Wolfsong (11 page)

“Witch,” Gordo said. “And I don’t have
shiny arms
.”

“That’s a lie,” I muttered. “You’re like your own flashlight.”

“This is what you’re focusing on? You find out the Bennetts are werewolves and you think about my
shiny arms
?”

“Werewolves,” I breathed. “That’s… whoa.”

The wolf shook his head, almost as if he was amused.

“Jesus Christ,” Gordo muttered. “Thomas, get the rest of your mutts over here to do your ass sniffing. I’ll make sure everything is still holding.”

Thomas growled low in his throat. His eyes went red again.

“Yeah, yeah. Your Alpha shit doesn’t work on me. I could fry the hair off your ass in a heartbeat. You dog dick.”

He pushed past us and his tattoos shimmered up and down his arms.

I looked back up at Thomas. “I…” didn’t know what to say.

He looked over his shoulder and rumbled deep in his chest. There was a loud yip and then two smaller wolves bounded over, one slightly bigger than the other. They rubbed themselves all over me, their heads butting against my chest and head. The bigger one was a dark gray with little flecks of black and white on his hind legs. The smaller one had similar coloring, but his white and black splotches started on his face and went back to his shoulders.

Their eyes flashed bright orange as their tongues dragged along my skin.

“Gross,” I said mildly.

They laughed. Not out loud, but they laughed and the familiarity caused me to ache.

“Carter,” I said. “Kelly.” I sounded just
stupid
with awe.

They laughed at me again and bounded around me, hopping like they were puppies. They nipped at my clothes and fingers and
I wasn’t dreaming
.

I touched their backs and moonlight filtered through my fingers onto their skin. They were happy. Somehow, I knew they were happy. I could feel it in my head and chest and it was so
bright
.

I looked back to Thomas and saw a large brown wolf sat at his right side, watching me closely. He wasn’t anywhere near as big as Thomas, but his eyes kept lighting up like Halloween, all fiery and warm. He huffed at me, and I saw the curve of a secret smile.

I said, “Mark.”

He leaned over and rumbled in the back of his throat, his nose drifting along my face, tongue trailing.

“So licking is something you do,” I told them. “You’re going to be embarrassed later. I’m not going to lick you right now.” I paused, considering. “Or probably at all.”

None of them seemed to care. I didn’t know if they understood me. I didn’t even know if this was real.

Gordo came back, and his tattoos had quieted down. They were still illuminated, but they didn’t seem to shift as before. He was pale, and his eyes looked sunken in their sockets.

He looked up at Thomas and said, “It won’t take. He can’t attach himself to any of you. His tether won’t affix.” Then his voice grew hard. Accusing. “And I think you knew that before.”

A sound came then. It was wet and snapping and horrible, and there was a groan of muscle and skin, and white fur rippled and receded. It only took seconds, but where there’d once been a wolf, now stood Thomas. He was still an animal, or at least partway, caught between man and wolf. His fingers ended in black claws and his face was slightly elongated. There were teeth, sharp teeth, and his eyes were red.

And he was naked, which just made everything all that more surreal.

“We knew this was a possibility,” he told Gordo, his voice a deep rumble, the words slightly lisped because of the fangs. The
fangs
.

“How is this fair to Ox?” Gordo asked bitterly. “You didn’t give him a choice.”

“And you did?”

The tattoos flared on Gordo’s arms. “It’s not the same and you know it.”

“You’re not a stupid boy,” Thomas snapped. “Don’t act like you are. These things choose themselves. Your father, regardless of what he turned into, taught you better than that.”

“Don’t you
dare
bring him into this. Ox isn’t—”

“I’m standing right here,” I somehow managed to say.

They looked over at me, surprise on their faces, like they’d forgotten I was there.

And it hit me.

“Joe,” I said. “Where’s Joe?”

Carter and Kelly whimpered at my sides, brushing up against me.

Thomas sighed. “It’s his first shift. He’s not… handling it very well.”

Fear ran through me. “Where is he?” I demanded.

Gordo stepped forward. “Ox, you need to understand. You
always
have a choice. This isn’t set in stone.”

