Working It (34 page)
I shook my head. “I’m fine.” It was late evening, and though I hadn’t eaten dinner, food was the last thing on my mind. I was still spinning over what had just happened in his bedroom. I’d basically freaked out when I remembered he’d been inside Fiona. Maybe I shouldn’t blame him so much—he’d been passed out drunk according to him, but he’d still comforted her, let her spend the night. I shook my head to clear the thought.
“Where were you flying in from today?” I asked, suddenly remembering he was at the airport.
“I had a shoot in Miami.”
Oh. He didn’t say if Fiona was there with him, and I wasn’t about to ask. We were talking, making progress. I didn’t want to shut that down just yet.
“I’m sorry if I pushed you too fast . . .” His eyes wandered to his bedroom door and a shiver raced down my spine.
“It wasn’t your fault. I wasn’t thinking clearly, either. It’s just . . . been so long . . .”
He laced his fingers with mine and gave my palm a squeeze. “Talk to me, baby.”
My shoulders relaxed a little, the stiff posture I’d been holding easing. “It’s just going to take me some time.” I didn’t add that I wasn’t sure we could ever get back what we had, though the thought filtered through my mind.
“I’ve got time. We’ll take as long as you want.” He lifted my hand to his mouth and pressed a tender kiss to my palm. “I’ll wait as long as you need.”
I realized that Ben and I had rushed right into the physical. Again. I had so much to figure out—where we stood, where I was going to work. . . . I needed to sort things out before I could rush back into this.
“I need to go slow.” My voice was firm, and I silently patted myself on the back.
“Slow?” he asked.
“Like, we’ll date . . . and wait to have sex. . . .”
“Waiting . . .” His eyebrows lifted. “Hmm . . . that’s
different.
. . .”
He’d never waited for sex in his life, that I was sure of. He could have any girl he wanted dropping her panties in a matter of minutes.
“What, you don’t like the idea?” I asked.
“If it’s what you want, I will do it. Gladly.”
I nodded. Good. “It’s what I need.”
“Will you sleep over?”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “I don’t know, Ben . . .” It probably wasn’t the best idea.
“Just sleep. I won’t touch you unless you ask me. Please.”
He looked tired—exhausted, really—and it felt selfish to say no when I knew sleeping beside me worked wonders for his insomnia. Besides, it wasn’t as though I actually wanted to leave. Curling up in his bed, breathing in his scent, feeling warm and secure in his arms sounded fabulous.
“Okay,” I acquiesced.
“Okay?” A lazy smile overtook his face.
I returned his smile and placed my hand in his. Ben pulled me from the couch and guided me back to his bedroom, the room where things had grown too heated just a few moments before.
Ben carried my suitcase into his room, and I sent a text to Ellie telling her I’d see her in the morning. I fished out my toiletry bag then joined him in the bathroom where we brushed our teeth side by side at the dual vanity. Ben cast glances at me in the mirror. I liked being in his space. It felt domestic and very normal after everything we’d been through.
Back in his room, I knelt on the floor in front of my suitcase to locate some pajamas. My mom had insisted on washing everything before I packed so I didn’t arrive back in New York with my luggage full of dirty laundry. I pulled out a pair of navy silk sleep shorts and a pink tank and saw Ben frowning as he emerged from the master bath.
Surely he wouldn’t forbid pajamas. He’d said this was just sleeping.
He crossed the room to the tall chest of drawers and pulled out a T-shirt. “I want you in my clothes or nothing at all.” His voice left no room for argument. He handed me the shirt. It was ultrasoft cotton and smelled like his laundry soap. I resisted the urge to bring it to my face and inhale. “Thanks.”
Ben cut the lights while I quickly undressed in the darkness.
When I stood, he was still standing beside the bed waiting for me. His eyes lowered to the hem of the T-shirt that hit me midthigh. “Beautiful,” he whispered.
He peeled back the sheets and covered us with the fluffy white down comforter that was folded over the end of the bed, wrapping us both in warmth.
In the moonlight, I saw Ben smile. “Everything okay?”
“Fine.” My voice was a tiny whisper.
“Thanks for staying.”
“Have you been taking your pills again?”
He nodded. “They haven’t worked for shit, but yeah.”
