Wizard Squared (16 page)

“No,” said Gerald, his voice edged, his gaze still locked with Sir Alec’s. “I took them all.”

“And when you say
all
,” said Sir Alec, glacially calm, “what exactly do you mean?”

Gerald’s face tightened. “You’re being coy again, Sir Alec. I don’t like it.”

Reg rattled her tail feathers. “Never mind what you do and don’t like, sunshine. Just answer the bloody question.”

And that earned
her
a hot look, nastily annoyed and so not-Gerald. Suddenly afraid—
bloody hell, I’m afraid if Gerald Dunwoody
—Monk took another step forward, seeking to distract him. Because if Gerald lost his temper and did something awful to Reg—

“I know it’s a nuisance, mate,” he said, trying to sound helpful and unafraid, “but probably we should know what texts Uffitzi was hiding. Probably there’ll be forms to fill out about them, once we get back to—”

“I like
patronizing
even less than
coy,
Monk,” said Gerald, his dreadful crimson gaze narrow. “Do you mind?”

And maybe Reg was right. Maybe the time had come for a little pushing back and bugger the danger. “Actually I do, yeah,” he retorted. “You’re the one being coy here, Gerald. Not us. So come clean and be done with it. What other grimoires did Lional have stashed away besides the
Lexicon
?”

Gerald seemed genuinely shocked by that. “
Come clean?
You make it sound like I’m a criminal, Monk, instead of—”

Of what. A hero? His gaze flickered to Lional.
What kind of hero does that to a man?
“That’s not what I mean.”

“Oh, all right,” said Gerald, with a theatrical
sigh. “If you
must
know, New Ottosland’s former king had six grimoires in total.” He held up his fingers and started counting them off. “The
Lexicon
, a
Pygram
’s, a
Foyle’s Foilers
, a
Compendium of Curses
,
Madam Bartholomew’s Little Surprise
and—oh, yes. Trinauld’s
Guide to the Unnatural
. All in all a really fascinating collection.” He smiled. It was horrible. “I can personally vouch for the
Pygram
’s. Lional used every last hex on me in the cave, y’know.”

Turning to Sir Alec, feeling sicker than ever, Monk saw that his uncle’s mysterious colleague had paled.
Oh, no. This can’t be good.
“Sir Alec?”

“Every one of those texts is on the international proscribed list,” Sir Alec said, his voice harsh with revulsion. “Arguably they are the six most feared grimoires in the history of thaumaturgy. Not to put too fine a point on it, they are
notorious
.”

“Notorious, eh?” said Gerald, obscenely cheerful. “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. Bloody awful, some of those incants. Enough to turn your stomach inside out—and I’m
not
talking metaphorically.”

“Although—” Sir Alec was watching Gerald closely. “I was under the impression that both the
Bartholomew
and the
Guide
were no longer extant.”

“Were you?” said Gerald, one eyebrow raised. “Oh. Then somebody in Records needs their wrist slapped, don’t they?” Then he frowned. “Mind you, now that I think about it—” He looked down at Reg again, lips pursed. “D’you know, it occurs to me that in between all that nagging you might have had a point.”

“Oh, yes?” Reg said warily. “And I’m supposed to be flattered now, am I?”

“Keep on like that and you’ll be better off silent,” Gerald retorted.

“Can you be a bit more specific, mate?” Monk said.
Bloody hell, when this is over I should find work as a lion tamer.
“I mean, Reg spends half her time nagging, doesn’t she?”

And that made Gerald laugh. “Too bloody true, Monk!”

“So—”

“I’m referring to what she said about those texts falling into the wrong hands,” said Gerald. “Which they did. First Pomodoro Uffitzi’s and then Lional’s, here. Two complete scoundrels. It’s obvious the Ottosland Department of Thaumaturgy and the United Magical Nations between them aren’t up to the task of protecting the world from grimoires like the coiraum
Lexicon
and the rest.”

Sir Alec cleared his throat delicately. “And you are?”

“Who better?” said Gerald, and clenched his right fist. Closed his eyes. Whispered something under his breath.

The shock that roared through the ether then knocked Monk to the grass. Sir Alec, too. Even Melissande and Rupert staggered, though they were hardly what anyone would call thaumaturgically gifted. And Reg let out a shriek as though someone had set her feathers on fire.

