Wives and Daughters (92 page)

‘Papa,’ said Molly, ‘if you knew all you wouldn’t speak so to Cynthia. I wish she would tell you herself all that she has told me.’

‘I am ready to hear whatever she has to say,’ said he. But Cynthia said,—

‘No ! you have prejudiced me; you have spoken to me as you had no right to speak. I refuse to give you my confidence, or accept your help. People are very cruel to me’—her voice trembled for a moment—’ I did not think you would have been. But I can bear it.’

And then, in spite of Molly, who could have detained her by force, she tore herself away, and hastily left the room.

‘Oh, papa!’ said Molly, crying, and clinging to him, ‘do let me tell you all.’ And then she suddenly recollected the awkwardness of telling some of the details of the story before Mrs. Gibson, and stopped short.

‘I think, Mr. Gibson, you have been very, very unkind to my poor fatherless child,’ said Mrs. Gibson, emerging from behind her pocket-handkerchief ‘I only wish her poor father had been alive, and all this would never have happened.’

‘Very probably. Still I cannot see of what either she or you have to complain. In as much as we could, I and mine have sheltered her! I have loved her; I do love her almost as if she were my own child—as well as Molly, I do not pretend to do.’

‘That’s it, Mr. Gibson! you do not treat her like your own child.’ But in the midst of this wrangle Molly stole out, and went in search of Cynthia. She thought she bore an olive-branch of healing in the sound of her father’s just spoken words: ‘I do love her almost as if she were my own child.’ But Cynthia was locked into her room, and refused to open the door. ‘Open to me, please,’ pleaded Molly. ‘I have something to say to you—I want to see you—do open!’

‘No!’ said Cynthia. ‘Not now. I am busy. Leave me alone. I don’t want to hear what you have got to say. I don’t want to see you. By and by we shall meet, and then—’ Molly stood quite quietly, wondering what new words of more persuasion she could use. In a minute or two Cynthia called out, ‘Are you there still, Molly?’ and when Molly answered ‘Yes,’ and hoped for a relenting, the same hard metallic voice, telling of resolution and repression, spoke out, ‘Go away. I cannot bear the feeling of your being there—waiting and listening. Go downstairs—out of the house—anywhere away. It is the most you can do for me now.’

M
olly had her out-of-door things on, and she crept away as she was bidden. She lifted her heavy weight of heart and body along till she came to a field, not so very far off,—where she had sought the comfort of loneliness ever since she was a child; and there, under the hedge-bank, she sat down, burying her face in her hands, and quivering all over as she thought of Cynthia’s misery, which she might not try to touch or assuage. She never knew how long she sat there, but it was long past lunch-time when once again she stole up to her room. The door opposite was open wide—Cynthia had quitted the chamber. Molly arranged her dress and went down into the drawing-room. Cynthia and her mother sat there in the stern repose of an armed neutrality. Cynthia’s face looked made of stone, for colour and rigidity; but she was netting away as if nothing unusual had occurred. Not so Mrs. Gibson; her face bore evident marks of tears, and she looked up and greeted Molly’s entrance with a faint smiling notice. Cynthia went on as though she had never heard the opening of the door, or felt the approaching sweep of Molly’s dress. Molly took up a book,—not to read, but to have the semblance of some employment which should not necessitate conversation.

There was no measuring the duration of the silence that ensued. Molly grew to fancy it was some old enchantment that weighed upon their tongues and kept them still. At length Cynthia spoke, but she had to begin again before her words came clear.

‘I wish you both to know that henceforward all is at an end between me and Roger Hamley.’

Molly’s book went down upon her knees; with open eyes and lips she strove to draw in Cynthia’s meaning. Mrs. Gibson spoke querulously, as if injured.

‘I could have understood this if it had happened three months ago,—when you were in London; but now it’s just nonsense, Cynthia, and you know you don’t mean it!’

Cynthia did not reply; nor did the resolute look on her face change when Molly spoke at last.

‘Cynthia—think of him! It will break his heart!’

‘No!’ said Cynthia, ‘it will not. But even if it did I cannot help it.’

