Wolf Moon (21 page)

“I just…I need to forget.
I want it to stop, but it only seems to be getting worse.” I was hyperventilating
now, unable to catch my breath.

“Brooke, it will. It will
stop. You just need time.”

Frustrated, I sat up,
running my fingers through my hair roughly. “God, Nick. Am I ever going to be okay
again? I used to be strong and confident, and now… I just feel broken and
crazy.”

Nick’s hesitation melted
away as he wrapped me in his arms. I tensed at first before relaxing into his
embrace, and he pulled me into his lap. “You are still the same person, baby,”
he soothed into my ear, pressing his lips to my cheek and down my neck. Warmth
spread beneath my skin, pushing out the distress little by little and reminding
me that he was my safety net. I could trust him. “You’re beautiful, carefree,
strong, sexy, and confident. What he did, or tried to do to you, can’t ever
touch that, because you, Brooke Elizabeth Leighton, are untouchable.”

There was a conviction in
his words that told me to believe him, but I still struggled.

“I regret letting you out
of my sight while he was out there somewhere,” Nick continued, his voice
trembling with the fear of what could have been. “I knew he was capable of this
behavior, but I figured you’d be protected by Pack Law. I didn’t think he’d
cross the line like this. I’m to blame for everything that happened.”

There was a pang in my
heart as he shouldered all the blame, and I shook my head adamantly. “No,
you’re not.”

Nick didn’t let me
finish. “Believe me when I say I will always keep you safe. No one will ever
hurt you again, I promise.”

The sincerity in his
voice moved me, and I felt a little of my strength seep back in. It wasn’t
much, but it was enough to ease me forward in his arms and lightly press my
lips to his. He seemed shocked by this, but he didn’t pull away or try to
deepen the kiss. He let me take the lead, because he knew that was what I
needed. I needed to be in control. The tension released from my chest, and I
knew in an instant how much I wanted to feel his body against mine. It was the
only thing—
he
was the only
thing—that eclipsed the horror of what happened.

It wasn’t until I shifted
my position to straddle his lap that he said anything. “Wait,” he murmured
against my insistent lips.

I settled onto his lap,
his towel doing very little to conceal his growing arousal, and he moaned
softly. His hair was still damp from his shower as I twisted my fingers into
it, and I locked eyes with him. I wanted to forget what happened and just be
with him again.
Like the morning in the shower, but more.
More of his lips.
More of his hands.
I longed to look into his eyes as our bodies moved together passionately and be
reminded of who I used to be and not the animal I was becoming.

“What do you want?” he
asked, his voice deep and gravelly with lust.

“You,” I replied. He looked
more than a little hesitant, and I understood why. “I just want to feel
something good again. I don’t want to be afraid every time you touch me. Make
me remember. Show me that not all men are monsters.”

Nick’s hands tightened
around my waist, his thumbs pressing against my
hip bones
gently. “I won’t pressure you. You’ve been through enough.”

“But—”

“Just tell me what to
do.”

I kissed him again, this
time with
a ferocity
and need that I hadn’t realized I
was capable of. Nick kept his hands on my hips, rounding them down over the
swell of my ass and then lowering them over my thighs. His hands were splayed
out, fingers teasing the outer seams of my pants while his thumbs grazed my
inner thighs,
his
touch so light I shivered.

“More,” I mumbled against
his lips.

Still hesitant, he looked
at me, eyes dark, body tight. It was as though he was fighting the urge to give
in to my demand. I knew that if I made a move, his resolve would break. I could
see it in his eyes. All I would have to do is tighten my arms around his neck,
press my body closer to his, and that fire between us would reignite. I would
feel that passion I so desperately craved burning just below the surface.

“Please,” I whispered.
“Help me forget.”

Nick was still torn on
what he should do. “After the other day, I just don’t want you to regret it.
I’ve waited seven years to get you back, and after everything that’s happened,
I don’t feel like you’re thinking clearly.”

I recognized what he was
saying, but his concern only served to make me want him more. “I am thinking
clearly,” I told him.

“Brooke, this is no
different than the hotel room. You’re upset—and rightfully so—but
you can’t just bury your feelings with sex. Deep down, you know you’ll regret
it, and eventually you’ll resent me for giving in to it. I couldn’t live with
that.”

I tried to tell myself he
was wrong, but on some level, I knew he was right. In that moment, Nick had
reminded me of the upstanding guy he was. He did what I asked of him by not
pushing me beyond my limits. He was nothing like Karl. He would never take advantage
of me in a weak and vulnerable state. He wanted me for
me
. He admired my strength and confidence, whereas Karl was the
type to tear a woman down until she submitted to him. Or take her by force.

That was when I saw Nick
for the man he truly was: my rock, my love,
my
constant.

“
Y
ou’re sure you want to
do this?” Nick
asked
as I emerged from the closet in
fresh jeans and a deep purple sweater after my shower.

