Woman in Red (47 page)

Denise sat on the edge of the bed, plucking absently at the balled-up Kleenex in her lap. “It’s just so hard sometimes,” she said, looking more dispirited than Alice had ever seen her. “Life doesn’t just stop when something like this happens. Even when you’re dying inside, you still have to get up and go to work every day. You have to put a smile on your face for the kids’ sake, and so people won’t be talking about you behind your back any more than they already are. Oh yes, I know there’s been talk! They’re saying our family is cursed.” She turned swollen, bloodshot eyes to Alice. “What if it’s true? What if we
are
cursed?”

“That’s ridiculous, and you know it,” Alice told her. “There’s a perfectly good explanation for everything that’s happened.” Owen White had been at the root of it all.

She waited for that clenched feeling she always used to get whenever she thought of him, but it didn’t come. It was as if, in confronting him, some burden had been lifted from her. He wasn’t a monster, she’d realized, just a man so twisted inside he’d resorted to monstrous acts.

“That’s a comforting thought,” Denise said sarcastically.

Alice placed a hand over her sister’s. “It’s not the end of the world. It just feels that way right now.”

Denise shook her head, refusing to be consoled. “It’s like I don’t know my own husband anymore. It’s like visiting some sick relative I have to try to cheer up.”

“I know you don’t believe it right now, but you’ll get through this, trust me.”

“The question is
how
.”

Alice got down to practical matters. “What does Gary’s lawyer have to say?”

Denise brightened marginally. “Steve worked out a deal. Gary gets off with a suspended sentence, as long as he
remains under a doctor’s care. Brett Loggins,” she said, referring to the assistant D.A., “is an old school friend of Gary’s. They’d get together for a beer now and then.” She paused, adding in a softer voice, “I suppose those days are over.”

“You can’t think that way. Some people will have a hard time understanding, sure. But when Gary gets home I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find out just how many friends he has.” Alice said, reminded of the old friends and acquaintances who’d supported her.

“Maybe, but that’s only the half of it. What’s he going to do for work? What about
us
?” Denise moaned.

“Have you two talked? I mean,
really
talked.”

Denise shook her head. The Kleenex she’d been mangling had disintegrated, and now she stared down in misery at the tiny pieces scattered like snowflakes over her lap. “The doctor doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get into any of that stuff right now. He says Gary is still too fragile. But I know something’s on his mind. I can sense it. What I can’t figure out is why he’s keeping it from me. We’ve always shared
everything
.”

“Maybe he’s afraid.”

Denise’s head jerked up, her eyes widening. “Afraid of what? Me? I’m his wife.”

“It’s the people you love the most that you least want to hurt,” Alice said gently. She hadn’t told her sister any of the things Gary had revealed to her that night. It would be better if she heard it from Gary. “Maybe he’s only trying to protect you.”

“Protect me from what? I already know the worst.”

“Just let him know you’ll love him, no matter what. Maybe that’s all he needs to hear.” She’d long since forgiven Gary herself, knowing the kind of pressure he’d been under.

Denise nodded slowly, her mouth turning up in a small half smile. “Just like the old days, huh? You giving me advice. Only back then I thought you had all the answers.”

Alice gave a rueful laugh. “Not even close.”

She was thinking of Colin, how wrong she’d been about him. That night, she’d felt the connection between them more strongly than ever. No man had ever gone out on a limb like that for her, not her husband, not even her father when he was alive. Moving side by side through the shadows, she’d felt closer to him than she ever had to another human being, almost as if they’d been one. She’d felt his strength flowing into her, giving her the courage to do what she’d needed to do. All her earlier fears and misgivings about him had faded away.
This must be what love is,
she’d thought, marveling for an instant, in spite of the trepidation she’d felt at the prospect of what lay ahead, that it had taken her this long to find out. Love was someone who knew instinctively what you needed and gave it without being asked or expecting anything in return.

But ever since then he seemed to have retreated back into his shell. Hurt, she’d kept her distance as well, wondering how she could have been so mistaken about him. No, clearly she didn’t have all the answers. Who, after all, was she to give advice?

Denise rose heavily to her feet. “Well, I guess I should get started on supper. Though if it weren’t for the kids I probably wouldn’t bother. I don’t seem to have much of an appetite these days—silver lining to every cloud, right?” She glanced down at her slacks, which drooped around her hips, she’d lost so much weight. She paused to ask Alice, as she was making her way to the door, “Should I set an extra place?”

“Thanks, no. I’m taking Jeremy out for pizza tonight.” Just saying the words brought a little glow of satisfaction. Such an ordinary thing, yet for her it was anything but ordinary.

“Don’t you have to work?”

“I’m taking the night off. Calpernia’s holding the fort down, and that new guy we hired seems to be working out.” Usually, Alice only took Mondays off, when the restaurant was closed, but business had been picking up lately—word was getting around and they’d had a nice write-up in the
Seattle Times—
so she could afford to take an extra day now and then. And she’d wanted to go out on a night when Jeremy didn’t have school the next day, so he could enjoy their time together without worrying about his homework.

Denise hugged Alice as she was leaving. “Thanks. I don’t know how I’d get through this if it weren’t for you.”

Alice thought again of all that Denise had done for her. Her sister had never stinted, not once. “Consider it payback.”

“Okay if I tag along?”

Randy spoke casually, as if it had been a spur of the moment thing, but Alice could tell from the way his eyes cut away that he’d had it in mind it all along. Her heart sank. She’d been so looking forward to the time alone with her son. But, conscious of Jeremy watching them, waiting to see how she’d react, she tried not to let her disappointment show.

