Wolves at the Door (31 page)

I blinked, remembering where I was. Setting the spoon on the table, I realized I’d been absently stirring the yogurt.

John needed my input on something? I was grateful for the distraction and wanted to throw my arms around him. “Sure.”

He looked around and leaned forward. I glanced around too, certain no one was listening.

“Let’s just say that I needed help, but I wouldn’t ask for it. And I wouldn’t volunteer anything about what was going on either. And let’s just say that you had no idea why and no clue how to help me, but you were absolutely positive I was all screwed up.”

John checked again for eavesdroppers, before leaning closer. “Would you let me stay in that dark place or would you try to pull me out? Would you wait for me to ask for your help or would you throw me a rope? As a true friend, what would you do?”

Now this was something I could help him with and having something else to think about was a godsend. “That’s easy. Just because a friend doesn’t ask for a rope, doesn’t mean they don’t need it. Sometimes, people don’t realize they need help. Even if they do, they might not know how to go about getting it. I’d definitely throw you a rope.”

“Okay.” He nodded, eyeing me for a moment. “I’m throwing you a rope.”

“What?”

“Autumn, do you want to talk about it? Tell me how to make it better for you.”

“I didn’t see that coming.” I grabbed my soda and chugged, the carbonation burning my throat. John was an amazing friend and it meant a lot that he cared that much about me. But I couldn’t confide in him or give him any semblance of the truth. I didn’t want to lie either. I’d had enough of lies. The only other option was to stay silent.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

I sighed. “I can’t talk about it just yet. Maybe never. Normally, I would, but this is just one of those things that…” I shook my head, letting my words trail off.

“Are you …” His eyes darted around again and he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Are you pregnant or something?”

I groaned. Why did everyone keep thinking I might be pregnant? “No, John. I swear that isn’t it. It’s not life threatening either, but I’m not at liberty to discuss it. I’m sorry.”

“I get it. But if you change your mind, I’m here, okay?”

“Thanks.” I gave him a weak smile. “That means a lot, really.”

It didn’t ease the hot poker stuck in my chest, but it was sweet of him to try. I stood, gathered my things and headed toward the garbage can to dump my tray.

Cameron came up beside me. “Everything okay? You look sad.”

The worse I felt, the harder it was to hide. My eyes darted to Zack for the millionth time, but he wasn’t looking at me. I knew he could hear our conversation, but I doubted that
he cared to listen in.

Cameron followed my gaze, his eyes landing on Zack a moment, then returning to me. “He looks dark and broody today. Something put him in a sour mood. You sure it’s over between you two?”

“Very over. I heard from a reliable source that he and Gina hooked up last night. She can have him. I don’t care.”

“That’s obvious,” he said as if he didn’t believe a word I’d said. His eyes narrowed. “Did you tell him we kissed?”

I stared at Cameron’s shoes. “Yes,” I blurted without thinking. “But not on purpose.”

He eyed Zack again and shook his head. “You said he scammed on other girls, but I’ve never noticed him looking at anyone the way he looks at you. I don’t know what’s going on with him and Gina now, but he doesn’t act like someone who’s over you. Maybe you’re both too stuck on yourselves to give the other a break?”

I gave a quick laugh that made me sound like I was choking. “What are you talking about?”

He moved closer and lowered his voice. “Don’t be dumb. If you want Zack back, tell him. Don’t wait until it’s too late. I can tell you from personal experience it sucks to chicken out and then miss your chance.”

Guilt oozed through me since he was obviously referring to me.

“Decide what you want
and go for it. Then maybe you’ll have one less regret to live with.” Cameron squeezed my shoulder and returned to his table.

It was a great pep talk and I appreciated it, but the only way to fix things with Zack was to make peace with what he’d done with Gina. That wasn’t going to happen. And apologizing for kissing Cameron, when it hadn’t been my idea, was every kind of wrong.

Out of my peripheral, I spied an empty seat where Zack had been sitting. I took comfort in knowing he couldn’t have heard Cameron’s low voice over the din of the cafeteria. Zack didn’t need to know how he affected me.

A purse was shoved into my hand and fingers gently grasped my arm as John steered me toward the door. “Geez, Autumn, you’re standing there like a zombie. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but can you please try not to scare your friends?”

It was horrifying to think I’d been standing there with a vacant look on my face. I really needed to get a grip.

“I’ll walk you to class to make sure you survive.”

“Um.” What else was there to say?

John dropped me off and dashed to his own class. The seat next to mine in English Lit was empty. I took my seat, expecting Zack to arrive any second, but the bell rang and he still hadn’t shown up. Did he hate me so much that he couldn’t bear to sit next to me? If that was the case, then a road trip with him was definitely out of the question.

After English Lit ended, I shuffled to my last class. Nausea swirled in my stomach and a haze followed wherever I went. Where was Zack?

Mr. Collins droned on and I suffered through it, using body language like little nods and occasional eye contact to appear as though I was paying attention. But I barely heard him. In just minutes, I’d be on the road. Alone.

Zack would stay here, maybe go on a date with Gina. Now he was free to have fun with her without a pathetic girlfriend watching through the window. Where was Gina today anyway? Aside from lunch, I hadn’t noticed her all day. Then again, I hadn’t noticed much else either.

