Worth the Risk (18 page)

There was a long silence. ‘So you gave him all your money and borrowed more?’

Ally nodded. ‘You probably think I’m stupid, but I couldn’t see any other way out at the time.’

‘And that’s why you still struggle financially?’

‘Yes.’ Ally gave a small smile. ‘It’s getting easier. I’ve paid Will back. I just don’t have much to throw around.’

‘You did all that for a little girl who wasn’t even yours?’ Sean was looking at her strangely. ‘And that’s why you left the mountain rescue team?’

‘Of course.’ She turned to him, her blue eyes huge in her pale face. ‘My whole life changed. What choice did I have?’

He stared at her for a long moment and then seemed to shake himself. ‘Why didn’t you tell me this before?’

‘Because it isn’t something we broadcast,’ Ally said simply. ‘Charlie knows. She’s always known who her real mother is, but we just don’t talk about it unless we have to.’ It was too painful.

For a long moment Sean was silent and then he let his breath out in a hiss. ‘OK. That explains a lot, but not why you were still a virgin at twenty-eight.’

She blushed hotly and looked away. ‘That’s my business.’

‘Maybe it was until last night.’ He tucked a finger under her chin and drew her face round to look at him, his eyes searching. ‘Now it’s very much my business, too. You’re a beautiful woman, Ally. Why didn’t some man lock you away with him years ago?’

She gave an embarrassed laugh, trying to suppress the rush of pleasure she felt that he still thought she was beautiful.

‘Blame it on the fairy tale.’

He frowned. ‘The fairy tale?’

‘You know…’ She gave a shrug which was more casual than her feelings. ‘Boy meets girl, one true love, happy ever after—that sort of thing.’

He nodded slowly. ‘Right. And that’s what you believed in?’

‘Until Charlie came along…’

‘But she was Fay’s.’

‘Yes, but I saw what a rat Rob was and…’ She stared down at her hands and gave a wry smile. ‘And I was actually going out with someone when it all happened.’

‘Don’t tell me,’ Sean’s voice was harsh. ‘He vanished into the sunset as well.’

Ally nodded and gave a light-hearted shrug that hid the pain. ‘In a trail of dust. His exact words were No way do I want to be saddled with a screaming baby who isn’t even mine.’

‘So you gave up on your dream.’

‘Well, I was certainly disillusioned.’ The trouble was, she hadn’t given up on the dream. Not entirely. Which was why she’d always avoided the countless matchmaking attempts that had come her way. She’d always been convinced that somewhere out there Mr Right existed. And then she’d met Sean. She glanced sideways at him and their eyes locked.

Her heart missed a beat as she remembered everything that had happened between them, how it had felt. Her voice was barely a whisper. ‘You regret it, don’t you?’

Even if the answer caused her pain, she needed to know. She just wasn’t the sort of person who played games. She liked things to be honest and straightforward.

He hesitated just a moment too long. ‘No…’

Disappointment slammed through her body. ‘Obviously it didn’t live up to expectation.’

He used a word that shocked her, his eyes suddenly angry. ‘You know that isn’t true.’

‘Do I?’ Her gaze met his, her eyes clear and honest, his wary and uncomfortable. ‘Then what’s the problem, Sean? And don’t tell me there’s no problem because ever since we woke up this morning you’ve treated me as if I was a major embarrassment.’

‘Dammit, Ally, you know what the problem is!’ he muttered under his breath, and closed his eyes briefly. ‘You’d never slept with a man before, for goodness’ sake. It was hardly casual for you, was it?’

‘Oh, I see now.’ She gave a short laugh and stared out of the window to hide her pain. ‘We’re back to that dreaded word commitment. Ally hasn’t slept with a man before, so if she slept with you it must mean she’s already booked the church.’

‘Ally—’

‘No. Don’t say any more.’ She clicked her seat belt in place with shaking hands and stared straight ahead. ‘I’m tired and I need a shower. Just take me home, please, Sean.’

He didn’t move. ‘We haven’t finished talking about this—’

‘Yes, we have.’ How on earth did her voice sound so casual when she was breaking up inside? ‘We always knew we wanted different things, Sean. Now let’s forget it. It’s no big deal.’

And pigs might fly…

‘Do you want to forget it?’ His tone was flat and she blinked rapidly so that he wouldn’t see the tears. If it wasn’t so ridiculous it would be funny. Forget it? It had been the single most incredible night of her life. Never had she imagined it would be possible to feel so close to another human being. Which just went to show how false impressions could be.

‘Just take me home, Sean.’

