Worth Dying For (29 page)

“About ten days ago.”

“It was you!” This time Amber did manage to get to her feet. “You were the one watching me.”

Bane dropped her gaze. “I just wanted to see you again.”

“You fucking idiot.” She punched him in the chest as hard as she could. “I thought I was about to die. I could sense someone watching me but I told myself it couldn’t be you. You would have come to me.” Amber ran out of steam as her hand began to throb in pain. She grimaced and looked down at it, alarmed to see one of her knuckles beginning to swell. “Now you made me hurt my hand.”

Bane tried to reach for her but she pushed him away. “Until your mom caught me that day, I thought I’d stayed well hidden. I had no idea you knew I was there.”

“Couldn’t you see how terrified I was?”

“Of course, but I didn’t know I had caused it. Humans are afraid of a lot of things, Amber. For all I knew, you could have been having a bad dream or remembering what you had been through. I never got close enough to be able to smell your fear or to think I could be the reason for it.”

Amber allowed him to take her hand and lead her back to the bed, this time sitting down with her. “You weren’t always scared. Much of the time you didn’t seem to know I was there.” His teasing smile didn’t calm her down much, but the kiss he placed on her sore knuckle helped a little.

She couldn’t let him distract her that easily. “Why didn’t you come to me, let me know you were okay? You must have known I would want to see you.”

“I’d been about to knock on your door when your mother scared me away.”

Amber laughed. “Yeah, because my five foot two mom scares every vampire she meets.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. Will you please just listen?”

 
“Sorry.” His rare display of temper caught her by surprise but not enough to keep her silent. “Okay, you were telling me why you didn’t bother to let me know I wasn’t about to die.”

Bane didn’t react to the sarcasm. “I couldn’t decide how best to tell you. When I left you with Solomon, I truly believed it was the last time I would ever see you. The fact that Katerina is no longer a threat doesn’t suddenly mean it’s a good idea for me to be around you.”

“You’d never hurt me, Malachi.” Amber could see she’d misunderstood when his brow creased in frustration and he looked away. “I don’t get what you mean. Don’t you want to be around me?”

“More than anything. But what I want doesn’t matter, when what you wanted was to stay human. I understand your reasons and I respect them too much to try to talk you out of it, or put your life at risk due to my own selfish desires.

“I had no idea if you even felt the same way about me as I did about you. What was the point of coming back only to leave you again? I didn’t know how best to act.”

Amber wanted to scream.
What the fuck was he talking about?
“Why would you have to leave again? There is nothing to keep us apart now.”

“Ulrich never understood how I could choose you over his daughter. He might not take too kindly to finding out we are together. If you were my mate, in every way, his own rules would stop him acting, but he wouldn’t hesitate to destroy a human.” Bane’s face set into a hard mask. “If you were very unlucky, you would be praying for death by the time it came. And I could do nothing to stop him. The only reason you and I are still alive is because Ulrich hasn’t yet decided we are to blame for what happened to Katerina. That day may yet come.”

 
“Didn’t you read the letter? I want to be with you. I am ready to join you now. This just gives me another reason.”

Bane pulled her onto his lap, holding her face gently between his hands as he stared into her eyes. “I didn’t know that you had changed your mind, and I am still not sure I should believe you. What if fear and loneliness are the reasons behind your decision?”

“You know my reason for saying no to you before, but I have a confession. When you left me with Solomon, I couldn’t admit it for fear of damning myself but I was screaming inside for you to just do it—to change me there and then. But you didn’t know I wanted it desperately and I couldn’t tell you, because then I felt I would have still caused my own death.”

“Amber.” Bane rested his head against hers. “If you only knew how tempted I was. But I didn’t want to try to keep you with me only to lose you through my actions. I have never forgiven Katerina for what she did to me. I didn’t want you to hate me as much as I hated her. But why are you ready now? Suddenly, you don’t you care for your soul anymore?”

It hurt Amber to hear the cynicism in his voice. She’d put them both through a lot of heartache only to change her mind. Or at least that was how it would seem to him. “My soul matters very much, as does yours.”

“My soul is lost.”

“No it isn’t. Don’t ever say that.”

Amber explained what she had learnt, both from her mother and from the young priest in Kittery. “You can only be truly lost to God if you turn away from him.”

Bane smiled, indulging her. “I am sure there are many vampires in heaven.”

 
“There might be. There are good and bad in all walks of life. Anyone who has fought against their nature and tried not to kill people, even though they need blood to survive, is surely worth a chance at forgiveness.”

“You make it sound so simple. I wish I had your faith.”

“You will. I’ll have eternity to show you how.”

He kissed her then, chasing all thoughts from her mind as he pulled her down with him onto the bed. Her underwear disappeared in a flurry of hands and she found herself naked beneath him. Bane held his weight above her and tore his own clothing away, parting it at the seams.

Amber braced her hands against his chest, stopping his mouth finding hers until her brain had been given a chance to clear. “I need you to believe me. I truly do—”

“Hush now, we’ll talk more later. I can’t wait for you any longer.”

His lips touched hers and she gasped when the images began to flitter through her mind. How quickly she’d forgotten what Bane could do to her. Unsure if the hand she could feel at her breast was real or imagined, she groaned anyway when her nipple hardened against the sensation. The next moment, she felt Bane settle between her thighs and then the cool touch of his fingers against her clitoris.

Amber had no idea how long he’d been touching her there when he began to push his erection inside her, but she came immediately. His body stilled as she rode out the orgasm his fingers had started. When her muscles began to pulse around his hard cock, Bane’s cries joined hers.

