Worth It (2 page)

Not one of us speaks for an agonizing moment, but his eyes drink me in, and mine do the same with him. Finally, he reaches out, hooks his arms around my shoulders, and envelops me in a tight embrace. His display of affection startles me, but my heart soars, and tears of happiness prick my eyes. This is my dream come true, and no words can express the giddy happiness and relief I feel. My arms encircle his waist and I melt into him, breathing deeply with pure contentment.

My stomach bottoms out when the stench of alcohol assaults my nose.

He’s drunk. The stink makes my face crinkle in disgust, and I swallow the impulse to gag. I need to be strong. I need to be good. I need to be perfect. Fighting against the urge to pull away, I remain locked in his arms, clutching to the positive—he’s here with me.

“Hi, Lynn,” he says to my mom.

I hear nothing but the laughter of children and the chirping of birds close-by for several tense moments. Holding my breath as the seconds tick by, I wait to hear my mom’s response. I know she must be struggling to cope with this encounter, but when I hear her burst into tears, it breaks my heart. Prying myself away from Rick’s chest, I watch my mom sprint back to the car. I stare after her with wide eyes, fighting the urge to cry. I have no idea what to do.

Do I stay and talk to my biological father, knowing I might never get this opportunity again? Or should I console my mom, knowing I can’t leave her alone right now because she’s upset?

“Go talk to your mom, Savannah. Everything will be fine,” he says, the alcohol making his speech slower.

I peek up at him to see his eyes soften. He reaches up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear and then settles his wobbly hand on my shoulder.

He gives me a soft smile and says, “I’ll call you next week when you’re back home, okay? I promise.”

My heart melts, and I tentatively smile up at him. “You sure?”

He nods and lets his arms fall to his sides, swaying a little, and I drop my arms too. “I’m sure, Savannah. I’m so happy that we were finally able to meet, and I know it’s going to work out between us. I promise I’ll call and write you. We can get to know each other, okay?”

A big smile spreads across my face, and happiness explodes inside me. I’m so thankful for him right now that I don’t think I can put my feelings into words. He’s clearly drunk, but he also understands the predicament I’m in, and he promises to call me.

I throw my arms around his thin frame and whisper, “Okay.”

Squeezing him tight once more, I turn and sprint after my mom. Despite the circumstances, I couldn’t be more hopeful.

Everything is going to be okay. Rick will be there for me, and I’ll have someone to lean on, so I can help my mom, and everything is going to be great. It’ll be wonderful.

It’ll all be worth it.

It’s been three months since Rick decided to meet me, and I was so hopeful that he’d be the one to save me from my loneliness.

But he didn’t.

One step in front of the other—it’s the only way to move forward when everything is falling down and crumbling to pieces.

Rick never called.

He never wrote.

I’m starting to come to terms that he’s not going to.

I’m not worth it.

My biological father rejected his only child.

I fight back tears threatening to spill. I swallow them down and will my eyes not to water. Starting school and returning to my norm feels like Rick’s rejection is final, and that thought twists my gut.

I’m ripped back to reality when my earbud is snatched away.

“Whatcha listening to?” asks a deep, husky voice.

My head snaps in the direction of the voice, and my eyes lock on to pale green ones. My eyes widen as I take in the cutest boy I’ve ever seen. He’s tall, muscular, and obviously older than me. His sandy blond hair falls over his forehead. I want to reach out and run my fingers through his unruly locks. I’ve had a crush on my friend Jared for a long time, but this feels different. The tingling in my body and the hammering of my heart is like nothing I’ve ever felt. His handsome, perfectly sculpted, boy-next-door looks could be used in a Gap commercial. His smile is broad, perfect, and completely disarming, and I smile timidly in response.

He thrusts his hand out. “I’m Todd.”

A blush heats my neck as I smile back, take his hand and tell him my name. But when my gaze settles back on those beautiful pale green eyes, my smile slips faintly from what I see. His eyes seem…off. I don’t know what exactly is off about them. I’ve never seen this look before, but the feeling that seeps into the pit of my stomach is…ominous.

A month later, I’m walking home from the bus stop after school with Todd. I’m basking in the calmness that settles in my heart and throughout my body. I’ve felt this way since he asked me out two weeks ago, and the feeling only seems to grow stronger, especially when he does little things to make me feel special. Even though he’s three years older, he took a chance on me. He tells me I’m pretty, and gave me my first kiss. He does other little things that make me stand up straighter and give me a bounce to my step. This is the first time in my life when I’ve felt special and wanted, and I cling to it.

I cling to him.

He reaches down and interlaces our fingers, and a thrill shoots through me. Every time he touches me, I can’t help but grin. The happiness that fills my heart and lifts my spirit is almost addictive.

I smile up at him. “How come you don’t hold my hand at school?”

His bark of laughter startles me, and my lips tip down in a frown.

“What?” I ask.

