check was good, but not great because of the kids being on my insurance, but I had to put them on it. My boss was even good about me leaving this afternoon early for Jordan’s doctor’s appointment. Asking for the time off in such short notice wasn’t something I did, but after I explained that I inherited my husband’s two kids, he was more than willing to work with me seeing as he was a single parent also.

I was glad that everything was working out and I finally received the promotion; along with the five dollars more an hour. This whole situation put those two in my hands and I was going to give them what I could. So no lunch and no extras, and we would be just fine. I could handle that. Now, I had to get into the rink and take care of the paperwork for Jordan to play on the hockey team.

When I walked in, I saw some of the teammates’ parents talking in the hall while the practice was finishing. On Fridays, the boys scrimmaged more than worked on drills, from what Sky told me last night when I went to her room to say goodnight. And Jordan would be good to go with having his appointment done. All I had to do was the paperwork.

Seeing the light on in the smaller office, my heart danced in its enclosure. If Kane was in there, where the hell was Sky? He said that he would keep his eye on her, and with Jordan playing now, there was no way the boy could keep an eye on her. If Kane left her out on the rink alone, I would have to put an end to that. She was twelve, but still too young to be under the wandering eyes of boys and men.

Looking into the room at the man sitting behind the desk with a phone pressed to his ear, my belly began to burn and trembles went through my spine. Why did he have to be so hot? Why did he have to have those emerald eyes? His shirt was stretched across his shoulders and the sleeves were pushed up, baring his muscular forearms. That there alone made him even more attractive than he already was.

And those eyes met up with mine as a smile spread across his face. Resting back in his chair, the green cotton layering molded to his chest, giving me a shot of the broad muscles that spread throughout the broad framework. Saying goodbye, he hung up and folded his hands behind his head.

“You told me that Sky would be in your sight while she was here. I know that you have other things to do, but when you…” Heat darkened my face as I folded my arms across my chest. “You can’t leave her out there with a bunch of boys and whoever else goes…”

His eyes shifted to the couch that was behind the door as he winked. “As I told you, I would keep my eye on her.”

I stepped in, seeing her on the couch and working on her homework. Forcing a deep breath, I rubbed my forehead, wondering when I would stop making such a fool of myself in front of him.

There was another girl there, about Sky’s age, wearing a black shirt that had some young singer on it and a pair of jeans. Her long blonde hair was pulled up in a ponytail, and she was working on her homework also. Looking over, she had pointed to something on Sky’s page. “That’s where your trouble is right there.”

Sky nodded, erasing her answer. Looking up, she asked a couple of questions which the other girl answered right away.

My heart warmed as I smiled at the two. Maybe a friend for her, too. They had something in common at least; their brothers played hockey.

“Did you bring the sports physical clearance form?” Kane asked as he let out a yawn. Dark circles shaded around his eyes, and I wondered what else he had done besides coaching junior hockey.

Reaching toward the desk, I put the paper down on the spread out calendar that had notes written all over it. It was a complete mess, and I couldn’t even tell what he had going on what days, but that was none of my business. I was there to sign Jordan up for the team and that was it. No small talk either.

Our business was ours and no one needed to know. Even though the paperwork said that the children were under my custody, people tended to stick their noses where it didn’t belong. That was all I needed to happen; getting watched by someone who had no interest in doing the right thing, just out to make other’s lives miserable.

“I don’t bite, and you can come in. It’s hard to sign paperwork from the door.” Kane shifted his body and leaned forward. The lines around his eyes told me that he had to be thirty or a few years older, but that didn’t mean he was mature and someone I could allow my guard to crumble around. Age didn’t mean a damn thing. I was mistaken once that an older man was mature; proven wrong when that knock blasted on our door and turned my life around.

“I’ll manage.”
Yes. Stay away. Stay far away from that man
. That was for the best. Out of everyone in town, he would be the one to make a call in a heartbeat on me over something that “wasn’t right”. Already, he brought up the opportunity to give the kids back so he would already be gunning for me. Anything that I did wrong, he would be right there to knock me down. Guys like him were all over, and I wasn’t going to give another person a chance to screw up my life or those kids’ lives again.

“I put him in some gear today, and I think that he will be best between the pipes. I have a list of equipment.” Picking up a red folder, he handed it over.

Biting my bottom lip, I took it and opened it to read the long list of things I had no clue about. But I had to act like I knew. Besides, Jordan would know what he needed.

“There’s a game tomorrow at three. It’s here, and he is in no way ready to play. I would rather have him practicing with the team before I put him on the ice. Rules are that all members have to play in each game, but I just don’t think that he’s ready yet.”

Closing my eyes, I felt the sting of the tears hitting my eyes. This was going to be harder than I imagined. I had no idea about what was right or wrong. If I said that he couldn’t play for a couple of weeks, then he would hate me more. I tell him that he can and he gets hurt or something happens, he hates me still.

“I wouldn’t let him play yet. It’s the right decision, Keri.” His voice softened as he glanced at the girls and then back to me. His eyes shifted down to my red lace tank top and the black dress jacket, causing them to darken.

Heat enveloped me as I glanced over my shoulder, looking for somewhere else to hide. In no way was my top sexy, but under his eyes, I felt completely underdressed. I would just have to remember to wear a sweatshirt each time I came to his office. “Can he catch up? I know that he’s pretty far behind.”

“Well, I can work with him to get him up with the rest on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It shouldn’t take him long. I would rather work with him one on one to get him up and ready before I send him out in a game.”

Nodding, I swallowed hard. “What do I have to sign?”