For a long moment he didn’t move and she sensed that he wanted to say more, but in the end he just muttered a low curse and crunched the gears of his new car as he accelerated out of the car park.

* * *

Get up, get dressed, see patients, cook Charlie’s supper, go to bed. If she just kept to that routine the days would pass. Wouldn’t they?

Ally stared at the notes in front of her and they blurred as tears filled her eyes. She blinked rapidly and took a deep breath. She couldn’t cry now. Not when she’d spent so long in the bathroom at home repairing the damages caused by a night of crying. She’d never worn so much make-up in her life. She spent all day lecturing herself, forcing herself to get on with the next task. Why was she being so pathetic? She’d known what she’d been doing when she’d asked him to make love to her. She’d known that Sean wasn’t a for ever sort of person. So it was no good her moaning on like a wet hen.

Jack was her first patient, and she fixed a false smile on her face, hoping he wouldn’t see the traces of tears.

‘You’re pale. Are you OK?’

Oh, great. So much for the make-up job.

‘Fine,’ she lied with a smile. ‘Just a bit tired.’

Jack watched her for a moment and then nodded. ‘Right.’

‘How’s the stomach?’

‘Still pretty uncomfortable, to be honest.’

Ally was all brisk efficiency. This was what she needed to take her mind off Sean. Work, work and more work.

‘Jack, just to be on the safe side I’m going to refer you for a gastroscopy and ask them to test for Helicobacter pylori.’

Jack laughed. ‘What on earth is that?’

‘It’s a bacterium that sits in the stomach and is thought to cause ulcers in some cases,’ Ally explained. ‘If the test is positive then the treatment is a short course of drugs which clear it up completely.’

‘Fine.’ Jack nodded and Ally explained what the gastroscopy would involve and promised to refer him quickly.

Her next patient was Pete Williams, now discharged from hospital and looking well and happy.

‘I came to say thanks, actually, Dr McGuire.’ He perched on his chair, his brown hair tousled. ‘The hospital arranged for me to have one of those tiny blood glucose meters you told me about and it’s great! I don’t even have to stop running when I test so I can join in with all the rest—brilliant.’

Ally smiled. ‘I’m glad. And how are you feeling now, Pete?’

‘Oh, I’m mended, really.’ He blushed. ‘I still feel like a total idiot, though.’

Ally thought of how close she and Sean had come to getting into trouble in the mountains and gave a wry smile. ‘Well, don’t. Everyone does something silly from time to time so don’t give it another thought. I’m just glad it’s turned out all right.’

She watched him go and thought that if it hadn’t been for Sean, Pete would have died on the mountain that day. Sean. Wherever her thoughts turned he was there, lurking.

By clever use of her time she managed to avoid seeing him after surgery, going straight out on her calls without going near the staffroom. Noticing that the duty doctor had been called out to Kelly Watson the night before, she drove to the house and pulled up outside. It was time to get to the bottom of this.

Mrs Watson opened the door, looking tired and drained. ‘Hello, Dr McGuire, come in.’

‘I gather you had a bad night.’ Ally followed her through to the kitchen and set her bag down on the floor. ‘What happened?’

‘I don’t know.’ Mrs Watson flicked the kettle on with shaking hands. ‘She just suddenly got worse.’

Ally watched her thoughtfully. ‘I must admit I’m baffled. The steroids that Kelly is taking should be controlling these attacks.’

There was a long silence and then Mrs Watson sighed, rubbing her fingers along her brow to ease the strain. ‘She doesn’t take them.’

So Lucy had been right. ‘What do you mean, she doesn’t take them?’

‘You wouldn’t understand…’

Ally settled herself on one of the kitchen chairs, her expression sympathetic. ‘Try me.’

Mrs Watson stared at the floor for a long minute. ‘It’s because of my nephew. He takes steroids and they’re affecting him so badly. It’s awful—his growth, the shape of his face…’ She sniffed. ‘I don’t want that happening to my Kelly.’

‘Is your nephew asthmatic, too?’

‘No.’ Mrs Watson blew her nose and shook her head. ‘No, he isn’t. He’s got ulcerative colitis, but steroids are steroids, aren’t they?’

‘Well, no, actually, they’re not, but I can see why you’re worried.’ Ally chose her words carefully. ‘The first big difference is that Kelly’s steroids are inhaled, and there are fewer side effects when the drugs are taken that way.’

‘But they could still affect her growth, couldn’t they?’

‘It’s possible,’ Ally said honestly, ‘although I doubt it at the doses that Kelly takes. Studies have shown that untreated asthma can also affect children’s growth patterns.’