He
was sitting on the end of the bed while I stepped into the bathroom to pull my
hair into a loose braid. The bruising on my neck had lightened some over the
last few days, but it was still frighteningly obvious and tender where Karl’s
teeth had penetrated. When I decided not to cover it up with a turtleneck, Nick
assured me that no one would bring it up out of respect for my feelings.

“Yeah,”
I replied, fastening
an elastic
to the end of my hair.
“I can’t stay hidden in our room forever. They need to know I’m okay.”

“Are
you, though?” he inquired carefully. “I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

He
wasn’t out of line to ask me that. The last few days since the attack had been
pretty rough. He’d seen me at my lowest since Bobby’s death. I refused to get
out of bed unless absolutely necessary. I wouldn’t see anyone who came to check
on me. Aside from Nick, I wasn’t ready to be around anyone else.

Having
worked more than my fair share of crimes revolving around sexual assault, I
knew how people tended to view those who were attacked.
Like
victims.
And while that may be what I was, I couldn’t handle anyone
looking at me with that mock empathy as they tried to imagine what it might be
like if they were in my position. I didn’t need anyone telling me that “it
would be okay,” or that “they understood.” They didn’t, not unless they’d been
in a similar situation.

Up
until yesterday, when Nick told me how worried he was that I’d become a
complete shut-in, I realized I needed to try and work through this. And being
around others and trying to reintegrate myself back into the Pack was the only
way to do that, it seemed.

Smiling,
I slipped out of the bathroom and crossed the room. I stood before him,
maneuvering myself between his thighs, and I placed my hands on his shoulders.
“And I appreciate the concern, but I should at least try.”

Nick’s
hands came up to rest on my hips, but then he thought better of it and dropped
them to his thighs. His tension radiated off him, thickening the air between
us, but he nodded. “All right. But you let me know if you need to get out of
there at any time, okay?”

“Deal.”

There
was a moment of hesitation before Nick took my hand in his, and I had to admit,
my fingers twitched as if wanting to recoil from his touch. I knew it wasn’t
him I was afraid of, but unexpected contact in general, and I had to keep
telling myself what I had been since that night: that Nick would never do to me
what Karl had tried to.

“You
ready?” Nick said, his other hand resting on the doorknob.

I
inhaled a deep breath and nodded. “Yup.”

Everyone
was already up, noise carrying through the house from all corners. Some were in
the dining room when we passed through it. There were a few soft-spoken “good
mornings,” to which I responded in kind, as Nick and I approached Marcus. The
Alpha male smiled sympathetically—exactly what I’d been hoping to
avoid—and I dropped my eyes to my feet.

“It’s
good to see you up and about,” he said, and I tensed in preparation for the
upcoming conversation.

Thankfully,
Nick was quick to change the topic, asking if any progress had been made on the
morning runs. Wanting to distance myself from all things “wolf,” I excused
myself to the kitchen.

Layla
and Miranda were busy
putting the breakfast smorgasbord out while Colby cooked a few more pancakes.
Upon my arrival, they all stopped what they were doing and gave me the same
look Marcus had. Knowing they’d be a little more receptive to my plea than,
say, the Pack Alpha, I nipped that shit in the bud,

“I
appreciate all the concern, but I’m not ready to talk about what happened the
other night.” They didn’t say anything, only looked at me expectantly, so I
smiled. “Can I help with something?”

Miranda
looked ready to object, but I stepped forward. “Busying myself is all I can do
to keep my mind from going back there,” I whispered.

This
time, she smiled, taking my hand in hers. “Of course. Why don’t you give
Layla
a hand putting out all the food.
”

Relieved,
I turned and offered my assistance to
Layla
. When I
pulled the dish of bacon and sausage out and headed for the kitchen island, I
noticed Miranda making up a plate. Confused, I watched as she set it down and
reached for a vile in front of her. She pulled the eyedropper out and put
several drops from it on the eggs.

The
plate was for Karl, and that stuff she was dosing his food with was silver nitrate.
Even from several feet away, the invisible fumes rolling off of it stung my nostrils.

Her
eyes met mine as she screwed the cap back on and set it down, then they moved
past me as Nick entered the room.

“Nick,
do you want to ask Marcus to deliver this?” she asked, eyes darting
to mine and then back to him
.

“I
can take it,” he offered, a little more venom in his tone than I expected. Nick
stepped forward and looked down at the plate of food, giving it a tentative
sniff before shuddering. “Are you sure that’s enough?” he asked, snatching the
vile up.

Miranda
glowered and grabbed it back from him, slipping it into her back pocket. “Any
more than that will kill him. You know that.”

Nick
turned his head as if looking back at me through his periphery. “And you can
see how much I care.”

“Nick,”
she admonished. “Until things have been sorted out, he’s still a part of this
Pack.”

