WMIS 03 Play With Me (16 page)

“I’m
sorry, but you left your front door unlocked and you didn’t set the alarm like
I asked you to.”

She
shrugs and reaches for a big bath towel and wraps it around herself, covering
her body from my view. I want to rip it off her and take her right here against
the bathroom wall, but I don’t think I’d be welcome at the moment.

“It’s
not any of your business if I set the alarm, Will.” She stalks past me into the
master bedroom and starts looking through her dresser for clothes.

“Of
course it is. I need to know that you’re safe.”

“I’m
safe.”

“You’re
safer when you turn on the alarm.”

She
just shrugs again, as if it’s no big deal, and pulls on a tank top and yoga
pants. Jesus, even in yoga pants her ass makes me hard.

“Look,
you made it quite clear tonight that the only thing you give a rats ass about
is football. So stop it with the crazy I-want-you-safe-bullshit and leave. I
don’t want you here.”

My
stomach flips and my heart makes a beeline straight for my throat.

“Meg,”
I reach out for her but she pulls back out of my reach, and panic sets in.
“Meg, let me explain.”

“No
need.” She shakes her head and moves past me and down the stairs to the
kitchen. “I think I get it. You said what you needed to say to get through the
three dates so I’d fuck you, and I was stupid enough to believe you. I won’t
make the same mistake twice.”

“No.”
I grip her shoulders in my hands and turn her toward me and make her look up at
me. God, she’s such a tiny little thing. “No, Megan. I told you before, I’ve
never fucked you. Every time I’ve been inside you has been the best damn moment
of my life.”

“You
announced on television that I’m nobody.” Her hazel eyes are hurt and sad, and
I feel like such a fucking asshole. “Will, I won’t be your dirty little secret.
I’m not someone you get to hang out with, take around your family, sleep with,
but you deny my existence to the press. If you’re ashamed of me, you shouldn’t
be with me. I’m pretty ashamed of you right now.”

I
swallow hard and clench my eyes closed, and then stare down at her. How did she
become my whole world in such a short amount of time? My God, I’d do anything
for her.

Even
lose her.

“Megan,
someone threatened you tonight.” Her eyes widen, and I see I’ve got her
attention. “I found a note in my locker from a stalker fan. She said that she’d
seen us together, and if I didn’t stop seeing you, she’d hurt you. Then the
next thing I know that asshat is pushing a mic in my face asking me about you.
I couldn’t tell the truth and risk your safety.”

She
frowns in confusion, and her eyes are still hurt, and it’s killing me.

“Babe,
I’m so sorry that you got hurt. I don’t ever want to hurt you. But I panicked,
and I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You
embarrassed me, Will. I know I’m not anyone special. I know that you shouldn’t
be interested in someone like me. We are from two totally different worlds.
Maybe it’s just best if we take a step back and stop seeing each other now
before you completely break my heart later.”

“Stop
putting yourself down like that! I’m more than interested in you. For the love
of Jesus, I can’t stop touching you. I’m not going to break your heart, Megan.”
Goddamn it! She’s breaking my heart right now!

“Oh
yeah, you will.” She shakes her head slightly and backs out of my grasp. “It’s
inevitable. People don’t stick, Will. Everyone leaves eventually, and I think
that I’d rather you left now rather than later, because I don’t think I could
survive it later.” The last part is whispered, and I take a step toward her to
hold her and reassure her that I’ll do everything in my power to never hurt her
again, but she evades me.

“Please,”
she whispers. “Just go.”

Well,
I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand here and beg. I take a moment to look at
her. Really look at her. God, she’s so strong and sweet and gorgeous and she is
mine.

“I’ll
go, Meg, if that’s what you want.” I take her face in my hands and kiss her
forehead, breathing in her sweet smell, her wet hair against my nose. “You are
not a dirty secret,” I murmur into her ear. “You are everything.”

Before
I make an ass of myself and beg her to forgive me, I walk out of her house,
gently close the door behind me, and climb in the car to drive home.
Fuck.

Chapter Twelve

You
are everything.

It
just plays over and over in my head all day.
You are everything.

I
picked up the swing-shift at work today. I needed to occupy my mind and I
wanted to check in on Nick. He’s worse. Much worse. His family has chosen to
honor his wishes of no extreme life-saving measures, so we just keep him as
comfortable as we can and pray that his body is strong enough to fight the
infection. Unfortunately, because of the amount of chemo in his system, he’s
not strong enough to fight much.

I’ve
spent the majority of my evening watching his vitals like a hawk and standing
vigil. I don’t want him left alone for long. He’s so fragile, anything could
happen so quickly, we need to be with him pretty much every second.

“Meg,
there’s a call for you.” Jill pokes her head into Nick’s room and offers me a
sad smile. Nick’s turn for the worse is affecting us all. “I’ll relieve you for
a bit.”

We
all invest ourselves into these kids, whether we want to or not. They’re all so
great, how could we not?

I
quietly leave the room and cross to the nurses’ station.

“Hello?”

“Hey,
Meg, this is Lyle with security. I have a delivery for you.”

I
frown. “Okay, bring it up.”

“I
can’t, I’m the only one in the office right now. Do you mind coming down?”

“Sure,
I’ll be right there.”

God,
I’m tired.
Bone tired. I didn’t sleep much at all last night after Will left. I kept
replaying the conversation in my head over and over again. Asking him to leave
was for the best. I need to put some space between us. I meant what I said,
he’ll eventually come to his senses and break it off, or I’ll get sick of his
arrogance and break it off, and why waste time on something that will end, most
likely sooner rather than later?

Lyle
is indeed the only guard in the security booth right now. The others must be on
foot patrol. I walk up to the plexi-glass window and offer him a smile.

