Words Heard in Silence (23 page)

Charlie turned to Polk. "What about ways that the men can create some relationship with the locals? Would you think they would accept help in getting their properties back in shape for the spring? Perhaps checking and fixing fencing, roofing, barns and such? I would think the men might actually enjoy doing things like this, as it is certainly better than sitting around being bored and they might find it comforting to be able to do something familiar."

"I also think it would be a good way to help erase some of the lines that have been drawn between the original troops of the 13th and the men from the 49th that we have used to build the regiment back up to full force."

"Your opinions are most welcome. Miss Rebecca, what do you think about the citizens’ willingness to accept such support?"

"As I said before," She moved her hand from Charlie’s to pour him another cup of coffee. An action that went totally unnoticed by Charlie, but most certainly did not by Polk and Walker. "There will be those who will gratefully accept the help. Then there will be others who will be obstinate and half-witted."

She continued fussing with his coffee, adding just a touch of milk then stirring it in before placing it back in front of him. It was all Elizabeth could do not to laugh out loud when she watched Charlie pick up the cup without even looking at it. He just knew it would be there.

Oh dear, Charlie. You have managed to fall in love.
She glanced at Rebecca, who was watching Charlie.
And she adores you.

"Well, Polk. I think you have your work cut out for you in terms of building civilian relationships. On a different subject, I am concerned about some of the issues that raised themselves the other day. In particular, how common is Montgomery’s attitude among the men?"

"I have asked the company commanders to feel this issue out, but because of the sensitivity, I wanted to have the reports given verbally. I expect to have the information at today’s staff meeting."

"And the issue of the integration of the men into a solid team?"

"That is also on today’s agenda."

"Then, my friend, we need to go hear what our officers have to tell us."

"I will bring them around to your office just at one o’clock, after the noon mess, Sir."

"Oh, I am not going to be using the overseer’s cottage as an office after all. I will be using the office here in the main house. Why do not you use the overseer’s cottage as your facility, and put the quartermaster in with you. That would probably be more convenient for you, my friend."

"Well, I am not going to argue about an office with a real roof and a good clean-burning hearth. Thank you, Sir. Where shall I have the staff assemble then?"

Charlie knew that Rebecca was listening in on their conversation. He looked at her and received a smile of confirmation. "Ah, I will have Beulah show you on your way out. Oh, and have the dispatches brought to me there."

Charlie turned to Dr. Walker. "Perhaps, Elizabeth, you will join me for lunch and give me your views on the state of our infirmary and our injured?" She nodded her acknowledgment, and smiled at Rebecca. Polk was waiting at the door to escort her to the infirmary. "Until later then, my friends."

T
he day had been more tiring than Charlie expected. Perhaps it was his own illness, perhaps it was the dreams that had plagued his fever-ridden sleep the previous nights, perhaps it was the enormity of trying to heal the rifts between the Union and Confederacy, even on the small level of the community of Culpeper County.

He sat on the cedar chest at the foot of the bed and pulled off his half boots. The coat and weskit were neatly folded on the coat rack already. He slid out of his trousers and folded them over the bar on the coat rack. Standing by the hearth, staring into the fire, wearing only his shirt and socks, he stretched, twisting back and forth trying to relieve the knots in his back and shoulders.

Rebecca came to the door, holding a bottle of liniment that Elizabeth had given her to help Charlie's cold. She paused, seeing him there, mostly undressed she nearly dropped the bottle, but managed to hold on to it. "Colonel?"

Charlie started, turning around quickly. "Oh, Miss Rebecca. I am sorry. I did not realize you were there." He flushed slightly, then realized she had seen pretty much all of his body at one time or another.

"It is all right." Rebecca swallowed hard. "Um, Doctor Walker was kind enough to give me this menthol rub for your cold. She said I should give your back a thorough rubbing with it"

Charlie flushed a darker shade of red. "Um, its not necessary. I am feeling much better. And I am sure you would rather not sleep with a bedmate that smells like a medicine ball."

