Wolf Tales 12 (10 page)

While everyone listened in rapt fascination, he told them of Lily’s amazing adventure and the ancient history of their kind—and the answer to a question most of them had long wondered—the fact they were not originally of this world.

His control broke and he wept as he spoke, but it wasn’t fear for Lily that unmanned him. No, even more powerful than the love of a father for his child was the love beyond measure in this room—the love of his packmates and his wife, of the Goddess who watched over them, and the magic that surrounded them all.

Eve was right. They were stronger when they were together, and if her warning was correct, that they were facing great change, they would need that strength. More and more he felt it was time to gather the rest of the Chanku, to create a community where they could live without fear, with the support and love of the entire pack.

There was so much power in this room, the house seemed to vibrate with its strength. He tried to imagine what it would be like if all of them lived here—if every single one of the Chanku could share this sense of connection, could draw on the power of their love.

They had gathered before, time after time, whenever there was a need. What would it be like to coexist as a single pack, constantly sharing the amazing connection that made each of them stronger when they were together, so much more than when one tried to stand alone?

Maybe it was time. He drew their love to him and felt stronger. Felt the trust and love of his little boys, Keisha’s love and steadfast support, the connection from every Chanku—young and old—in the room. He took a deep breath and gazed about at the familiar faces, and he knew there was nothing, nothing in or beyond this world more powerful than what existed here in this country kitchen in Montana.

Enough power to give him hope, enough love to conquer fear. Then he imagined what it would be like if all of them were here—together, connected in the way of their kind—and the reality of what could be left him feeling both stunned and humbled.

When the time was right, he had no doubt—there would be more power than needed to bring Lily safely home where she belonged.

And when the time was right, he would invite them all, each and every single one, to make this beautiful mountain property their home.

When the time was right. There was no need to rush such huge decisions, asking others to pack up their lives and relocate to his isolated mountain home.

They had plenty of time for that.

Chapter 7

Colorado, late August

“Millie, m’love? Are you sure you want to do this?”

Millie West turned an exasperated, eyebrow-raised glare on her mate and huffed out what she hoped was enough hot air to tell him exactly what she thought of his question. Of course she was sure. She never did a damned thing she wasn’t sure about.

Not anymore. At least not very often.

Ulrich laughed and planted a quick kiss on her pursed lips. “Don’t give me that look, Millicent West. I know you better than you know yourself. The wolf sanctuary has been your life for over twenty years. I can’t imagine you just packing up and walking away from this place without a second glance.”

He ran his fingers through her hair and this time kissed her soundly. “I don’t want you to make any decisions you’ll regret, and I know you’re going to miss this life if we go. I don’t ever want you unhappy, m’love. Never.”

She sighed. Well, she’d have to give him that much. In some ways he was right to be concerned, and he was in her thoughts, after all, no matter how much she tried to block him. He’d probably picked up on her basic insecurities, though she’d been keeping her shields up more often than not over the past few weeks.

It was going to be hard for her to leave, but she’d come to the conclusion it would kill her to stay. She’d lived with the nightmares long enough, had given away too many years of her life to a past she couldn’t escape. Not while she stayed here, where so many terrible things had occurred. Where memories haunted every tree, every rock, every part of her life.

It was time to move on. Time to give up a past that was threatening to choke her. She dipped her head and gazed at her toes. She couldn’t meet his eyes, couldn’t look into the honesty in those amber depths and admit she was living a lie.

Ric brushed the hair away from her face, lifted her chin, and smiled so gently she thought her heart would break. He didn’t know who she really was. He couldn’t, or he would have been gone long ago.

“What is it, sweetheart? You’ve been blocking me for days now. You know I don’t want to pry, but I’m picking up so much stress and misery from you that I’m worried.” His callused fingers stroked the line of her jaw.

Her lips trembled. She would not cry. She’d done enough crying already. It was time to move on. She shook her head and smiled brightly. Her entire face felt brittle, as if it might crack and shatter into a thousand shards like broken glass.

