Wolfsbane Winter (37 page)

Was Deryn having second thoughts about their relationship? Alana’s throat tightened, but she forced herself to ask, “What?”

“I’m sure Palemon would give me the sergeant’s job here as a permanent thing, if I asked, but a place like Neupor, it’s not where I thought I’d end up. And I don’t know if I can…” She ended in an unhappy shrug.

Was that all? Alana smiled in relief. “If it makes it any easier for you, I don’t particularly want to stay here either. And now I can control my talent, there’s no reason why I should.”

“You want to go back to your family in Ellaye?”

“Oh no.” The mere thought made Alana cringe. “I’m well out of all that nonsense.”

“Do you have any other plans?”

“No. Do you?”

“In the short term, money’s no problem, thanks to the bounty, but eventually I’ll need to work.”

“And I’ve still got the gold chain I picked up at the tomb.” Alana grinned. “The king’s people don’t know what was there, so they aren’t going to miss it.”

“If you help guide them to the tomb, maybe you could claim a reward as well.”

“No. It would be safer if I’m nowhere in sight when they arrive. Orrin will probably want to visit the tomb in person, and I’d much prefer he doesn’t see me.”

“Does he know you’re here?”

“Yes.”

“Won’t he want to talk to you?”

“Not as such. Tell him I started acting strange and then one day I vanished into the forest, and I haven’t been seen since. You won’t catch him shedding many tears. I’ll hide out in Oakan. Once you’ve shown him where the tomb is, you can join me, and we can blow some of that money. As long as you don’t mind sharing it with me.”

“I’ll have to think about it.” Deryn mimicked seriousness, but then grinned. “We could have some fun.”

“I’m sure of it.”

“We could visit my foster mother. You say you don’t want to stay with your family, but you could call in on them, maybe, without the king or Orrin knowing.”

“I’d rather not.”

“You don’t like them?”

“It’s not that. We’re sort of fond of each other, some of the time, but if they knew I could control my talent, they’d want to use me, and I don’t want to be used.”

Deryn nodded, and turned back to staring at the fire. The concern in her had softened, but not faded completely.

Alana caught hold of Deryn’s hand and raised it to her lips before asking. “So what do you think you’d want to do in the long term?”

“If it was just me, I’d go back to riding the Misery Trail. But I don’t want to spend months away from you.”

This was where the root of Deryn’s unhappiness lay. Alana felt a smile grow on her lips, not that she liked her lover to be distressed, but it was nice to know just how much Deryn wanted to be with her. She pressed Deryn’s hand against her cheek, partly to hide the smile, and partly because the contact felt so good.

“You don’t get rid of me that easily, you know. Anyway, you might be tired of me after a few months, and welcome a break.”

“Never.” Deryn frowned as her doubts did a U-turn. “Do you think you’ll get tired of me?”

“Stranger things have happened.”

At the expression on Deryn’s face, Alana could not restrain her laughter. Deryn really was very naive when it came to relationships. She met Deryn’s eyes, hoping to show that the reservations were a result of her experience, not her intentions.

“I wish I could say I’m teasing you, but always, at the start of an affair, you feel certain it will last forever, and then the lust wears off, and you’re left with someone you discover you don’t like very much, and they develop lots of annoying habits and before long…”

Deryn’s gaze was boring deeper and deeper into her soul, and with each word, the absurdity of what she was saying grew, until Alana could no longer go on. Was Deryn truly different from those who had gone before? Had Alana ever been so convinced that a lover was the only one for her? She looked down, regathering her thoughts. Were Deryn and she made for each other? Maybe in another thirty years or so, she would be able to answer that question, and regardless of how things turned out, she would be a fool not to give it her best shot now.

Alana lifted her head again. Her options were simple. “If you want to ride the Trail, I’ll go with you.”

“You don’t have the training to be an Iron Wolf, and they don’t take passengers on the Trail.”

“But they have horses, and mules. Isn’t there a need for someone to look after them? I’d be the best wrangler in the business.” Alana grinned. “People would swear the animals could talk to me.”

“As long as they don’t really believe it, you’d do fine.” Deryn started to smile, but then her expression faltered into dismay.

“What is it now?”

“The Misery Trail is dangerous. When I wanted to become an Iron Wolf, my foster mother tried to talk me out of it, because she was scared for me. I’ve just realized what she was feeling. I…I don’t want you to be in danger. You’d be safer back here, waiting.”

“I’ve just spent four days worrying about you. There is no way on earth I’m going to sit on my own for months, wondering if a windigo has bitten you in half and whether I’m going to see you again.”

“But all the time we were on the Trail, I’d be worrying about you. I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you.”

“Then it would be up to you to make sure you took good care of me. Isn’t that part of your job, as scout, keeping the party safe?”

“Yes, but—”

“But nothing. I’m not letting you ride off without me. Anyway, I’d like to see the wilderness, and Sluey, even Nawlings.”

Deryn frowned. The argument was not yet concluded, but Alana knew she would win in the end. For now she merely smiled and shifted around so she could rest her head on Deryn’s shoulder. They sat for a while in silence, watching the flames and listening to the wind outside.

Deryn’s arm tightened, pulling her close. “Do you really think you’ll get tired of me?”

“I’m utterly convinced I won’t. Right now, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and can’t imagine it changing. I don’t know if I can trust my feelings, but all of that is for the future. We can wait and see how things go.”

Alana turned so she could pull Deryn’s head down into a kiss, deeper and more ardent than those that had gone before. Passion ignited inside her, a need to hold Deryn in her arms, a need to touch and be touched. She placed her hands on either side of Deryn’s face and gently pushed her back so that she was again staring, years deep, into Deryn’s eyes.

“For now, we need to go to bed.” Alana could hear her own voice growing husky with desire.

“You want to sleep?”

“No. Do you?”

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