Wool: A Parody

WOOL

A PARODY

BY WOOLSTON HOWEY

He must burn up the clothing, or the woven or knitted material of wool or linen, or any leather article that has the contamination in it, because the mildew is destructive; the article must be burned up.

Genesis 32:6 NIV

C
opyright © 2014 by Woolston Howey.

All Rights Reserved.

Wool
: A Parody
is a work of fiction. Any names, characters, businesses, places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, animals, things, living, dead, destroyed, or actual events from the past or present is purely coincidental. It was produced from the imagination of Woolston Howey.

I sit in darkness and wonder about the wool.
There is no other, only wool. The wool is the life. We can’t have cotton. We must have wool. Everything is wool. Wool keeps people warm and cozy. Cotton is not anywhere in sight, only wool.

Wool is soft and cuddly. Wool must be used to survive. Wool will keep people camouflaged. It will keep us
from freezing. We need the wool. We must not eat the wool. Wool can be used for our underwear. The women can use it to cover their breasts.

Wool is what makes people stay sane. Without wool, we are nothing in the world. We must try to grow a tree of wool. The children can bathe in wool. Wool must not be expensive. The sheep are outside. That is where we get the wool.

We can sell the wool for a cheap price. People will buy the wool. Wool can make us stronger. If we have enough wool, we can turn it into cotton. We have no cotton, only wool.

Wool is worth every penny. I did not know that wool would be so important.
We can make all kinds of food with wool. We can make cookie wool, beef wool, and even vegetable wool.

We can use the wool to brush our dirty teeth. Teeth will be whitened. The morale will go up. We need woolen smiles. The world does not have smiles, only wool.

Wool is rather more useful than gold. Gold is hard and useless. Wool is welcoming and generous. We are the people that need wool to survive.

God has given us a little wool. If we dream hard enough, we can have more wool. When the people die, we can try to turn them into wool. Wool can go a long way. Times are tough. Wool is precious. It is more precious than
anything in this darkness.

We can dance in wool. The women can wear wool dresses. We can pray on wool. Our knees can feel good on wool carpet. I can make wool my best friend. I know wool doesn’t talk, but if I try hard
enough, it might speak to me.

Wool is a man’s best friend. The sheep don’t have wool to give. I am not friends with the sheep. My heart is with the wool, always. I can give a lot of wool to my people.

I can cover the walls in wool. There is no paint, only wool. We can have woolen spoons. We can eat wool. It might have an extra source of carbohydrates.

We must never run out of wool. Our lives depend on wool. Woo
l comes in many shapes. There is round wool, triangle wool, and rectangle wool. I prefer the wool to be flat.

The men can wear wool hats. It would be a great new style. There is not much style these days. Wool socks are a must. Everyone will want to have wool socks. That will be mandatory.

I can be the wool God. Everyone will worship me with all my great ideas. There is not one person who does not love wool. There shall be rules about wool. Anyone who does not like wool should be spanked. They should be sent outside, where the sun does not shine.

We can wipe out behinds with wool wipes. That is a superb idea. I am tired of using hand. Wool
is the perfect material. I am proud to be the one who has thought of all these inventions.

I can be called the Wool God. I wonder if we can extract water from the wool. There may be a little liquid left in it. The water droplets may be fresh. It is possible. Anything is possible.

I want to sleep on wool. I want to make love to wool. I want wool to be in my life forever. I want to be buried in wool. Wool will keep me preserved. I want to be remembered as the wool guy.

We can have little wool pieces to eat during church. We can pretend it is bread.
It is always good to dream of wool. We must not burn the wool. Wool controls the world. I wonder how powerful I will get with my wool.

I want to be the only one to
control the wool. I will keep it safe. No one will be able to touch the wool without my permission. The wool must be hidden in a safe place.

I trust in wool. We can create money made of wool. A new idea can go such a long way. We can keep wool alive. We must believe in wool, forever.

Wool shakes might make a good drink. It might be a little rough, but I’m sure people will love it. We can open a bar. People can get drunk of wool shots.

We can smoke the wool. We can get high off the wool. Oh, I love wool. I will smoke up a lot of wool. How can anyone not love wool?

We will survive. We will live a lot longer with wool. In wool we trust. Trust in no other. Trust not in cotton. Trust not in gold. Trust in wool. We wait for the wool to come to us.

We can write wool poems. We can make wool jokes. Everything
is wool. Wool is needed in the world. Wool is what we want. We are stronger with wool.

I want to have dreams about wool. I won’t be able to sleep without thinking of wool. Wool is here to stay. There has never been anything like wool.

Life without wool will not last. People will be depressed. Wool gives us hope. We can have wool parties. We can make wool pillows. We can have fun. We can have wool pillow fights and be happy.

We can pray to God, to give us more wool. Wool will someday be at our doorstep. We will survive. Wool can make music. We can make violins with our wool. We can make drums with our precious wool.

We must not underestimate the power of wool.
Wool will control our minds. We will only think of wool. There will be nothing else to think about. We will only talk about wool. No one will be allowed to speak of anything else.

Wool will keep everyone at peace. We can talk about wool all day and all night long.
We can sing wool songs. We can make Christmas carols of wool. We will make wool presents. We will never get enough of wool. Wool decorations will be nice. Everyone can dress up for Halloween. People can dress up as wool people.

Wool is the only thing that I know. Life is about wool. There can only be one thing that matters in life. Wool is
life. There must be a wool Heaven. If there is a wool Heaven, then there must be a wool Hell.

I wonder how wool sandwiches will taste like. Wool crackers might be delightful. I hope to taste all of them someday. I can make a recipe book of wool.

I will write a bible of wool. We can all listen to the words of wool. It will be the best idea ever created. We can sing and praise about wool. Wool is the reason that we live.

A world without wool is har
d to imagine. I hope this is not a dream. I don’t want to wake up if this is a dream. I want this to be real. Wool is real. Wool will keep us here.

We are the ones who have wool and no other. The others will try to take it from us. They may take our lives, but they will never have our wool. I will eat all the wool. I can keep it safe.

When the time comes, we have to be ready. More wool will come into our lives. We must be prepared to use it wisely. We must not get greedy. We have to protect it. The wool is there for us. The wool is family. It is a part of us. Treat the wool the way you want to be treated. Treat it with respect. Honor it. Wool is coming. It may rain wool someday. We can make wool umbrellas. There is an idea. I wonder how I became so smart in the wool department. Wool is life. Praise the wool.