“Why would I hold your hand at school?”

His tone of voice makes me feel childish, and my nose crinkles in confusion.

“Because we’re dating?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want other people to know.”

My mouth drops open. “Why not?”

Before I realize what’s happening, I tumble forward and land on my hands and knees, scuffing them both. I look up with wide eyes and parted lips to find him staring down at me. His jaw is hard, and so are his eyes.

Despite his stare that makes my stomach churn and the disapproval seeping from him, I ask, “Did you just trip me?”

He bends over to get in my face, and the underlying anger in his tight expression sends a shiver of fear down my spine. “Don’t ask stupid questions, Savannah, and I won’t have to do things like that,” he says, his tone is as hard as his expression.

I don’t want him to be angry with me. I don’t want to lose him or the relief from the pain and happiness he gives me, so I quickly whisper, “Sorry.”

A few weeks later, I approach the lunch table.

Shannon shouts, “Happy birthday!”

I think she enjoys embarrassing me. The smile on my best friend’s face is the only thing that stops me from smacking her.

“Why don’t you say it a little louder Shan? I don’t think people across the street heard you,” I mutter as I plop in between her and Jared.

She rolls her eyes. “Smile, it’s your birthday. You’re not allowed to be grumpy.”

Jared snakes an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a half hug. He plops his usual friendly kiss on my head. “Happy birthday, beautiful. How does it feel to be fifteen, like the rest of us?”

“Feels like any other day. It kinda sucks to be born in the fall though.” I smile up at him as our hug separates.

Until I met Todd, I’d wanted Jared. He’s sweet and gorgeous with dark brown hair and matching eyes. My eyes shift and catch his newest girlfriend scowling at us. A month ago, her presence would have been a smack in the face, a reminder that my feelings weren’t shared. But now, I have someone who
does
share my feelings.

Thinking about him, my eyes drift around the cafeteria to see if I can catch a glimpse of Todd. Even though we’ve officially been dating for a month, he still doesn’t want people to know that we’re together, and that is a little jab to my heart. I don’t want him to be embarrassed of me, but I try to understand. I want to make him happy, so I swallow my disappointment.

“Who are you looking for?” Alison asks.

Alison and Aaron, who are dating, are the final two in my little group of friends. Well, Shannon’s boyfriend is part of our group, too, but he goes to a different school.

I quickly bring my attention back to the table because Todd doesn’t want even my friends to know, and I don’t want my wandering eyes to spark questions. “No one.”

“Really? You looked like you were trying to find someone,” Alison pushes

“Nope,” I say. “So, are you guys going to the football game on Friday?”

I know I won’t be able to go because my dad is working, and someone needs to be home with my sisters. Mom will be there, but she’ll probably be in her bedroom—again.

The distraction works, and they chatter on with their plans for Friday night. No one is surprised when I say I can’t join them. I zone out until I notice everyone has stopped talking. When I realize that their eyes are focused behind me, I look over my shoulder, and ice seeps through my veins. Todd is standing with clenched fists and a blank stare that just barely conceals his anger. My heart starts to race, and my palms begin to sweat.

Something is wrong, very wrong.

“Savannah,” he says evenly, “can I talk to you in the hall for a minute?”

I glance back at my friends, who are wearing matching shocked expressions. When their eyes shift back to me, I see the questions forming. I stand up and mumble, “I’ll be right back.”

I start to follow Todd when Jared puts a hand on my arm, stopping me, and I turn to see his brow furrowed.

“You okay?” Jared asks.

I open my mouth to respond, but Todd clips, “She’s fine. Let’s go, Savannah.”

My gut is a jumbled mess, but I give my friends a half smile and turn to follow him out into the hallway.

When the cafeteria door closes behind me and the two of us are alone, he turns to me and pushes me against the nearby wall. His hands grip my biceps and his face is an inch from mine when he asks through clenched teeth, “What the fuck are you doing? Are you trying to make me angry?”

My eyes widen, and my body electrifies with anxiety. I rack my brain to figure out what I did wrong, what I did to make him so angry. My heart races as I stammer out, “I’m sorry. I-I don’t know what you mean.”

“Why is that little shit putting his hands on you?”

“Who? Jared?”

Todd’s jaw clenches, and his hand on my arm squeezes tighter, but he says nothing.

“He’s just my friend. We’ve been friends since middle school,” I say in a rush. Even though I’ve had a crush on Jared since I’ve known him, my feelings for him are nothing compared to what I’m feeling for Todd.

“If he’s just a friend, why the fuck did he kiss you?” His eyes flash with anger.

“I…I don’t know. He’s always done that,” I explain quickly.

“I don’t like him. I don’t want you hanging around him.”

My face drops. Jared is my friend, and he has been for a few years now. I don’t want to make Todd mad at me, but I don’t want to lose my friend either. “But he’s my friend.”

“That little asshole wants in your pants, and I don’t want him anywhere near you.”