“No need to worry. I’ll be fine. We have grandchildren we hardly know. We’re at an age where we should be free to travel, to see and do things we’ve talked about doing but never followed through on. I want to see more of Manda and Adam, and . . .”

“And you’re making excuses to avoid the truth.”

His soft accusation stopped her in mid-sentence, left her with her mouth hanging open. She pressed her lips together.

The truth? What was the truth, other than the fact she’d been forever damaged as a child—damage no one could repair? She’d talked about life with her uncle on very few occasions, but she’d never told the whole story. Not to anyone. Ulrich had seen a lot of it when they’d bonded and her childhood had opened to him, but he hadn’t seen it all. He couldn’t have, or he would have been long gone.

Millie knew she’d never return to that time in her life on purpose, not ever. But the nightmare of her childhood had invaded her life anyway. Returned with a vengeance, for some ungodly reason. Why? She didn’t want to go back!

Not to those filthy, disgusting memories she’d tried so hard to block. Why now? Why, for whatever reason, had they returned? After so many years, she’d thought she’d finally come to terms with them, but they haunted her now, to the point her nights were no longer her own. Instead, the hours between dusk and dawn were filled with the horror of the perverted lusts that had defined her formative years.

Perversions in which she’d been a willing participant.

Ulrich cupped her face in his big hands and stared solemnly into her eyes, forcing her to meet his gaze. Dear Goddess, how she loved this man! The thought of possibly losing him, of feeling his disgust for her, was more than she could bear.

“Millie? I know you’re having bad dreams at night, I know something is bothering you, but if you don’t share, we’ll never figure out how to beat it. There’s nothing we can’t beat when we’re together, m’love. You know that.” He drew her carefully into his embrace, and there was something about the steady beat of his heart, the rise and fall of his broad chest as he drew each breath, that comforted her.

Comforted her, and reminded her she was no longer the same as she’d once been. No longer a defenseless victim. Still, his steadfast support made her feel foolish. He was right—why was it always so hard for her to realize she wasn’t alone?

Not anymore. She was no longer that helpless little girl trembling before her uncle, wondering with a confusing sense of both fear and anticipation what horrible punishment lay in store for her next. Not the frightened, confused teenager, terrified of the way her body would betray her, afraid of the pain and yet wanting it, relishing it.

Becoming aroused by it. No. It was wrong, it was sick, and she didn’t want to remember. She wanted the memories to go away, but they were back, stronger, more graphic, more tempting than ever before.

How could that be? She was grown now, an alpha bitch with a mate who loved her, two younger men who desired her, a young woman who took as much delight in Millie’s body as Millie did in hers. How could she be tempted by the darkness of her past—tempted to the point where her fantasies now carried her into those disgusting memories and left her shivering with unwanted, unwholesome needs?

She took a few calming breaths and tried to take control of the fear that simmered just below the surface. She couldn’t go on like this. She wouldn’t. She raised her head and looked directly into his eyes, and made her decision.

For better or for worse, she had to accept the fact that maybe Ric was right. It was time to stand strong and face her ghosts before they destroyed her. She had no doubt Ric truly loved her. As long as her past didn’t disgust him to the point where he wanted to leave, maybe, just maybe, he could help her understand and fight the horror that wouldn’t stay buried.

Obviously my ostrich-with-her-head-buried-in-the-sand approach isn’t working.
Millie tilted her head just enough to plant a light kiss on Ric’s mouth, but before he could part her lips and deepen the kiss, she pulled back and ran a fingertip across his full lower lip. He couldn’t possibly know she was shaking like a leaf inside, but if she didn’t do this now, she’d chicken out.

It was now or never, but she couldn’t live with this, couldn’t take it any longer.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to control her trembling limbs. “Will you run with me tonight? There’s something I have to do, but I want you with me. I need to take you somewhere. Show you something.”

The love and understanding on that rugged face was almost her undoing. He didn’t question her, didn’t look at her like she was losing it, even though Millie suspected she very well might be. He didn’t even try to invade her tightly blocked thoughts. No, all he did was smile gently and answer, “Anything, m’love. Anything you want.”