She stepped into the room and closed the door. "I really think we should follow her orders if you are going to recover fully." She bit the inside of her lip to keep from smiling.

"Um, I guess that means you need my back bare?"

"It would make the job a bit easier, yes."

Charlie looked very much like a startled deer, in the moment before it bolted. "And you would like me to be somewhere that you could get at my back?"
With your hands
. "With the liniment."

"Yes." She could only smile now. "Why do not you take off your shirt and lay down on the bed?"

Flushing a deeper red yet, Charlie turned away from her, facing the bed, and slowly took of her shirt. The strong shoulders, tapering down to a slim waist and trim hips emerged hesitantly. From behind, Rebecca could see the simple cotton underpants she wore - and the band around her ribs that constrained her breasts.

Rebecca took a deep breath to try and calm her racing heart.
Oh, Lord.
She could only stand there and find Charlie nothing but astounding. "Let me help you." She stepped forward, licking extremely dry lips before placing the bottle on the nightstand and reaching for the bindings that would free the Colonel and bring the woman completely into being.

Charlie closed his eyes. Her hands on his skin were warm and gentle. Alone, this moment was one of freedom, when the bands around his chest were freed and he could breath deeply, releasing Charlotte, if only in private. Before this woman, it was a moment of extraordinary fear and anticipation. With the transformation from Charlie to Charlotte, would she be repelled? Charlotte’s voice was loud in his head, reminding him of just what an abomination he was.
You have lived as a man for so long, Charlie Redmond, you have forgotten what it is to be a woman. Except for moments like this, when you emerge from your costume and your role and face the truth of who and what you are.
His breathing was shallow, and every muscle in his torso tense. It was as if she held him in her hands.

Rebecca’s hands were actually shaking. She took slow, deep breaths to control everything she was feeling as she unwrapped Charlie’s bindings. The urge to touch this beautiful creature before her was overwhelming. Once the bindings were dropped to the floor, Rebecca whispered "Lie down." She recognized the timbre in her own voice, but hoped it would escape Charlie.

Rebecca’s whisper shot fire through Charlie’s body. The combination of Rebecca’s touch and her voice were almost enough to make her lose control. She wanted to turn around, to take her in her arms, to feel her skin against hers. She lay down on the edge of the bed, face down, with her head cradled in her crossed arms. A deep breath, let out slowly, helped her to gather herself and her rampaging hormones. "Is this how you want me?"

Oh,
D
ear God, give me strength.
She wanted to tell Charlie no and then figure out exactly how she did want her. Instead she picked up the bottle and poured a little of the oil in her hands. "That is fine." It came out almost as a squeak.

Charlie nodded. "Uh, would you mind covering my legs? Its a little chilly in here." Chilly was not how she was feeling. But maybe a little modesty would help. Maybe. Some.

"Thank you. It was a little nippy in here." Charlie buried her head deeper in her folded arms.
Maybe I can slip up to Washington for a few days. Maybe that would help. If I just got some of this wanting out of my system a bit, it might be easier. Who the hell are you kidding Charlie?.
The voice in her head was back, making it a bit easier to manage the feelings in her belly
. She could not want you. You are no man, just the image. No woman like her could ever love an abomination like you. Why look at you - the only time you have ever been touched is from whores. She is just kind. That is all it is, just a kindness from a lady who is far too good for the likes of you.

"Tell me if I hurt you." She said before laying hands on the flesh before her. Her breathing hitched when she first touched Charlie. Despite the scars, the skin was smooth and warm and Rebecca felt a unique sensation settle deep in her belly as she began a gentle massage.

Charlie could not help it. She could not stop it. A long groan was forced from deep within her. The feel of her hands gently kneading her body, her shoulders and the heavy muscles in her back was infinitely sensual. Her breathing became deeper. Goosebumps pulled her skin tight. Her nipples hardened so that the gentle pressure of the sheet was almost painful. "You can use a little more pressure." Her voice was tight. It was all she could say right then. Anything else and she would know.