My heart tugged for him. For us both.
“Come here,” he whispered, opening his arm so I could move close to him. “I want you close. I need to hold you.”
I rolled onto my side and edged closer. Resting my head against his chest, I felt it rise and fall steadily with each deep breath he drew. His hand trailed along my side until it rested on the dip in my waist. Something about him touching me grounded me, made me feel whole. Ben’s hand glided down to my hip then slowly smoothed back up to my ribs.
“God, baby. You have no fucking idea how much I missed you.”
There was still a lot for us to talk about, but I missed him, too. “I’m here, Ben. Just sleep,” I whispered.
“I feel bad that I got off and you didn’t. Let me take care of you, honey.” His hand trailed along my side again, moving down to caress the skin at my hip under the T-shirt. His rough hand on my bare skin sent a warm tingle through my belly, and my breath caught in my chest. “Then starting tomorrow, we’ll begin the waiting . . .” he added.
“It doesn’t work that way.” I needed to remain strong. If only to prove to myself that I could, and that there was more to our relationship. My libido had taken a backseat when I realized we needed to use a condom. I didn’t know where Fiona had been, and I wasn’t taking any chances. Besides, that realization had killed the mood completely. Now with Ben touching me, promising to make me come as I knew he could . . . my judgment was slightly more clouded.
His thumb traced a light pattern along my hip, caressing me in slow circles. “You sure you don’t want this?” he asked, his voice deep and husky.
“I’m not ready yet,” I admitted.
He removed his hand from under the T-shirt, hugged me close, and kissed my forehead. “Okay. Sleeping only. And cuddling. I just didn’t want to be a dick and leave you hanging.”
I chuckled silently. “It’s fine. I just don’t want to rush things this time.”
“I told you, we’ll take all the time you need. I’m not worried. The most important thing is that you’re still here with me.”
I tangled my legs in between his and snuggled into his broad chest.
He curled himself around my body, nestling in snuggly. The warm weight of his calf draped over my thigh pinned me to the mattress. His chest rose and fell in long steady breaths, signaling that sleep was already pulling him under.
“Don’t leave me, Tennessee,” his sleepy voice rasped.
I squeezed him tighter. I didn’t know how a relationship could survive the threat of Fiona’s psychotic presence looming in the background, but I’d try. I had little choice. I needed this man. And it seemed he needed me.
I exhaled heavily and burrowed my face against his neck, breathing him in. His delicious, masculine scent filled my lungs and relaxed me.
“Emmy . . . mine . . .” he murmured in his sleep.
For now, I thought. My wrecked heart wasn’t ready to sign up for this, but my body wouldn’t heed the sensible advice. I was his. He was mine. This beautiful, damaged, intense man was mine. For better or worse. I needed to see what happened next.
Acknowledgments
I would not survive this process without my readers. I wish I could give you all a unicorn and a big ol’ tacklehug. Thank you for continuing to support me and my writing. I am in awe. I owe you guys everything and I LOVE YOU! So much. Thank you for making all this possible. The best is yet to come!
I have to give a BIG thank-you to the amazing models who supported this book. Thanks to the awesome Don Hood, the superfriendly Levi Allen, and the dedicated Scott Mosley for sharing their insights into the modeling world. They each took the time to answer my questions and provided an honest look at their adventures so far. In addition, thank you to Sophie Campbell, who chatted with me on her experience of dating a model. So helpful, little miss! You are all rock stars in my book.
My beta readers are my own little superheroes, helping me to turn my manuscript into a novel. Dropping to my knees to thank the beautiful Sali Powers, and the incredibly talented Kylie Scott. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that you’re both Aussies. Clearly they’re putting something in the water down there. Thank you also to Miss Ellie for your constant encouragement and love. Heather Maven, you’re an incredibly helpful critique partner and a wonder at creating striking book trailers! Yay! Carmen Erickson, thank you for the editorial guidance.
To my dear husband, who inspires so much of what I write. True love is removing spiders for me, bringing me chicken noodle soup when I’m sick, and letting me wake you in the middle of the night because I had a bad dream, knowing you won’t get back to sleep. Love you to pieces, cutie. Best. Husband. Ever. I’m so blessed to be on this journey with you!
Mwah!
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