Word and Breath (7 page)
Authors: Susannah Noel
Tags: #tagged, #Young Adult, #Paranormal Romance, #Paranormal, #Romance, #Fantasy, #Dystopia, #Urban Fantasy
Jenson slanted his eyes toward her for a minute. Then focused on the small woman again. “Every morning of her life, she’s gotten up at dawn to get the day’s produce.” He paused, maybe strategically or maybe because of what he was about to say. “For the last two years, she’s gotten up an hour earlier so she can hide certain messages we need to circulate in pieces of fruit.”
Riana gaped at him. And then at the diminutive, harmless woman. “What? Why are you telling me that? I don’t want to hear—”
Jenson ignored her and continued, “Look to your left, to the boy selling newspapers.”
Riana turned despite herself and saw the redheaded boy—maybe eight years old—selling the day’s images of current events put out by the Union. “Jenson,” she warned, “Don’t you dare tell me—”
He went on, as if she’d never voiced her protestations. “He’s not even nine, and both of his parents were killed in the Horai Riots. And once a week he inserts an extra page into a hundred papers—and then sells them to members of the Front.”
Riana wanted to scream. Instead, she put her hands over her ears in a silly gesture of denial. “Stop it, Jenson. I mean it. I don’t want to know this. You’re putting these people in danger by telling me this.”
Jenson turned to face her and wrapped his fingers around her wrists, pulling her hands down in front of her. “You’re not going to turn them in. I know you, Riana. Give it up. Find your purpose. Be who you’re intended to be.”
At the edge of her control—trapped between crying and raging—Riana shook herself free from him and rubbed her wrists where he’d been gripping them. “Stop it!”
When her loud voice attracted attention, she lowered it, although the fury in her tone was unabated. “How dare you, Jenson. How dare you drag me into this when you know I don’t want to get involved? All I’ve ever wanted is to be left alone. I don’t care if you think I’m a heartless coward. I’m not going jump into something that’s so much risk—not when there’s no chance of it succeeding. The Union is what it is. You and your clandestine playmates aren’t going to change that. And I’m not going to put my whole world in danger for some ideal of self-sacrifice I don’t believe in. It’s not just me I’d be risking. I have a sister. I’m the only person she has. And you’re not going to convince me to risk her life and security because you say so.”
Jenson’s face was intense, and he opened his mouth to reply. But she didn’t want to hear him.
He had an answer for everything.
She was terrified that eventually his answers would overwhelm all her doubts.
So she turned on her heel and walked away from him—hurrying down the street, awkward because of her emotional state, almost twisting her ankle in her narrow heels.
She didn’t know if Jenson was following her and she didn’t turn to look.
She needed to get away from him.
And she was afraid it was too late.
***
Riana was out of breath and barely had a grip on her composure when she got back to the office. She went to the bathroom first thing to pull herself together.
Her skin was damp with perspiration, her cheeks were deeply red, and her eyes looked huge and kind of wild. After splashing water on her face and smoothing down the flyaways in her braids, she looked only slightly better.
She couldn’t skip out on work this afternoon. She had few enough personal days as it was, and she needed to use them to take Jannie to her doctor’s appointments.
She took a few deep breaths and hoped no one would notice she looked like she’d been crying. Maybe Nelly, ever curious, would attribute her appearance to a passionate lunchtime liaison rather than a treasonous conversation.
Jenson better leave her alone for the rest of the day.
Keeping her head down, she returned to her cubicle and avoided the curious looks from Nelly. She’d want to know what happened, but Riana wasn’t up to making up innocuous answers to Nelly’s nosy questions.
When she heard a throat clear just behind her, she recognized it as male. So she stiffened her shoulders and prepared to give Jenson a cool greeting.
Instead, she gasped when she saw Smyde standing behind her, looking down at the text she was pretending to read.
“Yes, sir?” she said, her voice sounding mostly natural. “Did you have a question for me?”
“Come to my office for a few minutes,” Smyde replied, his bland expression providing no clues as to his purpose. “I’d like to have a chat.”
Riana’s heart gave a startled lurch, and her hands and neck went cold. “Of course.” Very slowly, she stood up and followed him into his back office.
Smyde sat down in the large chair and gestured her into the smaller one across the desk.