“Hey,
Lyle. You have something for me?”

“Yeah,
I’ll bring them out to you.”

Them?

Flowers.
I should have known. Lyle comes walking out of the glass office with both his arms
loaded down with gorgeous red flowers. Roses, peonies, poppies, calla lilies.
All beautifully red.

Damn
him.

I
pull the white card out of the bouquet and rip it open. There is only one word:

Everything.

I
take the flowers and ride the elevator back up to my floor and set the flowers
in my office. I read the card again and then tuck it into the pocket of my
scrub top and pat it in place. I’ll carry him with me tonight.

I
pull out my phone and text him, one word:
Beautiful.

Before
I can put my phone back in my pocket, there is a response.
Not as beautiful
as you. Forgive me.

“Meg,
come quick, something’s wrong.” One of the techs, Brandi, pokes her head in my
office, her face ashen.

“Nick?”
I ask, my stomach clenching in fear. She nods yes, and we run to his room. The
monitors are beeping frantically, and his parents are huddled together in the
corner of the room, crying.

“His
lungs are failing,” Dr. Lee, a young and handsome doctor is urgently checking
monitors and listening to Nick’s chest. He looks over at his parents, his eyes
worried. “We need to intubate him.”

“No,”
Nick’s father chokes out. “No life support. We promised Nick we wouldn’t make
him suffer.”

“He’s
suffering now. He’s suffocating.” Dr. Lee loops his stethoscope around his neck
and sighs deeply. “I understand.” He runs his hands down his face and looks
down at Nick with sadness. He’s worked with the boy since he was first
diagnosed with the bone cancer.

“Meg,”
he murmurs to me. “Keep his morphine up, and his head elevated so he’s getting
as much oxygen in his lungs as possible. We’re going to keep him sedated, and
comfortable.” He walks over to Nick’s parents and hugs them both. “Sit with
him. Talk to him. I don’t think you’ll have long with him now.”

I
gaze down at this boy, this sweet boy, who had his whole life ahead of him. He
was an athlete, he had a girlfriend, and the promise of going to college and
living a long, happy life. He’ll never have the chance to experience so many
things. Fall in love, dance at his wedding, hold his children.

He’s
only seventeen fucking years old.

I
arrange Nick to a comfortable position in his bed, check the drip on his IV and
step back to let his family gather by him and say goodbye.

* * *

Six
hours later, I’m wrung out. Nick passed away two hours ago. We all comforted
his parents and did our job of comforting the other kids who were so sad and
scared and mourning. I hate the days that we lose a patient. It just sucks all
around, for every single person on the floor.

I
should stay here tonight. Find an empty bed and catch a few hours’ sleep, then
get up and put in another shift.  But I push my hand in my pocket and run my
fingers over the note that came with Will’s flowers, and I know that I don’t
want to stay.

I
need him.

I
need to be in his arms. I want to feel his warmth, and hear him tell me that
everything will be okay.

Even
if it won’t.

I
don’t know if I’d be welcome. I haven’t replied to his last text. But if I’ve
learned anything at all in the last twelve hours, it’s that life can be cut so
incredibly short. I don’t want to waste a minute that I could spend with Will.

If
he leaves me and breaks my heart later, I’ll deal with it then.

I
drive to his house, let myself in through his gate, and because I still have
the Rover, I park in the garage and let myself into the house. It’s dark and
quiet, Will is no doubt in bed and went to sleep long ago.

I
climb the stairs, two at a time. I can’t get to him fast enough. Sure enough,
there he is, sleeping peacefully. His face is relaxed, hair a mess from his
fingers. I slip out of my shoes, and don’t even take the time to strip out of
my clothes.

I
need him
now.

I
climb into the bed and wrap myself around him, startling him awake.

“Hey,”
he mumbles and wraps his arms around me.

“I’m
sorry,” I whisper and nuzzle in deeper, burying my face into his neck, clinging
to him.

“Babe,
what’s wrong? You’re trembling.”

I
am just so
cold.

He
tries to pull back, but I cling tighter. “Don’t go.” I hear the desperation in
my voice.

“Sweetheart,
I’m not going anywhere. Talk to me. You’re scaring me. Are you hurt?”

I
shake my head. God, there’s just so much running through me. So much in my
head. I’m so sad about Nick, and afraid of losing Will, yet afraid of loving
him too. And I’m so fucking tired of being afraid of losing something, someone,
important to me.

“Need
you,” I murmur and suddenly feel the tears leaking out of my eyes.

“Megan,”
he’s awake now, and worried.

“I’m
not hurt,” I mutter and lean my forehead on his shoulder, still clinging to
him, relishing the feel of his impossibly strong arms around me. “We lost Nick
tonight. I miss you. I just want to be here with you, okay?”

“Oh,
baby.”

I
don’t even care that he calls me baby. It’s comforting and loving, and I need
it. I need him.

“You
are always welcome here, Meg. Always.”

I
finally lean my head back and look into his soft blue eyes. He’s so kind. How
did I ever think that he was trying to hurt me?

“I’m
so sorry about Nick. He was a really good kid. He was completely smitten with
you, but I can’t blame him.” He grins down at me and kisses my nose, and I
relax again. He just soothes me.

“Will,
you scare the fuck out of me.” His eyes widen briefly, and then he exhales and
closes them. He chuckles softly as he leans in and rests his lips against my
own.

“Megan,
you exasperate me, and turn me on, and make me crazy.” He kisses me softly,
brushing his lips across mine, and gently combs his fingers through my hair.

 “Don’t
you see what I feel for you? Can’t you feel it when I make love to you? The way
I look at you? Jesus, Meg, you’re all I see. You’re all I want.”