Tasting blood, Monk shoved himself, shuddering, to hands and knees.
Dammit, Gerald.
He looked at Sir Alec, just as stunned beside him. “It’s not possible, is it?” he said through gritted teeth. “Not just like that. Not with one word and a
thought
. He hasn’t just—”

Even Sir Alec’s ironclad composure wasn’t proof against this. “What do you think, Mr. Markham?”

I think we’re neck deep in trouble, sir. That’s what I think.

With an almost-groan Sir Alec found his feet, then held out a helping hand. Monk took it, was hauled upright, and found himself standing shoulder to shoulder with Uncle Ralph’s colleague, who stared at Gerald as though he were facing a firing squad.

“That was unwise, Mr. Dunwoody.”

“Really? You think so?” said Gerald. He hadn’t even broken a sweat. Didn’t look the least bit exerted, even though what he’d just done—what he shouldn’t have been able to do, what no wizard living should be able to do—was momentous. “I don’t.”

Pale as freshly skimmed milk, Melissande stepped forward, shaking off Rupert’s restraining hand. “What’s unwise? What just happened? Gerald, what did you do?”

With a flapping effort Reg took to the cooling afternoon air and landed on Melissande’s shoulder. “I’ll tell you what he did, ducky. He got rid of those manky grimoires. Burned them to a crisp.”

“Really?” said Melissande. “From here? Without even seeing them? Or touching them? How is that possible?”

Gerald laughed again, so pleased with himself. “Anything’s possible, Melissande. All you need is the power—and the will.”

“So those horrible grimoires are destroyed?” She looked around their small, silent group. “Well—that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“I should think so,” said Rupert. “Those filthy
books Uffitzi brought into this kingdom have caused nothing but misery. I for one am glad Gerald’s rid us of them.”

“
Thank you
, Rupert,” said Gerald, theatrical again. “It’s good to know
someone’s
on my side.”

Sir Alec frowned. “It’s not a question of sides, Mr. Dunwoody. Our concerns—”

“Don’t concern me, actually,” said Gerald, waving a dismissive hand. “I’m more interested in what’s happened to Rupert. You’ve gone all assertive and opinionated all of a sudden, Your Hi cuddhanghness. Or should that be
Your Majesty
?” He smiled. “Being sneaky, were you? Hiding from Lional? I like it.” He glanced down at the stuporous king. “Pity he’ll never know how you deceived him. He’d feel like an idiot, and it’d serve him right.” His crimson gaze shifted to Melissande. “Did you know? Or did Rupes here play you for a fool too?”

“Hey,” Monk protested. “She’s not a fool.”

And that got Gerald staring at him. “You mean I was right? You’ve gone ass over teakettle for Lional’s bossy sister? Oh,
Monk
.” Another smile, dazzling and dangerous. “That’s so sweet.”

He felt his blood freeze. “Ah—yeah. Thanks.”

“Have you set a date yet?”

What?
“No. Not exactly. Look, Gerald—”

Ignoring him, Gerald turned to Rupert. “So, Rupes. Given how you New Ottoslanders feel about Tradition—note I used the capital T—would it help if I vouched for Mr. Markham, here? He’s clean, he’s sober—most of the time—and he’s not a half-bad wizard to boot. And really, you’re all in his debt because he’s the one who pointed out that Lional was shopping
for another court wizard. You could call him our matchmaker, really. So it only seems fair that I return the favor, don’t you think?”

Monk felt Melissande’s fingers fumble for his hand. He tightened his grasp.
Stay calm. Don’t say anything. We need to get out of here and decide what to do.
Her fingers squeezed his, and he felt a rush of relief.

Rupert’s smile was careful. “Yes. Well, Professor, any friend of yours must be a friend of mine, obviously. But I don’t think I dare cast myself in the role of Melly’s matchmaker. You know how independent she is. She’d smack me.”

Gerald laughed and laughed. “You’re right, Rupert. She bloody well would. I mean, you should’ve heard what she said about Lional for trying to fix her up with Sultan Zazoor!”