‘All this talk will soon pass away!’ said Molly, ‘and when he knows the truth from your own self——’

‘From my own self he shall never hear it. I do not love him well enough to go through the shame of having to excuse myself.—to plead that he will reinstate me in his good opinion. Confession may be—well! I can never believe it pleasant—but it may be an ease of mind if one makes it to some people,—to some person,—and it may not be a mortification to sue for forgiveness. I cannot tell. All I know is,—and I know it clearly, and will act upon it inflexibly—that——’ And here she stopped short.

‘I think you might finish your sentence,’ said her mother, after a silence of five seconds.

‘I cannot bear to exculpate myself to Roger Hamley. I will not submit to his thinking less well of me than he has done,—however foolish his judgment may have been. I would rather never see him again, for these two reasons. And the truth is, I do not love him. I like him, I respect him; but I will not marry him. I have written to tell him so. That was merely as a relief to myself, for when or where the letter will reach him——And I have written to old Mr. Hamley. The relief is the one good thing come out of it all. It is such a comfort to feel free again. It wearied me so to think of straining up to his goodness. “Extenuate my conduct!”’ she concluded, quoting Mr. Gibson’s words. Yet when Mr. Gibson came home, after a silent dinner, she asked to speak with him, alone, in his consulting-room; and there laid bare the exculpation of herself which she had given to Molly many weeks before. When she had ended, she said:

‘And now, Mr. Gibson,—I still treat you like a friend,—help me to find some home far away, where all the evil talking and gossip mamma tells me of cannot find me and follow me. It may be wrong to care for people’s good opinion,—but it is me, and I cannot alter myself. You, Molly, all the people in the town,—I haven’t the patience to live through the nine days’ wonder.—I want to go away and be a governess.’

‘But, my dear Cynthia,—how soon Roger will be back,—a tower of strength.’

‘Has not mamma told you I have broken it all off with Roger? I wrote this morning. I wrote to his father. That letter will reach to-morrow. I wrote to Roger. If he ever receives that letter, I hope to be far away by that time; in Russia may be.’

‘Nonsense. An engagement like yours cannot be broken off, except by mutual consent. You’ve only given others a great deal of pain without freeing yourself Nor will you wish it in a month’s time. When you come to think calmly, you’ll be glad to think of the stay and support of such a husband as Roger. You have been in fault, and have acted foolishly at first,—perhaps wrongly afterwards; but you don’t want your husband to think you faultless?’

‘Yes, I do,’ said Cynthia. ‘At any rate, my lover must think me so. And it is just because I do not love him even as so light a thing as I could love, that I feel that I couldn’t bear to have to tell him I’m sorry, and stand before him like a chidden child to be admonished and forgiven.’

‘But here you are, just in such a position before me, Cynthia!’

‘Yes! But I love you better than Roger; I’ve often told Molly so. And I would have told you if I hadn’t expected and hoped to leave you all before long. I could see if the recollection of it all came up before your mind; I could see it in your eyes; I should know it by instinct. I have a fine instinct for reading the thoughts of others when they refer to me. I almost hate the idea of Roger judging me by his own standard which wasn’t made for me, and graciously forgiving me at last.’

‘Then I do believe it’s right for you to break it off,’ said Mr. Gibson, almost as if he were thinking to himself. ‘That poor lad! But it’ll be best for him too. And he’ll get over it. He has a good strong heart. Poor old Roger!’

For a moment Cynthia’s wilful fancy stretched after the object passing out of her grasp,—Roger’s love became for the instant a treasure; but, again, she knew that in its entirety of high undoubting esteem, as well as of passionate regard, it would no longer be hers; and for the flaw which she herself had made she cast it away, and would none of it. Yet often in after years, when it was too late, she wondered and strove to penetrate the inscrutable mystery of ‘what would have been.’

‘Still, take till to-morrow before you act upon your decision,’ said Mr. Gibson, slowly. ‘What faults you have fallen into have been mere girlish faults at first,—leading you into much deceit, I grant.’

‘Don’t give yourself the trouble to define the shades of blackness,’ said Cynthia, bitterly. ‘I’m not so obtuse but what I know them all better than any one can tell me. And as for my decision I acted upon it at once. It may be long before Roger gets my letter, but I hope he is sure to get it at last,—and, as I said, I have let his father know; it won’t hurt him! Oh, sir, I think if I had been differently brought up I shouldn’t have had the sore, angry heart I have. Now! No, don’t! I don’t want reasoning comfort. I can’t stand it. I should always have wanted admiration and worship, and men’s good opinion. Those unkind gossips! To visit Molly with their hard words! Oh, dear! I think life is very dreary.’

