Wolf Moon (13 page)

N
ick never did say
anything about whatever he and Jackson were talking about for the entire
evening. I didn’t exactly prod him for details either. I’d hoped that he would
just open up to me on his own. When he didn’t, I tried to think of a way to
bring it up without admitting that I’d been listening to his conversation.

By
the time we went to bed, I still had nothing.

Nick
knew something was up. He was better at sensing these things than I was. He propped
himself up on one of his elbows, resting his head in his hand, and looked down
at me. “You okay?”

I
flipped over in the bed to face him and nodded. “Yeah. Fine, why?” Yes, I told
a little white lie, but I didn’t want to run the risk of upsetting him when he
found out I’d been eavesdropping earlier.

“You
seem tense. Have all night, actually. Even at dinner. Is this about what happened
in the shower?”

Shaking
my head, I sighed. It was then I realized just how bad I was at hiding anything
from him…no, not just him; David was equally perceptive about this sort of
thing too. It was what made him such a great detective.

Maybe
I was just too damn easy to read. I’d have to work on that.

Nick
laid his other hand on my abdomen briefly, his thumb moving slowly over the
fabric of my shirt. “Talk to me. Whatever it
is,
let
me help you work through it. Is it your upcoming shift?”

“Partially,
I guess.” There, that wasn’t a lie; I was worried about that as well. “But I’ve
also been feeling off since the mall.”

Nick
smiled, looking at me like he understood what I was talking about—though,
if he did, he wouldn’t be smiling. “Brooke, if I didn’t want to spend that kind
of money today, I wouldn’t have offered.”

I
shook my head. “Oh, no. That’s not what I meant.” His eyebrows pulled together
and his smile disappeared. “Periodically throughout the afternoon, I felt like
we were being watched.”

Nick
looked alarmed, and that was when I knew he hadn’t experienced the same thing.

“You
didn’t?” He shook his head, and I decided that if he didn’t notice anything
unusual, then maybe I was right to assume it was just residual paranoia from
the night before. “It was probably nothing then,” I tried to tell him. “Maybe
I’m just overly stressed about the full moon and what happened last night.”

Nick’s
expression fell, and I immediately chastised myself for being an inconsiderate
asshole.

“I’m
sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean what happened with you. I meant about the
wolf and the body.”

“Which
triggered what happened with me,” Nick cut in, his voice low and sounding
ashamed.

I
scooted closer to him on the bed, my feet brushing his, and smiled up at him.
“From what I can tell, and from personal experience, loss of control has a
tendency to happen when our emotions are all over the place. Please don’t beat
yourself up over it.”

“I
could have hurt you.”

“True.
But you didn’t.” I paused. “And honestly? The fact that you lost control
because my life was threatened is kind of flattering. It proves that you care
enough about me that the thought of something bad happening drives you mad. I
get it…” A rock formed in my stomach and then waves of nausea crashed all
around it as I remembered experiencing the same thing. “It’s how I felt when
Samantha killed David.”

Instead
of looking annoyed like he used to when I brought up David, Nick looked sympathetic.
“Brooke, I’m sorry.”

“No,”
I interjected, shaking my head. “It’s fine. I’ve accepted what happened to him,
and while I still wonder if I could have saved him had the situation been different,
I’ve come to realize that he wouldn’t want me to remember his death, but his
life…
our
life.”

Nick
smiled, stroking my cheek with the back of his index finger. “I think you’re
exactly right, and I’m sorry I didn’t know him better.”

I
smirked. “No you’re not.”

“No,
really. I am.” His eyes held mine as his finger stroked the length of my arm,
inviting a new wave of
goosebumps
to chase after it.
“He was there when I wasn’t, and he got to watch you become the amazing woman
you are today, Brooke. You’ve never been the type to go on and on about
yourself and your accomplishments, but I’d have liked to hear all about it
through the eyes of a man who obviously loved you.” Pausing, he looked away.
“And I’m sorry if I cheapened that love this morning in the shower. I never meant
to push you into something you weren’t ready for.”

I
smiled as fresh tears warmed my eyes. These weren’t tears I was accustomed to,
though. I’d shed so many sad tears over the last couple weeks, but these were
definitely linked to the happiness that swirled around my heart. The sincerity
behind Nick’s sentiment was exactly what I needed to hear. I’d always hated the
resentment he harbored for David, given he didn’t even know him. Once I’d recognized
it as jealousy, though, I’d secretly hoped he would just accept my relationship.
And he did—the same night that David was killed, and again just moments
ago.

“You
don’t have to apologize,” I assured him. “What happened didn’t cheapen what
David and I had. I wanted you…
want
you.” His eyes met mine again, hopeful. “It just all happened so fast, and I
got what I needed—a reprieve from my grief. I didn’t expect it all to
come crashing back the way it did. I felt claustrophobic. Like my grief and
guilt were suffocating me from all sides.”

“That’s
understandable. But you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

I
bit my lip. A moment of silence filled the room as I contemplated telling Nick
something I’d been keeping from him since that night.
Something
that went against Pack Law.
Finally, I spilled. “He knew what I was,” I
whispered, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. Nick didn’t look
surprised, but he remained silent, allowing me to continue. “He watched me
change, and I think it terrified him.” Some of the weight lifted off my chest.
While I knew this wasn’t the main source of my issues, keeping this from Nick
for so long definitely contributed.

Nick
chuckled, but not because he found humor in my confession.
Or
at least, not a lot of humor.
“Of course it did, baby.” The pet name
he’d always kept for when we were alone slid off his tongue with an unforgotten
ease that made me melt. Over the course of our relationship, he’d built up an
arsenal of pet names for me—babe, love, honey—but “baby” was one he
never shared in front of others. And I had preferred it that way. Still did, as
it turned out.