Daci stared at her profile in the mirror and wanted to cry. How could the guys love her like this? She was fat and ugly and awkward, and her once smooth and perfect skin was marred with deep striations marching across her expanding belly. Liana said the stretch marks would go away after the babies came and she was shifting and running again, but right now it was hard to believe she’d ever look even remotely normal. Not ever again.

Much less, even remotely attractive to her two absolutely gorgeous guys. What if they hated the way she looked? Did her big belly and swollen ankles gross them out? What about later? After the babies came? Would they still want her?

She wished Liana didn’t live so far away. They’d hit it off so well the first time they met, and Daci missed girl talk. She missed Logan and Jazzy, and Mei and Oliver and all the other Chanku—especially the ones who were pregnant. The ones who understood what she was going through.

Millie was really wonderful, but she’d never raised her own babies and didn’t know all that much about kids—and her unintended pregnancy with Adam and Manda had, for all intents and purposes, been an absolute nightmare.

Daci already loved the two little girls she carried—she couldn’t imagine having them taken from her the way Millie had lost hers. It was a nightmare she couldn’t allow herself to imagine, the horror of giving birth and never seeing her babies. It had been hard enough to make the decision to get pregnant in the first place. Now that she was, she knew she would protect these little ones with everything that was in her.

If only the whole process wasn’t doing such a crappy job on her self-esteem. She hated feeling ugly. Hated wondering what the guys really thought.

Matt opened the door to the bathroom and caught her staring at herself. He grinned and did what he and Deacon seemed to take such great pleasure in—cupped her belly with his big hands, leaned close, and kissed the taut surface.

“How can you stand me like this?” She sniffed, grabbed a tissue, and blew her nose.

“You’re kidding, right?” He stared at her like she’d grown two heads. “Good Goddess, Daci. You’re gorgeous. I’ve never seen you so beautiful. Your skin glows and your breasts are . . . I mean. Wow.” He let out a reverent sigh. “Your breasts are magnificent. They’re so perfect I can’t even begin to . . .”

“They’re huge. My belly’s huge and my breasts look like two big cantaloupes sitting on top of a giant watermelon.”

Deacon stuck his head through the open door. “She at it again? Makin’ with the food analogies?” He laughed and Daci wanted to hit him, except it was so neat to hear Deacon’s laughter. He’d always been such a dour sort, but for some reason her pregnancy had changed him.

In good ways. Not like her. He certainly hadn’t gained forty extra pounds, even though it wouldn’t hurt him a bit if he did, and he didn’t have to worry about having to pee every five minutes. No, his smile came more often now, and he’d relaxed in so many ways. It was as if Deacon finally realized that the life they had wasn’t going to be taken away. That the three of them had something permanent, something that worked.

So why couldn’t she feel that way? Because she wasn’t sure, that’s why. What if babies changed everything? What if adding twins to their small but perfect family altered the dynamic to the point where it didn’t work at all?

“Yeah, we’re into cantaloupes and watermelons today. She’s in here telling me how ugly she is.” Matt grinned at Deacon. “Can you believe that line of crap?”

Deacon squeezed into the tiny bathroom and sat on the counter, effectively blocking Daci’s view of herself in the mirror. “I think she’s looking for attention,” he said, flashing a big wink at Daci. “I mean . . . look at this woman. She’s tall and gorgeous and she’s carrying our babies.”

The moment the words left his mouth, Deacon blinked rapidly. He turned to Matt, and his voice was so low, the emotions behind his words so intense, Daci had to watch his lips to understand what he said.

“Now, that’s the part I’m having trouble with. Our babies, Matt. Did you ever, in your wildest dreams, imagine finding the perfect woman who would love you enough to carry your child? Who would put up with the changes in her body and the hormones and all that crap, to give you something as special as this?”

When he turned to look at her, his eyes sparkled with unshed tears. He palmed her belly with his big hands and Matt shifted his stance and did the same. They stood there a moment, the three of them together, Daci and both her guys, connected through the warmth in their hands against her huge belly, holding Daci, protecting their babies.