As she gasped for air, he thrust again, burying himself inside her body. She opened her eyes, desperate for evidence that he felt the same way she did. Bane gazed back, no longer trying to hide what he was from her. His shoulders shook with the effort of holding his weight above her and she longed for the day when he could make love to her without restraint. Her gaze dropped to his sharp teeth and the thought of them penetrating her skin sent a new wave of heat through her.

Amber came again as the erotically charged image of him claiming her forever slammed into her brain. She cried out at the sensations racing through her, telling him over and over that she loved him and would never leave him again. The low growl that had been building in Bane’s chest erupted savagely as his orgasm followed hers. His body dropped, hovering inches from hers as his mouth went to her shoulder.

She tensed, a little afraid despite the fact that he was about to do what she desperately wanted him to. But he did not bite her and, as his body stilled, she turned to find he had damaged his own skin again.

Her breathing slowed and her brief moment of fear morphed into one of elation. She could wait until he was ready. As long as they were together, nothing else mattered. Amber realised that they hadn’t actually agreed on anything yet but she couldn’t resist the opportunity to tease him.

“It’s a wonder you didn’t starve to death. You must be the world’s only self-mutilating vampire.” He raised his head to look at her and she giggled at his affronted expression. She laughed even harder at his grunt of disapproval—leaving him no choice but to catch her humour and laugh too.

Chapter Seventeen

When Bane went to hunt the following night, he used the time alone to think over what Amber had said. Any chance of having a rational conversation seemed impossible once they had given in to their desire for each other.

Amber was sincere in her desire to join him in an eternity of endless night. As crazy as that sounded, Bane desperately wanted to believe her. Despite her teasing, he knew the thought of the pain terrified her. Every time he went near her throat in the hours since she had arrived, he could feel her tension and hear her heart start to race.

He hunted quickly, eager to get back to her, if only to watch her sleep. The chance to be with her, as an equal rather than as her captor or saviour, made him happy. To have a sense of entitlement to her and know that she wanted to be with him rather than anywhere else in the world gave him a measure of pride he hadn’t felt since he’d taken Mary for his wife.

Mary
. He sat quietly as her memory came to him for what might be the last time. He would never stop loving her but he knew in his heart she would want him to be happy again. He cast a silent prayer upwards—the first one in many, many years—and hoped he could find his faith again. Believing that Mary, and the child he had never known, had gone to a better place would give him some peace of mind. He hoped Amber was right about God, more for her sake than his own, but he would do his best to find his way back to Him. The fact an angel like Amber had even been sent to him despite all the heinous things he had done over the centuries gave him pause. It had to be put down to more than just blind luck.

Thoughts of her called him back to her side. He shed his clothing and lay on the bed beside her, content to watch her dream. The hours crawled by and he had begun to count the freckles on her body to pass the time when she awoke. Amber opened her eyes and gave him a smile of such unbridled love that, had he been able, he would have wept.

“Good morning, my beauty.” Bane kissed her eyelids, the tip of her nose, the corner of her jaw and then finally her lips. She did not respond as he had hoped and he pulled away to ask her why.

“I need a moment to…you know.”

He’d forgotten she was human. Bane smiled and picked her up, despite her complaints that she was naked. She wriggled in his arms, in a quite delightful fashion, and he decided it might be best to let her go to the stream alone. Amber scrambled from the bed to put her T-shirt and panties on, giggling as she turned and saw his state of arousal.

Bane laughed and fell back onto the mattress, enjoying the way her eyes drank in his every movement. He flexed his arms above his head and watched her gaze roam over his skin as a slight blush spread across her face. “You’ve got two minutes, and then I’m coming for you,” he warned, snapping her out of her reverie.

She stumbled away, still sleepy, and he realised he couldn’t make too many demands on her yet. Bane donned his jeans and a shirt and went to the living area to retrieve the supplies he had got for her while he was on the mainland. The food and toiletries he had chosen were enough to last only a few days but that was long enough to give her time to think over her decision.

Bane went to find her in the stream, taking a towel and some supplies with him. Amber yawned widely and thanked him for his thoughtfulness. “This was sweet of you, but I don’t think I’ll need it after today, will I?”

He simply smiled, aware that they had much still to talk about. Amber’s calm acceptance made him happy but he owed it to both of them to ensure she knew what she was really asking for. When she had freshened up and eaten some of the fruit he had brought for her, he gestured for her to sit beside him on the sofa and started with the worst question he could think of.

 
“So you are happy never to see your mother again?”

Amber coughed, surprised by his bluntness. “Why wouldn’t I see her again? You interact with humans all the time.”

“Humans who have no recollection of what I looked like before I became a vampire.”

“My mother will understand.”

“You would put her at risk? What makes you think Ulrich would tolerate that?”

“He wouldn’t if he found out. But why would he?”

 
“She might tell someone.”

Amber shook her head. “She has no one to tell. I’m all she has.”

Bane didn’t share her confidence. “If you were wrong, it would mean her life. Are you willing to take that risk?”

“I would never risk her life by telling her unless I was sure.” Amber smiled and draped her leg over his thigh. “Do you trust me?”

“Implicitly.”

“What, even though I am only a weak, pathetic human?” Amber didn’t wait for his reply. “That’s how much I trust my mother.”

“Maybe she would not thank you for burdening her with such a secret?” Bane could see he had lost but he had to be sure she understood. “Maybe she would prefer not to know?”

 
“That would mean never seeing me again. I know my mother, Bane. Why don’t you let me worry about her?”