“I don’t care. I don’t care what’s going on. I don’t care if I’m dreaming or awake or if I’ve lost it. Fucking wolves and witches and I don’t fucking care.
Where the fuck is Joe
?” My hands were fists at my sides. Carter and Kelly laid their ears flat against their heads and slunk down, trying to make themselves smaller.

Thomas said, “He needs your help.”

And Gordo said, “Fuck that. You don’t put that on him.”

But then Thomas had him by the throat and he was more wolf than man, though he still stood on two legs. The white hair had returned, and the claws had extended. His teeth were bigger, like fat nails, and the noise that spilled from him caused gooseflesh along my arms and neck.

“You are here,” Thomas snarled at him, “because I respected your father and the covenant. Or at least what he once was. Don’t mistake that for anything more. You are not pack by your own choice.”

“And yet you call me for this?” Gordo snapped, struggling in Thomas’s grasp. “And I
came
. I’m not bound for
shit
and I
still came
.”

“He is my
son
. And the next Alpha. You will show
respect
.”

“Fuck you,” he wheezed.

And I said, “
Stop
.”

And they did.

Gordo fell to the ground, sucking in air.

Thomas breathed heavily, eyes red, growling low.

And then I saw it. Behind them. In the clearing. In the moonlight.

A dark shape, curled on the ground. A flicker of light rose up around it. Green, maybe. Deep green, but it was gone before I could be sure.

I pushed past Gordo and Thomas. I didn’t have time for them.

Carter and Kelly were at my sides, tongues lolling from their mouths. Mark was behind me, his nose pressing against my back.

Another wolf lay on the ground, almost as big as Mark, and I thought
Elizabeth
. She was colored like her sons, grays and blacks and whites. She raised her head at my approach and her eyes were the same, so beautiful and blue, and I remembered her telling me how she was done with her green phase. She had laughed and spun me in a circle, flecks of paint on her hands.

They were the same, but I could see the sadness in them.

“I don’t….” I shook my head.

“She can’t hear you,” Gordo said quietly from behind me. “There’s an earth ward around them infused with silver. It blocks out all sound and smells.” There was another flash of green, and in the moonlight, I could see slashes in the earth forming a circle around Elizabeth.

“They’re trapped?” I was horrified.

“By choice,” Gordo said. “It’s safer for Joe as he is right now. It blocks out everything except for his mother.”

I took a step toward Elizabeth, but Gordo grabbed my arm, holding me back.

“You have to listen,” he said. “Before.”

“Before?”

Elizabeth never took her eyes from me. They flashed orange. I couldn’t see Joe and my head hurt.

“We have… we need something. Anything. A
thing
that keeps us holding on to our humanity.” Gordo’s grip loosened on my arm, but he didn’t let me go completely. There was an almost electric quality to the touch and I wondered if it was the tattoos. Or him. Or whatever this was. “Magic takes a lot out of you. It can pull you places you never thought it could go. Dark corners that are better left alone.”

“And wolves?”

“Wolves need it to remind them they’re part human. Especially born wolves. It’s easier for them to get lost in the animal. And they do, without something to tie them to the rational world.”

I said, “Nothing about this is rational,” and my voice was rough. I felt like I was tipping into something I couldn’t come back from.

Gordo cut through the panic. “Joe will go feral, Ox. He’ll go feral if he doesn’t have a tether. Usually it’s pack or family or an emotion like love and a sense of home. It can be anger and hatred, but at least it’s
something
. He doesn’t have it now. It won’t happen today. Or tomorrow or maybe even a year from now. But if he can’t be tied to his humanity, then one day he’ll go feral and he’ll never change back. And a wolf without a tether is dangerous. A… decision would have to be made.”

A flash in the dark, a memory from before. About tethers. “Mark said….”

Gordo knew. He sighed. “Yeah. He did. You’re my tether, Ox.”

“When?”

“When you turned fifteen. When I gave you the shirts.”

“I didn’t feel any different.”

You belong to us now.

“Yes, you did.”

“Fuck,” I whispered.

“It just happened,” he pleaded. “I never meant to—”

“Can I be both?”

“Both?”

“To you and him.”

“I don’t… maybe. If anyone could, it’d be you.”

“Why me? I’m nothing. I’m nobody.”