“Please,
stop,” I begged, closing my eyes and thrusting myself back into darkness. A series
of memories from that night started to flash through my mind—the
predatory look in Karl’s eyes, his toothy wolf grin, how heavy his body was
when he pressed down on me. My hands started to shake, and I almost dropped the
dish I was still holding, but Colby rushed over to me and took it.

“Hey,”
she said quietly. “Why don’t you go sit down or something? We’re almost done in
here. Really, it’s fine.”

Disappointed
in myself for not even being able to last thirty minutes without a relapse, I
agreed with a nod. Instead of having a seat though, I slipped outside through
the door off the kitchen for a breath of fresh air. Sensing my need for space,
Nick didn’t follow me, but I could feel his eyes on me the entire time.

It
was warmer than days past, so I decided to go for a little walk around the
yard. I made it as far as the east side of the manor before I spotted Jackson
having a cigarette.

“Those
things will kill you,” I teased, folding my arms in front of me.

He
chuckled, looking at the cigarette before taking another long pull. “Yeah, but
it takes a lot more of them to do the job, kid.”

After
clearing the snow from the ledge of the upraised garden around the patio we
were on, I sat, pulled my knees to my chest, and leaned against a pillar.
Jackson didn’t say anything, and I wasn’t sure if it was out of respect or if
this was just awkward for him. Truthfully, it probably should have been awkward
for me, too, but ever since finding out about his past and how he came to join
the Pack, I felt this kindred connection to him. And I didn’t think it was just
because he was the one who turned me.

“It’s
warm out today,” I finally said, closing my eyes as the clouds moved out of the
sun’s path.

Jackson
hummed. “Yeah. Chinooks are quite common here. I think it’s supposed to be nice
all week. Could be good for an impromptu run.” The way he phrased that made me
suspicious that he’d maybe overheard my conversation with Nick the other night.

“Could
be,” I agreed, not meeting his gaze. “Too bad I can’t shift on my own.”

 
“Yet,” he amended for me. “Practice makes
perfect.” He extinguished his cigarette, and I expected him to head back inside
now that he was finished smoking. It surprised me when he stayed put. “He can’t
get out, you know.”

I
glanced up at him, shocked that he was even bringing this up. “What?”

“You’re
safe. And, even if he did find a way out—not that he
will
—no
one in this house will let him near you. You should know that. He destroyed
what precious little trust this Pack had for him when he pulled that shit. If
Marcus lets him stay, it won’t be easy for him.” A pause. “And that’s
if
he’s allowed to live.”

“Marcus
could decide to kill him?” I asked, somewhat stunned, even though I knew that
the Pack dealt with things like this quite differently than the human world
did. While it still felt morally wrong considering my background as a cop, I
knew the Pack needed to carry out
their
own form of
justice because no one in the human world was equipped to handle it.

Jackson
shook his head. “No. While he broke Pack Law, he didn’t betray Marcus the way
he did Nick…and you. His fate is in your hands, kid.”

Unable
to wrap my head around this news, I stared at him blankly. “
Wh
-what
do you mean? There’s no way I can decide something like that. That’s not who I
am.”

Jackson
looked at me with understanding. “You mean that’s not who you
were
. You’re wolf now, Brooke. This is a
huge part of it. And you deserve retribution.”

Frustrated,
I turned and dropped my feet back to the ground. I knew he was right, but the
human part of me wanted to deny it entirely. Something about it felt so primal
and barbaric, and I didn’t want to be a part of it. I
couldn’t
be a part of it. I wasn’t like the rest of them—like
Karl. I was compassionate and sought justice the right way; I locked up the bad
guys. I didn’t kill them.

Except
I
had
taken a life recently
;
I killed
Gianna
in a fit of
unbridled rage when she tried to take me hostage. Apparently I did have it in
me; I just wanted to keep repressing it.

“I
know you’re struggling with what you’ve become,” Jackson said softly, his tone
steady and full of empathy. “We all did—Nick, Vince, me—but it gets
easier.”

I
sighed heavily. “To be honest, I was on my way to accepting this life. I’ve
been trying to move on, grieving David and my brother and the life I once knew,”
I confessed candidly. “Until the other night.” Jackson leaned against the wall
of the house and crossed his arms as he listened. “When Karl attacked
me”—I brought my hand up and rubbed my bruised neck as if ashamed of
it—“he took any confidence I had.” Tears stung my eyes, threatening to
fall, but I tried my hardest to keep them at bay. “I was
finally
enjoying myself and felt like I could truly get used to being…
this
. But in a few short minutes, he
stripped that all away. He found me at my most vulnerable when I was playing in
the snow with Nick, my guard down, and he took advantage of it. I can’t imagine
putting myself back in a situation like that. He stole my power.”

The
wind whistled in the eerie silence after my confession. I was just about to
apologize for my overshare when I noticed Jackson’s jaw clench and anger flash
in his eyes briefly before they glimmered with resolve. “Then you need to take
it back.”