Rebecca did as Charlie asked, deepening the pressure. She licked her lips again. She desperately wanted to just lean over and place a kiss on the soft skin in front of her. "Better?"

Another groan emerged as her hands moved to loosen the tight knots in her shoulders. "Oh, yes, wonderful. You have wonderful hands. I do not think I have ever felt quite this good."

She felt as if she would faint at any moment. Another groan out of Charlie and she would be lost to her forever. "I am glad I make you feel good." She could not help it when the statement came out as nearly a low moan of her own.

The answer came without thought, straight from her heart to her lips. "You make me feel better than I ever have."
Oh, God.
D
id I say that? Was that me? She will run, she should run. Oh, Hell.

The blonde smiled and further increased the pressure on Charlie's back. Shifting her weight so she would be more comfortable and have much better access, "Charlie, can I tell you something?" She knew this would do it. It would make or break them, but she could not stand it one moment longer.

"You know you can." Charlie was savoring every moment, every touch, every caress, committing them to her memory to be taken out, examined carefully, and cherished when she finally turned her out.

She took a deep breath, hoping that this was the right thing to do. "I think you are most undeniably the most attractive person I have ever seen."

Her words broke her haze of pleasure. She snorted. "How can you say that? I am neither man nor woman, but instead some weird half way creature." A shiver passed through her body.
How could she say such a thing? Could not she see what you are?
The little voice goaded her, hammered her.

"No." She stopped rubbing her back and lay down next to her, but kept rubbing small soothing circles on her back. "Look at me, Charlie."

Charlie looked into her eyes. What she saw took her breath away. She looked at her like a child, filled with pain, waiting to be hit yet again. She had stopped breathing. She could feel the goose bumps all over her skin. She could feel the muscles she had worked so hard to relax tighten into bands of steel.

"You trust me, do you not, Charlie?"

She nodded her head, her eyes locked on Rebecca’s.

"You know I would never lie to you?"

Again, she nodded, holding her breathe, waiting.

"Then you must believe me when I say this to you Charlie. I see in you the best of both. You are strong like a man, a charming gentleman and yet you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You remind me of a classical sculpture of a ancient Goddess."

Something in her words touched an empty little place within her. Her face relaxed a bit. In a very soft voice, Charlie finally found words. "Thank you, dear Rebecca. No one ever told me that I was beautiful. I was always too tall, too ungainly, too gawky. As a man, I was too whippy, too thin. It feels very strange, but very nice." The blush was back in full force.

"Anyone who has said these things to you should be ashamed. You are the most striking person I have ever seen. And since I have said this much, I feel I must continue. Is that all right?"

If anything, the blush rose higher. Charlie nodded. If she did anything else, she might try to crawl into Rebecca’s arms, and that would not do.

"I am telling you this because I want you to understand. I am a bit confused by all of this Charlie. And I am working very hard to figure it all out." She made a long languid stroke up and down her back that was sensual and meant to be. "I hope that I can find a way to express to you how much you mean to me. How much I have come to care for you. But this is new and very different to me on a variety of levels and I just ask for your patience."

With the stroke up and down her spine, Charlie froze. Her eyes closed, and her brow furrowed slightly as she concentrated on Rebecca’s words.
Care for me? She cares for me?
When her eyes opened again, she found herself looking into lakes of pure silver. "I am here, Rebecca. However you want me. Whatever you want from me. You have only to reach out and I will be here."

Rebecca’s hand moved from her back to her face caressing her cheek. She watched her for a long moment the leaned in and gave Charlie a very soft, chaste kiss. Right on the lips. She lingered for a brief moment, allowing the sensations to settle so she could work through them later.

Sweet Jesus.
The heat roared through Charlie, ignited by that gentle touch. Every muscle in her body tightened. A light sheen of sweat broke out on her forehead. Rebecca could feel the trembling in her body through the bed. If she had held that kiss for a second more, Charlie would not have been able to prevent herself from gathering Rebecca in her arms and keeping her there. She looked into Rebecca’s eyes, her soul there for her to take.