“Yes,” said Rupert, smile fading. “I can imagine. And look—Gerald—speaking of Lional…”

“Yes?” Gerald spared his bloodied victim an indifferent glance. “What about him?” And then he sighed. “Oh, come on, Rupert. Don’t tell me you feel
sorry
for him? Don’t tell me he’s just been
misunderstood
? Did you
see
all the bodies? He’s killed hundreds of your subjects! I’m sorry, but your precious brother’s a mass murderer, Your Highness.”

A light breeze ruffled Rupert’s lank, dullish brown hair, rousing the faded stench of fire and death. “I promise you, Gerald, there’s no need to remind me of that. In fact, I’ve known for many years, since I was a boy, that Lional wasn’t… right. It grieves me beyond words that I wasn’t able to prevent today’s tragedies.” His faded blue gaze flickered to his tormented brother, then back to Gerald. “And I do understand
why you felt the need to—to punish him. He hurt you dreadfully. He’s hurt everyone dreadfully. But if what you say is true, if his magic’s gone—”

Gerald was smiling again, but his eyes were cold. “It’s gone. And it won’t be coming back.”

Rupert nodded. “I see. Then please—in that case—show mercy caseiv now. Let Melissande and me take him into the palace. Let us find a physician to treat his wounds. He yet must answer for his crimes—but not to you. Not after this. He must answer to the people of the kingdom he so wantonly betrayed.”

“Ha.” Gerald stared down at bloody, half-butchered Lional. “Mercy? After what he’s done?”

“Perhaps you’re right,” said Rupert. “Perhaps he deserves more and worse than this for the misery he’s caused. Probably he does. Probably you could make his suffering last another ten years.”

A glint in Gerald’s blood-red eyes. “Twenty. At least.”

“But it wouldn’t undo what he’s done,” Rupert said gently. “It wouldn’t bring the dead back to life or wipe away your terrible suffering. Nothing can do that. If you go on tormenting him, Gerald, all you’ll do is tarnish your soul.”

Silence, as Gerald brooded on the body of his erstwhile torturer.

“Butterfly Boy’s right, sunshine,” Reg said at last. “You’ve made your point. You’ve made Lional scream. Forget about him. You’ve got bigger things to worry about now.”

“Oh, yes?” said Gerald, cocking an eyebrow. “And what would they be, Reg?”

“Well for starters, my boy, we can talk about how your eyes have—”

A flash of blinding white light. A rumbling, like distant thunder. And then an old man in a ratty robe and sandals appeared out of nowhere, leaning his bent weight on a gnarled wooden staff. A jagged piece of crystal glowed between his eyes.

Shugat.

Gerald heaved a great sigh, unimpressed. “Come to save the day after all, Mr. Holy Man? Well, you needn’t have bothered. You’re too late.
I’ve
saved it—so why don’t you bugger off back home while you still can?”

The old man thumped his staff into the soft grass. “What you have done, wizard, is an offense against all men!”

“And what
you
did was hide behind your gods’ skirts and then run away!” Gerald retorted, his etheretic aura flaring. “So don’t think you can poke your nose in now, with your flash and dazzle parlor tricks and your silly bit of stone. I asked you, Shugat—no, I
begged
you—to help me. You wouldn’t. So I helped myself.”

“Foolish boy, you have
destroyed
yourself,” Shugat declared hotly. Another thump of his staff echoed the cooling air with more thunderous rumbles. “In a moment of weakness you have changed your destiny. You have changed the world—and not for the better.”

“So
you
say,” said Gerald, scathing. “But why should I care for what you say, Shugat?
Go home
. And if they’re still hanging around here somewhere like a bad smell, make sure you take Zazoor and your silly camel army with you.”

“Now wait just a minute, Gerald,” said Melissande, her cheeks flushed pink with crossness. “I’m sure we’re all very grateful that you stopped Lional. And I suppose you are still New Ottosland’s Royal Court Wizard. For the moment, cr tallanyway. But that doesn’t mean you get to—”

Gerald turned on her. She stepped back, quickly, paling again. “Shut up, Melissande,” he hissed. “Without me you’d be wading armpit-deep in blood by now. Your precious little kingdom would be reduced to smoking cinders. So like I said, I think it’s about time you showed me a little genuine gratitude. A little
respect
.”

“Or what?” asked Sir Alec, breaking his watchful silence. “We’ll end up like King Lional? Pinioned, spread-eagled and tortured nearly to death?”