He squeezed my arm. “You are greater than any of us, Ox. I know you don’t see it. I know what you think. But you are more.”

I was a man now, so I pushed away the burn in my eyes. “What do I need to do?”

“Are you sure?” Thomas said from behind me.

I only had eyes for Elizabeth. I could feel the wolves around me, but I never looked away from her.

“Yes.” Because it was Joe.

“It’ll be fast,” Gordo said. “The ward will drop. You’ll hear him. He’s been… loud. Don’t let it frighten you. He’ll catch your scent. Talk to him. Let him hear your voice. He doesn’t… look like himself right now. Okay? But he’s still Joe.”

“Okay.” My heart thundered in my chest.

This was not a dream.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” Gordo said quietly.

“Okay.”

“Ox. You have a choice.”

Finally, I looked over at him. “And I’ve made it.”

He held my gaze, eyes searching. I don’t know if he found what he wanted, but eventually he nodded tightly. He brought up his left arm, palm toward the sky. All the tattoos on his arms had faded except for one, which was a deep and earthy green. It was two lines waving in sync with each other. He rubbed two fingers over them and muttered under his breath. The air turned static and my ears popped. The wolves around me growled and I looked back at Elizabeth.

The circle flared briefly and then went black. Dull and lifeless.

And then I heard it.

Low growling. Snarls. Small and angry.

I took a step toward Elizabeth. I held out my hand.

She pressed her nose against my palm and breathed in and out.

And then silence.

Hands stretched over Elizabeth from her other side. Black claws.

“Joe,” I said quietly.

And he launched himself at me. Before I could move. Before I could think. There was a shout of warning, harsh growls. I was knocked off my feet, a heavy weight atop me. Claws dug into my shoulders, little pinpricks that burned. I saw flashes of teeth, eyes that flickered orange and red and blue and green. A nose was at my neck. My cheek. Inhaling me. Breathing me in.

He said, “
Ox
,” and it was low and dark and angry.

He was caught partway between boy and wolf, like Thomas had been. Thomas had been in control of his.

Joe was not.

White hairs grew and receded along his arms and face. Fangs pierced his gums, then grew flat. There was a boy. Then a half wolf. Then a boy again. He groaned and said, “Ox, it hurts it hurts it—” and the rest was lost as his wolf came forward and words dissolved into spitting growls. His eyes flew through the shifting colors and for a moment, the colors combined into something like
violet
and
violence
and the claws on my chest pressed down harder. I winced at the pain and heard others around me and it sounded like they were about to tear him away from me and I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let them take him away.

I said, “My dad left when I was twelve.”

Everyone grew quiet.

The claws pulled away, only just.

“He drank too much. I told myself nothing was wrong, but there was. I think he used to hit my mom, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get the courage to ask her. She wore a dress to a picnic once and I think he tore it, and if I find out he did, if he hurt her and I didn’t know, then I would make him suffer.”

Joe whined, sounding pained.

“He put his suitcase by the door and he left. He said I was dumb and stupid and that people were going to give me shit. He told me he didn’t want to regret me and so he had to leave. The thing is, I think he already did. I think he regretted every single part of his life. But he was right about some things. I was dumb and stupid because I thought he’d come back. I thought he’d come back one day smelling like he always did, of motor oil and Pabst and sweat, because that is the smell of my
father
.”

And it was. It had always been that way.

“But he didn’t come back. And he won’t. I know. But it’s not because I did anything wrong. He was the one that was wrong. He left and we stayed and he was
wrong
. But I’m okay with that now. I’m okay with getting left behind because I have my mom. I have Gordo and the guys. And I have you. Joe, if I hadn’t gotten left behind, I wouldn’t have you, so you need to focus, okay? Because I can’t have anything happen to you. I need you here with me, Joe, and I don’t care if you’re a boy or a wolf. Stuff like that don’t matter to me. You’re my friend, and I can’t lose that. I will never regret you. Ever.”

It was the most I’d ever spoken at one time. My mouth felt dry, my tongue thick. I ached all over, from everything. I heard my father’s voice in my head, and he laughed at me. He said it wouldn’t work. “You’re gonna get shit,” he said.