“It
would only be natural for him to be afraid upon witnessing the one he loved
transforming like that. It’s not exactly a smooth and seamless transition. I
hate watching you struggle through the pain.”

I
shuddered, remembering all too well just how excruciating and difficult it
was—the sounds my body made, how it must have looked to him. All
that fear
had been wiped from his face by the time my
consciousness returned. David had known, and while it scared him initially,
there was something in his eyes that told me he still loved me. Accepted me.

I’d
buried that memory, though. Buried it behind all the guilt and horror that
plagued my mind. All I could seem to remember was that he looked at me like I
was a monster.

Nick
used the back of his index finger to lightly stroke my cheek, drawing me from
my thoughts. “Where did you go just now?”

I
laid my hand over his, smiling. “I think he accepted it,” I said, my voice
cracking slightly. “Had he lived, I think we would have been fine.”

“I
don’t doubt that,” Nick replied, though I couldn’t be sure if he meant it or if
he was just saying it to placate me. “He’d have been a fool to let anything
come between you. Believe me.” Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to my
forehead. He hadn’t kissed me on the lips since that morning, and that was fine
with me. We were supposed to be taking things slow and testing the waters, not
diving into the deep end without some kind of life preserver. “Should we try to
get some sleep?”

Nodding,
I rolled over and let Nick wrap his arm around me as he molded his body to
mine. His breath tickled my neck as his fingertips danced on my stomach, making
my muscles flutter. My thoughts drifted back to the look in David’s eyes in his
final moments and felt a little more of my grief and guilt release. Perhaps
that really was all I needed to start moving past this. There was still going
to be some healing in the days to come, but knowing he could have accepted this
new part of me meant I didn’t have to feel guilty about everything I’d kept
from him. This could have been exactly what I needed to find the peace I’d been
so desperately seeking.

As
I thought about this, I also thought about Nick and my feelings for him.

“You
know I never stopped, right?” I whispered, turning just my head. He opened his
eyes and looked at me questioningly. I bit my lip lightly out of nervousness.
“Loving you. After you left, I never stopped.” His lips twitched, but he kept
his smile hidden as best he could. “I mean
,
I hated
you because I didn’t understand, but I always loved you. It lessened over time,
making it easier to shut out.

“When
you came back, all of that came with it.
My hatred, my
confusion…my love.
I tried to deny it, because I was happy for the first
time in years. I loved David with all my heart, don’t get me wrong, but I loved
you too. Always have. I just tried not to think about it, because when I did it
was all I could do not to fall apart when I remembered what you’d done.”

Nick
kissed my bare shoulder, his arm tightening around me like he was never going
to let go. “I really am sorry for leaving the way I did, but it was what I believed
was right at the time.”

“I
get that now,” I replied softly, understanding how he felt like a danger to others.
After what happened with David, I had experienced the same feeling. I couldn’t
imagine someone else getting hurt because I’d lost control. I needed to learn
about this part of me if I was going to have any kind of relationship with my
family again.

“I’d
like to think we could get back to where we were in time,” Nick continued. “If
and when you’re ready.”

“I
find myself hoping for that more and more lately, too,” I confessed softly,
both happy and ashamed to be saying it out loud. “Why don’t we use this time to
get to know each other again? We’ve both changed so much.”

Nick’s
excitement practically vibrated off him, his skin warming my own through my
clothes. It was nice to get this all out in the open, and again, my grief and
guilt seemed to dissipate further. It still lingered, but I suspected it always
would. I’d never truly be over David’s death, much like I still struggled with
losing Bobby.

Nick
and I settled in to prepare for sleep again when my stomach rumbled unexpectedly.
I tried to ignore it, but soon it became a relentless complaint. Chuckling
against my shoulder, Nick swatted my hip lightly. “Come on. Let’s go get you
something to eat. I don’t want you gnawing off your arm in your sleep,” he
teased.

“Why
don’t you stay?” I suggested sitting up. “I’ll just grab a quick snack.” In truth,
I was suddenly so hungry that I didn’t want to embarrass myself when he watched
me pack a ridiculous amount of food away.

“You
sure?”

I
slipped from bed, grabbing a pair of knee-length sweat pants from my dresser to
cover up my skimpy sleep shorts. “Yeah. It’s fine. I’ll be right back.” I
opened the door and looked back at him. “Keep my side of the bed warm.”

“So
demanding,” he quipped, spreading out on his stomach and following orders.

I
closed the door behind me and made my way for the stairs. It was late and almost
everyone had turned in already, so I tiptoed down the hall. I could hear
various noises coming from almost every bedroom on this floor from snoring to
whispers to those of happily reunited couples reconnecting. Those ones affected
me carnally as I walked through lust- and pheromone-thickened air, and I was
thrown back to the memory of my time in the shower with Nick.

With
the full moon approaching, and after this morning, I completely understood the
impulses behind their heightened sex drives.

The
house was dark and eerily quiet as I made my way through each room on my way to
the kitchen. This seemed like a blessing because I was likely going to be able
to satiate my ravenous appetite without being judged by others.

The
sight that greeted me in the dark kitchen surprised me, however.

There,
standing at the island, surrounded by a counter full of containers, was Colby,
a turkey leg gripped in her hand and mid-bite.

“Oh,”
she said, her cheeks turning crimson even in the dark kitchen. “I didn’t think
anyone else was up.”

I
shrugged. “I was feeling a bit
peckish
,” I admitted
warmly, hoping to ease her embarrassment. I recognized the look in her eyes as
the same one I must have been wearing. “Full moon, you know?”