Worth the Weight (31 page)

Yes, fucking Liz Hampton was now checked off his
mental
bucket
list, but he wasn’t entirely sure that a whole slew of new items hadn’t taken its place. And every one of them included Liz.

So much about last night made sense to him now. The woman who had seemed shocked to see Liz was indeed shocked...at her appearance. It also made sense to him why someone like Pete Ryan, or any other man she’d come in contact with, had not pursued her with a single-minded determination to make Liz his wife.

Finn
knew that overweight men and women had fulfilling relationships, but he also knew that Liz would not have pursued a relationship when she felt that uncomfortable with her own body. Hell, it wasn’t even that she felt uncomfortable with her body, it was like she had cut off all connection with her body whatsoever. Why would she try to have a relationship with a man who would be accepting of her obesity - and
Finn
knew there were good men like that out there - when the whole point of the obesity was to abstain from having a personal, i
ntimate relationship with a man?

But why? What had made her shun all intimacy? From what she’d said it had begun around her senior year of college. Had something traumatic happened? Had she been abused, or raped? He didn’t think so. He thought Liz would have told him that.

In the end, it didn’t matter what
had
triggered it, he only wished to hell he could have been there to help her through it.

She was so honest. After the game playing and hidden agendas of Dana, it renewed his faith that there were indeed people who told it like it was.

He thought back to their lovemaking. He had noticed her inhibitions, of course. Saw her hesitation when she told him
what she wanted
. It had been one hell of a turn on for him. His good girl gone bad. He couldn’t remember ever coming so h
ard as he had inside of her
.

He
’d
thought that her inhibitions were directed at her choice of partner. His wrong side of the tracks mentality could not lie still. He’d thrilled in the way he’d made her come undone, the
way she’d moved beneath him, the sounds she’d made.

Now it made more sense. Her needing the lights off, seemingly orchestrating her movements. And her hesitancy in bed. It had been about her body, not about him as he had thought. The realization was unsettling.

He passed Bob’s Mobil on his way back to Houghton. Today’s Bible verse read,
“God loves a cheerful giver.”

He smiled to himself. Liz was in good with the man upstairs, then, because he didn’t know anyone who qualified more than she as a cheerful giver. Giver of her time, her resources, even of her body, which may have been the hardest thing for her to give.

He thought about that for a minute, placing it amongst the information he’d just learned about her.

Sure, she was a cheerful giver, but at what price? If she’d been more of a bitch like Dana, would she have turned to food for solace? Was obesity her cost for always being “
there
” for everyone? Who had been there to cheer her up, who had been her sounding board? He knew she was tight with her family and Katie and Alison, but they weren’t with her on a daily basis.

If he had it in his power - and he knew that he didn’t, not really - he would see that Elizabeth Hampton never felt the need to order two pops from McDonald’s again.

Chapter Seventeen

√ Get more condoms

√ Get lemons for Clea

√ Call Sybil

“Lizzie, honey, we’re concerned for you. We think it’s great that your confidence has returned, that you’re having great sex, but having great sex for this long without emotions entering into it just isn’t possible. Not for someone like you, anyway,” Katie said with warmth and concern.

Before Lizzie could ask for clarification on the “someone like you” comment, Alison piped in with her two cents. “You’re in over your head, Lizard.”

Lizzie put on a smile and laughed her friends’ concern off, a habit she had honed to perfection over the years, “That’s it from the psychologist? No deep analysis? No ‘this stems from your childhood’ crap?”

“Nope. Just...you’re pretty much fucked, Lizard. And I think you know it.”

She gave a half hearted chuckle, “Wasn’t that the whole point? Getting fucked?”

Katie jumped back in, taking Lizzie’s hand in her own, “Oh, Lizzie, don’t. Don’t joke this away, not this time. This is too important.”

Lizzie’s eyes darted around the picnic table looking for...what? She didn’t know. Maybe a big vat of chocolate to duck her head into? Finding no such vat or any other treat, and knowing she’d find no solace there anymore anyway, she braced herself to face the music.

“Okay, I admit, I’m feeling more with
Finn
than I thought I would. But maybe that’s good, maybe its just an indication that I’m ready to handle a romantic relationship.”

“Or maybe that’s just a huge rationalization,” Alison said.

“What am I trying to rationalize? I knew that I was going to have sex with
Finn
before I came here, why do I need to rationalize it now?”

“Not the having sex part. The
only
having sex part.” At Lizzie’s questioning look, Alison continued. “You are not the type of pe
rson to have casual sex,
so you’ve created a relationship with
Finn
to warrant the sex. It’s okay. You just need to realize what you’re doing so you can put a stop to it before you get hurt.”

“Put a stop to the sex?” It was almost a whimper, the thought of ending those blissful nights in
Finn
’s arms unbearable.

“No, put a stop to forcing a relationship that isn’t meant to be, that could never happen, just to rationalize having sex with someone you’re going to leave in a few weeks.”

“Why could it never happen?” she asked.

Katie and Alison exchanged glances. Katie gently said, “Lizzie, you don’t really think you and
Finn
have any kind of future together, do you? You see, this is what I was afraid of.” She looked over at Alison with an accusing glance. “This is what I told you would happen that first night we went to the theater to hunt down
Finn
.”

Alison raised her hands in surrender. “Hey, I’m not the one with the asinine find, fuck and forget plan.”