She sat ramrod straight, clasping her hands in her lap so she wouldn’t twist them. To offset any possible accusation and because she wanted to set her own terms for this conversation, she preempted him by saying, “I’m sorry again about last week—about assuming that text was harmless. I’m double-checking everything now, even if I’m sure it isn’t an anomaly.”
“Good,” Smyde said, rather distractedly. “That’s good.” Leaning forward, he scanned her face with cool eyes. “The reason I want to speak to you privately is to ask if you’ve seen anything unusual in the office lately.”
“Unusual?” she asked, repeating the word to give herself time to think.
“Unusual. Strange. Suspicious. Maybe something you wouldn’t have thought to be harmful but struck you as outside the norm.”
She drew her brows together and met his eyes without flinching. “I don’t think so.”
“You’re not going to ask me why I ask?”
“I figure, if you want me to know, you’ll tell me.”
Smyde nodded thoughtfully. “A good attitude to have. We’ve started to suspect that the Underground has managed to infect one or more of our Readers.”
“You don’t really think so? In
our
office?” She kept her eyes wide open. Made sure she didn’t look away.
“It might just be rumors. But I’m taking the initiative to question a few of you I trust. You’ve always been good about staying out of trouble. After what happened to your parents, there’s no question of your ever joining the Underground. So I thought I’d see if you’d noticed anything.”
She had to glance down when he mentioned her parents. There was no other way she could hide the painful cringe of feeling, but she managed to recover quickly and look back up with a small smile. “Thank you for your trust in me. Everything has been perfectly normal lately. Nelly’s been prying into my social life, but I don’t think there’s much danger in that.”
“Probably not. So you can’t think of anything unusual or…or out of place in any way?”
“No. I don’t think so. But I’ll keep my eyes open. Shall I?”
“Yes. Do that. Thank you.”
He stood up, her cue that she was dismissed.
With a murmured farewell, she walked calmly out the door and back to her cubicle.
Jenson had returned by then, and she saw him watching her discreetly.
She wasn’t sure if it was anxiety or disappointment in his eyes. Or something else she couldn’t recognize.
She didn’t look at or talk to him for the rest of the day. Although she didn’t get very much accomplished, she was proud of herself for acting as naturally as she did.
As they were leaving for the evening, Jenson brushed against her on the stairs.
Riana waited until they’d made it outside before she spoke to him.
“He was asking if I’d seen anything unusual or suspicious. They suspect the Front has placed a spy among the Readers.” When she saw Jenson listening alertly, she continued in a harsh whisper. “I told him nothing. I’ll keep your secrets. But I’m not going to get involved.”
Jenson opened his mouth to reply.
“That’s my final decision. Now leave me alone.” With that, she walked away from him. Not hurrying this time but making a point to not look back.
He didn’t follow her. She was relieved, a little surprised and—completely irrationally—just the tiniest bit disappointed.
***
Riana went home after work to change clothes before her dinner with Mikel, and she chatted with Jannie as her sister ate an early dinner.
Jannie was more excited about the date then Riana was.
Riana wasn’t quite sure what she felt.
For the first time in years, she spent time thinking about her appearance. She kept her braids—since she felt weird and unnatural without them—but she wore a skirt and a flattering top instead of the plain pants and cardigans she typically wore.
Mikel was waiting at the coffee shop, dressed in all black again, and they walked to a nice restaurant a couple of blocks away.
Despite Riana’s nerves, dinner was as comfortable as all of their other encounters had been. Mikel even told her about his parents—his mother had died when he was very young and his father had been a workaholic Union administrator. She asked him about his job as a human resource consultant, and he answered without hesitation. He was good at it, he said, but he didn’t always like moving people around like pawns.
They talked until almost midnight, when Riana realized she needed to get back to Jannie.
Mikel walked her to her door, and Riana waited for her kiss.
She wasn’t disappointed.
He took her face in his hands as he had the day before, and she felt the surge of excitement even before their lips connected.
He was gentle at first, almost questioning, breaking off as he leaned his forehead against hers.
Riana gasped for a moment, dizzy with feeling, and then wound her arms around his neck and kissed him back.
Sensation roared in her head as the kiss deepened, and he slid one hand down to the small of her back. Mikel was all that existed, and she surrendered to the feeling. It was more than physical—it felt like they were connected spirit-deep. Ending the kiss would tear something inside her.