“It’s all there. I have to check on the boys and get them going. Go ahead and have a seat.” His large body vacated the chair and he walked closer to me. My heart flew high in my chest as I looked up at him. He was so big, and the scent of a soft cologne that swooped and swirled with the icy building aroma made my mind fog. Nothing else came out of his mouth as he walked past, and I caught a glimpse of blue jeans hugging the muscular backside.

Making my way to the chair, I plopped down as my shaking legs were about to give out. That cologne. Damn. It was everywhere, and heavily intoxicating. My head swam, thoughts dancing around, swaying to the beat of Kane’s drum. It had been so long since a man touched me. Well, in a nice way. 

Opening the folder, I pulled out the pages on the left hand side that had notations on where I needed to sign. The other side had schedules and packets of information for the league; stuff that Jordan would have to read over. I picked up the pen that was on the desk and began to fill out the papers as best as I could. When I reached the last page, my heart sank into my empty, food deprived stomach. It was two hundred dollars for the season ice pass and the fees. I had some money left over, but not that much, and our emergency fund was getting lower by the day.

I could pay it … I had to pay it, but there was his equipment. He would need his own skates and pads and stick … and whatever else. How was I going to do this?  How was I going to swing this?

Monday, I would start my new position and my raise would be kicking in. That would help, and then I could start putting some back into our emergency fund. Jordan would need proper and safe equipment. I could swing it, but then we would have to really watch our spending, even on groceries for a little bit.

I finished and looked at the girls working on their assignment together. When Kane came back into the office, I put the pen down with my check on the folder and stood.

“Sky, we should wait in the hall for your brother.” I sucked back my tears, not wanting her to see the panic in my eyes. Yesterday, she handed over the money that she earned and I felt completely worthless for the first time in my life. I was an adult and I made my bed.

Sky gathered her school stuff and put it all back into her backpack. Waving a goodbye to the girl, she followed me with a smile on her face. “That’s Alicia. She played on last year’s basketball team. She said that it was a pretty good team and that I might have a chance.”

“Good. When tryouts come up, get on the list.” Another sport. Another physical. And another fee to pay. But, the kids needed to do these activities, and if it took a part time job, then I would have to find one.

“Do you think that I can?” The hope and excitement was filling into her dark brown eyes as I looked at her.

Angst and hatred for what Joe did to us swirled the guilt and the pain in my empty stomach. The hopes she had, the wants … I couldn’t tell her no. “Of course you can. You can do anything as long as you try, Sky. Sometimes you might not succeed, but at least you gave it a shot. Not many people even do that.”

Her arms wrapped around me as she hugged me tightly. “Thanks for not sending us away. I’m really glad to have someone like you.”

“Me, too.” I smiled as I let her go. Everything would all work out in the end. My mom said it always had a way to do just that. “I was thinking that tonight with it being Friday, we could rent a couple of movies and order a pizza.”

“That would be great!” Her eyes brightened as she held the straps to her bag, pulling on the excess to tighten it up to her back. “Do you think we could do that Friday night thing like you had mentioned; you know do the Friday dinner thing with a restaurant?”

The contents of my gut swirled into a tornado, destroying everything in its path and blazing a trail of cuts where the acidic debris settled. If I had the money right now, I would. I had just enough for a couple of movies and a large pizza from the cash that I didn’t spend from harboring my lunch money. Tonight was for Jordan. He was going to be on the hockey team, and I wanted him to feel special about it. “I think that we might be able to. We just need to get ourselves into the swing of everything first.”

“This must be really tough for you.”

“What?” I pointed at the bench along the wall where we could wait for Jordan and stay out of sight of that beautiful beast of a coach.

“My dad left you in a really hard spot, didn’t he?”

Glancing at the parents that lingered around, I shrugged as I bit my bottom lip, hoping the searing burn of the tears would subside. It wasn’t just a hard spot he left me in. He left me with his two young teenage children. But, I was glad he did. I got the two kids who would finally have a parent in their lives who actually wanted them. “We will manage.”

“My dad said that you didn’t want anything to do with us and you wanted us to go away. How come you are doing—?”

“Sky, I never once said that. I was upset that he didn’t tell me about you two, but I wouldn’t have cared.” A lump filled in my throat, packing full of the anger Joe shed onto these kids. Determination thumped through my veins. We would make this work, no matter what. “I know what it’s like to have your dad walk out on you. Mine did, and there was three of us. I’m not going to walk out on you two. You’re stuck with me, so you better just get used to it.” Her arms wrapped around me as she rested her head on my shoulder. “I’m new at this whole thing, too, so you have to help me with what you want and need. Just don’t be afraid to come and talk to me.”

“I wish that you were my mom.”

If that wouldn’t have broken someone’s heart, I don’t know what would have. I wanted to just cry. I wanted to cry for her. What little girl should go through something like that?

I hope that I was doing the right thing by keeping them. Sending them away might have given them a better life, a better home, and more than what I could provide for them, but it could be worse, also. There were stories all the time about the mistreatment in foster homes and group homes. I couldn’t let them go through anything more than what they already had been through. I would never forgive myself.

Jordan came out of the locker room with his black backpack slung over his shoulder. His jaw was relaxed, dark circles shading around his eyes, and the exhaustion was pushing down on his shoulders. The practice was hard on him and wiped him out, but from what I noticed of Kane’s coaching, he was going to make the boys work. And Jordan was worked over more than just the little equipment duties he was limited to.

My heart fluttered, catching no sign of anger, but something new, something different inside of him. Almost as if he were … happy. Now I know that making the call to Kane was the first right thing I’d done since those two moved into the house.