She put her head down on her hands; tired out mentally as well as bodily. So Mr. Gibson thought. He felt as if much speech from him would only add to her excitement, and make her worse. He left the room, and called Molly, from where she was sitting dolefully. ‘Go to Cynthia!’ he whispered, and Molly went. She took Cynthia into her arms with gentle power, and laid her head against her own breast, as if the one had been a mother, and the other a child.

‘Oh, my darling!’ she murmured. ‘I do so love you, dear, dear Cynthia!’ and she stroked her hair, and kissed her eyelids; Cynthia passive all the while, till suddenly she started up, stung with a new idea, and looking Molly straight in the face, she said,—

‘Molly, Roger will marry you! See if it isn’t so! You two good—’

But Molly pushed her away with a sudden violence of repulsion. ‘Don’t!’ she said. She was crimson with shame and indignation. ‘Your husband this morning! Mine to-night! What do you take him for?’

‘A man!’ smiled Cynthia. ‘And therefore, if you won’t let me call him changeable, I’ll coin a word and call him consolable!’ But Molly gave her back no answering smile. At this moment, the servant Maria entered the consulting-room, where the two girls were. She had a scared look.

‘Isn’t master here?’ asked she, as if she distrusted her eyes.

‘No!’ said Cynthia. ‘I heard him go out. I heard him shut the front door not five minutes ago.’

‘Oh, dear!’ said Maria. ‘And there’s a man come on horseback from Hamley Hall, and he says as Mr. Osborne is dead, and that master must go off to the squire straight away.’

‘Osborne Hamley dead!’ said Cynthia, in awed surprise. Molly was out at the front door, seeking the messenger through the dusk, round into the stable-yard, where the groom sat motionless on his dark horse, flecked with foam, made visible by the lantern placed on the steps near, where it had been left by the servants, who were dismayed at this news of the handsome young man who had frequented their master’s house, so full of sportive elegance and winsomeness. Molly went up to the man, whose thoughts were lost in recollection of the scene he had left at the place he had come from.

She laid her hand on the hot damp skin of the horse’s shoulder; the man started.

‘Is the doctor coming, miss?’ For he saw who it was by the dim light.

‘He is dead, is he not?’ asked Molly, in a low voice.

‘I’m afeard he is,—leastways, there is no doubt according to what they said. But I’ve ridden hard! there may be a chance. Is the doctor coming, miss?’

‘He is gone out. They are seeking him, I believe. I will go myself. Oh! the poor old squire!’ She went into the kitchen—went over the house with swift rapidity to gain news of her father’s whereabouts. The servants knew no more than she did. Neither she nor they had heard what Cynthia, ever quick of perception, had done. The shutting of the front door had fallen on deaf ears as far as others were concerned. Upstairs sped Molly to the drawing-room, where Mrs. Gibson stood at the door, listening to the unusual stir in the house.

‘What is it, Molly? Why, how white you look, child!’

‘Where’s papa?’

‘Gone out. What’s the matter?’

‘Where?’

‘How should I know? I was asleep; Jenny came upstairs on her way to the bedrooms; she’s a girl who never keeps to her work, and Maria takes advantage of her.’

‘Jenny, Jenny!’ cried Molly, frantic at the delay.

‘Don’t shout, dear,—ring the bell. What can be the matter?’

‘Oh, Jenny!’ said Molly, half-way up the stairs to meet her, ‘who wanted papa?’

Cynthia came to join the group; she too had been looking for traces or tidings of Mr. Gibson.

‘What is the matter?’ said Mrs. Gibson. ‘Can nobody speak and answer a question?’

‘Osborne Hamley is dead!’ said Cynthia, gravely.

‘Dead! Osborne! Poor fellow! I knew it would be so, though,—I was sure of it. But Mr. Gibson can do nothing if he’s dead. Poor young man! I wonder where Roger is now? He ought to come home.’

Jenny had been blamed for coming into the drawing-room instead of Maria, whose place it was, and so had lost the few wits she had. To Molly’s hurried questions her replies had been entirely unsatisfactory. A man had come to the back door—she could not see who it was—she had not asked his name; he wanted to speak to master, —master had seemed in a hurry, and only stopped to get his hat.