He was the one who broke the kiss at last, breathing raggedly as he pulled her into a hug. “We better stop,” he rasped, sounding just as affected as she was. “Unless you want to invite me upstairs.”
“No,” she admitted. She
wanted
to, but that wasn’t something she was going to do. He might be annoyed. After all, accepting an invitation for a date usually meant agreeing to recreational sex, but the idea of this experience turning into an empty, Union-approved activity made her vaguely ill. “I better not. I should get back home and check on my sister.”
He must be the most understanding, patient man in the world because he didn’t sound the slightest bit frustrated. “Okay.” He kissed her hair a few times and released her. “Can I see you tomorrow?”
“Of course.”
As she walked up the stairs, too hot and too breathless, she realized Mikel had made her forget the stress of the day. He’d made her forget the trouble Jenson was trying to bring upon her, forget all the guilt and terror she’d been struggling with all afternoon, forget the dry nature of her days before she’d met him.
When she reached the loft, she unlocked it and wondered if Jannie was asleep.
“Jannie,” she called out, softly so she wouldn’t wake her if she was already in bed. “I’m home.”
There was no answer as she put down her keys and bag.
Riana glanced in her sister’s bedroom and was surprised to find it empty. The bed was still made. She walked through the rest of the loft quickly. “Jannie?”
A prickle of fear awoke in her chest. There was no note on the entry table, which was where they always left them.
“Jannie!”
Where had her sister gone? She couldn’t travel on her own, and she never would have gone somewhere without letting Riana know first.
Going back into the living room, Riana looked around carefully. Jannie’s books were piled up next to the comfortable chair, and the lamp on the side table was lit.
But one of the pillows had fallen on the floor. Then Riana noticed a glass of water had overturned. It must have been sitting on the table next to the chair. Now there was a pool of water on the wood floor, and the cracked glass had rolled under the table.
There was no way Jannie would have left the loft like this willingly.
Something was wrong.
Riana experienced a wave of terror so intense it made her physically ill.
Jannie was gone.
Mikel wondered what was wrong with him.
He should have had the information he needed a few days ago. Riana was opening up to him, willingly sharing personal information on her background and family, but he still didn’t have anything useful to report to Largan.
He kept getting distracted. Caught up in their conversations and genuinely wanting to know her better, rather than focusing on his job.
He shouldn’t have kissed her. Only rarely would kissing provide him useful information. If someone wasn’t thinking about the information he needed, the Soul-Breather connection couldn’t access it.
But he’d wanted to kiss her anyway.
Now he was dizzy with her delicious spirit—the pleasure and intimacy she’d been feeling on top of what he’d been feeling himself.
He wanted even more.
When she disappeared into her building, he stayed on the sidewalk for a minute, trying to pull himself together.
She shouldn’t be getting to him this way. He couldn’t believe he’d actually told her about his parents earlier that evening over dinner.
He hadn’t talked about his parents in years.
He wasn’t a man who ever let himself be vulnerable. He did his job—and did it well—and never left loose ends or messy interpersonal connections.
He might be lonely and slightly bored, but not since he was a child had he allowed himself to be hurt.
Sometimes he regretted his predictability. He always did what served him best, no matter what pulled him in other directions. It had made him successful, and he hadn’t yet found something he was willing to sacrifice his comfortable, successful life for.
Tomorrow, he needed to get Riana to talk about her grandfather and then risk a light connection. Next time, he wouldn’t get wrapped up in the spicy glow of her spirit, or her intelligence, or her humor, or her beauty. Or how much he wanted even more of her.
He would get the job done and move on.
He was about to walk away, realizing he’d been standing like a dope on the sidewalk for a few minutes now, when the door in front of him flew open.
Riana burst out, her long brown braids streaming behind her and her cheeks dead white. “Oh, Mikel!” Her voice was almost a sob. “You’re still here.”
She reached out to grab one of his arms in her urgency.
Mikel almost lost it when part of one of her hands contacted the bare skin of his wrist.
Against his will, the connection opened again—a rush of feeling and thrill of sensation flooding him as he instinctively started to breathe her in—and it took all the focus and control he possessed to cut the connection off before it went too far.
She was terrified. He would have been able to tell even if he hadn’t swallowed a dose of her pure panic from the touch of her hand. Plus, there was something deeper tearing her apart, underlying the intense fear.