Lizzie
ignored
them both, saying more to herself than to her friends, “There could never be any future with
Finn
.” It was a statement, but there was just the slightest lilting of her voice at the end, creating a question.

“No, of course not, he’s got those kids,” Katie said.

“And you don’t even like kids, not to mention how snotty Annie is to you,” Alison added.

Lizzie thought of the progress she and Annie had made since the day of the exercise bike, but kept the information to herself, only numbly nodding with her friends as they continued their tag team.

“Obviously he can’t leave the area, not with the farm,” Katie said.

“And your business is in Detroit, you can’t leave there,” Alison added.

Just yesterday Lizzie had reread the proposal her account executives had given her about taking on partners. If that happened, she’d be able to work from any location. Flying to meet potential clients
, which would be what she’d concentrate on,
could be done from anywhere. With the Internet, email
, texts
and faxes, she could set up shop in her old bedroom and not miss a beat. Not that she would, but still...she was not nearly as tied to Detroit, as her friends seemed to think.

And, God, how she loved this place. It wasn’t fair to be here in the summer, when the Copper Country was at its best. Of course, it was pretty spectacular in the fall, too. If only she was visiting in January, she’d be chomping at the bit to get back to Detroit.

Wouldn’t she?

“And, I know this sounds snobby, but could you really see yourself with a man who never even went to college?” Katie asked.

“It does sound snobby, but unfortunately, it’s accurate,” Alison added.

Lizzie thought about the life lessons that
Finn
had learned at the hands of his mother, from Dana, even Annie’s illness. She wondered if you could ever buy that much education? Sure, she’d read more books this past year than
Finn
probably had in his whole life, but he was hardly stupid. He had made the farm work, had become a businessman with no training.

Lizzie had looked through his books and financial statements when setting up the foundation for Annie. Something she felt kind of
uncomfortable
doing, but
Finn
didn’t seem to mind. He had a long-term business plan to improve the farm with new equipment. He also had a very well thought out and researched business plan for a horse boarding and training operation. The plans had been put on hold when Annie was diagnosed, but still seemed doable. If not for Dana’s extortion, the farm would be turning a good profit and
Finn
’s horse boarding/training business
might be flourishing. They’
d never know.

“Plus, of course, all you ever were to
Finn
was a conquest,” Katie said.

“And you could never settle for anything less than full commitment,” Alison added.

Ah, they had her on that one. Or did they? She couldn’t be sure, but she thought that
Finn
was experiencing the same draw that she was. She’d purposely tried to stay away from the farm, to give him time away from her, time w
ith his kids, time for the farm
work, and he would always call by late afternoon, wondering where she was, when she would be coming by?

After they had sex, he would pull her close and hold her, just breathing her in, content to lie together until he needed to leave.

Since that first night, they hadn’t been able to spend the entire night together, and he had been the one to lament that fact on more than one occasion. Not her, him. He was feeling it too. They were both careful to still refer to what they were doing as a fling, but they hadn’t mentioned her leaving in quite some time. Of course it was understood, but still, it wasn’t something either of them
brought
up.

But a summer fling, good as it may be, was all it could ever be, right?

Why?

Because of all the reasons Katie and Alison just brought up!

Oh yeah, those reasons.

Still, she had valid responses to each of their points, even if she voiced them only to herself.

“Well, now that we’ve got that settled,” Katie said and started to pack up her things.

“Yes. We feel better about the whole situation now, Lizzie,” Alison added.

Lizzie was dazed. Had they really settled anything? She seemed more muddled than when she
’d
arrived. She knew a dismissal when she saw one, so she gathered up her things and hurried off, thinking she still had time to get to the farm to help Clea with dinner.

As
Lizzie
drove off,
Katie purposely lingered.

“Honestly, Al, as a psychologist, I would have thought you’d come up with something better than plain, old-fashioned
,
reverse psychology.”

“It worked didn’t it? She was definitely thinking of objections to each of our points, even if she
wasn’t saying anything
.”

“I know, but we were so obvious, I expected her to see right through us.”

“She can’t see anything through that haze of love she’s in,” Alison chuckled.

Katie smiled. “It is pretty obvious, isn’t it?”

“To us, anyway. Okay, now that we’ve got her thinking about it, let’s pray to God
Finn
doesn’t break her heart again and we’ve got a replay of eighteen years ago on our hands,” Alison’s pragmatic streak shone.

“You don’t think he would, would he? She’s obviously the best thing that ever happened to him
.”

“He did it once, who’s to say anything’s different,” Alison said.

“You’re right, maybe we should have just kept our mouths shut.”

“No. She needs to realize she’s in love with
Finn
. But she needs to realize it by herself. And if he does break her heart, she needs to know that she can survive,” she thought on that for a minute, then added, “without the help of Ronald.”

“Ronald?” Katie asked.

“Ronald McDonald.”

A strand of hay dropped from Lizzie’s hair. She snatched it from the dinner table and placed it under her napkin before anyone could notice. She looked around the table to see if her embarrassment had been witnessed. Stevie shoveled mashed potatoes into his mouth with a continuing rhythm, taking no time to swallow before the next forkful hit, his eyes intent upon his plate. Annie was rattling on about some
show
she had seen on
the Disney Channel that afternoon
. Clea’s eyes darted to her plate as Lizzie’s met them, an all-knowing smile playing on her mouth at seeing the hay, but pretending not to notice for which Lizzie silently thanked the older woman.