When the bell rang, I walked to my locker like a corpse, my heavy body dragging along the linoleum.

Maya leaned against my locker, her arms folded across her chest. “Okay, spill it, Autumn. What the hell is going on?”

I glanced from her to my locker, realizing she was blocking it. There was no way to avoid her questioning. I’d have to cough up something to pass as truth… actually, I
could
give her the truth. “Zack and I aren’t friends anymore. But for real this time.”

Her eyes softened and she squeezed my hand. “What happened?”

“He was with Gina last night. Like
really
with her.”

“No way.” Maya’s mouth dropped open.

“It’s true. He admitted it.”

“Gross.” She gave a mock shiver. “But if you’re just friends, why can’t he date anyone else?”

I blinked. “Gina is a skank.”

“That does explain why she looked so happy today. She kept making goo-goo eyes at him during lunch
and anytime I saw her between classes. Made me want to vomit.”

So Gina
had
been at school for more than just lunch. And I hadn’t noticed her other times for the same reason I hadn’t noticed myself standing like a zombie in the lunch room. I acted as though I was on another planet, but I was still on Earth.

Except that it was extremely hot. Yep, I was in hell.

Maya snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Autumn! Where did you go? Come back to us. Hello?”

“Yeah. I gotta go. It’s a long way to Yosemite.”

“Zack’s not going with you?” she asked.

I held up my hands, palms up and lifted my shoulders. “Why would he come with me when he could be hooking up with Gina?”

“Trevor and I will come then. You’re not going alone. We can go to the concert another time.”

“No. Please don’t do that. I’d rather go alone than screw up your plans. And you don’t want to be stuck with me in a car right now. Trust me. I’ll just make you guys miserable. Seriously.”

“I’ll get Trevor and be at your car in five minutes. I mean it, Autumn. Don’t you dare drive away alone.”

I was the last person in the world they should hang out with —I wasn’t fit to be with humans and ruining their weekend was unthinkable.

Maya disappeared down the hallway and I stuffed my books in my locker, then bolted to my car, in a hurry to make my getaway.

Scanning the grounds, I didn’t see Maya or Trevor anywhere.
Or Zack. As I approached my car, despair thickened in my throat and I slowed, not wanting to face an empty car.

Not wanting to face my future without Zack.

~~~

Chapter Twenty-six

Trying to ease the feeling of being suffocated, I took a deep breath and trudged toward the Mustang with my head down. As I drew closer, my skin tingled, and a woodsy sent wafted up my nose.

Zack.

I couldn’t see him, but knew with every shape-shifter cell in my body that he was inside my car. But why would he be there after our fight? Oh, right. I was a damsel in distress — his specialty. I texted Maya with an update, then started up the engine and backed out.

I’m surprised you’re here
, I told him silently, just in case anyone was watching.

Zack didn’t answer
and was still silent at the freeway onramp. In my rearview mirror, I could see the back of his head as he craned his neck to see behind us. With so many cars on the road, it wasn’t easy to tell if we were being followed.

I bit my lip, unable to believe that he’d actually come, and equally unable to believe that I’d let him. But I didn’t hate that he was here and that made me nervous. He’d already hurt me enough.

Checking the mirror, I frowned. “Are you going to ride in the back the whole way?”

“Maybe. Did you bring my things?” he asked.

“They’re in the trunk. Why weren’t you in class?”

“Because I needed to get inside your car without being seen. So after lunch I faked being sick, went to the nurse and she sent me home. Instead, I used your spare key and waited in here.”

“For
two
hours? It’s freaking roasting in here.”

“No kidding. Hand me the map and I’ll navigate.”

He would’ve had a much more comfortable afternoon if he’d bailed on me. I was still mad at Zack for the Gina incident, but baking in my car for two hours, just so I’d have someone to drive with, went a long way to calm my fury.

I grabbed the packet of papers and stretched my arm behind my head. Zack relieved me of the bundle and for the next few minutes all I heard were papers rustling.

“Nobody’s following us. I’m coming up.” He snaked between the two front seats and strapped himself in. “We’ll stay on the five north for a while, then we can choose between taking the forty-one all the way up to Oakhurst or the ninety-nine to the forty-one. We can decide once we get there.”

I glanced sideways at him. “Okay.”

Zack turned and faced the window, making me feel awkward about saying anything else. Being with him didn’t feel the same and I hated it. I hated Gina. I hated him for what he’d done with her and for ruining what we had.

I sighed. This was going to be a long ride. Turning on the music, I let myself slide into the lyrics as I imagined accomplishing everything I wanted from this trip. Then I could confront my parents on which lie they told, whatever that was, and move on from Zack.

About an hour later, Zack pointed to a fast food sign. “Take this next exit. I’m hungry. And I’ll drive, if you don’t mind.”

“No problem.” I did as he asked. “Drive-thru or do you want to go in?”

“Drive-thru. The sooner we get there, the sooner we might learn more about your parents.”

And the sooner he’d be back home and free of me.

Zack made no attempt at more conversation and I couldn’t stand the quiet — that was when I did most of my thinking and I didn’t want to go down any crazy mental paths. I had to break the silence, but I needed to do it right.

“So…
did you want to break up with me? Is that why you did that with Gina?” Clearly, I should’ve given this more thought, but then again why beat around the bush?