Even so, he saw her respond to the brief connection. Her pale cheeks flushed and her lips parted slightly, as the jolt of feeling surprised and momentarily distracted her. She jerked back, releasing his arm and staring up at him in stunned bewilderment.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, pulling himself together quickly and sorting through possibilities in his mind. He’d been sloppy. He hadn’t been prepared for her reappearance or her touch, so he’d lost control like a boy. He was better than this, and he wasn’t going to let one slip-up ruin his chances to succeed at this assignment.
Riana shook off her instinctive response to the connection, and her purpose and panic returned after just a moment. It was his good fortune that something else had happened that took precedence over her confusion about what she’d just felt. “My sister,” she choked. “My sister’s gone!”
“She’s not at home? Maybe she just left for a while—”
“She doesn’t leave on her own, and she wouldn’t go anywhere without letting me know. Something has happened!” Riana’s voice seemed to strangle in her throat. “What if someone has taken her?”
Mikel put a hand on her shoulder, making sure not to touch the bare skin at her neck. “Riana, calm down for a minute. Why would anyone have taken your sister? Let me go up with you to check things out, and then we can figure out what to do from there.”
She had refused to invite him up earlier, and she wouldn’t have now had she not been terrified about the disappearance of her sister. Mikel wasn’t about to ignore any advantage he might have, though, and he put a supportive hand on her back as they walked up the dark stairwell to her loft.
It was a pleasant, comfortable home—tastefully decorated with artistic sensibility if not a lot of resources—but Mikel sensed a whiff of conflict in the air as soon as he stepped in.
“There’s no note,” Riana said shakily, gesturing toward a recliner in one corner of the main room by the window. “And, look, the glass of water was knocked over. That’s where Jannie would have been sitting.”
Mikel walked over and looked down, studying the strewn pillow and puddle of water on the floor. It would have looked suspicious, even if he hadn’t had the heightened senses of a Soul-Breather.
The tremor of fear and violence was strongest around the recliner.
He had no doubt that Riana’s sister had been taken from this loft by force.
“It does seem odd,” he said slowly, making sure to keep his voice calm and reassuring. “But there’s no sense in panicking until we have more information. Is there anywhere Jannie would have gone if she was in trouble? Do you know of anyone who would have wanted to hurt her?”
Riana opened her mouth, as if to answer, but then she shut it with a snap. She glanced away from him.
She knew something—something she wasn’t going to tell him.
“If you want, I’ll go with you to the police,” Mikel offered, making sure not to sound offended or disappointed by her obvious reticence. “Maybe, since she’s handicapped, they’ll be willing to start an investigation immediately.”
He doubted it. Missing persons weren’t one of the Union police’s priorities.
“No.” She’d closed down—he could feel it as well as see it in her tight jaw and guarded expression. “No police.”
Mikel swallowed, a hard weight in his chest that he assumed was a remnant of the swell of fear and pain he’d breathed in from Riana. “Why don’t we go down to the businesses on your street and start asking people if they’ve seen anything suspicious today? There are several that are still open. Maybe someone saw something.”
It was a good idea, and for a moment he thought Riana was going to agree. Then she gave her head a hard shake. “I’m sorry, Mikel. I need to go talk to someone.”
It was clear from her tone that she meant alone. He wanted to object—annoyed at the rejection. He’d gotten so close only to be shut down abruptly. But he was far too diplomatic to argue. “Of course. I think I’ll ask around to see if anyone has seen anything anyway.” He reached into his pocket and handed her a card. “My number is here. Call me as soon as you can, and I’ll let you know what I find out. If you’d like me to call you instead…”
He trailed off and was relieved when Riana mumbled out her phone number.
At least he’d be able to contact her easily now.
She was shaking when she grabbed her bag and headed for the door, but she turned to face him before she left. “Thank you, Mikel. I appreciate your help. I just—” Her words broke off as she choked on an obvious sob.
“I understand. We’ve only known each other a week. But I do want to help. I…I like you.” He didn’t have to feign the stumble over the last sentence. Riana looked so pitiful and broken that he felt like a monster for a moment.
Which might have been why he couldn’t resist reaching a hand around her shoulders and spreading his fingers on the nape of her neck in a gentle massage. It was the lightest touch—only two fingers and his thumb, and much of the contact was blocked by her hair.