Mrs Watson frowned. ‘What, you mean it could affect her growth if she doesn’t take them?’

Ally nodded. ‘That’s right. But on top of that there’s the stress and fear every time she has an attack. It’s frightening for all of you.’

‘And you don’t think the drugs will make her like my nephew?’

‘No, I don’t. I think what’s essential here is to find just the right level of drugs to control Kelly’s asthma and give her that and no more. That’s the principle of good asthma management.’

Mrs Watson stared at her and then nodded slowly. ‘Yes. I see that now. I’ve been very silly, haven’t I?’

‘You were worrying about Kelly and I understand that, but next time you have a fear like that come and talk it through with me.’ Ally stood up and picked up her bag. ‘Now, why don’t you bring Kelly to our next asthma clinic and we’ll start from scratch again.’

Mrs Watson nodded. ‘I’ll do that. Thanks, Dr McGuire.’

Ally climbed back into her car, feeling a sense of relief. Maybe now little Kelly could start living a normal life again.

After seeing a man with chest pains, whom she admitted to hospital, and a toddler with an ear infection she called in on the Thompsons.

Mary answered the door and her face brightened. ‘Oh, hello, Dr McGuire. We weren’t expecting you.’

‘I was in the area so I thought I’d call.’ Ally followed her through into the kitchen.

‘Geoff’s out, actually.’

Something about Mary’s overly casual tone made Ally’s eyes narrow. ‘Anywhere nice?’

‘Oh, you know…’ Mary giggled nervously and flicked the switch on the kettle. ‘Would you join me for a coffee?’

‘I’d love one,’ Ally said honestly. She’d skipped having one at the surgery because she hadn’t wanted to bump into Sean. ‘So how are things?’

‘Fine,’ Mary said with a bright smile, and then she met Ally’s eyes and her smile faded. ‘No, they’re not fine, actually.’

‘Is he drinking again?’ Ally’s voice was gentle but Mary shook her head.

‘No. Well, at least he certainly isn’t at home.’ She frowned and thought for a moment. ‘No, I know he isn’t. I’ve lived with it for long enough. I’d recognise the signs.’

‘So what’s worrying you?’ Ally took the mug of coffee Mary offered but declined a biscuit. ‘Thanks.’

Mary sagged onto one of the kitchen stools, her face tired and pale. ‘He just doesn’t seem himself.’

‘In what way?’

Mary stared into her coffee. ‘Well, he’s very flat. My Geoff’s always the life and soul of the party, you know? Even through all this he’s managed to put a brave face on it for most of the time. We’ll sort all this out, Mary, he keeps saying, but the last few days…’

‘Is he sleeping?’

Mary shook her head. ‘No. He waits until he thinks I’m asleep and then he gets up and comes down here. I’ve heard him pacing around at four in the morning, but he always denies it when I try and talk to him.’

Ally took a sip of coffee. ‘Does he seem depressed to you?’

‘Yes, I suppose he does.’ Mary stared at her bleakly. ‘He’s a very proud man, Dr McGuire, and this has wrecked his confidence in himself. He thinks that everyone is talking about him, laughing—you know? It was that wretched newspaper article that did it. Before then it was our private problem but now the whole world knows.’

Ally reached across the kitchen table and squeezed her hand. ‘Well, you know as well as I do that the world isn’t interested for more than a day. He’s yesterday’s news, Mary—but I don’t suppose that’s any consolation to him.’

‘No.’

‘He’s due to come and see me this week—do you think he will?’

Mary shrugged. ‘I don’t know. He’s very independent. Doesn’t like asking for help. It was different when he was so badly affected by the alcohol, but now he thinks it’s up to him to snap out of it.’

Ally frowned. ‘Well, it won’t be that easy.’

‘Try telling him that.’ Mary stared down at her empty coffee-cup. ‘I don’t know what to do. I’m at my wit’s end, frankly.’

‘If he doesn’t come and see me in surgery I’ll call and see him here,’ Ally promised, standing up and picking up her bag.

‘Thanks, Dr McGuire.’ Mary gave her a tired smile and showed her to the door.

* * *

By considerable effort on her part Ally managed to avoid Sean for most of the week, but there was no escape on Friday when she pulled up outside the barn and saw him standing with Charlie, staring at the fells.

‘Hero’s gone, Mum.’

Ally locked the car door, avoiding Sean’s penetrating gaze. ‘What do you mean, he’s gone? Where’s Grandma?’ Why was Sean looking after her child instead of her mother?