“Fine by me. If it’s okay with you.” She turned to give Jeremy a questioning look. He stood slouched in the doorway to the living room, a study in teenage insouciance, in his baggy cargo pants and Mariners sweatshirt at least three
sizes too big, except for his eyes, which flicked back and forth between his parents, keenly attuned to their every nuance.

“Whatever.” He shrugged, but she thought he looked pleased.

“All right then. Shall we?” She put on a smile that she hoped didn’t look manufactured.

On the drive into town, the conversation was a bit strained. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d all gone on a family outing. Her memories of the events that had taken place in the months after David’s death all ran together in her mind like colors on a child’s finger painting. Now, here they were together again. Alice felt sad, thinking of all the wasted years.

“I’m glad we could do this,” said Randy, later on, as he was tucking into the last slice of pizza. Jeremy had run into a couple of friends from school—not the ones he usually hung out with, she’d been relieved to see—and after finishing his pizza he’d gone off with them to the video arcade in back. “I’ve been wanting to tell you how bad I feel that I wasn’t around during that whole business with Gary. You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.”

Her thoughts turned once more to Colin. “I wasn’t exactly alone.”

“Yeah, I know. Jeremy was pretty shook up,” Randy said, clearly unaware of Colin’s role in it. “How’s Gary doing?”

“Better. He seems to be responding to his treatment.”

“Poor guy.” Randy shook his head in sympathy. “It has to be tough on Denise, too.”

“It is, but she’s hanging in there. Mainly, she’s worried about how they’re going to manage if he can’t find another job.”

“Maybe I can help with that.”

“Really?” Alice perked up.

“I know a guy who manages a department store in one of those big shopping malls. They’re always looking for security guards. I can probably get him to hire Gary.”

“That would be great.” It might not be ideal, but it was a job.

“I’ll give the guy a call, see what he can do.” Randy paused, frowning in thought as he chewed on a mouthful of pizza. “Of course, they’d have to relocate. How would they feel about moving off the island?”

“I’m sure they wouldn’t be too happy about it, but they may not have a choice.” It might even be preferable in a way. Life in a small community could get pretty uncomfortable when you were the subject of scrutiny, Alice knew from her own experience. Touched by the unexpected show of support from her ex-husband, she reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “Thanks, Randy. I really appreciate this.”

He smiled at her with more warmth than usual. “No problem. Happy to do what I can.” He pushed aside his halfeaten slice of pizza. “You know, Alice, we should do this more often.”

She wasn’t sure what he was getting at and didn’t want to read too much into it, so she said lightly, “You’re right, we should. I’m sure Jeremy would like that.”

Randy gave her a meaningful look. “I wasn’t just thinking of Jeremy.”

“Oh.” She felt heat rising in her cheeks. She dropped her voice, asking, “What exactly are you getting at, Randy?”

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He appeared nervous for some reason. “Look, Alice, I’ve been thinking a
lot lately. About us. I’ll be honest with you. I’m not proud of the way I handled things in the past. But whatever you might think, I wasn’t trying to punish you. I was only looking out for Jeremy, doing what I thought was best for him. For whatever it’s worth, I was wrong. And I wouldn’t blame you if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me. But if there’s a chance, even a slight one, that we can put all this behind us and make a fresh start, don’t you think we owe it to ourselves, and to Jeremy, to at least try?”

Alice was speechless. How could she have been so blind to the signals? There was a time she’d known Randy’s every tic: that certain look he got in his eyes when he was being less than honest; the way the tips of ears reddened when he was feeling amorous; the heightened pitch of his voice when he was winding up to make a case, usually for expensive things they couldn’t afford—a Minolta camera, a trip to Hawaii, a new propane grill. And even when she’d known he was lying or when she didn’t feel like making love or was annoyed at his spendthrift ways, it had been a reminder of how close they were. They’d been high school sweethearts. He was the first boy she’d kissed, when she was fourteen, under the bleachers after the homecoming game. The first boy she’d had sex with. In college there had been other guys and, she knew for a fact, other girls for Randy, but in the end they’d always come back to each other. Even if she hadn’t gotten pregnant in her sophomore year, marrying Randy would have been a foregone conclusion.

Those old memories washed through her, but underlying them, like gritty sand, was the knowledge that Randy hadn’t been there for her when it counted most. After David died, she had felt as if she’d lost her husband, too. But though he’d been wrong in keeping Jeremy from her, she knew he’d
meant it when he’d said he had only done what he’d thought was best. She couldn’t lose sight of the fact, either, that Randy had been there for Jeremy all those years when she couldn’t be. He’d been a good dad, even if he’d made mistakes as a husband.

She found her voice at last. “I don’t know what to say. I didn’t see this coming.”

He was gazing at her intently, his eyes bright with expectation, as if it were possible to get the answer he wanted through sheer force of will. “Will you at least think about it?”

“All right. I’ll think about it.” Maybe Randy was right. Maybe they owed it to themselves to try. It might be the best thing for all of them, not just Jeremy. But she wasn’t ready to commit to anything just yet, so she cautioned, “Don’t say anything to Jeremy just yet. I don’t want him to get his hopes up.”

“I won’t say a thing.” Randy smiled as if it were already a done deal, his eyes remaining locked on hers. She noticed, to her embarrassment, that the tips of his ears were pink. “I was thinking next time, it could be just the two of us. Someplace nice, with candles.” He glanced up at the string of red lights in the shape of chili peppers strung along the exposed brick walls, and they shared an amused look. “I can always make up some excuse, tell Jeremy I’m going bowling with the guys or something.”

“You don’t bowl,” she said, smiling.