It was so easy for him to make her feel better, and there didn’t seem to be any reason not to.
He applied gentle pressure and let the connection open just enough. Instead of intensifying her feelings as he usually did, he instead relieved her of them. He breathed in the most urgent of her panic and despair—emotions so strong and pure they were almost blinding.
Riana responded visibly, letting out a hoarse sigh and closing her eyes as her body softened. She leaned her head back toward his hand, as if she wanted even more of his touch.
He didn’t let himself revel in the sensation or what he experienced of her as he breathed in her spirit. He had to focus enough to end it before it went too far and she realized what he was doing.
“Try not to panic,” he murmured. “We don’t know what’s happening yet.”
She let out a choked little sob—an obvious sign of letting down her guard and opening herself up him.
Because it was working, he let himself keep the connection open for another minute. He was now getting flashes of memory and feeling from her—too fleeting to fully process or identify.
“Mikel,” she whimpered, her eyes still closed and her hands coming up to cling to his jacket. “What if she’s…”
“Shh,” he soothed, still massaging the back of her neck. “You don’t know anything yet. Don’t scare yourself for no reason.”
There
was
reason. Mikel could feel it in the air. He wasn’t about to tell her that, though.
With a pang of reluctance, he dropped his hand, severing the connection.
With one last long sigh, Riana opened her eyes. She looked calmer now, although weak from the release of emotion. Her body swayed slightly, and she still held onto his jacket for support. “Thanks,” she whispered, glancing up at him with an irresistible shyness. “You…you made me feel better.”
“I’m glad. Go ahead and talk to whomever you need to. I’ll call you later to check on you.”
Her fingers were still gripping the lapels of his jacket, as if she were afraid to let them go. She stared at her hands like she couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t release the fabric.
Mikel didn’t dare touch her bare hands. He’d already touched her too much.
He was swimming in her—almost overwhelmed by how much more of her he’d tasted. He needed her to leave so he could process what he’d experienced and not do anything unforgivably stupid. “Riana, you can let go now.”
She gasped at his gentle voice. Made a choked sound in her throat. Unclenched her hands. “Sorry.” She took a step back, her dark lashes hiding her expression. “I don’t know—”
Acting quickly, lest she start to question why she had succumbed to him so quickly, Mikel said, “It’s fine. I’m glad I could be here to help. You needed someone to lean on for a minute. Are you going to be all right now?”
She nodded and met his eyes—her urgency building again and the color returning to her lips. “Yes. I need to go. Jannie— I need to go. Thanks again for…for being there.”
“I’ll call you in an hour or two.”
Riana locked the door behind them and started running down the stairs.
She was gone before Mikel could say anything else.
Which was just as well.
He took a couple of deep breaths and tried to clear his head. But it was no use. He’d taken in too much of her that evening.
Even as he left the building and sucked in the hot, dense air of the street, he was still breathing in the heady, spicy, untouched taste of Riana.
***
Riana realized, after she’d started down the street, that she had no idea where Jenson lived.
She was disoriented and shaky after leaving Mikel, and absolutely mortified as she remembered how she’d acted. She couldn’t understand why she’d been so weak and needy—clinging to him like some sort of silly girl. His strong, soothing presence had helped stem the worst of her panic, though, and she felt more composed now than she had when she’d run down the stairs to find him on the sidewalk.
She’d sort out her strange reactions and intense attraction to Mikel later on. Right now she had to worry about Jannie.
The only possibility she could imagine was that Jannie’s disappearance had something to do with her conversation with Jenson earlier that day. It was instinct, maybe, rather than pure reason—but the two must be related.
She had no idea why Jannie should have gotten caught in the crossfire, but Riana was sure that somehow she had.
Which meant she had to get to Jenson.
She stopped at an all-night drugstore and looked up his name in the Common Directory, relieved when she easily found his address. His apartment wasn’t too far away.
He’d better be home.
Riana ran, too fired up now to take it slower. Breathless and perspiring, she rang the buzzer of his building, about a mile toward the center of town.
He buzzed her in when she said her name. No doubt he’d be startled by her visit so late at night.
Riana didn’t care. She strode through the lobby and to the elevator, only one thing on her mind.